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Topic : 05/16 Spanking Scandals

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Created on : Friday, May 09, 2008, 03:59:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Is physical punishment a necessary form of discipline or child abuse? First up, Monica says her five children bite, kick and talk back, and she often has to resort to beatings with a belt. Monica admits she made her four oldest children miss meals and tied their hands together until they learned to like each other. Her husband, Marshall, says Monica disciplines in anger and admits that he also hits their children out of frustration. Renowned pediatrician Dr. Jim Sears says what Monica is doing is not discipline, but abuse. Can he help the frazzled mom bring some peace to her chaotic household? Then, Elizabeth sent her 12-year-old son, Joey, to a school with a corporal punishment policy and was shocked when he came home with what she says were severe bruises. She says Joey’s beating was so severe she had to pull him out of school, and now she’s worried he won’t ever go back. How can Elizabeth and her son move past the shame? Plus, Dr. Phil hears from both sides of the spanking debate. Keila is a teacher who believes in corporal punishment and has even paddled a few students herself. Peggy is an anti-spanking advocate who says states that allow spanking also have the highest number of incarcerations and school drop-outs. What does Dr. Phil think? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.


Is spanking useful or cruel? Share your thoughts here.


 
palmyre

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May 10, 2008, 5:39 am PDT

Spanking

I have 2 sons now in their 20's and I did spank when they were young. I didn't spank often. As an example, when they were toddlers, they would go near the street, I said no, and they would continue, I used the 1, 2, 3 method. One, don't go near the street it is dangerous, 2  don't go any closer and if they continued I said 3 and walked up to them and slapped their bottom. It wasn't abuse, it was more of a wake up response to their behaviour. The toddler period was one that I used the spank on the seat or slap on the hand when they touched something they shouldn't  have. I did give each one a good spanking once each and never again. My eldest son is currently doing his PhD in medical biology and my other son is doing his Masters Degree in Business. They knew that when I said don't do it, I meant it.  As they grew older I used a stern voice and taking away things as punishment  as they were able to understand consequences for their behaviour. I was also a teacher for over 30 years and I can tell when parents are consistent with their child rearing and when the children are totally out of control and  don't listen when told to do something. By the way, my sons are very respectful of me, their father passed away several years ago and I am glad that I had their support and love over those years.  A slap on the hand and bottom is not abuse. It is the loss of temper, constant use of hitting by parents and inconsistent behaviour by parents in raising their children that is the problem. Parents are out of control and lack discipline not the children.
 
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rudy28
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May 10, 2008, 7:29 am PDT

spanking

Quote From: palmyre

I have 2 sons now in their 20's and I did spank when they were young. I didn't spank often. As an example, when they were toddlers, they would go near the street, I said no, and they would continue, I used the 1, 2, 3 method. One, don't go near the street it is dangerous, 2  don't go any closer and if they continued I said 3 and walked up to them and slapped their bottom. It wasn't abuse, it was more of a wake up response to their behaviour. The toddler period was one that I used the spank on the seat or slap on the hand when they touched something they shouldn't  have. I did give each one a good spanking once each and never again. My eldest son is currently doing his PhD in medical biology and my other son is doing his Masters Degree in Business. They knew that when I said don't do it, I meant it.  As they grew older I used a stern voice and taking away things as punishment  as they were able to understand consequences for their behaviour. I was also a teacher for over 30 years and I can tell when parents are consistent with their child rearing and when the children are totally out of control and  don't listen when told to do something. By the way, my sons are very respectful of me, their father passed away several years ago and I am glad that I had their support and love over those years.  A slap on the hand and bottom is not abuse. It is the loss of temper, constant use of hitting by parents and inconsistent behaviour by parents in raising their children that is the problem. Parents are out of control and lack discipline not the children.
I agree with the above post.  There are times when spanking is ok.  A swat on the but or a slap on the hand is NOT abuse.  There is a huge difference. but it is the people who caompare that to abuse that is the problem.  I am 45 I am a preschool teacher in my local school district and there are some kids that need a spanking but I don't feel it is my job as a teaacher to do that.  As a parent they should be allowed to swat theie child if they think it is needed and it is no ones business unless they cross the line.  A swat on the butt or a slap on the hand does not cross the line.  I have seen so many children control thier parents that it is disgusting. The parents are letting their kids get away with everything and think it is cute. well it isn't cute to most people. I knew how to behave in a store or restaurant. I didn't throw a fit in a store if my momsaid I couldn't have something. and I never felt abused in my life at all.  I am thankful that my mom and dad loved me enough to want me to grow up respecting others and myself and a littl swat on my but didn't hurt me.
 
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bigdon9998
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May 10, 2008, 8:43 am PDT

Spanking is violence

Quote From: palmyre

I have 2 sons now in their 20's and I did spank when they were young. I didn't spank often. As an example, when they were toddlers, they would go near the street, I said no, and they would continue, I used the 1, 2, 3 method. One, don't go near the street it is dangerous, 2  don't go any closer and if they continued I said 3 and walked up to them and slapped their bottom. It wasn't abuse, it was more of a wake up response to their behaviour. The toddler period was one that I used the spank on the seat or slap on the hand when they touched something they shouldn't  have. I did give each one a good spanking once each and never again. My eldest son is currently doing his PhD in medical biology and my other son is doing his Masters Degree in Business. They knew that when I said don't do it, I meant it.  As they grew older I used a stern voice and taking away things as punishment  as they were able to understand consequences for their behaviour. I was also a teacher for over 30 years and I can tell when parents are consistent with their child rearing and when the children are totally out of control and  don't listen when told to do something. By the way, my sons are very respectful of me, their father passed away several years ago and I am glad that I had their support and love over those years.  A slap on the hand and bottom is not abuse. It is the loss of temper, constant use of hitting by parents and inconsistent behaviour by parents in raising their children that is the problem. Parents are out of control and lack discipline not the children.

I'll make this real short.  No person should ever have the right to physically harm another person.  When we do this all we are sending is the message that violence can be the solution to a problem.  How can that ever be true.
 
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quilt3311
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May 10, 2008, 9:02 am PDT

spanking

 There is a huge difference between a spanking and abuse.   When a child is small an open handed  smack on the "well padded" backside gets their attention.   I would NEVER allow a teacher to spank a child,  they would have to contact ME and I would handle the situation.   Also spanking should NOT be done while angry.   A calm stern voice and a tap on the rear (when the voice didn't work) always worked with my children.   They are all grown and even the grand children are grown (last a Senior in High School)  All have turned out to be very productive citizens and thankfully, the kids have applied the palm of the hand to the well padded area when needed.   Consistancy is most important.   As they grew older, privileges were revoked.   None have been arrested, or even had a speeding ticket.   Seems like a tap on the rear didn't hurt any of them.  
After 25 years away, one even moved back to the area and bought the house across the street.   This too works as we both respect each others privacy.   
 By the way have you ever watch a mother cat teach her kittens?   Observe nature and you will see that a swat educates.  After the kitten complies with what was required, the mama cat will wash them and nurse them.   I've seen the mother cat take them to the middle of the road and wait for a car to come, the order to MOVE is given before the car is  close and the kittens learn real quick to scoot out of the way.  Nature is amazing if you learn to watch.  
 
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lovelites

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May 10, 2008, 9:47 am PDT

Time out alright but no hiting a child
 
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lovelites

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May 10, 2008, 9:49 am PDT

ZERO spanking

Quote From: palmyre

I have 2 sons now in their 20's and I did spank when they were young. I didn't spank often. As an example, when they were toddlers, they would go near the street, I said no, and they would continue, I used the 1, 2, 3 method. One, don't go near the street it is dangerous, 2  don't go any closer and if they continued I said 3 and walked up to them and slapped their bottom. It wasn't abuse, it was more of a wake up response to their behaviour. The toddler period was one that I used the spank on the seat or slap on the hand when they touched something they shouldn't  have. I did give each one a good spanking once each and never again. My eldest son is currently doing his PhD in medical biology and my other son is doing his Masters Degree in Business. They knew that when I said don't do it, I meant it.  As they grew older I used a stern voice and taking away things as punishment  as they were able to understand consequences for their behaviour. I was also a teacher for over 30 years and I can tell when parents are consistent with their child rearing and when the children are totally out of control and  don't listen when told to do something. By the way, my sons are very respectful of me, their father passed away several years ago and I am glad that I had their support and love over those years.  A slap on the hand and bottom is not abuse. It is the loss of temper, constant use of hitting by parents and inconsistent behaviour by parents in raising their children that is the problem. Parents are out of control and lack discipline not the children.
chilren learn what they live
 
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devilgal031948
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May 10, 2008, 11:27 am PDT

Spanking Scandals

I don't think children should ever be spanked at school. When I was in elementary I was one of those who got the paddle in front of the whole classroom. It was embarrassing and the most humiliating experience I could have gone through. What made it worse was the person doing the paddling was my aunt who was the principle. Of course that was my first and last spanking at school, but I have never forgotten it.

Teachers as well as parents can get out of control when they are angry. If you can't keep control of your anger you shouldn't use spankings as discipline when your children are out of control. Parenting classes are available in the community or family counseling. But abuse never. Never put your children through something as terrible as that if you love your family.
 
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hpmx59
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May 10, 2008, 11:53 am PDT

Doctor Phil Show

Doctor Phil Scandals Spanking. I dont beleive in spanking myself. But do however kids do get into trouble-

by their parents themself. Doctor Phil I would bet that you do spank your kids yourself or Robin doe the sp-

anking herself. See you on Friday May 16th, 2008. Sincerley Your.-------------------------------------------------------- 
 
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mbetts4

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chillin'
May 10, 2008, 12:14 pm PDT

Spanking

I agree with the fact that there is a HUGE gap between spanking and abuse!!!!!  Another thing that really bothers me, is that it seems to me that there are a whole lot of people who want to use the word beatings in place of spanking.  Please see sentence 1.  Children must learn to respect others (especially authority figures), know boundaries and realize that there are consequences for their actions!   We are parents for a reason!  We are there to raise children to be good people and productive citizens in this world, not to raise the type of kids that a lot of these talk shows are about!  I don't look at statistics or what this literature says or that, because most of these studies are biased one way or another.  Here's what I know, I was spanked growing up when I needed it,  and I grew up very well, as has most of my friends/relatives who were raised the same way.  If you look back and look at now, most of us were probably spanked and now it is politically incorrect to discipline your child.  Seldom do I have to spank one of my 5 children, but I count to 3 and 3 is not their number!  One good swat usually takes care of it.  The bottom line is that people need to raise their children according to the bible not books!
 
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jamandkim

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May 10, 2008, 12:20 pm PDT

"SpankIng" the way our culture views it...is wrong!

Spanking in our society is done usually as a last resort because parents are frustrated.  If we were more consistent with our kids and held ourselves (and then them) to the standard of respect, kindness and honesty, we would have less frustration and more results.  Kids DO what they SEE, not what we tell them!!!  "Spanking" or chastisement is a useful tool in a toolbox full of options - loss of privileges, reflective time outs, acts of taking personal responsibility, offering restitution, and others - for parents who are actively pursuing the training of their child's heart.  It should never be used by a mom or dad who reactively parent in frustration. 

 

"Spanking" is a very private and serious event.  To approach the child that God entrusted to your care and responsibility with physical correction MUST be done in love and brokenness with the big picture in mind for the child - training them for the future.  It should never happen in public or with a highly emotionally charged parent...then it is just striking out in anger...not correcting the child...this is abuse because it damages the child and the relationship they have with their parent.

 

I ache for the parents and children alike who are frustrated, wounded and hopeless about their relationships with each other.  I grew up in a home with parents who struck out every time they were angry - usually because I made a mistake that embarrassed them or infringed upon their time.  By the grace of God, I have learned a different way and my home is full of grace and joy.  My children have been spanked when they have committed certain offenses but they are aware of their choices.  If I am angry or upset, we wait until everyone is ready for the spanking...including me!  I have three children - ages 7, 10, and 11.  I haven't spanked my 10 or 11 year old for so long I don't remember the last time.  My 7 year old still has the occasional spanking but there are really so many more useful options for training her now...losing freedoms or privileges hurt her far more at her age than a spanking!!! 

 

I am so thankful that I had that tool available when they were younger and that I learned to do it with love and compassion.  I am also thankful that there are so many other options as they get older that bring repentance and heart change in my them more effectively.

 

 
 
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