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Topic : 08/06 Nuptial Nightmares

Number of Replies: 224
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Created on : Friday, May 16, 2008, 02:19:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/08) Many little girls dream of the perfect wedding day with a fairytale gown, beautiful flowers and their handsome groom, but Dr. Phil's guests say their wedding bells hit a sour note. Amy says the day she and Steve tied the knot turned into a disaster. The sun scorched the guests, then there was a downpour, the wedding arch fell and hit the pastor, and the cake crumbled as they were cutting it. She says it was a huge dream shattered, and she can't move past it. Steve says he had a blast, and Amy needs to lighten up. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, shortly after Mandy and her husband, Kris, said "I do," a three-story deck collapsed, and they and 30 of their family and friends were seriously injured.  Mandy says she left her wedding strapped to a stretcher, and she and Kris spent their wedding night in the emergency room. Although this took place over two years ago, the couple thinks about it every day. How can they overcome their guilt? And, Kurt and Brandi recently renewed their vows because they say they wanted a fresh start to their seven-year marriage. Just months after their ceremony, Kurt filed for divorce when he found out a secret Brandi had been keeping. Will the results of polygraph tests inspire this couple to make their marriage work or end it for good? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 18, 2008, 6:48 pm CDT

Brat Camp

Quote From: joy2blue

this is so sad i have never seen kids this unruley since watching supernanny,i had 5 boys and they were not that  bad,parents let there kids run all over them you have to teach them at a very young age whos boss,that way they know when you say no you mean it,and also remember not to disapline in anger,i used to take things they like alot from them or if to young for that they get time out.they soon found out who was boss lol

I agree that this is sad.  I've at times had to step in between my younger brother and mom.  I asked my mom, "Who is the parent here?"  She had to stop and think!!   I was 17 years old at the time. 

 

I think that parents are responsible for teaching respect.  Then respect follows with the other family members,  teachers, neighbors, friends, church and people in the community.

 

My mother meant no and if I had a tantrum she gave me a look and a swat on the bottom.  Did not matter where I was.  She only spanked me with her hand.  I was reminded of the consequences, before I did something that my parents thought was not right.  Made me think about my choices.  Just because I wanted something, did not mean I got it.  I had to earn it, either by saving up from my allowance.  At 16 I had my 1st part time job.  No more allowance.  The chores had to be done first and the homework had to be checked by either parent,  BEFORE any tv watching!  Children need boundaries and allow them to make proper choices within reason.  It is either A or B.   Here are the consequences.  My parents let me make the mistakes and I've learned from them.  Example, "Oh, I did that last time and I remember it was not a good choice.  This time, I will be more careful and choose this one."  I was jealous when my friends had their tv's, phones in their room.  I asked my mom and she told me why I could not have the phone or tv in the room.  Stormed out yelling, "That's not fair!"  My mom had her reasons and now I know why.  At the time I did not understand.  But as I grew older things began to become more clear. 

 

Children are spoiled today.  Parents buy presents to make up for lost time.  Children need the time and the parent's love not materialistic things.  As an adult, I appreciate the things that I have and have given up on the items that I do not need.  People should be happy for what they are thankful for.  If you have a job, roof over your head, clothes, food, family and friends, you should be happy.

 
May 18, 2008, 11:49 pm CDT

Nuptial Nightmares

Dear Nuptial ~ I do hope you are stopping by to see these different e-mails people have sent; I do agree , for the most part, with these thoughts people have. I'd like to ask you though, to think about a few things.  First of all, your marriage will always be what you make of it.  Should you decide that this one day will be a lifelong reflection of what your marriage will consist of, believe me, it will be just that. You, and you alone have the power to change the way you regard this day.  You can start by talking to those that were there that day...I would be willing to bet the average person wanted to see things go well, and when they didn't go well, those that LOVE YOU will be willing to forgive and forget.  Those that hold this day against you are at best, not the type of person you want to surround yourself with , anyway!  Life is already quite difficult without adding challenging or judgemental people to the list;  Find some new friends, or if it happens to be family, find a way of telling them you certainly tried to do your best, sorry, let's move on now, PLEASE.           You have to look one another in the eye and ask yourselves what is really important. You know, if a wedding day that is perfect makes or breaks the marriage, it was weak to begin with.!!  Being weak or immature does NOT automatically mean divorce, though. I know many people that started without the most perfect circumstances, and they decide to become OVERCOMERS;  People that choose to be proactive in their own mental health, and out of love for their chosen spouse, doing whatever..WHATEVER is necessary...to cause the relationship to grow in a healthy way. It takes two to tango! (So, tango!!)After 25 years of marriage and two great children with lotsa challenges along the way, I think I'm qualified. If you know you have let a charmed life, (IE; spoiled ) perhaps this is an opportunity to grow up!  Best wishes, I assume you shared this to get some positive feedback on ways to grow out of this rut you are in.  I'll be praying for you! Most Sincerely, Leslie in CA
 
May 19, 2008, 5:08 am CDT

The wedding verses the marriage

 Whne my hubby and I got married, it was in the Winter and of all years, we had to have a blizzard. Yep, we got married during a blizzard and had to cancel our honey moon plans but we still had a wedding and had a blast and we had a honeymoon, we stayed closer to home but again, we had a blast. and 15 years later we are still happily married and barely even remeber the blizzard, whenw e think about our wedding day, we think about the day we we said our vows toone another, teh day we became husband and wife nad the day that all our friends and family came out to clebrate and to enjoy our special day of unity. Our wedding day was just one day, our marriage is a life time committment and I personally would not take that day back for anything.

Yea, negative things happen but there are also positive things to look upon and for me, I would rather look at the positive then to dwell ont he negatoive, makes life much happier and fullfilling. These people need to llok upon their marriage and their love and committment to one another and go from there, I htink if they would do this, this could think better and feel the real blessing of being married, Marriage is awesome and it's too bad that these people can't see that, I feel sorry for them really for htey are robbing themselves of a happiness that could be thiers, it's staring them right in the face
 
May 19, 2008, 5:12 am CDT

LOL

Quote From: mom52sfcali

I am sitting here, right now, looking at the love of my life.  We have been married almost 33 years.  And I guarantee you all, I would have married him standing in a heap of garbage with cutoffs and a t-shirt on in the snow!  Yes, I had a dream of what kind of wedding I wanted as a young girl.  But, when I fell in love with my husband, I didn't care what happened.  The life-long commitment to each other and the pronouncing of man and wife are what counts, here.  NOT the "stuff" and the people around you.
yea,w e all have a dream wedding as littel girls but man, when I met my hubby and within a few months knew that I was in love with him, iw as like forget the dream wedding, I want to marry this man NOW and wanted to elope, LOLLLLL we had a small elegant wedding but I would have still been happy eloping, think it would be a cool thing to do and come back and tell everyonea nd have a party LOL. Congrats on 33 years of marriage, we are on number 15  and lovin it :)
 
May 19, 2008, 5:50 am CDT

Nuptial Nightmares

 You were the lucky winner of a very, very bad experience to start your wedding day. You had the right to feel frustrated,  angry,  disappointed, and all the feelings you had experienced. 

 A FRIENDLY reminder, just maybe,  you forgot it was your husbands wedding day as well. I am sure he wanted  just as perfect  day as you could ever imagine it must be for both of you. You have to let go, step over it and reach for the ocean.  You may not be frozen for the rest of your life about one day, you are loosing out on all the other 364 days per year!!

You cannot discover new oceans unless you have courage to loose sight of the shore... the Bible tells us that there is a time for everything.  Forgive and let go, you are missing out so much of live, and you are doing it to yourself and to your mariage. You may think that you are weak, but God keep you strong! The weaker you are, only then  He can work trough you, if you allow Him.

When you start to thank God every day for what He is providing you with, your negative experience of your wedding day will soon be in the past where it belong.

I do have empathy with you and your husband, and believe me, the sun can shine again on both of you, you have to take the first step.

Renschi




 
May 19, 2008, 5:57 am CDT

05/19 Nuptial Nightmares

Quote From: jennyhalfpint2

Everyone has the right to watch whatever they like. I personally think you should still watch the show.  You may or may not agree, but you may learn something.  Think about your own marriage, does it need some work?  Are you happy where you are at?  You may or may not find the answers, but you can start with yourself and make yourself happy. 
We were married 34 years yesterday. We are certainly not perfect, but we are chugging along nicely, thank you. We are happy where we are at. We got married on an island in the lake in blue jeans. My husband's sister's husband is a minister. He married us and my SIL and my brother were the witnesses. My brother ferried us to the island in a little john boat. DrP has already had several of these shows with the brides claiming that they cannot get over thier wedding mishaps. I can't stand to see another one. It makes absolutely no sense to me that a bride cannot move on and let the wedding day go and deal with the reality of making a marriage work. I have no intention of watching, I have already seen enough of these types of shows. I have no sympathy for these belly aching brides. Period.
 
May 19, 2008, 6:02 am CDT

unemployed partner

It is quiet sad to see that in our days some women takes almost full responsible of taking care of the family. My husband is not getting work for more than 3 years now, we have been married 5 years ago. He is not sitting home doing nothing but it's just he can't get what he is looking for out there. He tried to open a Painting service business but for him to get started he needs start up funds. On my side there's nothing I could do to help him as my salary last few days before it's finished. All that brought problems in my marriage. I some time get so irritated with the situation and sometimes I feel like he is not trying hard enough. I never get anything from him ever since we got married. When it's mother'sday I dont expect anything because I know he's got nothing to give. I never imagine myself with an unemployed husband before and when I think now that I am sitting with one it's like a nightmare. Service charges, bond, clothes for children, food which has been up here in south africa few months ago, school fees, transport  and so on, it makes me not to see how hard he is trying to get work, I just bombard him with words most of the time. I go home with the intentions of keeping quiet some days but when i begin to think that this and that needs to be done I just can't stop putting a balme to him that all this is because you don't fight enough to get something to help us.

 

But he never answer me most of the time, I will talk alone and that will make me more angry because I want him to say something about this situation as if something will change from then. I even have thoughts of giving this marriage up but somthing holds me not to do anything.

 

I don't know what else can I do to help him at the moment

 
May 19, 2008, 6:32 am CDT

05/19 Nuptial Nightmares

 
May 19, 2008, 6:57 am CDT

Be grateful, life is too short!

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for those who feel that their wedding days were disasters.  And yes, they may have been, but I believe that eventually you have to move on and live in the present. 

My wedding wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't what I had planned all my life like every little girl.  My husband is in the military, we got engaged and a week later he was called to be deployed overseas for 15 months.  So we had a quick wedding and since my family and his family is so scattered we only had one of my three sisters come, none of his siblings, our parents and a few friends made it.  I planned it in three days and first we got lost on the way to the ceremony, but I figured they couldn't start without us!  LOL  The day was a beautiful day though, we were blessed in that way.  We had the reception at my mom's house and hardly anyone came for that and then my husbands parents had to leave early.  We went for a two night stay at a hotel nearby and that was our honeymoon.  My husbands deployment was then postponed, so we planned a big reception so that we could have that wedding we had planned originally.  My sisters got their dresses, I had a wedding shower and everything was going great.  The day of the reception the only hurricane of the year hit here.  My family couldn't make it, plus the place cancelled on us.  Then a month later my husband was being deployed so we never rescheduled AND we never went on a real honeymoon.

My husband did go to Iraq after we had been married for 9 months.  I lived where he was from, so I knew no one.  I stayed so I could see my step son and keep him in touch with his father.  After 15 months he came back, alive, well, healthy and happy.  We are so blessed.  We've been married 5 years now and they have been the greatest 5 years. We now have a beautiful 9 month old daughter and we enjoy being together.  We have yet to go away together ever, but he's home, our family is together and we're married and to us, that is what counts the most.  Luckily our family is understanding and didn't get angry with us having to buy dresses and plane tickets and all.  Of course, I would love to have that family portrait as well, but I figured some day we'll all get together and my children and future children can be in it too! 

Just remember how blessed we are to have one another, because there are some horrific situations where death has occured to one or the other and God spared my husbands life and I could only be grateful for that and not bitter over how past events went, dispite all the heartache I felt at the time. Keep your chin up everyone!  There is always someone out there who has it worse!  Be thankful! 

Sincerely,
Liz O.

 
May 19, 2008, 6:58 am CDT

Poor girl

I think  she has built up this idea of  how she wants things to go for events.  That idea is called 'perfection'. She needs to remember there is no such thing. Her wedding didn't look terrible to me. In fact it looked wonderful. So what it rained and the cake fell over and her hair fell.  Get over it girl and move on. I understand it didn't go exactly as you envisioned it in your minds eye. Just learn to let go of that all elusive idea of 'perfection' and learn to laugh at things and have a good time. If you don't learn to do that you will miss the journey! Take lessons from your husband. I agree with him. And look he had a fantastic time. You could of been right by his side saying "yeeeeeeehaaaaawww" and laughing and having a good time. Instead your stuck in this idea of a 'perfect world' you have created in your head. Best luck for ya!!! For the record, I'm a woman!! lol
 
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