Topic : 05/20 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp

I've only watched the first part of this show (t-vo'd) because my 5-year-old son woke up and I figured it was best that he didn't observe the 'bratty' kids and learn the tricks of the parenting trade. ;)

I thought that 'dialogue' between the mother and son sounded a little insane.  She was trying to 'reason' with an unreasonable child.  The way she let that kid bully her just made me cringe.

There's that saying that monsters are made, but that's not really the right saying at all, because he's just a little boy; he's not a monster at all.  However, he was, in effect, made, because I think he was sort of a victim of his upbringing in my opinion.

My son first came to live with us when he was 18-months old and he already had a lot of behavioral issues because the first 1 1/2 years of his life had been very, very difficult.  (The fact that his birth mother smoked crack when she carried him didn't help his situation very much either.)

I definitely understand that tendency to want to compensate, to want to spoil them, to want to indulge them ~ I think that's so especially true when the child has suffered something extraordinary, such as abandonment by a parent or the death of a sibling.

However, by the time our son was placed with us, I had already been exposed to Dr. Phil, and I had a clear understanding that spoiling a child was a form of abuse.  I wasn't afraid to use timeouts.  I wasn't afraid to have expectations from my son.  (I did consult with psychologists and social workers to stay clear on what he was capable of because in the beginning, he was diagnosed with mild developmental delays and I couldn't always realistically gauge his progress by comparing him to his peers.  Now, thankfully, even though he still has a few behavior issues, he is progressing right on time, right up to speed.  He's doing great!)

I really believe parents shouldn't be afraid to discipline their children.  They shouldn't be concerned about whether or not their children will LIKE them!  In the beginning, my son didn't really warm up to me at all much.  He missed his former foster mom, and, for the most part, he had been very badly treated by the mother figures in his life.  I couldn't blame him in the least for not warming up to me.  He bonded with my husband from the word go, from the very first second, because he had never had any male figure in his life, and that was beautiful to see.  However, my relationship with him took time.

However, I never doubted in my heart that my son would bond with me.  I never doubted it for a second.  And, now, he's the sweetest, most attached little fellow that you'd ever want to see.  He calls me "the best mom in the whole 'live' world" and he always picks me dandelions from the front yard.

Don't be afraid to discipline your children.  Don't be afraid that they won't like you if you put them in timeout or limit their television time.  They will respect you for taking charge and they will love you for it.

All this stuff Dr. Phil is teaching really, really works!

(Wow, I sure have been feisty and opinionated lately...)

In the middle of all the shouting, slapping, accusations out of control situations...Dr. Phil's calm prevailed. Noah is "mad at" Dr. Phil? He'll get over it or he won't. What stood out a mile was the simple refusal to participate in any exchange involving lies. No raised voices. No threats of violence. You want to be heard? Then tell the truth and I'll listen.

People (that includes kids) live up - or down - to what's expected of them and become their own self-fulfilling prophecy.  I've seen two year olds who behave with better manners than Ethan is allowed to. What's in it for him to behave differently? Negative attention from his parent(s) is better than no attention at all.

It's not a matter of spare the rod, spoil the child. Not hitting children does not mean they are left to run wild. It means it is ridiculous to think exploiting  adult size and strength on a child will foster any kind of respect, or teach anything other than how not to get caught next time.   It is possible to set and enforce boundaries of acceptable behavior without hitting anyone.  If you have to slap, paddle , spank or swat a ten year old to teach them respect, what do you do when they're 16? Hit them harder?

It's easy to watch condensed versions of troubled lives and play armchair psychologist!  Everyone is doing their best with what they've got and it can't be easy for anyone. Good luck to all and thanks to Dr. Phil. I look forward to next Monday's show.

I am not a doctor but I believe there may be some truth about the boy being abused by his mother.  He is definitely a brat. He is a very articulate boy and knows how to convey his message.  After the first or second time he told his mother she was lying and put the cards on the table, she got this evil look in her eye.  He said that if the camera's weren't there she would have pushed him out of the way.  He knew that when he got on the Dr. Phil show that he would have a chance for an adult to finally defend him.  Dr. Phil like I said Im no DR. Maybe that was a strategy of urs to brush the boy off.  If it was not a strategy U were dead wrong for that.  I've been in that boys shoes and it is no fun when adults play mind games, and manipulate a child and the child has no recourse.  He felt like its was his only way to get help and u let him down. 

As far as him slapping his mother, dead wrong. He may go to hell in a hand basket for that.   He knew exactly what he was doing. Adults need to understand that children have feelings and they get frustrated and they feel disrespected.  Especially when the mother invalidates the child on a constant basis.

Having watched just this first episode of Brat Camp, I don't feel I have enough information to form a conclusion with respect to all that's gone on between Wendy, and her son Ethan.  Was Wendy emotionally unavailable to Ethan after the shock of losing her daughter, and the grieving process that one goes through?  I'm sure she was.  She's human.  I think that's very understandable. Did she really physically abuse Ethan? I'm not so sure she has, and reserve judgement.  Ethan, very much a child despite having intelligence, may simply be acting out by striking out, both verbally and, as we all saw, physically. And that slap was not done, as he said, "lightly!" 

 Wendy grew up with abuse.  Victims of child abuse often have a high tolerance for abuse.  That, coupled with her desire to be a better parent to her children, her own knowlege that she probably was not there for Ethan during her grief, has set her up to be abused by her own child, who, is a victim here, too.  They both need help, and my hope is that they will get it. 

Bottom line, I don't know the extent of what's gone on, and need more information before I .  But, I do know that Dr. Phil is no dummy, and has done a lot of research (and more) to spare himself of coming to a wrongful conclusion, especially with child abuse looming large and in his face. 

Hit nail on the head!!!!! Love the chewing gum thing, my son has that on his IEP too. I don't know much about ADD or ADHD just touch on it here and there, looking up  things that can go with Autism.

and thankful that it is not in my sons mix so far?????If Ethan has not been diagnosed so far with everything that he has done, Why not, and has he been tested, guess we will find out in the next show!!!

Noah might have Asperger's Syndrome. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and it's very hard being a child because you are as intelligent as an adult, when you are very young. Yet parents feel they can get by with treating you like you're a brat, because you're smart enough to know the BS they're trying to get away with. Yes, I can imagine it being very frustrating for a parent, having your child be smarter than you.

Nobody has said how intelligent Noah is, for having the language he does at his age. He's frustrated, because ANYONE with half a brain wouldn't put up with the hell his mother is giving him. Whenever he talks to her, she looks at him like a monster. He's told, he can't be belived because he's smart. Do you know how it feels to constantly be told, "Your not dumb enough to be believed?" That's the society we live in  unfortunetly.

Noah has done an exceptional job of explaining how his mother has been treating him, and from what I've seen as her behaviour on the show, I belive him. She talks about how she's been abused, and she said she won't abuse her child. Guess what lady, abuse isn't just from physical wounds, you're psychologically abusing that boy everyway from Tuesday. You're mad, cause he knows it, he knows it's wrong, and he's trying to tell people.

Psychological abuse is just as valid as physical abuse. It's like kids who self-injure, because nobody belives they're suffering cause they can't SEE the suffering. I was one of those kids, I had scabs up and down my arms, cause nobody belived me cause I didn't LOOK like I was being psychologically abused by teachers in my school.

Noah can't be controlled, because he belongs in a gifted school. Not some public daycare system.  You wouldn't expect to control an adult, by infantlizing them, treating them as if they're supposed to listen to the same threats of punishment, as a 3 year old would. Noah is like an adult in a child's body, you can't simply treat him the same way you would treat other children.

Unfortunetly he was born to a mother, who despite her claims that she's rightous and won't abuse her children, is doing just that. Dr. Phil is ignoring Noah, cause he's speaking out, unlike a good child who goes, "uh um...uh...". Funny how Dr. Phil will be all over the woman who spanks her child, but yet he's siding with the mother who psychologically batters her child daily.

So what do you think Noah should do, just learn how to act like a dumb child to make life easier for everyone else?