Topic : 05/20 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp

"my first thought and I'm not kidding, " They wouldn't find the body"

hmmm.....have you considered that since the mother already lost one of her children to cancer that she would not want to kill her remaining child?? 

Is Mom parenting out of guilt ?

Again, can't imagine many parents would not harbor some kind of guilt after losing one of their children to the above mentioned disease.

I think you all need to reserve judgement until and unless you have walked a mile in one of their shoes....

I have five wonderful girls who i love dearly.However I sometimes feel that my oldest is way out of hand.Wwhen I ask her to do chores ,she is very argumentative.She also verbally abuses my other children.I really don't like the way she is so defiant.She does however suffer from bipolar,anxiety,adhd and oppotional defiant disorder.I also have another daughter who has anger issues and holds alot of things inside.My third daughter is going through a diagnosis process for autism(i believe pdd-nos)and my fourth daughter is good.Behaves well and listens to most things.My youngest and last daughter she also has anger issues but listens pretty good.

So I can understand that there is a strong need for a camp like this .I would love to have dr. phil help me get control of what is going on with my girls.My husband is overwhelmed and i'm at a loss as to what I should do different.I have tried reward charts,grounding,timeouts,items taken away,amoung other things.To nothing working as of yet.

If you are with in a family relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When a family member in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into family systems and dysfunctions are:

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss 

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse:  Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence:  Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe

The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman OR Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression:  How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

Hope it helps!

Do you actually think your answer is the answer to making the children of today right? I can only hope your kidding. There is no one coming in the near future to rescue anyone from the job they have done as parents.

When we were small we got a smack on the rear if we did wrong, we were scolded for whatever was deemed necessary by my mom and dad.  My daughters were spanked until about 5ish also. They knew by then...right was right, wrong was wrong, lying was not acceptable and you treat others as you want to be treated.

My girls nor us as kids would have EVER even thought to act out like these brats.

But if you really think someone is coming to rescue us all your in for a major let down darlin.

I have a child that does slap me, hit me, bite me, and pull my hair.  It's really easy when you are sitting at the other side and not experiencing it to chalk every problem up to bad parenting.  Not everything is caused by parents who have no backbone or don't stand up to their children.  And just because someone says that the child has a neurological disorder like ADHD or Autism does not mean that the parent is blowing smoke up everyone's rear end.  If you look at the commericial for this particular episode, at the end Dr. Phil says, "I saw you hit your mom, why did you do that?"  The kid says, "to make her see what it feels like."  Maybe parent, instead of being reasonable parent-- let's the kid get away with murder, and then when she hits the breaking point, she slaps the bejesus out of him. 

Anyway, I have been told on COUNTLESS occasions to spank, hit, or otherwise physically discipline my child.  My child has moderate autism.  He doesn't understand what purpose lies in spanking.  If I hit him he wouldn't get it.  Children like the ones on these shows don't need spanking, or to be taught who is boss, they need compassion, routine, and less chaos in the home.  If parents set firm rules and firm expectations, children will meet or exceed those expectations.