Topic : 05/20 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp

There's so much going on in these families I don't know where to start.  Dr. Phil please don't give up on them, in simple words tell them what to do and not do.  The question, "what do we do?" was sincere, and yes they all had missed what you said because they're so deep in the mire they can't hear/understand the first time.

Betcha they are all repeating life styles, we do parent the way we were parented unless we have been educated on different/better methods. 

After yrs of dysfunction these families can't be fixed in a few days, it's hard to break old habits.

Whew, thank you God that my child was gentle to discipline.

I am so surprised at these parents on this show. Frankly, I get angry when I see children disrespect their parents, but I really get angry when I see parents allowing their children to disrespect them. 

As a child, I was raised to honor your mother and father and to respect your elders.  When I didn't follow those rules (which for me wasn't really hard to follow), I got my butt "tapped" on.  Not because my parents were mean people who spanked me for any and everything, but becasue they loved me and wanted me to learn discipline at an early age.  My parents taught me about morals and standards that shaped me into the strong woman I am today.  Love means disipline!  These parents posess none of the qualities that I have explained in this message.  I guess I was the lucky ones. I plan to instill the same standards with my own kids one day.  But for now, word to the wise: if you have children or are planning to have children, we need to love our children 1st, praise them for the rights and discipline them for their wrongs. And when all else fails, belts are still being made today. They come in small, Medium or LARGE!

I was raised and disciplined exactly as you were but I don't think parents nowadays believe in it. I sure do!!!!!!!!!  What I don't agree on is using a belt. My parents never used one, they threatened of course, but because we knew the boundaries they NEVER had to enforce it. My mother would spank us lightly on the butt and all my father had to do was speak in a certain tone and we knew he meant business and behaved immediately. It all boils down to respect. Wendy, Noah's mother, actually lowers herself to her son's level. That is the perfect way to create a monster and doesn't say much for her parenting skills. Have you noticed how few parents now have any control over their children? And one more point, it's so easy for children to call 911 or CPS on their parents, and the kids are smart enough to know this, that parents are becoming to afraid to punish their children. The laws were put in place to finally put a stop to true child abuse but unfortunately it's being used as a weapon by the unabused children instead. That law needs some work before a lot of this will ever be able to change.

From a former spanked & seen and not heard child and MENTALLY healthy woman,

jewels 

I consider myself an expert in the grieving process unfortunately because I have had to go through it so much in my life. I have a few very important points to make here about it that everyone who has never lost a loved one or especially a child could ever understand. First and foremost, everybody grieves differently. I know that when I lost my father at 18 , very unexpectedly, I thought the world would come to an end. But what happened was I had to buck it up and help my mother through it because she was on the verge of a breakdown. First my mother lost her mother, six months later she lost her brother and then 6 months after that she lost her husband. All of this in just one year!  Since all of my siblings lived away from home and my little sister was only 10 I had to be strong for my mother. That is way too much for anybody to deal with. She had already lost her father when I was 1 year old. I lost my life long best friend when I was 16, it was her prom night. I grieved differently for each one. My husband lost his 20 year old son 3 years after we had been married. I loved him so deeply, he had the biggest and best heart next to my husband. I cried almost all of the time but had to handle the business at hand, Insurance co., music for services, finances, comforting his daughter, etc. , his mother (my husbands ex) lost it completely. My husband handled it completely different. He only cried in front of anyone, including me, the first day. He went back to work the very next day. This may sound cold but it isn't, it was the only way he new how to grieve without losing his mind completely. He didn't even talk about him for about 5 years, it was too hard for him. We still don't talk about the accident after almost 18 years, but we do talk about his son now. To this day my husband has never been to the cemetery since the day of the funeral. I know exactly why, if he ever see's his son's marker and where he is buried he believes that he will start crying and never be able to stop. This is the only way he can cope. He has never come out and told me this but since I know him so well I understand it completely. I can always tell what he's thinking. I know he cries when he is alone but never in front of anyone, including me, I don't mind, it's his way of grieving. You can never blame someone for how they act because you don't always know what is going on inside of that person. The main reason as to why I bring this up is because of what Wendy, (Noah's mother) has said. She has said repeatedly that Noah acted like nothing ever happened. Maybe he doesn't know how to cope especially being so young. Maybe this is  the only way he know's to handle it. I just know that she needs to stop saying that! She doesn't know what  is going through his head about his sisters death. And after this amount of time she needs to learn to handle it and get on with raising the other child who is still alive. One thing my husband said when he lost his son was that he needed to be strong for his other 2 children. That is so true with any parent no matter how hard it is. I agree that Noah is a disrespectful brat but the way his mother has raised him I can see why. They both need serious help.

I don't see a problem with Wendy wearing the necklace but I do see a problem with the fact that she seems to have forgotten about the child that was left behind. Yes, she needs to grieve for her daughter but she also has to go on with life and be strong for Noah.

Coming from someone who knows,

Jewelsf

At this point is doesn't matter that Noah is on national tv, his classmates I'm sure are perfectly aware of his issues. Did you not hear that he has been written up in school 5 times already and that he hit the principal? I do not think they are as clueless as you think. As a matter of fact they also talked about how Noah blames everyone else for his problems, he's aways right and everyone else is always wrong, not just his mother. Don't throw Dr. Phil under the bus over this, I don't believe he's doing this for ratings, he's actually trying to help these people. They just never understand what he has to say. And yes, some of these kids are in fact brats! Ethan anyone? I do think Wendy has some parenting issues and I think I've made it pretty clear in my posts about it, we lost a child also but you can't stop living and you have to be there and be strong for your other children who are still with you. And one more thing about Wendy on the airplane, why did she reuse to turn her music down when Noah asked? She is very childish and brattish herself. She lowers herself to a child's behavior. I'm not throwing her under the bus either but she needs to earn her son's respect. Normally I would NEVER say this because I feel that children need to respect their parents, but when she lowers herself she loses respect. Dr. Phil always provides counseling (for free) and I'm sure he will offer it to these family's as well. It's up to them to take it and learn from it.

What I found upsetting about Wendy on Monday's show (5/26/08) was the fact that when she was confronted by her bad behavior (i.e. not turning down her player on the airplane so she did not have to deal one-on-one with Noah, but rather turning it up) she got upset and backpetalled claiming Noah made her do it. And she conveniently forgets things she is guilty of doing when shee is caught in a lie about it. That happened when Dr Phil asked her about something between her and Noah. Noah only wants to be loved and respected for who he is, not who his mother is trying to make him out to be. When she confronted Noah at the end of the show she reverted back to her old self and placed all the blame for what has happened squarely on Noah, totally refusing to acknowledge her part in any of it. In many ways Noah has to be the adult at age 10 that his mother is refusing to be. And as a 10 year old he does not have the coping skills to do that. Until she totally claims her ownership in the problems between her and Noah there will be no resolution in that household. As for Noah acting out in school, that is the only way he knows to get the attention of those around him that he cares for. He wants someone to take the time to get to know the real Noah and reassure him that he is loved and lovable. Noah was practically a sponge soaking up the love and attention from the mother he talked to after his blowup with his own mother. Her 15-year-old daughter even saw a side of her own mother she had not fully realized was there.

Every one in that house, parents and children alike, need some serious counseling. And the parents need to really start behaving like real parents, with real rules and real consequences for bad choices as well as rewards for good choices. Sure it's hard work, but it is so worth it in the long run. Losing a child to death is a bad thing and a hard thing to get through. But even if the child had lived, they move on to their own lives. Where would the parents be if the children decided to move out on their own and never call home to check in. You survived before the children came, and you learn to survive without them when they are gone--either because they moved to the next town or state, or because they died. Life does go on. And you don't take it out on those left behind. You celebrate their lives, not their deaths. And yes, before you ask, I have been there and done that. I lost 6 children, but I did not forget the one that survived--ever.