GRANDPA RETURNS!!!
Dear Dr. Phil:
I’m fifty-five years old and I live with a mental illness called “Borderline Personality Disorder” and will have to live with this diagnosis for the rest of my life -because there‘s no know cure!!
I’m a survivor of Childhood Rape between the ages of five and seven, by my father’s friend who used to come and stay with my family for a month at a time!!! Because I was so young, all I ever wanted from this man was his friendship. I definitely didn’t want the sexual abuse that followed. I think the reason I’m reacting so hard to this very sick story, is that all of us kids were made to refer to him as GRANDPA!!! I do realize however that the same isn’t true in this case because very tragically, this is this young man’s GRANDFATHER!!! What really anger’s me about this case, is the total lack or respect this mother has for her daughter. People need to listen to their children when they tell them that this activity is going on, because at a child’s young age -how would they know anything about sex if it wasn’t really going on??? When I tried between the ages of five and seven to tell my mother that I was being raped, she didn’t listen to me because she said; “you know he’s like that and your naughty for going around him”!
I have found a truly God sent therapist, who was always kind, caring, and who never raised her voice at me even though sometimes I frustrated her so!! Now that I’m older and have spent many long hard years working through my abuse from this man, I realized that this wasn’t my Grandpa, because my real Grandpa wouldn’t have done this to me!!!
Now I’m no doctor but I do have an Associate’s Degree in General Studies which was obtained in 1976. I mention this because 1, I’m proud of it, and 2,because I hope that someday I can work with mentally ill adults. I further mention this because I’ve done public speaking, and I learned that an effective speech comes from rehearse.
As with any topic I speak on, I do some rehearse into the topic first, which is exactly what I’ve done here. Before responding to this show which deeply infuriates me, I logged onto
www.mayoclinic.com, so I could have a better understanding of what I’m writing about.
What Is a Borderline Personality Disorder? The world renown specialists from Mayo Clinic say that; “Borderline personality disorder is often a devastating mental condition, both for the people who have it and for thaose around them.
Perhaps shaped by harmful childhood experiences or brain dysfunctions, people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder live in a world of inner and outer turmoil. They have difficulty regulating their emotions and are often in a state of upheaval. They have distorted images of themselves, often feeling worthless and fundamentally bad or damaged. And while they yearn for loving relationships, people with borderline personality disorder typically find that their anger, impulsivity, stormy attachments and frequent mood swings push others away.
Possible causes include:
Genetics
. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited.
Environmental factors
. Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.
Brain abnormalities
. Some research shows changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.
Most likely, a combination of these issues results in borderline personality disorder.
These so called men and I do call them so called men, are so sick and selfish that they don’t realize the harmful effects that childhood rape can cause. At the age of fifty-five I still have nightmares, and while this part isn’t a proven fact yet -I do believe that you can die from having a nightmare! I’ve woken up in a panic and so disoriented that my heart feels like it’s goanna jump out of my chest at any moment! My last heart attack which the doctors called mild, happened the same day right after I had woken up from having a nightmare!!! Sometimes when I awake out of these nightmares I find myself just sobbing because I’m so upset over the dream I just had, and that’s when I usually call the crisis line so they can help me reorient to my surroundings. These times are usually after I’ve dreamt of being gang raped by several men.
Also while I was doing my rehearse into writing this article, I looked up child abuse on that same Mayo Clinic Website. The first mental illnesses that it brought up were BPD and Schizophrenia!!! This article also lead me to an article on child abuse of which I’ll now copy and paste directly into this response.
Can physical or sexual abuse in childhood cause borderline personality disorder?
Answer
“Traumatic events in childhood — such as physical or sexual abuse — increase the risk of borderline personality disorder and other personality disorders. But the exact cause of borderline personality disorder isn't known. Most likely, it's caused by a combination of heredity and environmental factors.
Borderline personality disorder is a serious emotional disturbance that's characterized by unsatisfactory and unstable personal relationships, intense anger, impulsive actions, feelings of emptiness, and real or imagined fears of abandonment.
It may be that emotional trauma at a time when the brain isn't fully developed alters something in the brain that decreases the ability to effectively deal with subsequent stressful situations. Childhood abuse can also be associated with other mental illnesses including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders and substance abuse disorders”. Either this so called man is so selfish and self-centered that he just don’t care what impact this is having on his family members, or he’s so mentally sick that he just can’t comprehend just how hurtful he’s being to his family or others that surround him!!! I sincerely hope that the church whose holding that church camp he’s so excited about going to, doesn’t hire him to work with all those young children, because that would be like taking a small child into a candy store and telling them that they could have anything they wanted! That would only be enabling his in proper behaviors, and the God that I serve doesn’t allow that!
I next in my rehearse to find a description of what a
Narcissistic personality disorder is, Mayo Clinic defines this as Narcissistic personality disorder and is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. The signs and symptoms that I feel best describe this man are:
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
Believing that you're better than others
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
While I realize that these aren’t all the signs and symptoms, these symptoms are the best ones that exactly fit what this man truly is. It is from my rehearse into this case that while I’m not a professional, my hypotheses of this man’s disorder should be that of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and that this man needs treatment before he can inflect more pain and suffering onto others!
If my perpetrator were still alive I’ve envisioned, taking him out into the dry desert on a hot and sunny day, staking him right over a red aunt hill, and pouring sugar all over his body -so that when he started sweating the sugar would attract these red aunts or fire aunts as their more commonly know as, and let these aunts bite him all over his body. I feel that this would be his just reward, and he would have to endure some of the pain I’ve had to go through in my life!!!
My nephew told my family one day after a holiday meal, that he was guarding an inmate who had been convicted of child molestation, and while this inmate stood up to go to the bathroom, his cell mate reached up and cut it off for him!!! I was totally elated when I heard this and thought to myself, well he’ll never rape another person again in his life!!!
I’m an advocate for the mentally ill and it is because of my rehearse that I fully feel that this man truly has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, that I might be able to forgive him for all of his wrongs -but I’d never forget because he doesn’t understand, because if he didn’t I’d want to come up on stage and cut his off too, only without anesthetic so I could listen to all the pain he would have to endure, and then I would feel fully satisfied!!!
In a dramatic two-day series, Dr. Phil investigated allegations of child sexual abuse with a grandfather, his daughter and his grandson. Now, the family is back. Sherie-Lynn faces her father, Al, for the first time since his polygraph test indicated deception. She says she feels a weight has been lifted since the show, but she still wants him to admit that he molested her son. And, Sherie-Lynn’s mom, Elaine, says she believes her daughter and the polygraph, so why does she continue to live with Al? Plus, the horror and heartbreak within this family has taken its toll on Sherie-Lynn and Todd’s marriage. Are they headed for divorce court? Can this family in turmoil ever find peace and closure? Tell us what you think.
