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Topic : 05/21 Grandpa Returns: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 488
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Created on : Friday, May 16, 2008, 02:23:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
In a dramatic two-day series, Dr. Phil investigated allegations of child sexual abuse with a grandfather, his daughter and his grandson. Now, the family is back. Sherie-Lynn faces her father, Al, for the first time since his polygraph test indicated deception. She says she feels a weight has been lifted since the show, but she still wants him to admit that he molested her son. And, Sherie-Lynn’s mom, Elaine, says she believes her daughter and the polygraph, so why does she continue to live with Al? Plus, the horror and heartbreak within this family has taken its toll on Sherie-Lynn and Todd’s marriage. Are they headed for divorce court? Can this family in turmoil ever find peace and closure? Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.



Are you or someone you love a victim of childhood sexual abuse? Find support here.

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May 17, 2008, 10:07 pm CDT

Yes.

Quote From: redneckmama

I believe that "Grandpa" knew excactly what he was doing and that it was wrong.  I think he is in so much denial that he believes his own lies.  Four and half years ago my grandfather was caught masterbating with my then 8 year old daughter on his lap.  I myself called the local police and had him arrested and prosecuted.  I thought that the sun rised and set on this man.  I just hope that this mans daughter has all the courage in the world to have this man prosecuted! I believe strongly in my heart with Dr.Phil's help that she will succeed in doing just that!! I wish her, her son and husband all the best that life has to offer them.

And this is the guy who does "volunteer work" in some sort of religious summer camp, or am I mixing him up with another rapist?
 
May 18, 2008, 3:57 am CDT

Evil

There is no healing of EVIL and this man is evil incarnate.  Blessings to the daughter in her quest to heal but if it hasn't happened by now it never will.  She cannot undo what her father did to her and what she allowed him to do to her son.  Seeking the truth from this evil man and his side kick wife is like trying to win their approval.  At some point there just needs to be acceptance of the truth from the lie detector and knowing that there will never be truth at any other level for this family.  To continue to try to form some sense of a relationship via gaining a confession is emotionally incestuous.  There is no context of caring..the damage is done to 2 generations.  The Grandma is not a victim, she is an accessory to the crime.  There is no excuse for staying with a man that has done what he did to his daughter as a baby.  The daughter was told nothing happened to her and allowed him access to her child.  She needs to examine how and why she allowed him access to her son and work on healing herself and her son in the ABSENCE of these two venomous creatures.  The fact that they Grandpa and Grandma can sit on stage as if it were another day in their living room and they were discussing paint colors, shows how they have normalized these atrocities.  They don't deserve another day in the presence of any family member.  If this is a just world he will rot in prison.
 
May 18, 2008, 4:14 am CDT

Bottom line-Sherie is responsible for the

 

 

  abuse her child suffered at his hand.  She knew her mother couldn't or wouldn't protect any children

  around him--why did she let her son have contact with him?  I really don't know who I despise more

  the whining "feel sorry for me Sherie", or the disgusting child molester who is her father.  As far as Sherie 's mother goes--she is wasted space on this earth

 
May 18, 2008, 7:14 am CDT

05/21 Grandpa Returns: The Aftermath

I agree that this guy needs to be in jail!!!!   One thing that kills me me other than the fact that this poor little boy being abused is the Mother of the boy.  She is so dramatic I think she is faking on stage, with all her screaming and fake sobbing, sometimes there is no tears or anything in her eyes.  I think she is just there for the attention and not to solve a problem!!

 
May 18, 2008, 9:22 am CDT

05/21 Grandpa Returns: The Aftermath

Let me just say this, I worked the jail for 2 years before getting out the streets, I know that GRANDPA WILL NOT SURVIVE JAIL.  Imates do not tolerate child molesters.  GOOD LUCK GRANDPA
 
May 18, 2008, 9:56 am CDT

WOW!

Quote From: capricorn475

GRANDPA RETURNS!!!

Dear Dr. Phil:

Im fifty-five years old and I live with a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder and will have to live with this diagnosis for the rest of my life -because theres no know cure!!

Im a survivor of Childhood Rape between the ages of five and seven, by my fathers friend who used to come and stay with my family for a month at a time!!! Because I was so young, all I ever wanted from this man was his friendship. I definitely didnt want the sexual abuse that followed. I think the reason Im reacting so hard to this very sick story, is that all of us kids were made to refer to him as GRANDPA!!! I do realize however that the same isnt true in this case because very tragically, this is this young mans GRANDFATHER!!! What really angers me about this case, is the total lack or respect this mother has for her daughter. People need to listen to their children when they tell them that this activity is going on, because at a childs young age -how would they know anything about sex if it wasnt really going on??? When I tried between the ages of five and seven to tell my mother that I was being raped, she didnt listen to me because she said; you know hes like that and your naughty for going around him!

I have found a truly God sent therapist, who was always kind, caring, and who never raised her voice at me even though sometimes I frustrated her so!! Now that Im older and have spent many long hard years working through my abuse from this man, I realized that this wasnt my Grandpa, because my real Grandpa wouldnt have done this to me!!!

Now Im no doctor but I do have an Associates Degree in General Studies which was obtained in 1976. I mention this because 1, Im proud of it, and 2,because I hope that someday I can work with mentally ill adults. I further mention this because Ive done public speaking, and I learned that an effective speech comes from rehearse.

As with any topic I speak on, I do some rehearse into the topic first, which is exactly what Ive done here. Before responding to this show which deeply infuriates me, I logged onto www.mayoclinic.com, so I could have a better understanding of what Im writing about.

What Is a Borderline Personality Disorder? The world renown specialists from Mayo Clinic say that; Borderline personality disorder is often a devastating mental condition, both for the people who have it and for thaose around them.

Perhaps shaped by harmful childhood experiences or brain dysfunctions, people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder live in a world of inner and outer turmoil. They have difficulty regulating their emotions and are often in a state of upheaval. They have distorted images of themselves, often feeling worthless and fundamentally bad or damaged. And while they yearn for loving relationships, people with borderline personality disorder typically find that their anger, impulsivity, stormy attachments and frequent mood swings push others away.

 

 

Possible causes include:

Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited.

Environmental factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.

Brain abnormalities. Some research shows changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.

Most likely, a combination of these issues results in borderline personality disorder.

These so called men and I do call them so called men, are so sick and selfish that they dont realize the harmful effects that childhood rape can cause. At the age of fifty-five I still have nightmares, and while this part isnt a proven fact yet -I do believe that you can die from having a nightmare! Ive woken up in a panic and so disoriented that my heart feels like its goanna jump out of my chest at any moment! My last heart attack which the doctors called mild, happened the same day right after I had woken up from having a nightmare!!! Sometimes when I awake out of these nightmares I find myself just sobbing because Im so upset over the dream I just had, and thats when I usually call the crisis line so they can help me reorient to my surroundings. These times are usually after Ive dreamt of being gang raped by several men.

Also while I was doing my rehearse into writing this article, I looked up child abuse on that same Mayo Clinic Website. The first mental illnesses that it brought up were BPD and Schizophrenia!!! This article also lead me to an article on child abuse of which Ill now copy and paste directly into this response.

Can physical or sexual abuse in childhood cause borderline personality disorder?

Answer

Traumatic events in childhood such as physical or sexual abuse increase the risk of borderline personality disorder and other personality disorders. But the exact cause of borderline personality disorder isn't known. Most likely, it's caused by a combination of heredity and environmental factors.

Borderline personality disorder is a serious emotional disturbance that's characterized by unsatisfactory and unstable personal relationships, intense anger, impulsive actions, feelings of emptiness, and real or imagined fears of abandonment.

 

It may be that emotional trauma at a time when the brain isn't fully developed alters something in the brain that decreases the ability to effectively deal with subsequent stressful situations. Childhood abuse can also be associated with other mental illnesses including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders and substance abuse disorders. Either this so called man is so selfish and self-centered that he just dont care what impact this is having on his family members, or hes so mentally sick that he just cant comprehend just how hurtful hes being to his family or others that surround him!!! I sincerely hope that the church whose holding that church camp hes so excited about going to, doesnt hire him to work with all those young children, because that would be like taking a small child into a candy store and telling them that they could have anything they wanted! That would only be enabling his in proper behaviors, and the God that I serve doesnt allow that!

I next in my rehearse to find a description of what a Narcissistic personality disorder is, Mayo Clinic defines this as Narcissistic personality disorder and is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. The signs and symptoms that I feel best describe this man are:

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

While I realize that these arent all the signs and symptoms, these symptoms are the best ones that exactly fit what this man truly is. It is from my rehearse into this case that while Im not a professional, my hypotheses of this mans disorder should be that of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and that this man needs treatment before he can inflect more pain and suffering onto others!

 

If my perpetrator were still alive Ive envisioned, taking him out into the dry desert on a hot and sunny day, staking him right over a red aunt hill, and pouring sugar all over his body -so that when he started sweating the sugar would attract these red aunts or fire aunts as their more commonly know as, and let these aunts bite him all over his body. I feel that this would be his just reward, and he would have to endure some of the pain Ive had to go through in my life!!!

My nephew told my family one day after a holiday meal, that he was guarding an inmate who had been convicted of child molestation, and while this inmate stood up to go to the bathroom, his cell mate reached up and cut it off for him!!! I was totally elated when I heard this and thought to myself, well hell never rape another person again in his life!!!

Im an advocate for the mentally ill and it is because of my rehearse that I fully feel that this man truly has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, that I might be able to forgive him for all of his wrongs -but Id never forget because he doesnt understand, because if he didnt Id want to come up on stage and cut his off too, only without anesthetic so I could listen to all the pain he would have to endure, and then I would feel fully satisfied!!!

 

 

 

 I think you said it all, there's nothing left to say.
i can only hope that you can for give so that you can move on.
life can be good, just don't let these bad things  take the rest of your life from you.
or who ever hurt you win's  again.  remember  to love your self.
 
May 18, 2008, 12:42 pm CDT

It is the same guy

Quote From: marianparoo

And this is the guy who does "volunteer work" in some sort of religious summer camp, or am I mixing him up with another rapist?
He is the one who wants to do volunteer work at a religious camp.  But since the first two shows and what was revealed, I doubt he will be able to work anywhere near children.   I'm sure that Dr. Phil will make sure that his name and photo is circulated everywhere around whatever state he lives in.  (and possibly others)

 
May 18, 2008, 3:41 pm CDT

Where are the police officers?

I hope when Grandpa returns to the show....

that he leaves in leg irons and handcuffs.

 

Grandma is so naieve......but an enabler.

I hope she can ask for forgiveness from her daughter and grandson

and return to the family and be a loving, giving grandmother,

because the grandson NEEDS real love and understanding...and so does

her daughter.

 

Not a predator like his Grandpa.

 

 
May 18, 2008, 4:08 pm CDT

MISS AMERICA BY DAY – CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman who is now deceased. Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of "all the college fraternities in America." Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations.

 

Marilyn's earliest memories of her father are of him entering her bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times.  All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn tells about her split between the "night child" victim in contrast to the "day child" over-achiever.  Anyone reading her story might experience envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly.

 

 

Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur

 

Failure to Protect:  America's Sexual Predator Laws and the Rise of the Preventive State by Eric Janus

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Marilyn's mother would often state that she had the "perfect marriage" and Marilyn was told that she was "blessed by being born into a perfect family." Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958. 

 

Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, anxiety, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? To find the answers she had to search her mind and spirit.  The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
May 18, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE W/IN 72 HOURS

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations (a torn or jagged wounds), ecchymoses (skin discoloration caused by the escape of blood into the tissues from ruptured blood vessels) or petechiae (pinpoint size flat round red dots under the skin surface caused from hemorrage - bleeding into the skin), is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum (the membrane that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth) for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential (anal) trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria (painful or difficult urination), frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis (repeated passing of feces into places other than the toilet), enuresis (repeated passing of urine into places other than the toilet), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma

 

Children may present with somatic (muscles and nerves) complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  

 

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  

 

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.  In fifty percent of reported child sexual abuse within families the perpetrator was an older sibling.

 

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child: 

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver: 

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 

 

Search State statues for issues related to child abuse and neglect, child welfare, and adoption:

www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/state/ 

 

 

PREVENT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - VICTIMS AND PERPETRATORS

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

 

Stop it Now! - Child Sexual Abuse Prevention

www.stopitnow.org helpline 1-888-PREVENT

 

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse


Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
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