Topic : 07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

This is very difficult to type out, because I've never spoken of it. Kiza, please don't get married yet.

I've been married to my husband for just over 2 years, and his porn thing didn't become apparent to me till about a year ago..   it was just one movie.. now it's several, a rubber dick that I didn't know he had ( i take it that it wasn't for me... )  and sorry for being so graphic, there's also oils and things that I also didn't know about.

I was even thinking of going to Dr.Phil, but my husband would freak out. He's 10 years older than me, and we used to have great sex.. now, I can't remember the last time we actually made love.. for him, I guess it's his porn.. for me.. well.. sadly, I went outside the marriage .. had a great few days of sex that I actually got to participate in.. then came home. Do I feel guilty ? I probably should, but I don't.

Kiza, my husband is 48.. he says the same thing your fiance does.. it's normal.. it'a a guy thing.. he'll stop if you want him to. That's such crap. Please don't put yourself in that situation. I can't measure up to those porn women .. not for all the tea in China.. but I am pretty, and I'm only 38.

Like I said.. I should have gone to Dr. Phil.. I should have taped today's show to show my husband what Dr.Phil said. I tried to tell my husband the very same things Dr.Phil said, but I repeatedly get no where rapidly.

I hope Dr.Phil can help your fiance..  I wish he could help my husband.

Sorry this blubbering took so long, but it actually feels really good to get it out.

Thanks.

Maybe he does't know how to make love with her. He could be ruff with her even though he says he

loves her. He should use the vibrater. She is like me, I love my husband, but I don't need to have sex all the time like he does. He doesn't really know how.

It helps to tell him where the G spots are. (where it feels good at)

                                           

                                                                   shadow5l

I definately agree....

DO NOT MARRY HIM! If he is so addicted to porn, he isn't going to immediately reprogram his brain! It is WRONG to look at images and fantasize about such images. I believe that it is completely disrespectful, not only for you, himself and for those poor girls that have wound up on that screen and/or pages. If he is in love with you then he should be in love WITH YOU, not other girls on pages or on the web. If he has sexual fantasies he should express them towards you or at least discuss them with you. Cheating isn't just physical, cheating is cheating with porn, and when it hurts and disrespects the other person. The saying, "Men can look, but can't touch!" is a load of crap [sorry to say in such a manner]. But even looking at porn is CHEATING. There's no way around it.

I would never marry a man like this.

Don't be fearful of calling off a wedding because of it being so close to the date. What will be worse is in a years time or so, you telling all of your family that you're getting a divorce! Why cause all that uneeded stress, when you can prevent it. Don't marry someone because you now feel that you have to. That is not the reason for marriage!

Sorry for my long reply to this subject! But I went through this with a good friend of mine and I feel very strongly on this subject!

Good luck!

 

...Don't marry him, Kiza.  At least not until he stops.  I married my husband five years ago after only dating for a few months and discovered his porn habits while I was pregnant with our daughter.  He won't stop...doesn't care that it hurts my feelings and thinks I am the weird one.  I even tried to join in by watching a video with him.  All my questions during the film only made him angry...until he was yelling and I was crying.  The last time I checked up on him on the computer was about a month ago...after confronting him he changed his password to both his part of the computer and his email.  He claims I need to learn to trust him.  About six months ago I found a cd case full of burnt porn videos in the car under the passenger seat.  I took them and last week he finally had the nerve to ask what I had done with them.  He got really angry and threatened to retaliate if I had thrown them away.  I should have mentioned from the start my husband also has anger management issues.  He also says it's normal, I'm weird, get over it, begs for me to watch films with him and then gets angry when I bring it up.  He'll never stop and blames me for not giving him sex when he wants it and not giving him the weirder things he wants during sex.  My biggest fear is that he'll cross a line...not child porn, but teens (which if you ask me is virtually the same thing) or maybe get into phone sex or the real thing...Had I known about all of this before we tied the knot I would have run the other way.

Emm, I totally relate to you. Now I don't feel so alone in this. I am 27 and my boyfriend of 10 years is 25. He, in my opinion, is obessed with porn. He looks at it on the internet and has 1000's of images and videos saved. I feel exactly as the young woman on Dr. Phil does. It makes me feel ugly, bad, not wanted, etc. It hurts and he doesn't stop, he says all guys do it, it's normal, blah blah blah.

 

I am going to leave him cause of it. I am saving up and then I am out of here. I've hurt too long. I am a pretty, smart, kind girl. I don't understand why he does this and I think it's sick, once in awhile I can tolerate but it's all the time and he saves so much of it and I hate it even more that all he seems to save is these huge fake breasted women.

 

Like you Emm, I went outside the relationship too. And I can say, I don't regret it, it was amazing, I felt wanted, needed, desirable and have fallen in love with this man and him with me, I will be moving in with him once I am financially secure. Ocassionally I do feel guilty but then remind myself of what he's been doing to me and how long I've put up with it. I had only ever been with my boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him. The man I am seeing now is only the second man I've been with.

 

I agree, it does feel good to get this out.

I would like to encourage you all to visit the "How Pornography has Affected Our Relationship" board listed under Relationships/Sex. Emmdavis, I find your story particularly poignant because you have admitted to doing what I think many women consider doing when their husbands replace them with pornography but don't want to admit to. You had an affair. I would like for some of the men who post on the porn board to read this. It might be a wake-up call.

Please come to the "How Pornography has Affected Our Relationship" board and share your story.

ok, I agree with these two women about how it makes me feel. I found that he looks at internet porn all the time-I tried just last night talking to him about it.....all he said was sorry. and that was the end of it. It really hurts my feelings!

 

Here is the catch, I enjoy watching videos and looking at pics WITH him....and I think that is where our trouble comes in. He doesn't understand-although, he hasn't said this. I just feel that is what he is thinking, just won't tell me. He doesn't like to argue AT ALL, and does whatever he can to by pass it.

 

We currently got engaged and our wedding is to be next Sept.-however, I don't want to get married and go through this all the time. It makes me feel like crap!!

 

I am stuck-I don't know what to do either....I love him and like I said-we do look at this stuff together-that's why its so complicated. Any advice??

I have never written a message on a message board so forgive me if I sound silly.   I am 41 years old, happily married with two young children.  I love my husband very much but I have no desire for sex.  I wish so much that we didn't have to have sex.  If I thought it wouldn't hurt my marriage I would be thrilled never to have sex again.  My husband, sick of being rejected, has stopped asking for it all together.  I know this isn't what he wants but he doesn't know what else to do anymore.

 

I've read Dr. Phil's advice about automatic thoughts and how this problem can be resolved in weeks but I just don't buy it.  I don't know of any sexual abuse in my past but I do know that my mother  often rejected my father.  Can that be where my attitude is coming from?

 

I'm so sick of this being an issue/problem with my husband and me.  Can anyone offer any advice?

 

Thanks!

Don't walk down that aisle just yet.  I just got out of a relationship with a man who was adicted to porn.  It killed me knowing I wasn't good enough for him.  Finally his porn addiction led him to want to act out what he was seeing online.  When I wouldn't participate he looked outside of the relationship for it.  Look out for yourself first and foremost!  You deserve better than what he is giving you!