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Topic : 07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Number of Replies: 98
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:25:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When it comes to sex, what's normal and what's dysfunctional? Howard's fetish for long, straight, freshly groomed hair has led him down some dangerous paths. Now it could be destroying his marriage. Then, Elisa thinks sex is "dirty and gross," while her fiance wants it every day. And, is porn a "normal guy thing," and how much of it is enough to call off a wedding? Share your thoughts here.


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July 26, 2005, 7:14 pm CDT

there's more

 

  The guests Elisa and Doug on today's show caught my attention. Although I felt that Dr. Phil's advise was genuine. I believe it was incomplete.

  Taking into consideration that Elisa was raised with certain religious beliefs and convictions, I believe that there was something left unsaid.

  Maybe being intimate with the man that she loves will be more gratifying, comfortable and well just feel right and not so wrong if she was making love to her HUSBAND. Could be she is feeling guilty because she knows that her intimacy is not as God intended it. God knows that making love to my husband is so much more gratifying and guilt-free than my indiscretions before I was married ever were. I know that God is pleased with me finding pleasure in my husband and him finding pleasure in me. I don't believe that Elisa should abandon what her heart and possibly conscience is trying to tell her. She should pray about it. God bless you both and best wishes.

 

 

 
July 26, 2005, 7:25 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: aggirl

I meant to say WITHOUT the "necessary evil" of porn. oops. I think far too many women accept their husbands watching porn because they've been brainwashed by our society to believe they don't have any right to expect more. So sad. And this common argument that at least he's at home and not out there sleeping with other women has gotten so old and tired. The argument is actually demeaning to men and, in my opinion, comes from women who have very little respect for men. Because it implies that men have zero self-control when it comes to sex. I guess I just think more of my husband than that. I expect more of him, as a man, than so many women expect of their husbands because I truly believe in his ability to rise above some selfish animal urge.  He's not a dog and he's not a child. He's a grown man. I often wonder if people, men and women, who see no problem with pornography realize how easy it would be for their own children to become pornographic objects. I mean, we are creating, as a culture, entire generations of children who have had way too much exposure to adult sexuality long before they're capable of assimilating the information in a constructive way. As porn becomes more popular on the internet, it filters down into other forms of media and we hardly even notice it now because we're so desensitized. What's to keep a porn-fed 15-year-old girl from taking nude photos of herself and sending them out online? What's to keep a porn-fed 15-year-old boy from thinking it's okay to surreptitiously video tape himself having sex with his girlfriend and then send that out online (this actually happened recently in my hometown). Through our tolerance of pornography, we are sending our kids the message that growing up into adult sexuality means becoming a part of the porn world. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want my daughters anywhere near the world of pornography. So for those of you who have built up a tolerance for pornography: be careful . . . the children are watching you!  
 
July 26, 2005, 7:32 pm CDT

jess

Quote From: jessbn

I am not a zealot, fanatic or religious extremist and I do not view porn or approve of it. I am a heterosexualmale with an average sex life.

Pornis demeaning and abusive toward women and oddly enough, gay men. Why it is defended by the users of porn is the same reason drug addicts defend their use of drugs. Porn should be outlawed,as it is not a victimless crime.

The woman in the segment should run, as if her very life depends on it. It may.

Wonderful to hear from you! Please come to the "How Pornography Has Affected Our Relationship" board. We could really use you over there.

 
July 26, 2005, 7:38 pm CDT

Seems the world is split 50/50 about porn

I think porn is ok for couples who like to watch together. I don't like it personaly but my man does (very much indeed). Now instead of having him watch it behind my back and introduce lies and secrets into our relationship I agree to watch with him once in a while. Relationships are a 2 way street. Usualy I agree to watch with him if he gives me a foot rub. I would be over the moon happy if he would never watch again but it's just not realistic so I try my best to keep it under control.
 
July 26, 2005, 7:45 pm CDT

More on Extreme Sex Differences

 
July 26, 2005, 7:45 pm CDT

More on Extreme Sex Differences

 
July 26, 2005, 8:11 pm CDT

Suggestion

Quote From: tracee

I think porn is ok for couples who like to watch together. I don't like it personaly but my man does (very much indeed). Now instead of having him watch it behind my back and introduce lies and secrets into our relationship I agree to watch with him once in a while. Relationships are a 2 way street. Usualy I agree to watch with him if he gives me a foot rub. I would be over the moon happy if he would never watch again but it's just not realistic so I try my best to keep it under control.
Next time he says he wants to watch some porn, say, "Sure honey. Let's go to the video store and rent some porn with guys with really huge penises. I might actually get something out of it that way. And if you don't like it, don't worry. I can always rub your feet." 
 
July 26, 2005, 8:37 pm CDT

Husband with fetish

The couple where the man has a fetish about long hair is parallel to our situation.  My husband has a serious fear of intimacy too.  He worked hard at hiding his problem while dating, but couldn't keep up the charade -- we have been married now 11 months and sex is almost non existent. My husbands fetish is large, saline-filled breasts. 

He  tried counseling before we met, but didn't discuss it with me.  He recently tried counseling again to see why he was not interested in sex any more.  He gave it up because "the guy wasn't doing anything for me."  I am at my wits end - I am not interested in getting divorce.  I'm frustrated, angry and sad that I've put myself into this situation.  He needs helps - but if he won't do the work - what do I do?
 
July 26, 2005, 9:17 pm CDT

Ah saline!

Quote From: kitkatgal

The couple where the man has a fetish about long hair is parallel to our situation. My husband has a serious fear of intimacy too. He worked hard at hiding his problem while dating, but couldn't keep up the charade -- we have been married now 11 months and sex is almost non existent. My husbands fetish is large, saline-filled breasts.

He tried counseling before we met, but didn't discuss it with me. He recently tried counseling again to see why he was not interested in sex any more. He gave it up because "the guy wasn't doing anything for me." I am at my wits end - I am not interested in getting divorce. I'm frustrated, angry and sad that I've put myself into this situation. He needs helps - but if he won't do the work - what do I do?
If this is your husband's fetish, he's in great company. I think about 95% of men have the same fetish. Of course, they all claim that they prefer real breasts, but they fail to acknowledge that real breasts that large don't stand at attention. Anyway, how about one more serious talk with him about how much pain his obsession with other women's breasts is causing you? If you don't think the two of you can get through a discussion without it blowing up into an argument, write him a letter. Put it all down on paper exactly the way you need to say it and set your terms. Term #1 of course should be that he is not allowed to look at pornography or visit strip clubs. He has no chance of breaking his addiction if he continues to feed it. You might also inform him that his obsession with large fake breasts has caused in him a form of impotence that will continue as long as he continues to look. I mean, seriously, if it's gotten to the point that he can't have sex with his wife, what else is it but a form of impotence? And obviously, he needs more help and so do you. I say encourage him to find another therapist, but seek one out for yourself as well. Ultimately, you can change him and you can't help him if he won't help himself. You can help yourself though and perhaps reach a place of strength from where you'll discover that you can do a lot better than a man who makes you feel inadequate and denies your sexual needs.
 
July 26, 2005, 10:25 pm CDT

dealing with the porn issue

 

My husband and I got married a year ago June 18th, 2004.  I knew he spent ALOT of time on the internet but he would always say he was spending that time on Ebay and then there were so many other websites he would go to too.  Well, In September, I had access to his screen name and under his history, I found numerous porn sites that he had been viewing!  I was devastated!  I felt betrayed, cheated on and as I would think back, there were many times he would make excuses to avoid being intimate with me when I would initiate it, because he had already taken care of himself while viewing and fantasizing over other women's nude bodies!  So porn indeed takes away from the intamacy that we could have shared with each other on numerous occasions! It also has been really hard to trust him.  There is not one thing I wouldn't do or try to please my husband because I love him so much and I want to always please him so he won't stray.  So I feel in spite of trying so hard I still wasn't satisfying him and I know my self confidence is not where it used to be with him.  He swore he would never do it again, but  this last spring, I had been gone for the morning working out and when I got home he was gone and I did some snooping (which I was doing on a regular basis) thinking I might catch him again, and one day I found seaman evidence  on a tissue in the trash in the computer room, He tried to deny it, but  finally he admitted he has masturbated in there, but he swore up and down he just got in one of those moods but was not viewing porn!  I never really did believe him...I asked him Why?? the computer room of all places in front of the computer?  Why not in the shower or while sitting on the toilet etc??  He could have even approached me that morning had he wanted to make love and I would have gladly participated!  I love him and want our marriage to work, but we are dealing with so many issues on top of this one that I feel it is destroying what we could have if he would be willing to change.  I will not tolerate that kind of behavior and Im really in turmoil right now trying to figure out if I tough it out or get out  I  am going to a therapist weekly and he goes occassionally (about every two or three weeks)to one, but I feel we're still not getting things resoved.  I do feel stronger, but still feel so sad and hurt....:(  Any suggestions on what to do???

 
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