I was in a relationship with a sexual addict for 5 years. I wonder if I will ever feel good about myself. I remember standing in our living room with tears running down my face asking him why he would rather be on the computer for 5 hours than to sleep in our bed with me. We had great sex during the first summer. That was the set-up. He was faking being interested in me. And then things started to happen.
I noticed that I hadn't received my phone bill. I later found it under the floormat in my car. It was for $1800.00. All for 900 phone sex numbers. Two days later I got a dishnet satellite bill for over $900 for porn movies. It seems he was getting up at night and watching them at $7.95 a pop while on the computer chatting.
I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on this problem. I showed them to him and he insisted that what he was doing was normal and I had the problem. By this time we hadn't had sex in several months. I told him if he was normal how were any children born in this world?
My answer to this problem was wrong but it seemed right at the time. I blocked all long distannce calls from my home phone. I put a password on the dishnet received that would allow any movies to be ordered. I was protecting myself financially but he would not deal with the problem.
Next mess, he borrowed my cell phone on a Saturday and told me that he lost it at work. He said he was doing some optional overtime. 2 days later someone called me to say that they had my phone. It was found in one of those sex shops were you go into a little cubicle and put quarters into a machine that shows you a certain number of minutes of porn movies.
I contacted his father who told me that his son was a sociopath who can never feel love no matter what people do for him. He is also a gambling addict and blew every extra dollar he ever had including an inheritance from his grandmother.
I realize now that I was a codependent enabler who did everything to cover up for his addiction problem. My fear of being alone came first over what I new was right and wrong. I even convinced myself that I never needed to have sex again. I fooled myself this way for a long time.
This is also the kind of problem that you don't want to tell many people. While your telling the story you still feel that it's somehow your fault and that you aren't desirable.
The lowest thing I did was to put a key logger on his computer when I realized he was spending at least 5 hours a night on it. It was enlightening. He was logged in as a 19 year old female having sex with "her" brother in front of the mother. Sometimes he was a 36 year old woman who did young boys. BUT the only pictures he ever looked at were women. He even stoled one of their pictures to put in a chat room so people could see "her".
His father was in the navy and gone for 6 months at a time while he was growing up. I'm convinced that the mother did something very bad to him and I feel sorry for him to this day BUT....women in these kind of relationships need to realize that WE DON'T HAVE the expertise to diagnose and fix these problems. You can't love them enough to make them stop. They don't want to stop no matter how many people they hurt. They don't feel the emotional pain that we do so that can't possible conceive how bad this hurts.
Please run as fast as you can from porn addicts. If you can't please protect yourself financially and emotionally until you are well enough to end the relationship
When it comes to sex, what's normal and what's dysfunctional? Howard's fetish for long, straight, freshly groomed hair has led him down some dangerous paths. Now it could be destroying his marriage. Then, Elisa thinks sex is "dirty and gross," while her fiance wants it every day. And, is porn a "normal guy thing," and how much of it is enough to call off a wedding? Share your thoughts here.
