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Topic : 07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Number of Replies: 98
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:25:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When it comes to sex, what's normal and what's dysfunctional? Howard's fetish for long, straight, freshly groomed hair has led him down some dangerous paths. Now it could be destroying his marriage. Then, Elisa thinks sex is "dirty and gross," while her fiance wants it every day. And, is porn a "normal guy thing," and how much of it is enough to call off a wedding? Share your thoughts here.


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March 30, 2006, 11:34 am CST

i totally understand

Quote From: csirookie

I did not have the privilege of knowing if my husband was a sex addict or not because he kept the truth from me until we were married.  It was after the "I Do's" that I found out that he was addicted to sex.  I felt cheated out of a decision that was truthfully my right to know and had I known, I would have not married him.  We stayed married for three years and during the three year course of our marriage, we remained separated most of the time.  I can't tell you how emotionally hurt I was throughout the marriage.  To all of you who have sufferrd  through the traumatic realization of this harmful disease, I can't tell you enough that this is something that you can't compromise on.  Either they are willing to acknowledge this problem and get help or they continue to stay in denial and say they are normal and every guy does it and continue to ruin their lives and yours.  After three hard years of living with a man that I truly loved and respected, I could not live with the fact that he was not going to change and I had to accept him the way he is because he thought there was nothing wrong with him.   I am now getting a divorce and even though I love him still, I am willing to let go of this relationship and make a clean break with the help of counseling.  I hope that someday I will be able to understand why and how I could love a man who chose lust over a decent woman and a loving family that he has never had. 

i didnt marry my ex- came close to it. i thank god everyday that i didnt marry him. it would of been a very bad and demeaning marriage.  whe he was young, he father left a dirty tape in the vcr. as a kid he just turned the tv on. from that point he would look at porn, look and want older women and just be dirty. i am grateful everyday that i did not make that mistake. i know that i am worth more then what he was. someday i will find a loving, sane, not addictied to porn man who wants and needs the same things i want. 

  

 
April 23, 2006, 3:32 pm CDT

I doubt it will stop

I honestly don't know what to do.  I was an extremely naive 19-year-old when my husband and I got married.  I didn't understand porn, and he told me before we were married that it wouldn't be a problem because then we would be married and he would have me.  Well, it hasn't happened that way.  

   

About nine months ago he told me that he didn't want to be married to me anymore.  Around that same time I found large wads of tissues in the garbage of his office = he was masturbating and since it was in his office he was probably checking on porn.  He did promise me (once we had started patching things up) that he would never look at porn again.  In February I somehow found out that he hadn't kept his promise, and when I confronted him about it he said he never intended to keep that promise.  I can't believe that I married this guy!  

   

While the whole porn thing hurts me, I'm more worried about our daughter than anything.  What happens when she becomes a teenager?  (She is 2.)  Does he honestly think that he is not going to think lustful thoughts about her?  At least about her breasts?  

   

I just found an e-mail in his mailbox asking him to re-subscribe and he gets a deal!  $20 off!  He had saved it in his "of interest" file, so I'm sure he has either re-subscribed or is looking into it.  That's why I'm here at Dr. Phil's site.  

   

I'd probably leave and not look back, but now I have another problem.  I'm 9 weeks pregnant.  So now that's two kids that will be involved in an awful divorce.  And then how am I supposed to trust him alone with my kids?  How can I trust him either way not to expose them to his addictions?  

 
July 26, 2006, 8:55 pm CDT

not sure what to do

Last week whilst going through my husbands side of the wardrobe looking for something, i discovered a plastic bag on the bottom with a porn tape inside of it.  I cant describe the hurt i felt.  I could literally feel my heart beating up in my neck. I was shaking and crying. I couldn't believe he was hiding things like this from me.  You see a few years ago i discovered a similar tape and confronted him about it, he got rid of the tape now i find another!! I think what is more disturbing is the nature of the tape (it was all anal sex).  After discovering the first tape years ago i asked him why  and why that tape...he basically just said "it was out of curiosity"..oh please!!! Now on discovery of the 2nd tape (same nature) i haven't said a word to him about it.  I went through some of his belongings in his work bag and discovered more CD's with explicit pictures on them, still i've said nothing.  A few days later i went back to the wardrobe to see if it was still there and Kapoof!! its gone. So i guess my dilemma is, Do i confront him about the tape? Is it too late, since the evidence of the tape is gone?  Believe me ive searched this house up side down, and have come up with nothing.  I've even gone as far as to search his shed.  Im not sure how long i can keep up the false face in front of him, the rage is building up...any advice? cheers
 
August 11, 2006, 1:49 pm CDT

porn addiction on a lesser scale

my boyfriend looks at porn. i know he's addicted, and i don't know how to deal with it. we're very young- only 15- but i can feel every woman's pain when it comes to 'normal guy behavior'. my boyfriend's open about his problem and he's promised me that he wants to stop, but i'm running out of ways to help him. i've told him to call me before he looks at it and we'll talk it out, i've begged him to stop, i've told him how it makes me feel like i'm not enough to compete with the air-brushed, silicone-filled porn women.. and nothing's really gotten to him. it makes it harder because we're young and, although our relationship is mature, we're not on the level of an engaged or married couple. we don't live in the same house (obviously), so i can't monitor him like a wife living with her significant other could. i look out for my boyfriend, and i don't want this porn addiction at 15 years old to continue any further.. i can only imagine what he's going to be like in a couple years if he doesn't quit. does anyone have suggestions? much appreciated.
 
November 29, 2006, 7:42 am CST

It is normal! ..

Dr. Phil is wrong about one thing. This is normal! That's what's so damn sad about it.

I find the behaviour very tragical. That people actually can get turned on by that cheap, mindless.. things! And not even stop when it hurts the one they say they love. Can't find any words on how weak, lame and pathetic that is.

And about that choose-between-porno-and-relationship-thing. It doesn't matter if he (or she) stops, cause he'll still have that interest. He'll still want it - you'll never be enough for him. Dump and get a more mature and intellectuall man ;)

 
June 7, 2007, 4:38 pm CDT

DON'T DO IT

What ever you do don't marry him until he gets some help..I married my husband knowing he was looking at porn..my dad did it,,my first husband did it..so I thought nothing of it...UNTEL..he started looking at when I was not home he would wait until I left for work...are you ready for this...he was looking at niece and uncle porn...yea you guessed it..him and my niece started text messaging back and forth as to what they wanted to do...am my niece thought she was going to have sex in my house with my husband...and the dumb ass kept the text messages on his phone...will he got caught.. he told me he was so glad that I found out..because he really did not want to have sex with her..it was a fantasy he said...I wanted to kill them both...I kicked him out..told him to get some help or it will be for good..my mom took my niece’s side saying will they did not do anything..bull crap...just because my niece has to take care of them...did not care how I felt..told me I need to get over it...just how do you do that..my husband did get help..He no longer looks at porn...I still don't have that great of a relationship with my mom or my niece.. 

 
August 7, 2008, 11:27 am CDT

more then 1 side of the story

I do agree that this can not be normal behavior, but there are more sides of the story. There are people that have on the end of their money still a bit of the month left. Basicly saying that they are out of money before the month is over. Yes it aint a good idea to cheat in any way  to your husband or wife, there are actually other options that don't require getting your clothes off and cheating.
 
October 31, 2008, 3:48 pm CDT

So what are we to do?

Quote From: 101160

HI THERE IT WOULD BE A FOOGY DAY IN HELL THAT MY HUSBAND WOULD TELL ME TO GO TO BED.WHAT A SICK THING I HATE PORN ITS DISCUSTING AND THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IN IT YUK !!!IF I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND WITHOUT PORN, THEN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM NOT ME BECAUSE I DON'T NEED THAT CRAP THATS FOR SURE.MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS HELP THEN AND WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOU WHY DOES HE SEND YOU TO BED /TO GET HIS THRILLS AT LOOKING AT NAKED PEOPLE AND HERE YOU ARE GOING TO BED!!HE WOULDN'T LAST IN MY HOUSE TO LONG .I'D SHOW HIM THE DOOR AND DON'T LET IT HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT EITHER.PORN SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY AND LOVE YOUR PARTNER THE REAL WAY NOT SOME CHEAP TRASHY JUNK TO TRY TO GET A MOOD OR THRILL.GOOD LUCK  JENN .CATHY

 I to have been told that all guys do this.   Not just from "my guy" but from alot of my friends.  I told them what he does and they say , they all do that.  Find one that does not.   I have been with "my Guy" 8 years.  We had wonderful sex, or so I thought.  Now I think that the only reason it was wonderful was because before he came to my apartment he watched porn.  His friends email it to him, they laugh and go on with there day as if there is nothing wrong with it.   I just moved in with him a year ago and started seeing it on the computer.  Real embarasing , he has been caught 3 or 4 times now.  Not only having it on the internet but has left behind his clean up from his "excitment" (sorry for being gross).  I have yelled , I told him it makes me sick and I can not stay with a man that does this.  However, he tells me it doesn't mean a thing and that all guys do it.  He is now using the excuse that he does not know what is wrong but as he ages he fears that if he does not get excited this way, he will not be able to last that long when we do have sex.  To tell you the trueth, this touches so many different topics that it just makes me want to throw in the towel and just let him go.  I really do not know why I stay.  My friends all tell me guys would kill to have me.  I don't think he is a bad guy, I do thinks that boys are encuraged at young ages and when fathers and brothers do it they just get caught in this mess.  Our society doesn't help much, it is everywhere.  There are good guys out there.....my guestion is what therapy helps these guys to see that this is not okay.  I just wonder what this really means?  There must be a hidden reason , something missing.  Some relationship issues that they are not able to commit there love to.  SO What are we to do?  let me know if you figure anything out.  Lori

 
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