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Topic : 07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Number of Replies: 98
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:25:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When it comes to sex, what's normal and what's dysfunctional? Howard's fetish for long, straight, freshly groomed hair has led him down some dangerous paths. Now it could be destroying his marriage. Then, Elisa thinks sex is "dirty and gross," while her fiance wants it every day. And, is porn a "normal guy thing," and how much of it is enough to call off a wedding? Share your thoughts here.


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July 26, 2005, 2:30 pm CDT

Great Book!

 This is something that my boyfriend and I have dealt with and talked about in our relationship, and it seems to be a big problem with MANY men. We have recently started this book called "Every Man's Battle" by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, with Mike Yorkey that has done us MUCH good.

We are reading it together, and the book is highly recommended by many! We have grown closer and it has strengthened our relationship. It has done us so much good, i thought i would share it with everyone else out there going through this in their relationship. -Jan
 
July 26, 2005, 2:45 pm CDT

You Go Girl !!

Quote From: kalina

Emm, I totally relate to you. Now I don't feel so alone in this. I am 27 and my boyfriend of 10 years is 25. He, in my opinion, is obessed with porn. He looks at it on the internet and has 1000's of images and videos saved. I feel exactly as the young woman on Dr. Phil does. It makes me feel ugly, bad, not wanted, etc. It hurts and he doesn't stop, he says all guys do it, it's normal, blah blah blah.

I am going to leave him cause of it. I am saving up and then I am out of here. I've hurt too long. I am a pretty, smart, kind girl. I don't understand why he does this and I think it's sick, once in awhile I can tolerate but it's all the time and he saves so much of it and I hate it even more that all he seems to save is these huge fake breasted women.

Like you Emm, I went outside the relationship too. And I can say, I don't regret it, it was amazing, I felt wanted, needed, desirable and have fallen in love with this man and him with me, I will be moving in with him once I am financially secure. Ocassionally I do feel guilty but then remind myself of what he's been doing to me and how long I've put up with it. I had only ever been with my boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him. The man I am seeing now is only the second man I've been with.

I agree, it does feel good to get this out.

Wow.. I thought I was alone and being very stupid about the whole thing.

If you can get out and go with the man that makes youi feel like a woman.. GO !!!

 

Unfortunatly, I am stuck here with mine.. I'm a Canadian... I have no American ID.. nothing.. I can't get a job..without a social security number.. but when I stepped out... oh wow...  there were no movies.. no internet.. no books... no disgusting talk that I just can't handle... it was all me and him.  And it was wonderful.  I've told my husband over and over.. men get turned on by what they see.. women get turned on by what they hear... and sometimes see.. like candles... I used to be a very romantic woman.. but after years of trying with picnics in bed and such.. candles..it just became more of a chore for me and got nothing out of it.

 

I feel like I'm trapped and can't get out.

 

Thanks for sharing with me..

 

<Emm> 

 
July 26, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

Kiza Don't Do It

Don't do it if you don't like him looking at porn.

 

You can make him change this temporarily, but not forever. A guy that looks at porn will allways have the desire to look at porn. You can't make him change that. If you try, it might work for awhile. But he will only be supressing it and eventually he will go out and find it again. And then you will have to deal with it then.

 

Also, if you make him quit, then he won't be himself and, therefore, will be living a lie. He won't be his own person, he will be what you want him to be. How long do you think it will take for him to get tired of living that way? Then, you may have to deal with him having affairs and such. And when might that be? After you have allready had kids? When you knew in the first place that he liked looking at porn and you kept him from it. You kept him from being himself.

 

I personally allow my husband to look at porn. I know he loves me and only me. It doesn't bother me. I know he is going to bed with me at night and he won't be fantasizing that I am one of them. Men love sex and looking at females. If you keep him happy at home, then he won't venture out and find what is missing in his life. If you let him look at the women online and give him great sex, he will allways be by your side. Men love sex, they gotta have it, and they WILL get it, however they have to. Wouldn't you rather him be getting it at home and in front of you than out there somewhere behind your back?

 

P.S. Looking at porn online, on video, or in magazines IS NOT CHEATING. Going out and having sex with other women IS. You women need to get that straight and lighten up, and quit being so insecure. It's a normal natural thing for men to do this. Any man that doesn't like to look a naked women is very strange to me. I would think that something was wrong with him.

 
July 26, 2005, 2:49 pm CDT

Not normal, just accepted

 I am not a zealot, fanatic or religious extremist and I do not view porn or approve of it. I am a heterosexual male with an average sex life. 

 Porn is demeaning and abusive toward women and oddly enough, gay men. Why it is defended by the users of porn is the same reason drug addicts defend their use of drugs. Porn should be outlawed, as it is not a victimless crime.

 The woman in the segment should run, as if her very life depends on it. It may.

 
July 26, 2005, 2:53 pm CDT

great book

Quote From: jpickens

This is something that my boyfriend and I have dealt with and talked about in our relationship, and it seems to be a big problem with MANY men. We have recently started this book called "Every Man's Battle" by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, with Mike Yorkey that has done us MUCH good.

We are reading it together, and the book is highly recommended by many! We have grown closer and it has strengthened our relationship. It has done us so much good, i thought i would share it with everyone else out there going through this in their relationship. -Jan

although the book will help a guy with wonderin eyes... here's something that can help with folk whow have on-line issues like the guy on the show (A CONSUMER REPORTing magazine said this summer it is the "Best Choice for the Most People") http://www.safeeyes.com/resellers/default.asp?id=465

Tommy

 
July 26, 2005, 2:56 pm CDT

Kiza and Chris

PLEASE Kiza, DO NOT marry Chris.... I had the same thing happen to me!  Except I didn't know about my ex's sexual addiction before the marriage.  I wish I would have.  I would not have gone through with the marriage.  My ex visited porn sites daily and then would visit prostitutes, escorts and "massage therapists" at least twice a week.  Then once a week we would visit the therapist together and separately again each week.  This just cost alot of money and our marriage still did not work and my self esteem wound up in the toilet and I was (and still am) in debt!  Know that Chris will not stop.  He sees nothing wrong with it.  He is only saying he will stop for  your benefit.  He is addicted!  Bottom line.  When someone says it's just a guy thing, he really does believe it.  Do not put yourself in that situation.  You have the chance to save yourself, DO IT!!!!  You don't have to marry.  If you want to see what you will end up like if you marry him, you can view me!  It's not a pretty thing!  Think this thing through.  You can do so much better!  Let Chris ruin his life alone.  Do you really want to end up with a disease that he brings home to you?  Just look at it this way,,,,,, who he sleeps with, you sleep with. 
 
July 26, 2005, 3:06 pm CDT

Living with a porn addict

I have been married for almost 5 years now and have 3 children with my husband and he is addicted to porn. I know how she feels because I feel the same way. My husband is addicted to the point that he has looked at it and even relieved himself in the same room as 2 of our children while they were "watching a movie"(they are 3 and 1). I have had to put parental controls on his internet account to keep him from doing something that I don't know about. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Can it be fixed? Yes! My husband has been recovering for at least a year now. Does he slip up? Of course(like when he did it in front of our children, Which I almost divorced him over).But the relapses get further apart. Something that people need to think about is that some people do this for other reasons. Like my husband was sexually abused by a man from the time he was 3 until he was 15 or 16. These things play a HUGE roll in his porn addiction, and is the only reason that we are still together.If you have the patience to stand by someone who suffers from this, you can do it. He doesn't mind having the parental controls on his account because it helps him to stay away from it. He has no problem with me seeing his e-mail or knowing where he goes online. That is what lets me know that he really wants to change, And gives me the strengh to stick with it and help him get better.
 
July 26, 2005, 3:08 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Elisa is not alone in her hatred of sex. I am even worse than her. I do not think sex is gross, but I hate it nonetheless. I have sex with my husband about once a month. He doesn't try any more than that, becuase he is too discouraged to try. He has decided he is okay with it, because he loves me, but I am not okay with it. My libido doesn't seem to even exist. I have tried changing my diet, buying toys, seeing my doctor. Nothing has helped. I will try the things Dr. Phil said to try. I hope it helps.
 
July 26, 2005, 3:13 pm CDT

I would like any comments anyones has with my situation

Hi, my name is Nicole and i am 21 years old. First let me give you a little back ground. I dont like to party or flirt. I am very happy with who i am with and myself. ok here i go.... i have been with a guy for 5 years. he use to look at porn alot but then i told him it has upset me. so he slowed down, well he said he quit but i find it and then he admits to it and he says he says he is sorry and he does not do it to hurt me. I love him so much and i know he loves me and i know he would never go out and cheat on me. But him looking at pron really hurts me and it affects our sex life also. I dont feel pretty enough. I dont want to have sex. It feels oukward, and some times i cry and it hurst and i cant do it. I know this isnt right. i know he thinks i am everything but its the way i feel. we are probly going to be getting engaged soon and marride in 2 years but i want to fix this and not feel this way! I need help and i cant aford a therapist HELP ME PLEASE!
 
July 26, 2005, 3:14 pm CDT

Careful....

Quote From: 03fenix

ok, I agree with these two women about how it makes me feel. I found that he looks at internet porn all the time-I tried just last night talking to him about it.....all he said was sorry. and that was the end of it. It really hurts my feelings!

Here is the catch, I enjoy watching videos and looking at pics WITH him....and I think that is where our trouble comes in. He doesn't understand-although, he hasn't said this. I just feel that is what he is thinking, just won't tell me. He doesn't liketo argueAT ALL, and does whatever he can toby pass it.

We currently got engaged and our wedding is to be next Sept.-however, I don't want to get married and go through this all the time. It makes me feel like crap!!

I am stuck-I don't know what to do either....I love him and like I said-we do look at this stuff together-that's why its so complicated. Any advice??

I watched a couple of movies with my husband, and like you said.. it's the downfall... cause if you watch it too, then he thinks it's okay to do it without you. I can't stand this anymore.. when he comes home from work and feels in the mood and I'm not, he actually tells me to go to bed so he can watch his videos... it's gotten way out of hand, and I'm stuck here.

If you guys are gonna watch this stuff, make it CLEAR to him that it only happens when you BOTH are there.. I fell into that trap and I can't get out. ( well.. for a few days I got out, but that didn't stop the crap at home )

 

<Emm>

 
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