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Topic : 07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Number of Replies: 98
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:25:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When it comes to sex, what's normal and what's dysfunctional? Howard's fetish for long, straight, freshly groomed hair has led him down some dangerous paths. Now it could be destroying his marriage. Then, Elisa thinks sex is "dirty and gross," while her fiance wants it every day. And, is porn a "normal guy thing," and how much of it is enough to call off a wedding? Share your thoughts here.


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July 26, 2005, 5:47 pm CDT

Yikes!

Yikes! Everyone relax a little!!!!! I feel a lot of you are being too rigid-sex doesn't (or shouldn't) come with a manual of what is right or wrong.  Kiza, if you are not interested in compromising, you should not marry this man, because if you aren't interested in coming to an agreement about this, you will not be willing to come to a compromise on any other issue.

 

Sex should be fun. It should be a way of expressing yourself to your partner and sharing special times. If God didn't want us to enjoy it, He would not have given us a clitoris or the capability to have an orgasm. This is a fantastic gift!!!  Stop forcing your ideas of what is a "yes" or "no" and think about it in terms of "perhaps" and "if". I've read several of these posts where the women are excusing themselves for affairs because "he's watching porn" while she is" only going out and having illicit physical sex with someone else while the man who supports me is at home". You will never get the clap from a computer web site. SO stop passing judgements and excusing your lousy behavior. Get real

 
July 26, 2005, 5:49 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: ladyluck21

Well my "love life" contains two the problems that were on Dr. Phil today. First off I hate sex! I don't really know if I think it is dirty, but thinking about doing it with my BF makes me sick. We have been together for three years and at first it was all good. Recently in the past year though he has become less and aless apprciative of things that I do, such as work, take care of our home and so forth. He yells at me, calls me name and degrades me. Therefore I pretty much feel no attraction to him because I don't feel he emotionally supporst me in any way. But he always wants to have sex. Every night he tries and I am just not into it. I don't feel I should make love with someone that acts like they don't like me most of the time unless they want something (sex). I was also sexually abused when I was young, so that may have something to do with it. My BF has always looked at Porn as well. At first I didn't think much of it....okay so you look at porn. Well over the past year since out love life has faded away he looks at porn at least once a day. He blames it on me saying that if I had sex with him more he wouldn't look at it. I don't believe him however. It is saved all over out computer and it hurts me to think he enjoys looking at it. I feel ever worse about have sex since he looks at is so much and therefore don't want to have sex even more. It is a never ending battle between us and I feel it will be the one thing that breaks up our relationship. I love him and we have some really good moments but something has to change. Oh and I do the same thing with telling him to finish up so I can go to sleep. I do know that I like sex though cus I use to really enjoy it and I dream about other guys that I know. I just don't know what to do.
He yells at you, Calls you names, And degrades you, then he blames you for why he looks at porn because you won't have sex with him? Ok, forget the sex thing, forget the porn thing, He yells at you,Calls you names,And degrades you!!!! To me the sex and porn are irrelevant. You need to get out!!! No one should have the right to treat you like that!NO ONE!
 
July 26, 2005, 5:51 pm CDT

Fetishes...

Like the first guest, I too, have a fetish.   Mine revolves around women's feet and driving nice vehicles.  I adore ( or at least that's my reasoning ) to see her looking pretty, sitting behind the wheel, working the pedals, etc.  This fetish has grown from a realization back in 2000 that it is a control thing of some kind.  When I was a very young child, my mom & I got stranded with a car that would not start.  Now, there are fetishes that "entertain" this subject.

 

It has so hurt my physchy that when I have a female companion, I am unable to relax enough to enjoy the moments without mentally placing her in the car behind the wheel.  I was "fortunate" to have one female companion that found the fetish interesting enough to do it.  It was so exciting to watch her do it all.  Soon after we made love and I was so relaxed, not only was she wholely satisfied, but I had never felt a rush like that before in my life.

 

I have so much wanted to find a female to help me recover from this "addiction" but I cannot find one.  I have been in therapy - but this subject I just could not open up enough to discuss or be honest about.

 

This show helped me see more than I have in the past.  I fear intamacy.  I am more concerned about gratifying her than myself that I get frustrated.  I often give up and as of my most recent history just do not share that part of me with anyone.

 

I have no problem meeting women, talking to them, going out once or twice.  The fear I have is the scenario of becoming intimate and unable to "perform", thus costing me yet another relationship.

 

I am open to anyones thoughts, ideas, concerns, comments on the fetish I have as well as how to overcome it so I can find a relationship.

 

Thank You.

 
July 26, 2005, 5:53 pm CDT

Not Cheating?

Quote From: lilacmess

Do you honestly believe that your husband, who looks at porn, doesn't fantasize about the women in porn when he's having sex with you? Do you honestly believe that a man who isn't allowed to look at porn has no choice but to cheat with real women instead? You have really sold yourself short, like so many women. Honorable men don't cheat AND they don't look at porn. Let me tell you, if your husband is looking at pornography, he is most definitely fantasizing about those other women when he's with you. His brain is wired to do it. He could rewire his brain, certainly, but has no reason to if you don't ask him to. I encourage you to require more for yourself and start living a life of love with the "necessary evil" of pornography.
 
July 26, 2005, 5:54 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: jennyfur01

It's not that I think sex is dirty...I just hate it. It always hurts for me even when my bf is gentle, and if we use tons of lubricant. I used to want to have sex, BEFORE I did it...but ever since I started I never want it. I can't even stand to read romance novels, which I used to love, b/c they have too many sexual situations in them and i can't stand to read them. My boyfriend would love to have sex once or twice a day, but I'd be happy with once a week, or even never. We have a pretty good relationship aside from sex. I want to want it but the doctors I've seen don't seem to know what they are talking about. I've been dealing with this for over a year now. Someone please help me??? :(
I have the same problem with it hurting. And your right doctors don't have a clue. For me it started after I had my children. And it seemed to be only when we used condoms, I have had to experiment with almost everything on the market before I found something that would work. Sit down with your boyfriend and just agree to try different things. Make sure it's on your terms. If you know that all you have to do is say "Ow" and he will stop it makes it alot easier to find a way to make it work.
 
July 26, 2005, 6:07 pm CDT

let there be porn

what is the big deal it not like he going out @rape someone  he's look at pitcher of girls
 
July 26, 2005, 6:20 pm CDT

sex is bad

if you think sex is bad  why be with a guy go to a monist where all good girls go  and the com. about it someone Little girl what kind of father would let is little girl do on the in-net  that where the problem starts lets fix that first  and be a good girl put the toys a way if you don't like sex
 
July 26, 2005, 6:25 pm CDT

which could lead to rape.....

Quote From: bugg876

what is the big deal it not like he going out @rape someone? he's look at pitcher of girls
the big deal is that if he cant have it in real life and has to rely on looking at it online, what is not to make him someday want the real thing and think that women should be as easy as they appear online and when rejected, rapes the woman instead.....
 
July 26, 2005, 6:51 pm CDT

I agree with Dr. Phil - porn is indecent

I am an adolescent approaching my twenties and I have a serious relationship with my boyfriend. It is not exactly like the Kiza & Chris situation, but watching the show today made me realize that I certainly don't want to end up in that scenario. We have had many fights over him seeing porn, and although I've explained to him that it hurts me, makes me feel inadequate, and that it isn't an essential part of him being a man - he still believes that porn is a "normal guy thing." I mean, is it really that much to give up porn for the one you love? Why is porno such a huge priority to some men?

 

He can't even promise me that he won't end up at stripclubs either, his excuse is: "Well what if all the guys want to go there? What am I, gonna ditch my buds?" he also says that he doesn't "intend" to go there but if it "happens" then it's not his fault. My argument is that if he ends up there, it is his own doing, and he willed it so, he physically made it happen, his buddies never forced him into anything. He tells me not to worry, to trust him and to get over it, but how can I? I, like Kiza, believe that porn is cheating. My definition of cheating, is not just physical, but emotional, mental, visual...the fact that he even desires another woman is disrespectful to me and our relationship.

 

When I try to explain this to him, his comeback is about how all his buddies' girlfriends are okay with it, and that he even talked to an acquaintance of mine who said she was okay with it too. I replied that what they do in THEIR relationships has got NOTHING to do with ours, and my morals and values are not based on what other people's are. He said that I was the ONLY person he knew that felt this way, and that I would NEVER or RARELY find a guy who wasn't into porn. He made me feel like I was the black sheep of society for my beliefs. He tells me that he wants me to say that it's okay for him to do it, even though he "won't actually do it" -but that's bullcrap! If I give him the okay, I know he will constantly look at it and lie to me about it. I caught him on 2 occasions where he lied at first, admitted to it, then promised not to do it again, but did.

 

Has anyone ACTUALLY gotten through to their boyfriends/husbands about why they should stop looking at porn? And if so, how? I would REALLY like to know! I'm not an insecure individual...but maybe I should get...I don't know, breast implants or something...maybe then he'll stop looking at porn, maybe then I'll be "good enough" for him...who knows...

 
July 26, 2005, 7:06 pm CDT

aggirl

Quote From: aggirl

My husband started looking at porn after we got married and to my knowledge. He had not done this before execpt with friends at bachlor parties and stuff. When I told hom that it really bothered me he stopped but I did not want him to miss out I just wanted him to be with me only so we decided to make our own little videos ti has been very liberating for me and he loves it I know that they don't go any further than us and it is somthing we can share instead of hide from. The major plus is that the way he reacts to them makes me feel great and we don't do anything weird just strait sex
Sounds like a very healthy compromise. Good for you. I've considered doing something similar. My husband would never want to see himself on video, however. He's overweight and doesn't consider himself very attractive because of it. I, on the other hand, think he is hot hot hot, but what do I know? Anyway, one of his favorite things is watching me touch myself, so I've considered setting up our digital camera some day when I have the house to myself and masturbating for him. Our anniversary is coming up, so maybe that would be a nice secret gift. Hmmm....
 
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