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Topic : 05/26 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 2

Number of Replies: 145
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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:35:18 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his work with four families who say their kids are out of control. They moved out of their madhouse and into The Dr. Phil House to learn how to end the chaos and constant battles, and create a peaceful, loving and happy home. The parents and kids role-play with puppets, but when two kids misbehave, will their exercise become an exercise in futility? After Noah and his mom have another fight, Dr. Phil sits down with them privately to broker peace. Will anger and resentment give way to compassion and forgiveness? Next, all the kids participate in an experiment called Temptation Table – a table is covered with candy, cookies, cell phones and toys. Can all the kids be trusted around Dr. Phil’s Temptation Table? You won’t believe what happens when their parents leave the room! Then, Dr. Phil shows the parents home camera footage of poor parenting situations in their home. Will the parents stop what they’re doing and become a calm, united front for their kids, providing consistent, predictable consequences to bad behavior? One mom’s question has Dr. Phil wondering if he’s wasting his time. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.



Discuss your views on discipline here.

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May 26, 2008, 5:52 pm CDT

almost to tears

  I was really disappointed in Noah's actions after Dr. Phil left the room.  He really put on an act with the "I forgive you....I love you, etc. etc. etc.," but then started his whole old thing again after Dr. Phil was out of the room.  He is a smart kid and has picked up on a lot of "pop" psychology in his short life; he's managed to twist it to his advantage as well.  It will be a long haul, but I pray that no one gives up on this kid--he's got potential. 

  I am very proud of Hayley and her Mom--I still maintain that Hayley's only problem is that she's 15 and a slob.  Her Mom should thank her lucky stars that being a slob is the worst thing she is at 15.  We literally didn't see the carpet in my sister's room for 3 years when she was a teenager.  Now she chases her kid (who is a great kid, by the way) around with a can of Lysol!  I  would also maintain to them again that being 15 sucks, but it's not forever.  I also like Hayley's Mom trying to talk some sense into Noah (kind of like shouting into the wind, but nice try).

 
May 26, 2008, 6:16 pm CDT

These kids

The problem is these kids are waaaayyyyy too out of control to be dealt with. The teen that is a slob is the best one on there. All the others need time in boot camp a couple of months there and they'll be singing a different tune then. After a week they'll be crying for mommy and daddy.
 
May 26, 2008, 6:21 pm CDT

05/26 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 2

Binky I too was disappointed in Noah's lie that he forgave his mother.  He had no intention of trying to make things better.  He admitted he didn't mean it when he forgave her.  He also said he could change, but that he wanted his mother to change MORE.  Sounded exactly like marrige counseling, not child counseling.  If these two people were adults, they'd get divorced.  But they're not, they're mother and child, aren't they? 

 

What also makes me a little frustrated is how people only think bullying kids have "potential."  What about the shy kid, doesn't he/she have potential?  Who's helping the quiet kid? 

 
May 26, 2008, 6:28 pm CDT

Noah

I hope Doctor Phil can get through to Noah and his mom. Right now I just hate Noah, and if I was his mom I think I would beg CPS to take him off my hands before I give him away to the nearest hobo who would be willing to take him away. Of course, since I don't love him, it's easy for me to say, but that is the most hateful child I have ever seen
 
May 26, 2008, 6:43 pm CDT

relating

although my situation is totally differnt the results are the same with the childs behaviour.
i had even tried many differnt avenues in getting help for my eldest son. several therapists, teachers, counselors, principals, treatment center, baker acting, put on a chins (child in need of supervison, supposed to help with out of control children) on and on, and on and on
we also tried family counseling nothing worked
i was patronized by all of these people and told other children were much worse and was told i was over reacting....i want you to know i seeked help up to the last moment i could until he turned 18
my son ended up being put in prison about a week or 2 after his 18th birthday for 4 years. he sold something that didnt belong to him golfclubs i kid u not
it seems this chin program for children actually hurt him as a adult
he just came home this year in january and is still on parole
up until last summer did it finally click in him that he had to change his attitude and actions.
his life is basically done for any of the good jobs he is interested in.
they dont like to hire someone with a felony
this including the military. forget the medical or police, or fire dept.
it breaks my heart because he really has changed and has grown to be the most caring, polite, giving, funny, loving, helpful, on and on i could go, individual i have ever had the privledge to know
i felt like wendy when she asked dr phil what do we do?
we have had to bring our children up in a way that doesnt work. thanks to dr spock 25 or so years ago.
at least the man on his 20th anniversary of writing his book did actually apologize for writing it!!
when i was brought up it was do it or get ur butt red. when i hit high school it was everything was removed from my room
we didnt dare talk back or disrespect anyone let alone our parent or parents
forget the whole excuse one parent home and how hard it is to raise children on your own there were 3 of us children
now a days its all about the parents should respect the child before the child respects the parent
i find it so mind boggling and frustrating and i applaud dr phil and wish i could have found someone like him in even one of all the people i sought out to help me with my eldest child
or my youngest
beause of all of the focus being spent on my eldest i had been thinking my youngest was ok - just blessed with a overly good boy - i recently found out he felt alone didnt want to add to my already stressed out life and had turned to the street gang called the bloods . five years now and i was clueless.
i guess my whole point here is that when i was watching wendy i felt as if i was looking at my child so many years ago and myself the frustration, anger, helplessness, hoplelesness.
the fact that she doubted herself if what she was doing was right or not! that was definitelty me.
i have never ever hit my child and know what it feels like to be accused of something so heartbreaking from your child.
i dont blame her for feeling like she cant do it anymore i have been there but im sure like me she knows she cant stop being the parent
as far as my youngest goes? well thats for another day cuz im working on him now.
 
May 26, 2008, 6:49 pm CDT

05/26 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 2

 

 

 

            I am very worried about Noah.  I did not hear Dr Phil at any time say that these children were assessed for neurological deficits, or other disorders, that would need a bit of tailoring for success.  My son has aspergers syndrome, and i have seen many super intelligent ASD children who have under went strikingly similar destructive situations, because of misunderstanding.   (OASIS is a great web site on aspies).

            I also believe Noah.  His perception may be a bit distorted because of the hostile environment in which he has none the less thrived.  But he needs a safe place to scream....he obviously has a need to communicate in analogies, and his mother should listen to his "examples", so he feels heard....NOTHING LESS WILL WORK!!!!

             His mother may have never injured him....but he has been, and is abused, and emotionally neglected.   I have watched Dr. Phil enough to have seen him tear a few people apart.  That woman needs a complete adjustment.  starting with shutting up until her son is finished.  I believe she is different without the cameras......

    Please Dr. Phil.....stay with this family.....for Noah's sake

 
May 26, 2008, 6:52 pm CDT

he did answr her

Quote From: chocoholick

At the end of the show these people where begging (especially noah's mom) for answers on what to do. Dr Phil told them all what they were doing wasn't working and they all agreed and asked "what do we do?" and he just acted disgusted and said he felt he had wasted all his time. He has told them all their kids are out of control (duh thats why they all came) and they all wanted answers, did i miss the answers? because all I saw was desperate parents who came on national tv and embarrassed themselves and kids just to get answers but as far as I saw left with none.  No answeres just a ridiculing attitude from the DR saying he had wasted his time.

  I saw a boy and a mom heart broken by the loss of  his sister. I see he feels his mom blames him but maybe because he blames him self with some amount of survivoirs guilt, because he can't make his mom happy and maybe thinks the mom would have been happier if she had lost him instead, because kids think that way, not  because its true. Now he is angry and his rage and grief is in control because no one is helping him work through it.

  I think he feels stronger and less sad when he lets himself be angry instead and he hasn't found any other way to deal with such a huge and tragic loss of both his sister and mom because even if she isn't gone she is so different from her own loss she isn't the same mom or even same person.

  there is no "easy" answer. But she needs to let him know  his limits and they need to share their grief and also their good memories of his sister, his loss needs to be recognised by mom too.

  That family may benefit greatly from grief counseling and I personally feel that dealing with Noah's misbehavior or putting him in bootcamp is like starting a book in the middle. That is a little boy who needs grief counseling and anger  managment,  and need to deal with  the grief instead of hiding it under anger.

  I don't think his mom is abusing him,  but what he is really trying to say to her is "look at me I am still here and need you, I am in pain. what do i do?"

  Children just are not as able to put such incredibly  huge feelings into such small unsubstantial words, as some adults.... as far as that goes alot of adults can't either.

sorry choc but he did answer her
he told her that she was right in what she was doing and that her son was wrong
he said that the children are going to get worse before it gets better
he already told them what to do
its up to the parents to do it
and as far as noah trying to say anything makes me giggle ...he doesnt have a problem saying anything i found him to be extremely manipulative and extremely bright with some big words for his age. he definitely does not have a problem with saying what he wants or does not want.....ask the cps!!
 
May 26, 2008, 7:01 pm CDT

Temptation Table was a farce

I think the tempation table was pointless.  The kids knew what was going on.  And the conclusion Phil came to was baffling.....the parents didn't offer enough of a reward to the kids to stop them from grabbing stuff on the table?  He's got to be kidding.  What was more interesting to me than if they took the sweets or not was their behavior toward each other.  I was curious how they'd interract if there was disagreement, which there was.  And although there was some disharmony - it was really notable that it came with self-imposed boundaries.  They didn't let it get too far.  Sort of how inmates approach each other in the prison yard, with grudging respect and mutual restraint.  You know?

 
May 26, 2008, 7:25 pm CDT

You did waste your time today, Dr Phil

Noah, a boy crying out for help from his abusive mother. He's ignored, his mother is told it's because she isn't controlliing him enough. Dr. Phil, do you belive that because Noah is a boy, he should just learn to get over it? Would you have delt with this situation the same way if a father was behaving this way towards his daughter? Has it ever occured to you that from the beginning, Noah's mother was manipulating you? That she's become a professional at acting like the victim, while beingn the victimizer.

 

Most people can see a child who is already damaged. Where do you think Noah learned how to be so manipulative? Noah is being sent the message, time and time again, he is unwanted because he was born the wrong gender. If he were a girl he'd be heard, if he were a girl he wouldn't be abused by his mother. If he were only the daughter she wanted.

 

This may sound extreme, but I wouldn't be surprised as Noah grows older, and things don't change. He becomes a transvestite, or wants to get a sex change. Everytime he turns around he's being told, "You deserve to be punished, because you're not female. You don't have a right to speak up, because your male. Men are supposed to just deal with it. You have no right to speak up to your mother, because she's female, and therfore better than you."

 

If this isn't textbook on how to create a Norman Bates, I don't know what is. You're so concerned Noah doesn't have respect for women, that he's going to abuse women. He knows his place, he has learned that men in this world do not have a right to exsist as they are. He has learned that only women are sympathized with, not men.

 

You have wasted your time today Dr. Phil. You had an opportunity to save Noah from his abusive mother, and instead you sat there and told him point blank, "Who do you think you are? How dare you suggest your mother is abusing you. Women don't do that, you are lying." You reinforced that she is better than him, that his dead sister was better than he is, even that the little girl in the other family deserves to be heard. He doesn't, because he was born a boy.

 
May 26, 2008, 7:27 pm CDT

05/26 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 2

Quote From: ladiehawke

I am soooooo glad I am not the only one who thought this kid needs boot camp. Get a woman, not a male, but a woman drill sargeant in his face and see how much better he likes his mom. Wendy is nothing in comparison to what could be.

He did say that he never has any trouble with Dad. That says to me that dad lets him run the show. Why isn't dad there? This is a family problem.
Good idea. Keep reinforcing the idea that he is powerless against women, that will teach him to have a healthy attitude towards the opposite sex.
 
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