Message Boards

Topic : 05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Number of Replies: 273
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:38:19 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It’s the last day in The Dr. Phil House for four families struggling to tone down the chaos, fighting and unhappiness. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to what your kids say about you? Well, the moms get that chance. They watch and listen behind a two-way mirror as their kids have a conversation with one of their peers. Don’t miss Wendy’s reaction when her son, Noah, opens up about his sister’s death. When Dr. Phil puts the kids to the task of cleaning up a filthy room, will the challenge be too much for them … or their parents? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with the mothers and the fathers separately for some no-nonsense parenting advice. If you’re a parent, you won’t want to miss this valuable lesson in parenting! Then, Dr. Phil helps the parents make the first step in creating a phenomenal family. Plus, how are these families doing now? Don’t miss the surprising update! And, are you looking for something fun for your kids this summer? Deborah Gibson has gone from teen pop sensation to an inspiring musical mentor. See how she makes deserving children’s dreams come true at her Camp Electric Youth! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



Discuss your views on discipline here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

June 4, 2008, 8:59 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: sage2008

This should be quite obvious, but parents who are unhappy will have unhappy children.  Yes, it is that simple.  One obvious sign of the parent's unhappiness is that they are overweight.  Dr. Phil should have taken the miserable parents and placed them in a fitness camp for a month or so.  A few of the children already have weight problems and also need similar help ASAP.  There's no way to have a healthy mind and spirit without having a healthy body.    


I could begin a dissertation about how immature and irresponsible the parents at this house are,  but it's a moot point.  Clearly, they need serious physical and mental help.   I do hope they get the therapy they need before they damage their children further. 

God help us all.

WRONG!

 

Being overweight does NOT = feeling miserable! You need to visit some fat acceptance websites, and educate yourself. It's a STEREOTYPE that fat people are miserable. Despite how the media and diet companies try to make fat people hate themselves, fat people have learned to LOVE THEMSELVES.

 

So you go ahead and take your prejudicial statements somewhere else. For alot of people, visiting a health boot camp DOES NOT make them healthier, it makes them sick. Perhaps you should suggest something less extreme like eating right and MODERATE exercise. Also, the goal isn't always to be thin, it's to be healthy. You seem to have healthy confused with being thin, the two things are not mutually exclusive.

 

I know plenty of miserable thin people. As it would happen, alot of them seem to enjoy spending their time convincing themselves that fat people are miserable. Maybe they want to pretend that there's a reason for them to feel miserable, outside of them restricting their diet to a point where they are not getting the nutrition they need.

 
June 4, 2008, 11:23 am CDT

The boss

Quote From: blondechannel

I couldn't be more disappointed in Dr. Phil's approach to "helping" these families. Firstly, letting parents be "the boss" is such an old paradigm. These children are rebelling because they're being talked to like dogs, not humans. DO this, do that, their parents are using CONTROL not logic, love or any sort of respectful communication, but EXPECT respect back. Of course these children will rebel. Then Dr. Phil is promoting punishment as a way of teaching these kids. As opposed to teaching the parents that the children are needing to be heard and felt respected and then the behavior will shift. as opposed to they "must listen" cuz I'm the boss. To continue with the reward/punishment approach to teaching anyone, means to continue a belief that our love is based on your behavior pleasing me, with little regard for that persons (or childs in this case) needs being considered too. Nothing was noted about the parents needing to be better listeners (okay I heard one dad bring it up) and responding to their childs needs rather than the parent simply moving onto the agenda of justification of their behavior. I could go on and on and on......To say "consistency" is key, yes, but not dictatorship. I may be "jumping" here, but I just would have loved to see more depth discussion regarding the parents need to shift their behavior as well.

I'm a little confused about what you are saying.

 

I totally agree that these kids need and should be listened to. I also agree that the parents need to change their behavior as well, but you lose me when you talk about the reward/punishment approach. Do you really believe children should never be punished?

 

I'm sorry I just don't buy that. Children need to learn that there are rules and there are consequences for breaking those rules. Parents need to be in control. Children need to learn to respect those who are in control. That is how life works. When they are in school they need to follow rules. When they get a job they will need to follow rules. If they choose not to they will be punished.

 

Maybe I just misunderstood and if I did I'm sorry.

 
June 4, 2008, 2:58 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: txgirl39

I'm a little confused about what you are saying.

 

I totally agree that these kids need and should be listened to. I also agree that the parents need to change their behavior as well, but you lose me when you talk about the reward/punishment approach. Do you really believe children should never be punished?

 

I'm sorry I just don't buy that. Children need to learn that there are rules and there are consequences for breaking those rules. Parents need to be in control. Children need to learn to respect those who are in control. That is how life works. When they are in school they need to follow rules. When they get a job they will need to follow rules. If they choose not to they will be punished.

 

Maybe I just misunderstood and if I did I'm sorry.

Children need to be delt with like human beings. They need to know that they're in control of what happens to them. Punishment is a form of taking control completely away from a child, which is trumatizing. Compromise is the way to do things. Explaining to the kids that they should do x y and z because it will make them a better person, not by threatening to take something away from them. Explain to them it's their choice, and there will be consequences, but not ones that violate their living space or their sense of physical well-being.

 

How about planning an event for the weekend, and saying they can only go to the event if they behave all week. That's a motivation from outside, not a motivation based on threatening the child's ability to be safe in their own home. Although I'm sure some of you would say that's bribing, but it's also a positive reward system, not a negative retribution system.

 

You teach children by rewarding them for positive behaviour, not punishing for what they do wrong. I hope I've clarified things for you.

 
June 4, 2008, 5:24 pm CDT

Noah is scary

When I saw this series, I thought that Noah (the one in the pink shirt) was frightening.  That kid is headed for a lot of trouble.  If he was mine, I'd ship him off to boot camp.  Call me cruel but we'll be reading about that one someday.  He seems bright but he's obviously been told that too many times as he is arrogant and rude.  Yipes. 
 
June 5, 2008, 4:14 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: colleen0510

When I saw this series, I thought that Noah (the one in the pink shirt) was frightening.  That kid is headed for a lot of trouble.  If he was mine, I'd ship him off to boot camp.  Call me cruel but we'll be reading about that one someday.  He seems bright but he's obviously been told that too many times as he is arrogant and rude.  Yipes. 

Actually I've not seen Noah once appreciated for his intelligence outside of these boards. He's being constantly berated for having a mind of his own. It isn't a matter of calling you cruel, children do die at bootcamps from being delt with by over zelous camp counselors.

 

Oh and about him being told he was bright too many times, and he's now arrogant and rude. Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think children who are encouraged positvely, are all doomed to be narccisitic monsters?

 
June 5, 2008, 10:29 am CDT

reward

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

Children need to be delt with like human beings. They need to know that they're in control of what happens to them. Punishment is a form of taking control completely away from a child, which is trumatizing. Compromise is the way to do things. Explaining to the kids that they should do x y and z because it will make them a better person, not by threatening to take something away from them. Explain to them it's their choice, and there will be consequences, but not ones that violate their living space or their sense of physical well-being.

 

How about planning an event for the weekend, and saying they can only go to the event if they behave all week. That's a motivation from outside, not a motivation based on threatening the child's ability to be safe in their own home. Although I'm sure some of you would say that's bribing, but it's also a positive reward system, not a negative retribution system.

 

You teach children by rewarding them for positive behaviour, not punishing for what they do wrong. I hope I've clarified things for you.

I have no problem rewarding kids for good behavior. Trust me I am not above bribing, but when you tell a child that you have a special event planned that they can only attend if they behave, doesn't that become a reward/punishment system?

 

Don't you think the child still feels punished if they are told they can't attend because they misbehaved?

 

I think your idea of discipline is excellent, but you are still taking something away from the child, which in my view is punishment. I just don't think you can discipline without some sort of punishment (aka consequences)

 
June 5, 2008, 2:23 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: txgirl39

I have no problem rewarding kids for good behavior. Trust me I am not above bribing, but when you tell a child that you have a special event planned that they can only attend if they behave, doesn't that become a reward/punishment system?

 

Don't you think the child still feels punished if they are told they can't attend because they misbehaved?

 

I think your idea of discipline is excellent, but you are still taking something away from the child, which in my view is punishment. I just don't think you can discipline without some sort of punishment (aka consequences)

It is punishment, however it's not a punishment that involves:

 

1. Bodily harm

 

2. Taking away of items that belong to them

 

You think that saying a child should be disappointed, because they can't go somewhere, is worse than either instilling fear in them through violence or theft?

 
June 6, 2008, 6:41 am CDT

punishment

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

It is punishment, however it's not a punishment that involves:

 

1. Bodily harm

 

2. Taking away of items that belong to them

 

You think that saying a child should be disappointed, because they can't go somewhere, is worse than either instilling fear in them through violence or theft?

I'm not saying any punishment is better or worse than the other. I think it depends on the child. It could also depend on the place you are going to. For example, lets say the place is Disneyland. My children would probably prefer to have something taken away for a week rather than miss out on a day at Disneyland. 

 

When I take away privileges from my kids I am not instilling fear in them. I am teaching them that there are rules and when they break those rules there are consequences. For example, the first time I let my son ride his bike to school instead of taking the bus, which he had begged for weeks to do but I was hesitant because of a busy street he must pass over, I told him he must call me the minute he gets to school failure to do so would result in his losing his bike riding privileges to school. Guess what? He didn't call. So he had to take the bus the next two days. He knew the rules, he chose not to follow them and he was punished. The next time he rode his bike, he called me when he got to school. 

 

You just need to know your child and what works for them.

 
June 6, 2008, 8:35 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: txgirl39

I'm not saying any punishment is better or worse than the other. I think it depends on the child. It could also depend on the place you are going to. For example, lets say the place is Disneyland. My children would probably prefer to have something taken away for a week rather than miss out on a day at Disneyland. 

 

When I take away privileges from my kids I am not instilling fear in them. I am teaching them that there are rules and when they break those rules there are consequences. For example, the first time I let my son ride his bike to school instead of taking the bus, which he had begged for weeks to do but I was hesitant because of a busy street he must pass over, I told him he must call me the minute he gets to school failure to do so would result in his losing his bike riding privileges to school. Guess what? He didn't call. So he had to take the bus the next two days. He knew the rules, he chose not to follow them and he was punished. The next time he rode his bike, he called me when he got to school. 

 

You just need to know your child and what works for them.

Well you seem more reasonable than most parents on this board. You base rules on issues of safety in regards to your kids. It would seem other parents just take things away from their kids, when they've reached their end of the rope. Not for any other reason.
 
June 9, 2008, 8:21 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: hexum7

MY god- Don't you get how much a monster that staement makes of you?? Y There is only one way to make sure that someone never does anything again- kill them.

I'm sure that that is not what you intended to convey-

But that is where that attitude leads. You are saying that you will do anything t it takes to force a child to behave as you see fit. It is truely frightening that such a sentiment is considered acceptable by many in today's society.

First of all, it is obvious that you have completely misunderstood what I wrote and interpreted it in a way that would benefit your point of view.  Nowhere in there did I suggest that I would kill my child for slapping me.  What a stupid thing to even suggest!

 

Second, from your statements I'm assuming that you believe it was ok for Noah to have slapped him mother like that.  It's no wonder we have a generation of children with no respect for their parents or any other form of authority.  The belief that children can do whatever they want with no consequences has led up to a society of children whose parents have given up because if they discipline they'll be reported for child abuse which is absolutely crazy.  Noah is a perfect example of a child who needs discipline because he thinks that he runs the house and he doesn't. 

 

As far as my children are concerned, they learn through consequences which generally is the loss of something they value.  That varies depending on the situation obviously.  No where did I suggest that one should beat a child into submission.  That is not acceptable or respectful but children need to know that it is unacceptable for them as well.

 
First | Prev | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | Next | Last