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Topic : 05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:38:19 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It’s the last day in The Dr. Phil House for four families struggling to tone down the chaos, fighting and unhappiness. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to what your kids say about you? Well, the moms get that chance. They watch and listen behind a two-way mirror as their kids have a conversation with one of their peers. Don’t miss Wendy’s reaction when her son, Noah, opens up about his sister’s death. When Dr. Phil puts the kids to the task of cleaning up a filthy room, will the challenge be too much for them … or their parents? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with the mothers and the fathers separately for some no-nonsense parenting advice. If you’re a parent, you won’t want to miss this valuable lesson in parenting! Then, Dr. Phil helps the parents make the first step in creating a phenomenal family. Plus, how are these families doing now? Don’t miss the surprising update! And, are you looking for something fun for your kids this summer? Deborah Gibson has gone from teen pop sensation to an inspiring musical mentor. See how she makes deserving children’s dreams come true at her Camp Electric Youth! Join the discussion.

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May 27, 2008, 5:08 pm CDT

you give me hope

Quote From: derevna33

  Yesterday was Memorial Day.  I confess, I always think of Charlie on Memorial Day. 

   My second pregnancy brought my daughter, Lauren into the world.  I had troubles near the end, and she had something called fetal growth retardation.  It means that I carried Lauren for 39 weeks, but she stopped developing at week 31.  She weighed 5 pounds and one precious ounce.  That ounce meant she could be delivered at the normal hospital.  Any less, she would have been delivered at a neonatal unit.

    I hold the hospital's record for not asking whether the child was a boy or a girl.  Parents usually inquire this before the baby is completely delivered.  I lay back with a comfortable C-section listening to that pleasant little voice, mewing away.  Finally, they cleaned the baby up.  The doctor said, "I don't believe it.  I have never had a patient not ask if it was a boy or a girl.  Do you want to know?" 

   I looked at my husband, he looked at me and he said, "I guess so."

   We wished Lauren her first "Happy Birthday."  I remember plainly the moment when I dared love her.  Two weeks later, I brought her home from the hospital to her nursery.  As I walked down the hall toward it,

 the weight of the world fell off my shoulders.  I had my baby, and I got to go home and be her momma!

   I had a miscarriage the following year.  I bled excessively, and I had a D&C.  The worst thing about cervical cancer is that pregnancy speeds up the cancer.  And, then  it masks the problem.  Instead of having distinct symptoms, I was told I had "false labor."  I was only imagining the problem, and I would be sent home.

    Two years after Lauren, I had my son James.  He is the exact image of his brother, Charlie.  Six months later, I had a hysterectomy.  The cancer kicked in big time. 

     

           

   

I really am sorry for all that you've been through. but you do give me hope I am thirty years old and have had the most confusing, aggrivating, frustrating life I could ever imagine. I have a twelve year old daughter who I had in my wild days(she straigtened me out) but I always wanted at least (I used to joke about always having an even amount so if I had seven I had to have 8) but instead I have had a miscarriage and an eptopic pregnacy. Those both devastated me tremendously. It's only been 7 months since the eptopic and it still hurts like it was yesterday. my husband doesn't like to talk about it because it makes him hurt. But I don't  know what to do with all of this pain. I feel terrible that I want to get pregnant now because I feel like I'm trying to replace the one that suffered inside me for 6 weeks. I apologize for being so self involved but I really haven't come across anyone who could even imagine what I am going through even though I commend you for being so strong through such a horrific ordeal.
 
May 27, 2008, 5:18 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: athenazg

To answer your question about what is wrong with children these days....it's their parents.  Some parents think they can just send their kids to school and everything should be handled there.   They need to work during the day, but they want to still go out at night.  They don't want to help with homework, expect their children to be slaves to the house while they sit on the couch and watch TV.  Parenting is hard work. You have to put yourself last most of the time (of course, not all of the time).  You need to listen to their concerns and problems when you have your own, you need to be interested when they tell you about the video came they love, you need to be firm when they have a paper due and they haven't started it yet (and by firm I mean sit down at the table with them and say "Okay, so what's your paper about? " and help them get organized).   You need to behave with integrity, apologize when you make a mistake,  and teach them by example.

 

I'm not saying parents cannot spend time doing the things they want for themselves.  But if you're a parent and you're going out three nights a week, or your child goes to their room after dinner and you don't see them again until right before bed (if at all), or they have a video game system and you don't know what the ratings mean,   or you haven't met all of their teachers,  or you don't know what their homework assignments are every week,  you might want to re-evaluate your parenting skills.

 

So if you're seeing an out of control child, a rude child, a selfish child....not everytime, but most times you'll see an out of control parent, a rude parent, a selfish parent.

 

 

Wow you hit the nail on the head, well said!  My sisters a mom to three kids.  Her way of dealing with any of their problems is by NOT dealing with their problems.  Naturally doing this over time just makes things worse.  I don't have kids and it's frustrating to watch.  I try to be helpful and tell her she needs to listen, and not fly off the handle all the time, but she says she doesn't have the time, patience or strength. 

 

I wish couples would stop having children just because their parents did.  It's NOT mandatory for heavens sakes.  From what my husband and I have seen most couples are miserable after kids arrive (yes I know not all).  Mom's are pissed off because they don't have their pre baby bodies and dads are pissed off because the attentions off them.  Both are pissed off because they're either trapped in their house,  tired from work and lack of sleep,  now they're broke all the time because of diapers, formula and the ever revolving clothing count from their baby growing a size every three months.  They're always tired and irritated.   Along with excitment and joy comes all of this craziness.  If you can't handle both parenting may not be for you.  We don't have children because we'd probably be the same.  However we know this about ourselves and we never felt obligated to make our parents grandparents.  It not our jobs to fulfill someones elses dreams.  If you're a lazy person, don't have kids.  In case nobody has told you IT'S A LOT OF WORK!!!  And it's not a job for slackers.

 

Thanx to all the parents out there who do do a great job.  At least some kids are getting a good leg up into their adulthood.  Well done!

 
May 27, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

its about time

Quote From: chaianne

I don't know where Dr. Phil got his parenting skills from but they certainly weren't from parent's like my brothers and sister and I have. I was screaming at the TV, it ticked me off so much with this 'Your the one on the wrong' here attitude Dr. Phil was giving to these parents. I'd have stood up and told Dr. Phil that he was full of you know what if I had been sitting there and he was pointing the finger at me like that!! But I will never be sitting there because I have my kids under control. And it hasn't been by being 'Mama Nice' to them either or sitting down with them and talking to them. We were raised by a very strict hand by both our parents. You do wrong, you got your butt whipped and whipped to the point where that wrong was never revisited again!! There was no sitting down and talking to us. It was a ass whipping and one that you didn't soon forget!! The friends I grew up with, all were on drugs and doing whatever the hell they wanted to do at all hours of the night and day. They had the sitting down, talking to kind of parents and well, this is how they turned out and to this day, are still using drugs and some have spent time in jail!! And all because they had parents who couldn't bring themselves to whip them or parents who really didn't give a good damn what they were doing. I'm raising my kids the way my parents raised us. Do wrong and you're going to feel it!! NOT HEAR IT!! But feel it. There was no apologizing to us because we got a whipping or because we didn't get what we wanted!! What a crock of BS that is!! Kids of today are all about me, me, me and I'll be damned if I'll have a Dr. Phil or any other person tell me that I'm wrong for correcting my kids this way. Has anyone ever asked the question, 'Why are the kids of today so self-centered and just out and out shear terror to their parents?' Could it be that the parents of today are listening too much to the Dr. Phils of this world and letting their kids get away with murder because, 'Oh my goodness!! I can't spank my child!! I'll be the bad guy if I did that!!' And the sad part of it is, these little brats know that they can get away with murder because their parents are too afraid to hurt the brats feelings or that a Dr. Phil may be lurking around the corner, waiting to slap them on the hand for daring to spank the kid instead of giving into the brat and letting him/her have his way!!!

 

the reason I am surprised is because I didn't think any one remembered those days. my mom was a single parent and had three of us there was no room to let things get out of control it was 3 against 1. and thats when things went crazy when the government and society ( people who have never met us or our children) decided to step over the govermental boundries and tell us what we can and cannot do with our kids, telling them no you don't have to listen to  your parents when they do something that you don't like call the police on them. I tried to try it their way and I lost total control over my child her grades slipped and she was completely disrespectful, and what I did was brought back the old days and got my child back before it was to late. It wasn't easy but as long as I don't hit her hard enough to leave a mark on her, we should be fine. Believe it or not she has learned what will and wont get her a whoopin and she doesn't do those things. I telkl her all the time I have never been to jail before but for my child I am willing to go.
 
May 27, 2008, 5:33 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: lisa_b_in_ne

Dr Phil needs to set Noah up with kids who are really being abused so he can talk to them and understand what real abuse is.  He is not an abused child, yet he flings that word around like it is nothing.  Kids everyday are afraid to go home because of the the abuse they get.  He is a self centered, selfish, manipulative, martyr.  I know his mother has "checked out" (as Dr Phil would say) from parenting this boy, but his behavior makes it very hard to side with him or want to advocate for him.

 

As a person who was really abused physically by their parent, I take offense that this child is using this allegation as a power struggle card and Dr Phil is not doing anything to address that boy directly.

 

I know that boy is angry because his mother is "not there" and his sister died.  This boy and his mother need more than the "Brat House" deal will ever give them.  They need real, long term therapy.  Mom needs to learn how to be a parent, and Noah needs to unlearn all of these manipulation tactics he has learn (that have obviously paid off for him somewhere).

So after giving Noah a guilt trip, what do you think he will do then? It will only reinforce the notion, that the only abuse that is valid is abuse that is seen. People like Noah's parents know how to abuse without leaving marks. These are the children who fall through the cracks in the system, the children who don't get the help they need until it's too late. I'm sorry you have a hard time empathizing with a child who is clearly emotionally abused. Perhaps you need to step back and ask yourself, "Why can't I empathize with someone unless I can see their pain?"
 
May 27, 2008, 5:36 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: athenazg

To answer your question about what is wrong with children these days....it's their parents.  Some parents think they can just send their kids to school and everything should be handled there.   They need to work during the day, but they want to still go out at night.  They don't want to help with homework, expect their children to be slaves to the house while they sit on the couch and watch TV.  Parenting is hard work. You have to put yourself last most of the time (of course, not all of the time).  You need to listen to their concerns and problems when you have your own, you need to be interested when they tell you about the video came they love, you need to be firm when they have a paper due and they haven't started it yet (and by firm I mean sit down at the table with them and say "Okay, so what's your paper about? " and help them get organized).   You need to behave with integrity, apologize when you make a mistake,  and teach them by example.

 

I'm not saying parents cannot spend time doing the things they want for themselves.  But if you're a parent and you're going out three nights a week, or your child goes to their room after dinner and you don't see them again until right before bed (if at all), or they have a video game system and you don't know what the ratings mean,   or you haven't met all of their teachers,  or you don't know what their homework assignments are every week,  you might want to re-evaluate your parenting skills.

 

So if you're seeing an out of control child, a rude child, a selfish child....not everytime, but most times you'll see an out of control parent, a rude parent, a selfish parent.

 

 

Amen. I also agree with you about the ratings of the video games, as a gamer myself. I'm tired of parents crying, "But I didn't know that game was violent!" when the ratings are right on the box.
 
May 27, 2008, 5:39 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: photoflirt

I don't have a clue what is the matter with children these days, I can't ever remember children being so disrespectful, nor even raising their voices.

 

These children and their parents need real parenting.  The thought that that little boy Noah could get away with slapping his mother is just downright not to be believed.

 

Either there is something in the milk as of late, or life isn't what it used to be.

We were taught respect, manners, and how to handle our emotions, guess this generation has failed miserably,  or perhaps they weren't parented properly.

 

Either way, my decision not to have children probably was the best thing I could have ever done!

 

Breathing a huge sigh of relief in Toronto........................

 

It's simple, children have rights now. Parents can't beat them and leave them in the corner and interact with them, only when it suits them like back in the day. These parents don't understand that children are people, not things. They have emotions and personalities, raising a child is not the same as raising a pet.

 

I agree with you, it was the best thing you didn't have children. I can only imagine how you would subliminate any sense of individuality they had, so they would learn to obey you.

 
May 27, 2008, 5:45 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: asmithwife

"It's the adults who are wrong, not you . . ."  to Noah?  You act as if there can only be one person at fault and it must be the mom.  How is Noah NOT wrong to slap his mother?  Kick the other children when the adults leave the room?  LIE???  No matter what anyone else has done, he had no right to emotionally abuse and physically intimidate others, and he SURE was wrong when he antagonized the other children and previously assaulted his principal.  What he right then???

 

  I saw some behavior of his mother that she shouldn't do, but over and over she was trying to implement what Dr. Phil said to improve things.  AT NO TIME did Noah behave in an acceptable way.  But HE was the one who was right?   Are you truly serious?

 

"It seems people only want to listen to kids who behave like kids" -- well, we adults do prefer kids to behave like kids rather than demonically possessed, pathologically lying, intimidating and manipulating.  Call us adults foolish for that.  Silly us wrong adults again.  What COULD we be thinking?

 

"Don't feel you should dumb yourself down, to get what you need from people"  Noah never has exhibited an inclination to dumb himself down.  He uses violence, disrespect, and lies to manipulate  to get what he wants, as proven by a CPS report that showed he was wrong and he admitted to Dr. Phil on episode 2 that he lied.  It doesn't seem to have ever occurred to Noah to use any other technique to control and manipulate to get what he wants.  Thanks for suggesting another method, though.  If he did decide to add "playing dumb" to his repertoire, he might, maybe . . . perhaps . . . just be quiet for once.

Did I say Noah wasn't wrong to slap his mother? I didn't, however I also do belive that based on her behaviour she should've known eventually he would have had enough. Noah kicked the other children when the parents left the room, because those children instigated him. They kept teasing him and getting on him, they learned that everyone is not their sister, that some people will fight back. I think that's a valuble lesson for those little bullies.

 

Demonically posseesed, wow, talk about imatture and over-exaggerated. Stop having a parent-fit cause I actually am holding parents account for how they raise their children. I notice most parents seem to think, throwing a hissy-fit when someone even DARES to question their ability to raise their children, proves something other than they are the ones who are being a child.

 

Noah wasn't born knowing how to lie, and manipulate people. He learned how to from his mother, although I'm sure you fail to see that, seeing as parents are simply immaculate in their parenting. That anyone who suggests otherwise, deserves to hear a knock-down, fall on the floor, kicking their feet in the air temper tantrum from the parent who claims they are so mature.

 

Why don't you sit back and just take a look at your post. It sounds like a angry teenager ranting away on a social bulletin board. You wonder why people don't respect adults, when they behave no better than the bratty children they criticize?

 
May 27, 2008, 6:14 pm CDT

My last word about Noah

The other day I posted my very first (ever) message, and this will be my last.  It's too frustrating to read all these posts from people who want to slap, and hit, and spank kids who have already been damaged enough. 

The final chapter of 'Brat Camp' was a huge disappointment.  I feel like Dr. Phil blew it.  He always says, 'You can't change what you don't acknowledge,' and Wendy never did acknowledge slapping Noah, or any of her other childish, bullying behavior.  Forget the stuff that can't be proven!  What about the nasty stuff we saw on camera?  The woman treated that child horribly, and you can post all kinds of protests about him...yeah, yeah, he's a pain in the rear, but she created the monster behavior, and never admitted it.

Want to know what I would have done if I'd been the mother he slapped?  For me, it would have been a real wake up call, hearing him saying over and over....How does it feel?  How does it feel?

I would have grabbed him, pulled him into my arms, and sobbed and cried, and begged him right then and there to forgive me for ever slapping him.  I would have said......"It felt awful...and it hurt, and now I realize that it hurt you when I did that to you, and I'm so, so sorry, and I promise I will never, ever slap you again.  I love you." 

Maybe THAT would have been the moment that Noah and I would have found each other again.  Maybe the healing would have begun.  Maybe together we could have cried about ALL the years we had lost to pain, both physical and emotional.  Maybe he would have opened up to me, if I had opened up to him...if only I had ADMITTED that I had been abusive...that I had been hurting him, too. 

Maybe it would have been the first tiny little step.  At least I would have tried. 

I saw real changes in all the other parents, but nothing from Wendy...only more "me, me, me.'" She's still so deep in her own grief, there's no place in her heart for that little boy (as unpleasant as he may be,) and that is the tragedy.  I feel as though Brat Camp was a failure for Noah.  Dr. Phil threw him under the bus with Wendy still at the wheel, and he's been run over so many times already.

Dr. Phil's last words about each child were quotes from their parents.  When he said, 'Wendy says "yada yada yada," I said to myself, but what did Noah say?  Guess we'll never know.

Did Wendy get grief counseling?  Did someone take Noah out of her house until she got herself into a happy, healthier place?  Did anyone EVER hear that child begging for some relief from her passive aggressive behavior?  And where in the world was his father?  Didn't he care enough to be there? 

I wish Dr. Phil had REAL hidden cameras in their house so that Noah would have documentation for what really happens to him.

I hope we never hear their names reported in some tragedy on CNN.

I'll be praying for Wendy.......but even harder for Noah.



 
May 27, 2008, 6:15 pm CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: taylorpero

I don't understand it, Noah said his mother beats him all the time, why hasn 't Dr. Phil reported her to CPS? She is very demeaning to him, and she always finds fault with him. Kids are like blank slates, they repeat what is said and done to them in the home. Wendy, if you're reading this, try to be more positive with your son.
Noah cried wolf to CPS already that Wendy supposedly hit him. They did a complete investigation and found his allegations to be unfounded. Wendy has papers from CPS that shows she has been cleared of the acusations. If you know anything about CPS, you would know that they will take a child from a parent at the least little sign or indication of abuse. The boy is a liar. There is no need for Dr. Phil to report her.
 
May 27, 2008, 6:24 pm CDT

Angry....

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

Did I say Noah wasn't wrong to slap his mother? I didn't, however I also do belive that based on her behaviour she should've known eventually he would have had enough. Noah kicked the other children when the parents left the room, because those children instigated him. They kept teasing him and getting on him, they learned that everyone is not their sister, that some people will fight back. I think that's a valuble lesson for those little bullies.

 

Demonically posseesed, wow, talk about imatture and over-exaggerated. Stop having a parent-fit cause I actually am holding parents account for how they raise their children. I notice most parents seem to think, throwing a hissy-fit when someone even DARES to question their ability to raise their children, proves something other than they are the ones who are being a child.

 

Noah wasn't born knowing how to lie, and manipulate people. He learned how to from his mother, although I'm sure you fail to see that, seeing as parents are simply immaculate in their parenting. That anyone who suggests otherwise, deserves to hear a knock-down, fall on the floor, kicking their feet in the air temper tantrum from the parent who claims they are so mature.

 

Why don't you sit back and just take a look at your post. It sounds like a angry teenager ranting away on a social bulletin board. You wonder why people don't respect adults, when they behave no better than the bratty children they criticize?

Yoshi, from the tones of your posts, it sounds as if you are the angry one. You can't say that Noah learned to lie from his mother. Children often learn to lie all by their little lonesome. It is part of growing up. They also learn it from other children. And I don't know what show you were watching, but the other children did not instigate Noah to behave badly. He and Ethan saw themselves as birds of a feather and banded together. They created the cgaos and the other cgildren then joined in.

I don't know you personally, and I say this out of kindness....I hope you are in therapy for the abuse you have suffered.
 
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