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Topic : 05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:38:19 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

It’s the last day in The Dr. Phil House for four families struggling to tone down the chaos, fighting and unhappiness. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to what your kids say about you? Well, the moms get that chance. They watch and listen behind a two-way mirror as their kids have a conversation with one of their peers. Don’t miss Wendy’s reaction when her son, Noah, opens up about his sister’s death. When Dr. Phil puts the kids to the task of cleaning up a filthy room, will the challenge be too much for them … or their parents? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with the mothers and the fathers separately for some no-nonsense parenting advice. If you’re a parent, you won’t want to miss this valuable lesson in parenting! Then, Dr. Phil helps the parents make the first step in creating a phenomenal family. Plus, how are these families doing now? Don’t miss the surprising update! And, are you looking for something fun for your kids this summer? Deborah Gibson has gone from teen pop sensation to an inspiring musical mentor. See how she makes deserving children’s dreams come true at her Camp Electric Youth! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

Discuss your views on discipline here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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willie

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Good

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May 27, 2008, 8:54 pm PDT

and the award goes to....Noah

Don't know if anyone mentioned this but you could tell Noah was playing to the cameras. There were numerous times he would look right at the camera. Sometimes he wouldn't really cry he would whine, other times he would have to squeeze his eyes trying to get some water out.

I agree with the person who said that if Wendy really was abusive she would have flipped out when Noah slapped her, she would not have been able to control herself.

I'd like to say Dr. Phil needs to get Noah back on for an episode just with them, but that is exactly what he'd like, to be the star. My burning question is this: where in the world is his dad? Why is all this Wendy's fault with the dad taking absolutely no responsibility for this kid?!

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feistyd

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sad

May 27, 2008, 8:54 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: roaringredhead

OUCH!

Guess I crossed 'the line'. : (

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a23skido

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May 27, 2008, 8:55 pm PDT

Sorry, but.....

Quote From: resgll

I sure wish I could tell this to the ladie whos kids slapped her.

She had a child that passed away from brain cancer. Man that must have been hard to go through.

Sometimes the Lord allows things to happen in our lives we will Never understand.But if we turn and seek HIM for the understanding He is faithful to us.I can not understand her pain,but i hope that one day she can think of it this way.That the child she lost is in heaven with Jesus!!! She gets to play and sing and dance with Him.She as no more pain! I know its hard to understand this or look at it that way,I know it would be hard for me to see it that way if i was in her shoes.But i pray that she will see it that way some day soon so that she can stop hurting and start living again.

also so she stops putting her son through hell.

There are a few things that you should never say to parents who have lost a child ( I know because I have lost one):

I know how you feel.

They are in a better place.

They are dancing and playing and singing with Jesus.

Arrrgggggghhhhhhh

Although you may mean well, these statements do not make us feel better. Sometimes it is better to just say nothing and let us cry or be angry.

When a parent looses a child their world ( as they knew it) ends, horribly.

So please understand that some of us can't go to a happy place being told our children are dancing with Jesus. All we feel is the pain of them being ripped away.

Not trying to be a bitch, just being honest. And I am sure you meant well.

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roaringredhead

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May 27, 2008, 8:56 pm PDT

Wendy is not a sacrificial lamb.

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

So after giving Noah a guilt trip, what do you think he will do then? It will only reinforce the notion, that the only abuse that is valid is abuse that is seen. People like Noah's parents know how to abuse without leaving marks. These are the children who fall through the cracks in the system, the children who don't get the help they need until it's too late. I'm sorry you have a hard time empathizing with a child who is clearly emotionally abused. Perhaps you need to step back and ask yourself, "Why can't I empathize with someone unless I can see their pain?"

Noah got his CPS investigation. Whether it was a waist of tax payer money is totally on his conscious. Wendy was cleared. That's good enough for me. Wendy isn't going to be your sacrificial lamb here.

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roaringredhead

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May 27, 2008, 8:58 pm PDT

Actually...

Quote From: a23skido

CPS isn't always correct.

Emotional abuse is much harder to prove because it doesn't leave a visible mark.

And with budget cuts and hugh caseloads , it's almost impossible for social workers to spend the necessary time to do a proper, through investigation on many cases.

So...

Just because someone holds up a CPS paper indicating " unfounded" does not necessarily mean they didn't do the deed.

Actions speak louder then words......

Unfortunately its the kids that pay.

No, it's actually the tax payers that pay for false reports. : - )

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redpowerlady

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hopeful

May 27, 2008, 9:01 pm PDT

Positive Reinforcement

I really think that for these children it would be substantially important to engage in positive reinforcement as an alternative to punishment. The punishment is obviously not working.
Although I will admit it is necessary in some more severe cases. Punishment should be reserved for when a child puts themself or someone else in danger. If you use punishment sparingly it has a much greater affect. Punishment means negative consequence.

To use positive reinforcement you ignore bad behaviors, annoying behaviors, the kinds that these children use on a daily basis. And instead you focus on everything they do positive. Most children love the attention they get whether it is from a bad behavior or a good behavior. So that is why it benefits parents to focus on good behaviors. Because the attention children get from bad behavior is still a reward, even if it is negative attention. So ignore the bad behaviors. And every time you see your child do something good, even the smallest thing, praise them. You will start to sound like a broken record. And you can always find something positive to focus on.
Even if it is the smallest thing. Like brushing their hair that day. This has been proven to be effective. Especially for children where things like time outs and taking away their objects etc. doesn't work. In fact I was surprised not to see this on the show. You will notice results.

And another thing that works very well is to get on your child's level when talking with them.
Don't point at them or hover over them. None of those type of behaviors. Look them in the face and be on their level when talking to them. And use calm voices of course.

And my heart goes out to the mother who lost her child.
I have lost an infant and understand some of her pain.
Lots of love to her.

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starhandholder

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May 27, 2008, 9:07 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: roaringredhead

My Mom headed me off when my cousin did it. Mom said, "You do that, and I swear I will kil you!" LOL

I said, "Ow yeah, how will you explain why I'm not at school. What will you do with the body."

She said, "Don't you worry. Just know that I'll kill you!" LOL!

You have to know my Mom to get the joke.

Oh I get your mom's joke:) My mom told me that if I did it I would have to go to foster homes where the people for sure would beat me. I never made that threat again.

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starhandholder

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May 27, 2008, 9:10 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: willie

I agree with the person who said that if Wendy really was abusive she would have flipped out when Noah slapped her, she would not have been able to control herself.

Dr. Phil needs to work with Noah 1:1 without any cameras because Noah is a natural born actor. What a brat.

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cndrlla

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May 27, 2008, 9:11 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: roaringredhead

When Dr. Phil said, "You own that." I thought, yeah..they do own their kids. They can't give them away, so they might as well come to reality of, "You own that." LOL

But, seriously, after some thought, we do own our children's behavior. Certainly, I'm the first to say as humans we pick up things around us. In Self Matters it states that we learn vicariously through others and/or from direct consequences. Our children certainly do not live in a tunnel. They pick up good and bad behavior from t.v., music, magazines, friends... But, as parents we have the ability to modify what our children retain and how they act. Sometimes, my daughter will come home from preschool and play aggressive, or spit, or show a new unwanted habit (e.g. picking at her nose), one time she even said a cuss word. It's my job to teach her what is appropriate and to modify unwanted or bad behavior. I think that's why Dr. Phil said, "You know you own that."

Children are born selfish little savages....it's up to the parents to civilize them from the time they are little. You cannot allow them to go out of control until they are 10 years old or teenagers and then suddenly lay down rules and expect a spoiled brat to then automatically fall into line! They do not come with instruction manuals and each one is different from the others in the same family so you cannot parent each one the same way.

I have never in my life seen such clueless, inept parents as I've seen in the past 10 years!....but, what do you expect when these parents were spoiled, self-indulgent brats themselves, and grew up thinking the world revolved around them. I guess they think kids just raise themselves.

If you think differently, just watch Super Nanny and Wife Swap.......or just go to any public place and watch the parents trying to deal with these kids. The parents are either screaming at them, smacking them, ignoring them completely, or standing there staring at these tantrum-throwing brats with puzzled, shocked looks on their faces, as if they can't believe their kids' behavior....duh....how did they get that way?

What ever happened to intelligent, thoughtful, creative parenting?

(And, yes, by the way, I DO have children, grown now and all successful...and I raised them by myself.)

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starhandholder

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May 27, 2008, 9:11 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: redpowerlady

I really think that for these children it would be substantially important to engage in positive reinforcement as an alternative to punishment. The punishment is obviously not working.
Although I will admit it is necessary in some more severe cases. Punishment should be reserved for when a child puts themself or someone else in danger. If you use punishment sparingly it has a much greater affect. Punishment means negative consequence.

To use positive reinforcement you ignore bad behaviors, annoying behaviors, the kinds that these children use on a daily basis. And instead you focus on everything they do positive. Most children love the attention they get whether it is from a bad behavior or a good behavior. So that is why it benefits parents to focus on good behaviors. Because the attention children get from bad behavior is still a reward, even if it is negative attention. So ignore the bad behaviors. And every time you see your child do something good, even the smallest thing, praise them. You will start to sound like a broken record. And you can always find something positive to focus on.
Even if it is the smallest thing. Like brushing their hair that day. This has been proven to be effective. Especially for children where things like time outs and taking away their objects etc. doesn't work. In fact I was surprised not to see this on the show. You will notice results.

And another thing that works very well is to get on your child's level when talking with them.
Don't point at them or hover over them. None of those type of behaviors. Look them in the face and be on their level when talking to them. And use calm voices of course.

And my heart goes out to the mother who lost her child.
I have lost an infant and understand some of her pain.
Lots of love to her.

So sorry for your loss. I agree with the positive reinforcement. What do you do with such a severe case like Noah?

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