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Topic : 05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:38:19 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

It’s the last day in The Dr. Phil House for four families struggling to tone down the chaos, fighting and unhappiness. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to what your kids say about you? Well, the moms get that chance. They watch and listen behind a two-way mirror as their kids have a conversation with one of their peers. Don’t miss Wendy’s reaction when her son, Noah, opens up about his sister’s death. When Dr. Phil puts the kids to the task of cleaning up a filthy room, will the challenge be too much for them … or their parents? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with the mothers and the fathers separately for some no-nonsense parenting advice. If you’re a parent, you won’t want to miss this valuable lesson in parenting! Then, Dr. Phil helps the parents make the first step in creating a phenomenal family. Plus, how are these families doing now? Don’t miss the surprising update! And, are you looking for something fun for your kids this summer? Deborah Gibson has gone from teen pop sensation to an inspiring musical mentor. See how she makes deserving children’s dreams come true at her Camp Electric Youth! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

Discuss your views on discipline here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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cndrlla

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May 27, 2008, 9:56 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: gibs7kev

i am surprised that Noah's mom allowed him to hit her in the face like that and not knock him silly! that is the point of no return! all reason at that point should go right out the window!!! when you have digressed to the point of hitting your mother you have grossed the boundaries to the physical! not only should your mother get physical with you but the whole society should/support her!!!

it is hypocritical for us as a society to lead our children to think that this life doesn't have physical consequences. we as a nation are in other parts of the world actually killing people because they are not living as we think they should. the police tells you to do something like lay on the ground in your nice cloths and you don't you will be dealt with physically.

a butt whipping didn't hurt Lincoln and it won't hurt the kids of today! lets stop being hypocrites and further harm our kids by sparing the rod.

Hmmmmm.........I'm curious...were you there when Lincoln was being raised? I mean, because you sound so positive that he got his butt whipped I thought maybe you have firsthand knowledge.

I'm more inclined to think that his parents raised this wonderful man with thoughtful intelligence rather than reactionary "butt whippings".

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hexum7

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May 27, 2008, 10:00 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: a23skido

CPS isn't always correct.

Emotional abuse is much harder to prove because it doesn't leave a visible mark.

And with budget cuts and hugh caseloads , it's almost impossible for social workers to spend the necessary time to do a proper, through investigation on many cases.

So...

Just because someone holds up a CPS paper indicating " unfounded" does not necessarily mean they didn't do the deed.

Actions speak louder then words......

Unfortunately its the kids that pay.

did you not pay attention to this show??? One of the incidents That Noah reported was abuse was a hard elbow nudge- which came after he had nudged her mother several times. even if the nudge was severe enough to "really hurt" as he said, that hardly consitutes seirous physical abuse

Noah has no concept- or just doesn't care- of what children who are serially abused have to endure. i can assure you that it is a whole lot more voilent and hurtful than a hard shove in the side. A parent who is an abuseer wh ould not have stopped with the nudge. Nor would an abusive parent have passively accepted a slap form their kid.

AsNoah e was out of touch with reality in those cases , what makes you think that he is telling the truth about the other instances?

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hexum7

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May 27, 2008, 10:11 pm PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: a23skido

There are a few things that you should never say to parents who have lost a child ( I know because I have lost one):

I know how you feel.

They are in a better place.

They are dancing and playing and singing with Jesus.

Arrrgggggghhhhhhh

Although you may mean well, these statements do not make us feel better. Sometimes it is better to just say nothing and let us cry or be angry.

When a parent looses a child their world ( as they knew it) ends, horribly.

So please understand that some of us can't go to a happy place being told our children are dancing with Jesus. All we feel is the pain of them being ripped away.

Not trying to be a bitch, just being honest. And I am sure you meant well.

Amen sister...

When a child dies it is near impossible for parents to beleive that a benevolent gods even exists,

Those wo tell you that you should nto grieve are only pulling a double guilt trip on you; You're wrong for felling bad and you're wrong for not believing (that you shouldn't feel bad).

That's not "Chritain kindness'. that's passive aggression.

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picalina

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May 27, 2008, 10:16 pm PDT

BRAT CAMP PART #3

Quote From: ladiehawke

I can give you an example of how parents lose control. I was in Target. There was a mother chasing her three to four year old down the aisle telling him that if he didn't stop he was going to be put into the cart. He darted around the corner and she followed. I saw them ten minutes later. I don't know if she ever put him in the cart, but if she did, he didn't stay there. He was out and toddling along again. As I passed her I said to her..."You really punished him."

Parents don't carry through with discipline. If a parent tells them that they are going to sit, then they need to sit. If the Mom says ..behave or we will leave the store and go home, then if the child does misbehave, they have to leave and go home. They can't go swimming like they were going to after shopping. Follow through. Mean what you say. Plain and simple. And don't feel guilty because you disciplined your child. You are the parent/adult. They are children.

You are so right about saying what you mean, and doing what you say!

Like Dr. Phil said, discipline has to be unified, and consistent. The problem I saw with all these parents is that they had never read a book from years ago, called BIG YOU, LITTLE YOU....

It talks about the parent and child in all of us. When these parents got into conflict with their children it was an issue of their child in them fighting with their own child. Somehow the adult got suppressed.

If these parents would keep that image before them when they go to correct the child, I do believe that they would have more harmony in the household.

The child would then recognize that he is no longer fighting with the child, but the adult, and most likely change his or hers tactics.

I was please with the way the show turned out this evening, I think Dr. Phil finally got through.

I hope that when they get home they will remember all that they learned on the show.

Good luck parents.

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picalina

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May 27, 2008, 10:30 pm PDT

BRAT CAMP PART #3

Quote From: hexum7

your parents taught you to be obediant, not to how be good or moral.

Your parents taught you to fear them and thier wrath.

Your parents taught you that they own you- that you are theri property , to do as they want with, not an individual.

Your parents taught you that they can do anything they want to you because they are bigger and stronger.

Your parents taught you that your feelings and your pain were unimportant to them.

Your parents taught you that those who are bigger have the right to violenty abuse those who are weaker in order to force them to behave as they prefer..

In short, your parents taught you that abuse is acceptable and admirable behavior

And now you are teaching your own children the same lessons.

they were awful people

You are so right about what the parents taught her.

I too came from a very strict Italian family, where Father was king, and you were his property.

Many a day I would go to school with welts from a belting that he would give me almost on a daily bases. To this day at sixty eight years old I still have emotional scares from the abuse.

It just so happened when I was growing up there were no laws against child abuse. Parents were allowed to hit their kids.

As an adult I have trouble with authority figures in the work place. I freeze up with fear when I think I am going to be in trouble for something. I may be called in the office for something very good, but I die a thousand deaths on the way there. This is what my Father's legacy to me was.

I never remember him telling me something positive about myself or what I had done. Whatever I was proud of and wanted to show him. he dismissed it as a waste of time.

My Mother was no help she was as fearful of him as we were. So she was always very passive.

All that I have become today, has been gleaned from self help books, that I have read for years.

My self image is healthy, and I have peace in my life.

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roaringredhead

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May 27, 2008, 10:31 pm PDT

Message Board is my adult time

Quote From: cndrlla

Yeah...being a parent IS a full time job, for sure! But, take a little time out for yourself when the little darlings are in bed......both of these shows are on in the evening and watching them may make you feel pretty good about how your OWN kids behave!! heh heh

The message boards are my adult time. It's evening now. Actually, Dr. Phil is on in the morning and then again in the afternoon where I live. Lucky me. If it's a good show, I admit I watch it twice...like today.

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roaringredhead

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May 27, 2008, 10:40 pm PDT

To Dr. Phil Dream Team

Just a note on the video set up today. I did like how the key points were written out for the viewers to see. Usually I'm multi-tasking while watching the show. It was nice to have another visual to look at.

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shelly_80

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May 27, 2008, 11:00 pm PDT

Super Woman

Quote From: derevna33

Yesterday was Memorial Day. I confess, I always think of Charlie on Memorial Day.

My second pregnancy brought my daughter, Lauren into the world. I had troubles near the end, and she had something called fetal growth retardation. It means that I carried Lauren for 39 weeks, but she stopped developing at week 31. She weighed 5 pounds and one precious ounce. That ounce meant she could be delivered at the normal hospital. Any less, she would have been delivered at a neonatal unit.

I hold the hospital's record for not asking whether the child was a boy or a girl. Parents usually inquire this before the baby is completely delivered. I lay back with a comfortable C-section listening to that pleasant little voice, mewing away. Finally, they cleaned the baby up. The doctor said, "I don't believe it. I have never had a patient not ask if it was a boy or a girl. Do you want to know?"

I looked at my husband, he looked at me and he said, "I guess so."

We wished Lauren her first "Happy Birthday." I remember plainly the moment when I dared love her. Two weeks later, I brought her home from the hospital to her nursery. As I walked down the hall toward it,

the weight of the world fell off my shoulders. I had my baby, and I got to go home and be her momma!

I had a miscarriage the following year. I bled excessively, and I had a D&C. The worst thing about cervical cancer is that pregnancy speeds up the cancer. And, then it masks the problem. Instead of having distinct symptoms, I was told I had "false labor." I was only imagining the problem, and I would be sent home.

Two years after Lauren, I had my son James. He is the exact image of his brother, Charlie. Six months later, I had a hysterectomy. The cancer kicked in big time.

Wow! You are definitely one in a million to withstand all you have. I've always wondered why God allowed babies to die before they ever get to take their first breath. Something else I wonder is why women such as yourself, who would make torriffic mothers, have such difficulty having children? And the women who we always see on tv throwing their babies in the dumpster are the ones who keep having more. It frustrates me to no end. I can't tell you how it blesses me to know God afforded you two more precious miracles. They are super lucky to have you for a momma! I hope and pray that you will kick this cancer.

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fluffyfat

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May 28, 2008, 4:25 am PDT

Respect

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

Everyone is deserving of respect, even children. If Noah's mother wants respect, she should give it. That means not yelling "SHUT UP!". It means not looking at him like a monster when he speaks. That's what a bratty child does. Noah learned to be a brat from his bratty mother. If she doesn't have to be accountable for her behaviour, why should he?

My definition of respect is the dictionary definition: "A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements." It's rare that a child has achieved anything yet to earn respect. The mother deserves respect from her child simply because she is the parent. She has carried the child, given birth to him and worked hard to feed and shelter him.

I think we are in agreement that children should be treated properly. The parent has a duty to feed, shelter, clothe and educate the child. The child should be treated with kindness, given health care as needed and corrected without physical harm. I think Wendy has done all that and more.

Wendy does need help in the area of discipline. I don't think Noah needs anymore "respect," his behavior doesn't deserve it. He needs to be taught boundaries and self-control. I hope Dr. Phil managed to get it through to Noah that striking other people and screaming in their face simply won't be tolerated. That's for Noah to learn, not Wendy. My boss has the right to give me orders but I don't have the right to order him around -- that's the chain of authority and Noah needs to learn that. Don't forget that he punched the principal, too. Are you going to say it's the principal's fault?

Somehow Noah has been given the idea that because his mother isn't perfect, he doesn't need to respect her authority in the home. That's just wrong. Most parents have moments when they are at wit's end and raise their voice, possibly even grab an arm roughly or glare at the child. Please. If Noah reeally thinks his mother is "abusive and evil" he needs a wake up call in a juvenile detention home.

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getrealtime

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May 28, 2008, 4:57 am PDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: bookgal

Do I see a pattern here with these moms? They are all very obese women. I hope they address this problem, because (speaking from vast experience!) when one is morbidly obese, one tends to let nearly everyone walk all over them, kids included.

are you kidding??? lol.................................lol..................................

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