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Topic : 05/29 The Sex Talk

Number of Replies: 101
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:50:23 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil delves into a topic so terrifying, so uncomfortable and daunting that some parents absolutely refuse to do it … It’s the sex talk! With the help of Dr. John Chirban and his book, What’s Love Got to Do with It: Talking with Your Kids about Sex, Dr. Phil takes on some petrified parents who are long overdue for this discussion. Jackie is a mother of two daughters, 11 and 13. She’s so terrified to have the talk, she’s never even brought up the topic! Just the thought of the S word sends Jackie into a tailspin. Dr. Chirban coaches Jackie through what she calls the most difficult conversation in her life. How do Jackie’s daughters think she did? Then, Pam is a mother who thought she had everything right when it came to talking to her 14-year-old daughter, Ashley, about sex. So why does she now think her daughter might be pregnant? Pam and Ashley visited the doctor and are ready to hear the results of the pregnancy test. Plus, meet a mother and father who are terrified that their 10-year-old son will be scarred for life from what he recently saw on the Internet. Then, Dr. Chirban sits down with a group of kids to find out what they know about sex, while the parents secretly watch. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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June 2, 2008, 11:51 am CDT

Doctor

Quote From: gabrilouna

It's a good feeling to know that we are not alone and i thank you very much for taking time to ensure me. I know i do everything possible to raise my kids in a healthy way but... I think that this ''neverending parental worriing''  does comes with us delivering those precious children into this wonderful world. I'm a very calm person and i don't usually panic about little things. Well, i'm not doing so now, (:p) but i just thought that she does masturbate a lot. I mean very often, like it can goes to 5 or 6 times a day (that is just what i witnessed). She knows that it is a private thing. The point is 1: she hurt herself sometimes. When there's a rainy day and at home, she can do it all day long (with some breaks lol) and when comes bathtime, her private parts (how she likes to say) are so red and little rashed, that she cries. I tell her that it's ok doing what makes you feel good but don't hurt yourself. Now, when i see her too often in the same day doing so, i tell her: be careful baby, don't hurt yourself, you have the rignt to do it for the last time today. Then first thing i know, an hour later, she's hiding somewhere doing it again.. 2: with all she knows about biology, and the way i explain to her seems to be very natural (for her) that she is comfortable to talk about those things with her friends (whose parents are not also open-minded) and i don't want her to lose her friends for something like that. I do know in my heart that i'm doing the rignt thing but i don't want her to pay the price because i swim against - courrant. Anyway, i know i'm questionning myself a lot for something i should not but..... I guess i love my kids too much and it's making me going crazy sometimes!  HA! HA! HA!  I read myself and i think, how pathetic i am. LOL LOL LOL!  The good thing is THAT, I GET IT!  :D  Thank you so much again madame and thank you for reading me... I appreciate a lot and wish you the best in your life as well....

Have you discussed your concerns about your daughter's masterbation with her doctor? I'm not an expert but I would probably be a little worried if my child was masterbating to the extent that she hurts herself. I'm sure a doctor could tell you if her behavior is "normal" or not.

 

 

 

 

 
June 4, 2008, 7:36 am CDT

:)

Quote From: PennyLane78

THANK YOU! LOL That is awesome! I have wondered THAT myself for a long time!

 

Hi Penny,

 

Haven't seen you around in a while.  Sorry for the lateness of my reply, I don't get on here everyday like I used to.  Been a busy little bee lately!

 
June 4, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

Oh yes, I agree!

Quote From: txgirl39

I believe in teaching both also. My 13 year old has gotten the HPV shot. I wouldn't dream of not giving it to her. I don't want my teenager to consume alcohol neither, but if they had a vaccine against alcoholism I get her that shot too.

 

We all want to protect our children, but the fact is they probably will make some dumb mistakes. Haven't we all? Why make them pay for it the rest of their lives if we can prevent it?

 

I agree with telling kids about STDs and unwanted pregnancies, but we also need to inform kids of the emotional implications as well.  

Even though I didn't mention it I just assumed that the emotional aspect of sex would be included in "The sex talk" but thanks for pointing that out. It is a very vital part of the conversation. If it was left out it would kind of be like trying to teach your teen to drive on a bicycle. Wouldn't work would it? I'm impressed that you had your daughter get the shot so early. Parents should never assume that just because of age thier children will or will not do something. Even if that's not what the concern is it's still better to get it done early and out of the way. This vaccine is incredibly important. And yes, I certainly made some dumb mistakes in my youth, as I expect most young people will. Everyone needs to make mistakes, that is how you learn. But if some things can be avoided, especially nowadays when there is so much more out there for prevention and so many things now that can kill or stay with you for life then every parent should do their best to make sure their children don't have to pay for these mistakes the rest of their lives. It would indeed be a shame.
 
June 4, 2008, 4:05 pm CDT

I'm happy for you..............

Quote From: txgirl39

Thank you so much for your response.

 

Yes I did get my self-esteem back. Lucky for me I met my husband when I was 19. He by the way was a virgin. He was raised in a very loving Christian home. I started to attend church services with him and that is when my life changed. I'm not going to go into great detail because I know that turns some people off but lets just say the love of Christ has filled the void I felt in my life.

 

I totally agree about the father figure. I had a father but I never felt loved by him, now looking back I know he did and does, but that wasn't what I felt at the time. I I tell my husband that it is so important for him to have a very close relationship to our daughter. Show her how much you love her, spend time with just her. They are so close and it makes me realize how much I wish I had had that same relationship with my own father. It would of made such a difference in my life! 

It's nice to hear that you found a nice man, religion, and happiness in life. I too am a Christian, granted I don't attend Church like I should but I keep His values foremost in my mind when making decisions and pretty much every other aspect in my life. One thing a lot of people don't realize? That Christians can be a lot of fun and even have a wicked sense of humor. A Christian can also have plenty of fun between the sheets, we certainly don't have to be prudes or anything. I figure that as long as you're married you can take advantage of the perks because I feel that God wouldn't have made it so good if he didn't want you to enjoy "it".
 
June 4, 2008, 4:08 pm CDT

"GOOD ONE" LOL!!!!!!!

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

One of my favorite lines from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". comes from the guy on his honeymoon who's learning about sex, says "If God was a city planner, why would He put a sewer next to a playground?". 

Wondered that myself too! That was sooooooo funny! Good post!!!!!!
 
June 4, 2008, 4:19 pm CDT

Keep believing!

Quote From: feistyd

I must confess, I did raise my son with the ideal of waiting until marriage. But, I also talked to him about his responsibilities and possible consequences if he didn't (no scare tactics... just the truth). People said I was crazy... teens will not wait, I was stupid to think he would choose abstinence at all etc etc. When I state that he is currently abstinent they look at me like I am naive, how could I believe that!! Only a fool would believe their teen is not having sex.

 

I choose to believe him. I choose to look at his past behaviour and history of not lying (even when it would have been easier). I choose to believe that he will know when he is ready. I choose to believe that if he thought he was 'man enough' to have sex then he was 'man enough' to be honest. I choose to believe that he knows that there are a multitude of things that are important in a loving relationship... and that sex is just one part. I choose to believe that he knows that a woman has a lot more to offer than her body.

 

I may never know if I chose wrong, but I know he hasn't given me reason not to trust and believe him. I think it would be wrong to say to him... 'I know I said I trusted you and that trust is something that you build with your parents over the years, but when it comes to sex- I choose not to believe you'.

 

If you know your child, if you know in your own heart how honest he is with you then continue to believe him. I feel that if you have a good teen and they have never given you anything to worry about or they come  clean when they do wrong, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt. The only other reason to not believe your teen is if he/her happens to be very shy and feels too embarrassed to talk about it or to admit to it. This I do know from experience, both cases. Been there, done that. I did have 3 teenage step-children so I do have experience with this subject. Luckily they all waited until they were more mature before diving into the deep end of the pool.

 

P.S. I could read them like a book!

 
June 5, 2008, 10:50 am CDT

The shot

Quote From: jewelsf

Even though I didn't mention it I just assumed that the emotional aspect of sex would be included in "The sex talk" but thanks for pointing that out. It is a very vital part of the conversation. If it was left out it would kind of be like trying to teach your teen to drive on a bicycle. Wouldn't work would it? I'm impressed that you had your daughter get the shot so early. Parents should never assume that just because of age thier children will or will not do something. Even if that's not what the concern is it's still better to get it done early and out of the way. This vaccine is incredibly important. And yes, I certainly made some dumb mistakes in my youth, as I expect most young people will. Everyone needs to make mistakes, that is how you learn. But if some things can be avoided, especially nowadays when there is so much more out there for prevention and so many things now that can kill or stay with you for life then every parent should do their best to make sure their children don't have to pay for these mistakes the rest of their lives. It would indeed be a shame.
I would like to take credit for being on the cutting edge, but the truth is in Minnesota kids have to get their boosters before going into seventh grade and the doctor suggested the she get the shot along with the others, so I just agreed!
 
June 5, 2008, 11:06 am CDT

Christians

Quote From: jewelsf

It's nice to hear that you found a nice man, religion, and happiness in life. I too am a Christian, granted I don't attend Church like I should but I keep His values foremost in my mind when making decisions and pretty much every other aspect in my life. One thing a lot of people don't realize? That Christians can be a lot of fun and even have a wicked sense of humor. A Christian can also have plenty of fun between the sheets, we certainly don't have to be prudes or anything. I figure that as long as you're married you can take advantage of the perks because I feel that God wouldn't have made it so good if he didn't want you to enjoy "it".

I wish some people didn't have such a negative view of Christians, but sometimes we aren't represented by the most loving people, and I can understand why they view us as prudish and judgmental. The truth is most of us are just like anyone else.

 

I also agree that you can be a Christian and have an amazing sex life. They have actually done research that showed that Christians tend to be more satisfied with their sex life than non-Christians. Just because we go to church on Sunday doesn't mean the desire in us is dead. We want and need it just like everyone else!!!! 

 
June 8, 2008, 2:28 pm CDT

Wish more info given to teenager

I was very excited to hear that the young girl was not pregnant - that is very good because she definitely is not ready for that.  However, as much as I love Dr. Phil, I was disappointed in Dr Phil and the OB/GYN for not discussing the possibilites of STDs as well.  There have been big stories breaking about the surge in HPV, the leading cause of cervical cancer in women.  Reports show that as many as 25%-50% of sexually active teenagers have this STD and condoms provide little, if any, protection for this particular disease.  This disease is not curable and can have severe consequences for women especially.  We should never promulgate fear, but these teenagers as well as many adults need this information to make wise choices.  I assume that the doctor tested this teenager for STDs but I sure wish she would have shared this information with others.
 
June 14, 2008, 10:33 am CDT

Unseen

Quote From: txgirl39

I wish some people didn't have such a negative view of Christians, but sometimes we aren't represented by the most loving people, and I can understand why they view us as prudish and judgmental. The truth is most of us are just like anyone else.

 

I also agree that you can be a Christian and have an amazing sex life. They have actually done research that showed that Christians tend to be more satisfied with their sex life than non-Christians. Just because we go to church on Sunday doesn't mean the desire in us is dead. We want and need it just like everyone else!!!! 

I think a lot of their beliefs come from what they were taught as a youth. You know the verse, teach a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. People will judge just to judge on many issues without really diving into the subject. You know the verse, a fool will judge a matter before he hears it. Christian are just normal people that believe in Christ. Some really hate the fact that the bible is used to justify spanking or other subjects contrary to public belief. There’s nothing wrong with believers having a good sex life. There’s nothing written to the contrary in fact God is all for it as long as it’s between the husband and wife. Christ said when they hate you, they’re really hating Him. There will always be pros and cons to every issue and this one is certainly no exception. Some may think you’re crazy believing in someone you can’t see. But if they can believe in aches and pains they can’t see, then why think you’re nuts for believing in someone you can’t see? It’s amazing they can believe in the physical but not in the spiritual. Unseen is unseen.

 
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