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Topic : 05/29 The Sex Talk

Number of Replies: 101
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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:50:23 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil delves into a topic so terrifying, so uncomfortable and daunting that some parents absolutely refuse to do it … It’s the sex talk! With the help of Dr. John Chirban and his book, What’s Love Got to Do with It: Talking with Your Kids about Sex, Dr. Phil takes on some petrified parents who are long overdue for this discussion. Jackie is a mother of two daughters, 11 and 13. She’s so terrified to have the talk, she’s never even brought up the topic! Just the thought of the S word sends Jackie into a tailspin. Dr. Chirban coaches Jackie through what she calls the most difficult conversation in her life. How do Jackie’s daughters think she did? Then, Pam is a mother who thought she had everything right when it came to talking to her 14-year-old daughter, Ashley, about sex. So why does she now think her daughter might be pregnant? Pam and Ashley visited the doctor and are ready to hear the results of the pregnancy test. Plus, meet a mother and father who are terrified that their 10-year-old son will be scarred for life from what he recently saw on the Internet. Then, Dr. Chirban sits down with a group of kids to find out what they know about sex, while the parents secretly watch. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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May 30, 2008, 10:47 am CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: getrealtime

The 19 year old boy should be in jail!!!!! that would be holding him accountable, for his actions!!!
ummm...yeah. That really wasn't the gist of the post to which I was responding. Even if a 19 year old boy gets a 14 year old girl pregnant AND goes to jail for statutory rape...the girl is STILL pregnant and will be the one to face all the consequences, choices, and sacrifices that come with being pregnant. The boy going to jail will not  make the pregnancy go away. So if I were having a sex talk with a GIRL, I would want to focus on the consequences...physical, emotional, spiritual...that SHE will have to face regardless of the age or character of the male who impregnated her.
 
May 30, 2008, 10:49 am CDT

Awesome show!

I am so thankful for this show. I watch it and found to be quite informative. I have an almost 15 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. I have had the "talk" with her when she was 13. She asked questions and made it easy for me to talk about such a difficult subject. I did't want to think about her having sex, but the reality is, she will some day. My mother never really said a word about sex, she only said, "DON'T DO IT..."That was it. I figured the rest out for myself. With SEX being forced in a childs face every which way, I am glad that Dr. Phil had the sense to tackle this sensative issue. What to tell and what not to tell. I am dreading the talk with my son. I cannot leave this important talk to my husband. He was told even less than I was.
 
May 30, 2008, 1:33 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: cndrlla

What a lovely world it would be if abstinence worked! Unfortunately, it doesn't, so you have to deal with reality.  You can give a kid 60 million reasons why not having sex is the way to go, but as soon as those hormones start raging, combined with the undeveloped brains of teens, (I'm not being funny here...it's a proven scientific fact) and mixed with misinformation, scare tactics and no information at all....stir in a ridiculous dose of too MUCH information, such as TV, movies, Internet, magazines...etc. with which our kids are being bombarded....and the chances of a teen "just saying no" are pretty slim!

 

Sure, there are teens who manage to stay virgins, or choose "secondary virginity".....and God bless them!! But they are in the minority. Teen pregnancy is on the rise, as are STDs.

Abstinence *does* work for the many who use it.  It is a fair and viable option and should not be dismissed as impossible or unrealistic.  Nobody's saying it *is* realistic for everyone, due to the harmful influences mentioned in my previous post, but what you're saying reminds me of the evolution / creation debate, where the most vocal side sweepingly cancels out the other as if it didn't exist.  Whether it works for the majority or not, parents should make a greater effort to present abstinence as a healthy and preferred option.  And why not?  It's easy to explain, it's cost-effective, and it's the only method that is 100% effective.  Why not make that the first line of defence, instead of blowing it off with, "...the chances of a teen "just saying no" are pretty slim!" Perhaps our culture doesn't like abstinence for children because it doesn't like it for unmarried adults, just as there's nothing wrong in their eyes with a former national leader enjoying adultery in the Oval Office because it lets them off the hook and gives their adultery validation. 

 

The argument about the insignificance of teen virginity, that it's in the minority [therefore unrealistic or perhaps insignificant], makes me wonder where you're at with other minorities, such as African Americans (or my minority, Swedish Americans), the disabled, or the obese. 

 
May 30, 2008, 1:50 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: kdlummus

Thank you so much for telling your story and helping break the stigma attaced to young parents. Some people should realize that not all teen mothers end up on welfare and have a dead beat baby's father. I was also a teen mother twice (first at 15 second at 19). Even though we were young, we still have been able to provide a much healthier household than we ever had as a child.
Thank you for your kind words
 
May 30, 2008, 1:58 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: cndrlla

They didn't HAVE the birth control options teens nowadays have!! This was in 1959! 
Well in that case I dont know what to say.....wasn't it extreamly looked down apon to be doing that in 1959.  My Great Grandmother got pregnant with another young man at the age 0f 16 before she moved to Canada and was completely disowned by her family.  She never saw them again and came to Canada and started a new life.  I know that When my mother was growing up it was highly frowned upon and she was born in 1951.  I'm sorry to hear that.  I know it's still frowned apon but it is also more widely accepted...which may be part of the problem.
 
May 30, 2008, 4:30 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: tinynedl2

Why doesn't any professional recommend, or at least mention, ABSTINENCE?  I've never heard Dr Phil or Dr Masterson mention it.  Dr Phil, if you've *ever* promoted abstinence, that was the one day I didn't watch your show, and I'm sorry.  You have the attention of the world, and could easily influence millions to step back from the brink of having sex in the wrong times, conditions, places and people.  Truly, why don't you occasionally suggest it? And why do you not talk about "secondary virginity"?  Millions of teens would be so relieved if they knew they could say "no" late, rather than never.  Why not do a show of a panel of teenagers who are virgins?  There are millions of them out there, and they are almost voiceless.  You have rewarded young people for various things in the past (academics or hard work comes to mind). Virgin teens deserve to be rewarded and encouraged and held up as a good example.  And, Dr Phil, why not use your healthy ego to boldly say there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 40, when Hollywood jeers and mocks it?  How about a show that tastefully treats the topic of lewd clothing?  Teach parents to forbid their kids from wearing clothes once best suited for prostitution and pornography!  Singles and parents wonder why the rape rate is so high, yet they, and/or their daughters, dress in clothes that would make Marilyn Monroe blush.  Every night of the week parents allow their kids to go to movies and watch TV shows that push sex, and make fun of those who don't.  Talking about sex with kids is very critical and should be done early and often, as today's show made clear.  But please, emphasize the fact that they will never have to worry about STDs, including AIDS, and they'll never have to worry about kid/teen pregnancy, and they probably won't have to worry about future sex problems as adults, if they simply apply the "A" word.  One problem about that: abstinence on a small scale is not cool, and some kids might lose friends over it.  Abstinence on a large scale is not cool either, and the show might lose some viewers.

Dr P's motto(well, one of them anyway) is "GET REAL!"
 
May 30, 2008, 6:59 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

good evening,

 

 i just want to add the importance of "the talk" it amazes me that i watch talk sex with sue Johanson and it kills me the amount of adult sounding people that call into that so and ask some questions that you should know as a young teen!

 

  i think a lot of parents leave it to the school systems to talk to there kids and the schools just are not teaching it!

 as a mother i have every intentions on  talking  to my son when he is ready ( he's only 6 now)

 

it is down right scary to have teens out there without the right education, lets go past the pregnancy issue and realize this could be life or death thees days!!

 
May 30, 2008, 9:03 pm CDT

no kidding!

Quote From: jewelsf

I learned about sex from a friend who already knew about it from her parents. My parents were pretty old  school and were not comfortable having this discussion I guess. When I was 12 I didn't have a clue where babies came from and a friend of mine told me. It was very traumatic for me to believe that my parents did that and I went home crying my eyes out. I sobbingly asked my mother if it was true and she said "No, of course not". I don't have any hang ups about it or anything but once I did learn the truth and as I became older I vowed that my children would learn from an early age about sex, more like mommy and daddy love each other and that's where babies come from, kind of thing. Too long to express my planned dialog but you should get what I mean. It just floors me though about how much children do know nowadays and how early they are getting involved. This gives new meaning to the old expression "Babies having babies".
 and some of them go through romance's disapointments, jealousies and heartbreak when they are way to young to handle it.  childhood ends, or  at least, "begins to end," too quickly for many today, i thik.
 
May 31, 2008, 9:26 am CDT

Tough being a parent

Quote From: sam4165

   Well this show sure hit me at a most critical time.  I didn't know it was going to be on and when the preview came up about the 14 year old my mouth dropped open.  Just last night my daughter told me something was wrong.  Not only did she lose her virginity but did go to family planning for birth control.  Yes my daughter was home when Dr. Phil came on and we were home alone to watch and talk about it.  She is 15 and I talked to her all the time about sex.  And being very involved in church I thought she really understood how important it was to wait for marriage.  Well I was very wrong and blinded.  I went to bed crying thinking I did something wrong as a parent.  I finally went to sleep and woke up thinking that no I didn't do anything wrong.  She did make some responsible choices to protect herself and most of all she finally talked to me.  I always did have a open relationship with her.  No I am not happy this happen and I still can't find my feelings on family planning especially with minor children.  But it hasn't even been 24 hrs since I have been hit with this.  And to top it off she has been seriously depress.  I have a Dr. appt. after the weekend for her and I took a ML from work to work this out and be there for her.  No she is not suicidal but not she says she is not  feeling right.  There is alot of emotions going on, all because of her doing a adult decision with a teenage mind.  I am not mad at her and she knows we can talk, I will always be here for her and will always love her no matter what.   I told her everyone falls down.  But you get back up and you keep going.  One big advise for everyone.  Don't ever think your child won't do it no matter how much you talk and prepare, it can happen.

I'm also a mother of a 13 year old girl and an 11 year old boy, and the thought of either one of them engaging in sex before they are emotionally ready scares the tar out of me.

 

I am very open with my kids and I answer any questions they ask, I rather the information come from me than off the streets. I always want them to feel comfortable coming to me. We are very involved with the church and we do discuss the importance of waiting for marriage. However, I can't control other influences in their life. It is so hard because you want your children to have the information to keep them safe but at the same time you don't want to feel like you are giving them permission to do something that can destroy them emotionally.

 

Whoever said it was easy being a parent? The truth is we can raise our kids the best to our ability and they still may decide to make a bad choice. I do think it is important to teach abstinence. I know a lot of people think that is being unrealistic but not all teenagers are engaging in sex. I have known several who have waited until marriage. I just pray mine will make the same decision, but if they don't I will still be here to love and support them.   

 
May 31, 2008, 9:46 am CDT

abstiinence

Quote From: cndrlla

What a lovely world it would be if abstinence worked! Unfortunately, it doesn't, so you have to deal with reality.  You can give a kid 60 million reasons why not having sex is the way to go, but as soon as those hormones start raging, combined with the undeveloped brains of teens, (I'm not being funny here...it's a proven scientific fact) and mixed with misinformation, scare tactics and no information at all....stir in a ridiculous dose of too MUCH information, such as TV, movies, Internet, magazines...etc. with which our kids are being bombarded....and the chances of a teen "just saying no" are pretty slim!

 

Sure, there are teens who manage to stay virgins, or choose "secondary virginity".....and God bless them!! But they are in the minority. Teen pregnancy is on the rise, as are STDs.

Can't I just live in that happy world? LOL

 

I agree with what you are saying, but abstinence should be part of the sex education. We can't assume just because they aren't going to listen and do what they want anyway we can't try!!! Maybe just maybe, we will have that one kid that does value our opinion.

 

I just wanted to add I was a very promiscuous teen. Not something I'm proud of. Although through the grace of God I never got pregnant or contacted an STD, the emotional damage haunted me for years. I was sexually abused as a child and my self-esteem was very bad, but every time I let  guy use me it went from bad to worse.

 

   

 
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