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Topic : 05/29 The Sex Talk

Number of Replies: 101
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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:50:23 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil delves into a topic so terrifying, so uncomfortable and daunting that some parents absolutely refuse to do it … It’s the sex talk! With the help of Dr. John Chirban and his book, What’s Love Got to Do with It: Talking with Your Kids about Sex, Dr. Phil takes on some petrified parents who are long overdue for this discussion. Jackie is a mother of two daughters, 11 and 13. She’s so terrified to have the talk, she’s never even brought up the topic! Just the thought of the S word sends Jackie into a tailspin. Dr. Chirban coaches Jackie through what she calls the most difficult conversation in her life. How do Jackie’s daughters think she did? Then, Pam is a mother who thought she had everything right when it came to talking to her 14-year-old daughter, Ashley, about sex. So why does she now think her daughter might be pregnant? Pam and Ashley visited the doctor and are ready to hear the results of the pregnancy test. Plus, meet a mother and father who are terrified that their 10-year-old son will be scarred for life from what he recently saw on the Internet. Then, Dr. Chirban sits down with a group of kids to find out what they know about sex, while the parents secretly watch. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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May 29, 2008, 10:18 am CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

I wish my Mom would have told me ANYTHING about sex when I was a kid.   She said nothing.  Ever.  One of our babysitters told me how babies were made and where they came from.  I was mortified and terrified of ever having sex.
 
May 29, 2008, 11:00 am CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Well, my mother never told me ANYthing about sex when I was growning up.....and guess what I was called just two months after my 16th birthday...... "MOMMY"!

 

When you deny your children information because YOU are embarrassed...or because YOU have your head in the sand, you leave them vulnerable to all the misinformation that their peers are filling their head with, and you leave your daughters at the mercy of the first predatory male that comes along telling them what they should do with all these raging hormonal feelings they are having.....and guess what that is!

 

You are also leaving your sons vulnerable to acting on those hormones rather than using the information YOU should be giving them so they can learn some self-control and some respect for themselves AND the girls with whom they come into contact. There's a great article called "Birds, Bees & Teens" on www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com that I hope you will go to and will have your kids read, as well. Maybe it can be of some help in opening up a dialog.

 

 

 
May 29, 2008, 12:31 pm CDT

Teen Sex

I'm still a teenager, albeit an older one, but I remember my parents talking about sex with me. Only for me I had made my mind up years before when I was ready to have sex. My experience was similar to Ashley's, but not quite as extreme. Kids believe they are invincible and no matter what happens they don't learn easily. I think parents need to be bringing the sex talk around before middle school. It's shocking that this should have to happen, but I'd rather be safe than watch my child try and make decisions they are not ready for. I just remember being 15 and thinking that nothing could ever happen to me and nothing my parent's could say would change my mind or opinion.

 
May 29, 2008, 12:36 pm CDT

Talking is Okay but what about rules or restrictions

Okay well I am fine with talking to my teenager about sex and always have kept an on-going discussion about sex with him and he knows all the good things and all the dangers but what about now that he is 15 and we still do talk and I find out that he is starting to experiment with his girlfriend? I know that when we talk openly with him and we do often he says they are not having sex yet and don't plan to for a long time but how can I trust him that things won't accidently go "to far" one time or how much "free" time should I give them? I'm confused because this is my first teenager and I don't know if what I am doing is okay or I should be doing things differently?
 
May 29, 2008, 1:01 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

You can have the perfect sex talk with your daughter but that doesn't mean anything is going to stick. As a 17 year old I first had sex when I was 15 with my first boyfriend, my mother/grandmother/father all gave me the talk, when I asked "Mommy where do babies come from" at the age of five I was told it was, never hidden from me. I knew the risks, what is safe and what wasn't safe I knew that unprotected sex was NOT safe but ... I did it anyway. I am a smart girl and now at the age of 17 I am expecting a child in August, a beautiful baby girl who shall be named Tristian.

In the end its left up to the daughter/son you can give them all the information on the world, you could pile a package of condoms infront of her and tell her to go nuts, you could put her on the pill, give her the pill or giveher the shot but in the end its up to her or him. It stuck with me, but I was honestly lazy when attempting to get my birth control which was my own fault and not my mothers. 

But getting pregnant hasn't put me back, I'm graduating high school, going to college and leaving my hometown to head to the big city with my boyfriend(the babys father) and hopefully make a career.

If ashley was pregnant, she could have done it, she could have raised the child now adays there is SO much for teenage parents Governement wise and programs to help the parents through pregnancys and the birth of their child even also there is adoption, or even the extreme cases abortion, its not the end of the world. A baby is an unexpected surprise.

As for the kid looking of naked people, I think that the parents were overracting JUST a little... if they yell at him and tell him it was wrong and don't properly explain to him about either sex or 'naked people' he might grow up the way the parents fear he will because he wasn't allowed to explore his curiosity so to say. When he turned 16 hes going to have some playboys hidden under his bed, I found all of my guy friends porn hidden under their beds, it was funny - its normal for a boy to be curious about sex, don't yell at them because of it.

 

( My baby Girl )

 
May 29, 2008, 1:01 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: jenny92

Okay well I am fine with talking to my teenager about sex and always have kept an on-going discussion about sex with him and he knows all the good things and all the dangers but what about now that he is 15 and we still do talk and I find out that he is starting to experiment with his girlfriend? I know that when we talk openly with him and we do often he says they are not having sex yet and don't plan to for a long time but how can I trust him that things won't accidently go "to far" one time or how much "free" time should I give them? I'm confused because this is my first teenager and I don't know if what I am doing is okay or I should be doing things differently?

You are the parent!! you control where he goes and how long he can stay there, or if you want him there at all!!! My daughter is 14 and she can't go anywhere just because her friends are going!!

and she can't go to a boys house at all, unless it is a b-day party and I know the parents or I have checked them out. she can have her friends over and can go to school activitys, movies, , we as parents have control in what are children are allowed to do,

and if you are uncomfortable in how close your child is becoming with his girl -friend you can set your standards to his time spent with his girlfriend.

 
May 29, 2008, 1:10 pm CDT

Parent's attitude towards sex

I think parents need to take a more calm approach towards kids concerning sex. The parents of the boy who saw pornography online completely overreacted and their kid would probably have been fine if his parents hadn't panicked. I'm 22 and wasn't a kid very long ago. Kids both boys and girls get curious about sex and will look it up on the internet or their friend will bring a Playboy magazine from their dad's stash to the tree house. I bet if you ask adults if they had seen pornographic pictures when they were young many would probably say yes. So parents, if you discover that your kid has gotten into some porn somehow even if they seem 'too young' calmly talk to them about it, kids get into these things some time or another. Freaking out will only scare your child and make them not want to talk to you about sex, and if they won't talk to you about sex, someone else will!
 
May 29, 2008, 1:20 pm CDT

Parents cant wait!

I love my mother to death but she waited to have the with me and my 2 younger sisters until we had been a a relationship for a while.  Problem with that is my youngest sis never had a seriuos boyfriend. So therefore my mom never had the talk with her.  Back in March my 16 yeaold sister made me a proud aunt.

You cant wait til yo "think" your child is ready.  Because the fact is thatyour child probably knows more about it than you.  You also want to get to the before they hear crzy things like " you cant get preg when you are on your period"  Or " you cant get preg 2 weeks before your period" and so on and so on.  I have  boys ages 5 and 1.  After just 1 year in Kindergarden you would not believe some of the things my boys hav come home and told me. 

 
May 29, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

Sex Talk...It's Too Late

Waiting until intermediate or middle school to talk to kids about sex is too late. It is a tragedy in today's world, but it is a reality. I work in  a middle school. One of our boy's girlfriend had a baby while he was in 7th grade. That means he impregnated her while in 6th gr. One of our 14 yr olds girlfriend had a baby this year. This kids are so sexualized at this age, that they know things we adults sometimes do not.
 
May 29, 2008, 2:06 pm CDT

05/29 The Sex Talk

Quote From: ksflwrpetals

Waiting until intermediate or middle school to talk to kids about sex is too late. It is a tragedy in today's world, but it is a reality. I work in  a middle school. One of our boy's girlfriend had a baby while he was in 7th grade. That means he impregnated her while in 6th gr. One of our 14 yr olds girlfriend had a baby this year. This kids are so sexualized at this age, that they know things we adults sometimes do not.
That why parents need to be more open with their children, from all of my teenage friends I've talked to - those who were told where babies came from when they asked at say age five and were told "Honey its when sexual intercourse happens" are less likely to get pregnant or STD's because now the age of sex is obviously getting lower and lower. Its sad to think about it but it happens. So when your five year old asks you questions the Stork isn't really the answer anymore.
 
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