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Topic : 07/29 Prenup Problems

Number of Replies: 48
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:39:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

You’re ready to tie the knot, but how far should you go to protect your money and assets? First up, Dr. Phil looks at prenuptial disagreements making Hollywood headlines. Then, Shelby says she lost everything in a financially devastating divorce, and she wants her new man to sign a prenup. Why is he refusing? Is she being realistic or really paranoid? Next, Helen walked out on the man of her dreams when he slapped her with a prenup ... one month before the wedding! Was she right not to sign on the dotted line? Then, a millionaire with an unusual ultimatum. Talk about the show here.



 

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July 30, 2005, 12:04 am CDT

Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater

Quote From: auntymeow

  Lady you should run as fast as you can if he won't sign that prenup.   I lost everything to my ex husband who came into my life and marriage without anything, did not put anything in the house but I ended up having to give him over $100,000.00 and almost lost my house that I bought in 1973 and did not get married to him until 1981.  He paid no rent nor did he buy anything for the house.   The judge who sign my divorce papers told me one good advise, "Don't get married to a man who has less than what you have, only marry someone who has equal or more than what you have."   You will be making the biggest mistake to marry a man who has no job, and once you are married there is no guarantee you won't divorce and lose everything.  Think of your children before you do it again.  I have been divorced for over 15 years and just go out with men but I will not get married until I find someone who had equal or more than I have.  Good luck...

Hi!

 

I don't fully agree with the judge that told you not to marry anyone who has sthe same or more than you. Some people have great potential: my own father came from nothing and only had a degree to his name. He did not have a job, but he did have a huge study loan. My mother came from a well-to-do family; they even had a live-in maid. My parents got married against the wishes of my mother's parents... in 1968. They still are married. Just before he retired, my father earned over 10'000 USD a month! He is a great husband to my mother, a great father to my sister and me, and a super grandfather to my nephew, my niece and my daughter.

 

And get this: HE asked for a prenup. Because he wanted to prove he is trustworthy...

 

It makes me sad that people sometimes just look at their assets or the assets of their partners, but I'm VERY happy such a thing as prenuptual agreements exist. I say: take a good, honest look at yourself, at your partner, and at your relationship. Work out a worst-case scenario and base your prenup on that. Work out the prenup together. Sign it and be happy.

 
July 30, 2005, 12:09 am CDT

Stick to your guns Shelby

Please, Please,Please, stick to your guns!!!  Take Dr.Phils advice seriously Shelby. It just seems aweful strange that he will not sign. You have been together for 6 years, and he has not made his move yet but if you marry him without him signing that prenup, then he will make his move thereafter. You will be sorry in the end. Do not let your children suffer over the loss of their financial future. I divorced my first, and although neither one of us had any money, we just had what we brought into the relationship( personal effects) he ended up taking things that were mine before I ever knew him and I will never get those things back. It should go both ways, talk to him and tell him that you would be willing to sign a prenup as well for whatever he has then he will not worry about what you cannot take of his before ya'll got together. I think it should work both ways! But Shelby, girlfriend you need to take a second look at just what you are getting into. He was very adamate about not signing that prenup! He hit you girl!!!!!!!!!! you should have seen then what kind of person he is. Even if he "does not drink like that anymore" he was still very stubborn as to not sign your papers. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! GOOD LUCK

SINCERELY, CRFLEMING

 
July 30, 2005, 12:14 am CDT

Careful!

Quote From: annbibler

My fiance and his family are very well off. We are getting married in May and a prenup has been brought up several times. You see he was married once before and see took him for almost three quarters of a million. So in the beginning of our relationship, his family was a little leary of me, mostly because I am 25 years younger than him. I do see their concern. So I was the one that brought up the prenup, my fiance doesn't want one, but I think that it would put a lot of minds to rest. I am by NO means after his money, only his heart. I have even concidered having his mother help me draw one up since I have no idea what one should include. So I guess i don't see the big deal about signing a prenptual agreement.    

I am not a lawyer, but here's my advice:

 

So happy you want to do the smart thing and get a prenup. But CAREFUL!!!!! Do NOT ask your future mother-in-law to help you draw one up, as she is biased. Remember: everything in that piece of paper is binding and almost impossible to overturn. Get yourself a lawyer and draw up a reasonable agreement. If you are confident you want nothing from him, ask that he provide for any children you might get and ask to keep anything he gives you during the marriage. I would personally add a small monthly amount for myself. Or maybe a milder clause: Should you by any chance be unable to go and provide for yourself (accident leading to a disability, child with a handicap needing extensive care...), then he should provide for you.

 

Most of all: be happy...

 
July 30, 2005, 12:16 am CDT

Prenup disaster!

Helen,

You go girl!!!! So very proud of you. You made the right decision. If you ever become involved in another relationship that is getting serious towards marriage I would advize you to have the other party sign a prenup as well. You have assets and you also need to protect yourself. SO be very upfront and honest right from the beginning, and if the other party not willing to sign then keep on making those wise decsions of yours to get out of the relationship! One day your prince will come. CRFLEMING

 
July 30, 2005, 12:21 am CDT

Smart girl!!!

Quote From: lekilib

I am engaged and getting married in 4 months. I am on the other side of the fence. I have a lot of family money and he hasn't got as much. He makes more money though in his work. My father insisted on a prenup and I am glad he did. We are looking at it though as good for both of us. The prenup protects his income, and it also protects my family's money. Pre-nups are good. We are setting things up to include decisions about how the children's time will be split, how finiances will be divided, and many other issues about the business of married life. Yes we are using my lawyers and it is supposed to favor me, but instead of serving my fiance papers I am choosing to draw up and equal agreement while we are both in love and happy with each other. It is easier to make these decisions fairly while you are in love than make them when you are angry and vengeful. Hope all you brides the best. Do this together and it wont feel like a prenup, it will feel like an agreement between your soon to be spouse and you. I will insist my children do it as well. And infact, I am using this lawyer thing to my advantage and having our livig wills, wills, and etc... drawn up as well! Good luck to all!

Good on you!

 

Just do not forget that your family's money might be lost in a couple of years. My aunt married a man whose family was obscenely rich. 5 years into their marriage, the family-owned business went bancrupt and my uncle lost not only his money, but his job too. He was over 40 years old and has not found a job since. His knowledge is too specific and he is considered too old... Because of the prenup, if my aunt divorces him, she stands to lose everything she has built up over the years. Be sure to provide for yourself if the family money runs out, either by working or by adapting the terms of your prenup.

 
July 30, 2005, 12:32 am CDT

So young...

Quote From: brittany

i am 16 and i have been single for 5months i was with this guy for almost 6 months he was like my best friend i new him for 2 years i want him back he wants to date me agian to but i dont know what i should do could any of yall help me i love him he is 18 and his name is matt do yall think i should date him

Girl, it just depends on the reason of the breakup. Was he unfaithful? Did he beat you? Did he take money from you?

Consider: Did he finish high school? Is he going to college? If not, does he have a job? Love is beautiful, but if this guy is not trustworthy (cheating, stealing, lying...) or if he is not willing to work at a good future (either by studying or by working), BE VERY CAREFUL.

 

I wasted a good future on a bad guy. I could have had a university degree and the nicer salary that comes with it. I was stupid and in love... for 6 years. I found out he was ceating because he gave me an STD... (Fortunately, I got treated and now I am healty). We broke up. When he asked me to take him back, I told him no. I still loved him but I chose for a better future, even if it meant crying myself to sleep for months.

 

Guess what? I met someone else and he is wonderful. We live in a nice house with a beautiful garden, I have the most beautiful baby daughter in the world, we have no worries about money and I am SO happy I dumped the creep.

 
July 30, 2005, 12:45 am CDT

Prenups are good

In general, I think prenups are good. Okay, marriage is supposed to be forever, etc. etc. Unfortunately, a lot can happen. Marriage might be forever for YOU but it might not be for your partner.

Also: if YOU are the one with the money, how do you know your sweetheart marries you for you, not your assets. If you are the 'poor' one, how can you show your partner you're not a gold-digger?

 

You might also want to consider this: In a couple of years, the roles might be totally reversed. The 'poor' one might win the lottery or inherit millions from a long-lost aunt, the 'rich' one might go bancrupt through no fault of his/her own...

 

It is best to get at least the money issues out of the way. That way, you can concentrate on eachother and forget about those bank accounts. After all, that's what the marriage is about: the two people in it.

 

Just don't exaggerate. Prenups can be terribly one-sided, so NEVER sign anything that is. A prenup should be fair to BOTH parties and should not be over-controlling. It is not a rule-book for the day-to-day routine of life. I heard about prenups that state the minimum amount of times a couple should have sex, who should gas up the car, etc. That is ridiculous.

 

I think the overall thing is: reason and fairness. Draw up something that is fair and that you both can agree to. Sign it and then try your very, very best becoming a happy couple.

 
July 30, 2005, 8:16 pm CDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

Quote From: bcoceans

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

I feel sad for you that you fell for this, the guy couldn't even meet you half way? and you still married him. I pray that your marriage lasts and is a happy one. for me personally, I would have never married this guy even if I was already engaged to him. I believe in marriage 100% and I think you need to do everything in your power to keep your marriage strong and loving and pray that he does the same thing. I actually have mixed feelings about this subject but believe that if a couple agrees to it that it needs to be fair and worked on together which in your case this did not happen and I can understand your concern as well But it is possible to make a marriage last a life time and yes, it is 2005 but your marriage does not have to end in a divorce and that is what I would be concentrating on, not the fear of the "What Ifs", certainly a waste of time.
 
July 31, 2005, 5:06 am CDT

prenups whatever

I think that if you are really in love with the person and you know in your heart that you will always be with that person then no I would not sign a prenup.If you have doubts about the person you love then yes I would sign a prenup. It all depends on if you really know the person. With me I am truely in love with my husband and I know that he would never hurt me and when we got married I knew that it would be forever and we just celebrated four years. So like I said if you truely are IN love with the person then NO.
 
July 31, 2005, 4:09 pm CDT

bcobeans

Quote From: bcoceans

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

Hi there i read your post.i was wondering why you are just taking care of the issue of prenups now a week before your wedding.Did he just come into this money?this prenp is very one sided.who in their right mind is going to sign away the rights to have half of what is brought in the marriage in the first place.i am so sorry you felt the need to sign this so close to your marriage.I think i would know if he truly loved me for me and not the money issue.money is the root of happiness thats for sure.And to live with all those if's well it can drive you crazy if you keep thinking it.So in other words if you divorce he gets everything?What about if you have kids is there anything at least for them ?if not you should have just cut your losses and move on then if he is not going to take care of you .Answer this what happens if god forbids he dies who then gets his estate?hope to god you say you if you are still married to him.I do truly hope you can be happy marriage is a two way street that both have to work at.i wish you all the best.cathyalien head
 
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