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Topic : 07/29 Prenup Problems

Number of Replies: 48
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:39:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

You’re ready to tie the knot, but how far should you go to protect your money and assets? First up, Dr. Phil looks at prenuptial disagreements making Hollywood headlines. Then, Shelby says she lost everything in a financially devastating divorce, and she wants her new man to sign a prenup. Why is he refusing? Is she being realistic or really paranoid? Next, Helen walked out on the man of her dreams when he slapped her with a prenup ... one month before the wedding! Was she right not to sign on the dotted line? Then, a millionaire with an unusual ultimatum. Talk about the show here.



 

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February 21, 2006, 6:34 pm CST

Divorce isn't the only way a marriage ends

I see it's been months since anyone posted on this topic, but it's just screened today here in New Zealand.  Dr Phil, and everyone else on this board, has overlooked one VITAL point and that is that marriage doesn't only end with a divorce - you know what they say "till death do us part".  Someone who has been married before and has children, needs to consider what would happen if they were to die prematurely.  Also, it's not unheard of for both partners to be killed in a car accident and then you've got other family members inheriting or fighting over what is rightfully the children's.  Withough a prenup it's difficult to say what is yours to leave by way of a will, so a prenup is essential. 

  

Here in NZ just living with someone for two years without a prenup is enough for them to take half of everything without even being married.  That's because we have a law that treats defacto relationships the same as marriage. 

 
May 23, 2006, 12:34 pm CDT

dear friend

Quote From: bcoceans

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

My husband did the same to me and it is funny how similar our situation is...but....I LOVED HIM, I GAVE HIM MY HEART, I SIGNED THOSE PAPERS , and I'M ALSO GETTING DIVORCE , i just can't forgive him, and I can't have children with him, I'm very sad, but if He doesn't change that prenup, HE IS KEEPING HIS MONEY AND ELSE, "BUT ALONE"... 

  

                                                                                               good luck to you...i idn't work for me. 

 
May 23, 2006, 12:46 pm CDT

dear friend

Quote From: bcoceans

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

you are not alone there.. I did the same...but I can't get over it, I don't trust or see my husband the same way anymore...I wanted to hace kids and be a trusty family, we are getting divorce (i can't make dreams in a marriage like this, I'm sad, but also know this is not the kind of love I want.
 
May 23, 2006, 12:57 pm CDT

I didn't see it comming

 Hi  

      I'm 26 and this is my first marriage, i was happy and had lots of dreams and love to give to my husband, but 4 days prior to our wedding he asked me to signed this prenup, and i did it for love.....but don't do it!, if it doesn't feel ok, it is not for you. 

 

 I just can't forgive him or get over the subject, i wanted kids and a trusty  & beautiful family, and ofcourse i didn't have the kind of money he does (i was just starting my first job when i met him, and then i had to move to North Carolina leaving everything for him) He was not fear, and I didn't deserve this...i was inlove...and now he is going to keep his stuff and enjoy it by himself. 

 

 

                                                                                  

 

 
June 11, 2006, 8:38 pm CDT

Please help me

Im 24 years old. I was with my fiancee for 2 years. I have  afull time job, always paid for everything never asked him for a $. We found out I was pregnant in Feb. We were both excited and thats when he proposed to me. We decided to get married really quick with justice of the peace. I was excited even if im really religious and wanted to do it in church, I just wanted a family so bad and a husband. I wanted to take care of my man and my child. Thats who I 'm living for. Well he brought up a pre-nup. I went insane. I thought this man loved me so much and trusted. I never asked for anything in my entire life. Always worked my thing and did everything on my own. So we didn't talk for 2 weeks so then I decided to sign it because I didn't wan't to lose my family even if he never called me to see how I was doing pregnant and all, it was sad. So he faxed my lawyer the prenup, and my lawyer said I would never make you sign something like this. It said whatever he had before is his and whatever we make after we are married we both split but i don't get any alimony. I feel like im not worth anything and that hes not dying to get marrie to me. What should I do I'm 7 months pregnat feeling lonely living with my mom no father, an d I'm scared because I don't want to be a sigle mother when my baby come out on Sept 1st, because i never pictured my life like this, all I wanted was a family. What should I do?
 
December 5, 2006, 8:08 pm CST

Make prenuptial agreements illegal

I believe that prenuptial agreements should make a marriage null and void. If a couple cannot abide by the terms of the marriage contract they should not get married at all. Couples should always abide by their wedding oaths ie. "to death do us part" or not get married. I have nothing but contempt towards celebs who marry without thinking. In every state of Australia there is a four week "cooling off" period before getting married, perhaps the same should be in the USA (are you listening Las Vegas). I am not saying that divorce should not be allowed. Many couples split as a result from circumstances beyond their control but a prenuptial agreement tells me that the couple is not serious about the commitment. Brian who appeared on the show who was pressured by the audience to sign the prenuptial agreement with Shelby should not give up and stick to his guns. If a wealthier person marries a poorer person that is the risk they take. If money is the main reason for divorce I don't believe a prenuptial will solve it. If couples cannot share their wealth then it must be impossible to share their love especially in the close relationship of marriage. I find it ironic that hetrosexuals can marry easily but homosexuals cannot. I wonder if they would have a better track record?

PS. Yes I am married and have been married for nearly twenty-two years. Neither I nor my wife have previously been married and we did not marry until we were both certain. We had effectively been cohabiting as married (known as defacto in Australia) for a number of years beforehand.

 
July 17, 2007, 8:02 pm CDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

Quote From: dianita

My husband did the same to me and it is funny how similar our situation is...but....I LOVED HIM, I GAVE HIM MY HEART, I SIGNED THOSE PAPERS , and I'M ALSO GETTING DIVORCE , i just can't forgive him, and I can't have children with him, I'm very sad, but if He doesn't change that prenup, HE IS KEEPING HIS MONEY AND ELSE, "BUT ALONE"... 

  

                                                                                               good luck to you...i idn't work for me. 

I am so happy to finally find something on the web that describes my situtaion. I got married last year this time and had a very similar experience.  I am now struggling with the decision whether or not to have kids and whether or not to stay with him. I am 42 years old and always wanted kids.  He doesn't seem (or want) to understand how this prenup is a roadmap to our daily living and what this is doing to me and us.

 

My question to you is......what can't you forgive him for?  the prenup in general?  how did it effect your daily life? i would love to hear more details because nobody i know has ever had this happen and i feel like i am swimming in the dark.  I finally decided that i was going to continue to work full time even if we had kids because if we got divorced then I would be left with only the money i came in with and if I stopped working then I wouldn't have increased my assets - only he would.  whatever he had coming in and has in the future is all his.  this baffles me that he and his family (therein lies some of the problem of course) do not see this or want to see this.  it infuriates me and takes all the love out.  he wants a traditional family with the wife staying at home or at least part-time yet I continue to explain that I cannot afford to do that in the case that we divorce.  I feel a little crazy about this and wonder at times if i am asking too much.

 

Your insights and more detail would be helpful. Thanks.

 

 

 
July 17, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

Quote From: dianita

you are not alone there.. I did the same...but I can't get over it, I don't trust or see my husband the same way anymore...I wanted to hace kids and be a trusty family, we are getting divorce (i can't make dreams in a marriage like this, I'm sad, but also know this is not the kind of love I want.

I have tried to explaing this exact thing to my husband.

 

 I am so happy to finally find something on the web that describes my situtaion. I got married last year this time and had a very similar experience.  I am now struggling with the decision whether or not to have kids and whether or not to stay with him. I am 42 years old and always wanted kids.  He doesn't seem (or want) to understand how this prenup is a roadmap to our daily living and what this is doing to me and us.

 

My question to you is......what exactly can't you get over?  the prenup in general?  how did it effect your daily life? i would love to hear more details because nobody i know has ever had this happen and i feel like i am swimming in the dark.  I finally decided that i was going to continue to work full time even if we had kids (and he was angry because he wants me to be a Mom)because if we got divorced then I would be left with only the money i came in with (and I am jsut beginning to make money again so I have littlel coming into the marriage) and if I stopped working then I wouldn't have increased my assets - only he would.  whatever he had coming in and has in the future is all his.  this baffles me that he and his family (therein lies some of the problem of course) do not see this or want to see this.  it infuriates me and takes all the love out.  he wants a traditional family with the wife staying at home or at least part-time yet I continue to explain that I cannot afford to do that in the case that we divorce.  I feel a little crazy about this and wonder at times if i am asking too much since he is the one who brought the money in. 

 

 
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