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Topic : 07/29 Prenup Problems

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Created on : Sunday, July 24, 2005, 03:39:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

You’re ready to tie the knot, but how far should you go to protect your money and assets? First up, Dr. Phil looks at prenuptial disagreements making Hollywood headlines. Then, Shelby says she lost everything in a financially devastating divorce, and she wants her new man to sign a prenup. Why is he refusing? Is she being realistic or really paranoid? Next, Helen walked out on the man of her dreams when he slapped her with a prenup ... one month before the wedding! Was she right not to sign on the dotted line? Then, a millionaire with an unusual ultimatum. Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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brittany
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July 29, 2005, 4:26 pm PDT

quote

Quote From: annbibler

My fiance and his family are very well off. We are getting married in May and a prenup has been brought up several times. You see he was married once before and see took him for almost three quarters of a million. So in the beginning of our relationship, his family was a little leary of me, mostly because I am 25 years younger than him. I do see their concern. So I was the one that brought up the prenup, my fiance doesn't want one, but I think that it would put a lot of minds to rest. I am by NO means after his money, only his heart. I have even concidered having his mother help me draw one up since I have no idea what one should include. So I guess i don't see the big deal about signing a prenptual agreement.    

hi i know how u feel this guy ask me to marry him he said that when i graduate we could wait for a year or as long as i want to we was together for 6 months iwanted to marry him i really did but we arent together anymore so it dosent look like we will be ethier
 
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happypurr

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July 29, 2005, 5:08 pm PDT

RE: SIGNING PRENPS

 

 

In my opinion, signing prenups is an indication of a lack of trust between the parties involved.  It is also an indication that money and things are foremost on their minds instead of the relationship itself.  My feeling is if you can't trust your partner without a prenup, then you have no business marrying that person.  Maybe I'm old-fashioned but when I got married in 1966, there was no such thing as prenups and we've done just fine.  I think prenups put a damper on things.
 
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shawbehan

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July 29, 2005, 5:24 pm PDT

Please don't be so judgmental...

Quote From: swtldy

Shelby......this man is a user.....he hit you? and you didn't throw him out?

He says he doesn't drink like that any more...he is still drinking?

He is addicted to Vicodin...2 years use ..yes addicted!

He's on disability? Ohhh what a gravy train ride he has in you.

 

There are others out there that are more worthy of you....get him out on his own and see how he does before marrying this guy.

I have been on disability for 8 years now for very good reasons, and at one time I was dependent on Oxycontin before I had a total hip replacement and the pain became more manageable.

 

You don't know Shelby's fiance and I just don't think it's fair to assume he's some drug addict who is faking his disability and riding the gravy train.  He DID say he had back surgery recently and was on recovery leave awaiting retraining.  He also talked about his disappointment with the situation.  Shelby doesn't strike me as anyone's fool, either.  She is plainly a woman with her eyes wide open, having been through one traumatic divorce already.  She is not about to get taken advantage of again.  Also, she told Dr. Phil what a great father her fiance is and he was adamant about how much he loves "our children."  Any man who adopts another man's kids is alright in my books.

 

The area on which you and I definitely see eye-to-eye is the physical abuse.  If it resulted from drinking, this guy needs to attend regular AA meetings and get anger management counselling or Shelby should absolutely reconsider staying with him. 

 

I hope that Dr. Phil follows up with this couple and I look forward to seeing how things play out.

Best wishes to them,

 

Sincerely,

 

SB

 

 
 
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adanivea
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July 29, 2005, 6:07 pm PDT

What's love got to do with it?

Quote From: happypurr

 

 

In my opinion, signing prenups is an indication of a lack of trust between the parties involved.  It is also an indication that money and things are foremost on their minds instead of the relationship itself.  My feeling is if you can't trust your partner without a prenup, then you have no business marrying that person.  Maybe I'm old-fashioned but when I got married in 1966, there was no such thing as prenups and we've done just fine.  I think prenups put a damper on things.

You are clearly still in the 60s. Prenups have nothing to do with trust. Divorce and having to start all over is clearly more dampering than your perspective. It's 2005, if you don't think about taking care of yourself as well as your children.. than maybe you should stay in the 60s.
 
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auntymeow
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July 29, 2005, 6:25 pm PDT

Prenup Don't get married without one...

  Lady you should run as fast as you can if he won't sign that prenup.   I lost everything to my ex husband who came into my life and marriage without anything, did not put anything in the house but I ended up having to give him over $100,000.00 and almost lost my house that I bought in 1973 and did not get married to him until 1981.  He paid no rent nor did he buy anything for the house.   The judge who sign my divorce papers told me one good advise, "Don't get married to a man who has less than what you have, only marry someone who has equal or more than what you have."   You will be making the biggest mistake to marry a man who has no job, and once you are married there is no guarantee you won't divorce and lose everything.  Think of your children before you do it again.  I have been divorced for over 15 years and just go out with men but I will not get married until I find someone who had equal or more than I have.  Good luck...
 
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101160
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July 29, 2005, 6:29 pm PDT

DIANNALYNN

Quote From: dianalynn

I was marriage and he had $120. to his name. I owned everything and had money in the bank. I have 3 young kids. He was awarded 1/2 of all my belongings including the money I saved from the time  he moved out to the time we went to court. He received the gifts I bought him and the gifts he bought me. The divorce laws are beyond unfair. They are just plain wrong. I dont know who makes these laws but they cant possibly be divorced.

SIGN THE PRENUP OR FIND SOMEONE WHO REALLY LOVES YOU FOR YOU AND NOT FOR YOUR MONEY!!! SHELBY WAKE UP NOW!!!!!!!! BEFORE IT'S TO LATE. DON'T BE SORRY LIKE ME

HI THERE READ YOUR POST AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW A COURT COULD ORDER YOU TO GIVE HIM THE GIFTS THAT YOU HAD.I KNOW THAT IF YOU GO TO COURT TO CLAIMED WHAT BELONGED TO YOU ,YOUR GIFTS YOU KEEP BUT AS FAR AS GIVING BACK YOUR GIFTS THAT IS DOUBLE STANDARD THEN I AM SO SORRY FOR THESE JERKS OF THE JUSTICE SYSTEMS THAT LET YOU DOWN BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY ARE JERKS.I  MYSELF HOPES THAT HELEN AND SHELBY GET RID OF THESE GUYS .WHY WOULD SOMEONE ASK YOU TO SIGN A PRENUP AND SAY I'M RULING THE MARRIAGE IN EITHER SHELBY OE HELEN I THINK SAID IT ONE OF THEM ANYHOW .I WOULD SAY GOODBYE.CATHY cowboyMAYBE THE COURTS CAN USE THIS LITTLE SHERIFF TO GET THINGS RIGHT HE PROBABLY IS JUST AS  SMART AS THEM IDIOTS.LOL

 
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101160
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July 29, 2005, 6:38 pm PDT

ADANIVEA

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You are clearly still in the 60s. Prenups have nothing to do with trust. Divorce and having to start all over is clearly more dampering than your perspective. It's 2005, if you don't think about taking care of yourself as well as your children.. than maybe you should stay in the 60s.
HI I READ YOUR STATEMENT REGARDING TRUST NOT BEING  AN ISSUE WITH THE PRENUPS.THEN ANSWER ME IF THIS IS NOT A TRUST ISSUE?QUOTE FROM HELEN ON THE SHOW "Helen acknowledges that he had a lot of assets, but so did she. "I didn't need his money, I didn't want his money," she says. "I looked at him and I said, 'Do you think I'm a gold digger?' And he didn't answer the question. I felt so betrayed. I was so embarrassed, insulted, humiliated."HE HAD NO NEED TO USE A PRENUP SHE WASN'T LACKING MONEY AND HE ALSO WANTED TO CONTROL THE MARRIAGE TOO .SO WOULD YOU MARRY SOMEONE LIKE THIS ?NO TRUST HERE FROM HIM IF HE COULDN'T ANSWER WHEN SHE ASKED ABOUT BEING A GOLD DIGGER .I THINK YOU ARE WRONG THAT TRUST NOT BEING AN ISSUE.PLAIN AND SIMPLE NO TRUST MAKES FOR A BAD MARRIAGE AND HELEN DID RIGHT.
 
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adanivea
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July 29, 2005, 6:49 pm PDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

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HI I READ YOUR STATEMENT REGARDING TRUST NOT BEING  AN ISSUE WITH THE PRENUPS.THEN ANSWER ME IF THIS IS NOT A TRUST ISSUE?QUOTE FROM HELEN ON THE SHOW "Helen acknowledges that he had a lot of assets, but so did she. "I didn't need his money, I didn't want his money," she says. "I looked at him and I said, 'Do you think I'm a gold digger?' And he didn't answer the question. I felt so betrayed. I was so embarrassed, insulted, humiliated."HE HAD NO NEED TO USE A PRENUP SHE WASN'T LACKING MONEY AND HE ALSO WANTED TO CONTROL THE MARRIAGE TOO .SO WOULD YOU MARRY SOMEONE LIKE THIS ?NO TRUST HERE FROM HIM IF HE COULDN'T ANSWER WHEN SHE ASKED ABOUT BEING A GOLD DIGGER .I THINK YOU ARE WRONG THAT TRUST NOT BEING AN ISSUE.PLAIN AND SIMPLE NO TRUST MAKES FOR A BAD MARRIAGE AND HELEN DID RIGHT.
101160, I was responding to happypurr's comment, not Helen's. I agree with Helen and you. Helen shouldn't second judge her excellent decision. She did do the right thing!
 
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101160
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July 29, 2005, 7:13 pm PDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

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101160, I was responding to happypurr's comment, not Helen's. I agree with Helen and you. Helen shouldn't second judge her excellent decision. She did do the right thing!
THANKS FOR THE REPLY .TAKE CARE.CATHYgrumpy bear
 
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u092407
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July 29, 2005, 11:52 pm PDT

Prenups... sometimes controlling

Quote From: adanivea

101160, I was responding to happypurr's comment, not Helen's. I agree with Helen and you. Helen shouldn't second judge her excellent decision. She did do the right thing!
I think you're both right and wrong... Prenups CAN be controlling, but they certainly do not need to be. It just depends on the contents. They can include ridiculous terms such as how often you should gas up the car, or they can just say: this is mine, this is yours, once we're married, what we own before the marriage stays our own. Everything we acquire after the marriage becomes common property. There is a whole range in between. As soon as we have saved enough for a nice wedding, my boyfriend and I are going to get married. Fortunately, the law in Belgium states that if one member of the couple owns his own business, you HAVE to get a prenup. So the only question is what we'll decide to put into it. My sister solved the prenup dilemma very elegantly: she and her fiancee got ONE lawyer bethween the two of them, and worked out an agreement that was fair to both. Note: they made sure the lawyer was not a friend to either of them, to avoid bias. They have been happily married since '98 and have two wonderful children...
 
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