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Topic : 07/07 Adult Sibling Rivalry

Number of Replies: 203
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 12:59:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As a kid, it's normal to fight with a sibling, but what if you grow up to find your brother or sister to be your most-hated enemy? Jodi says what started as an argument with her sister, Shannon, over a pair of pants when they were teens has turned into a spiteful, wicked war. Shannon admits she disowned Jodi, but Jodi has no idea why her sister hates her so much! Will these women decide to bury the hatchet now that their father is fighting for his life? And, twins Kim and Kristen's war of words that began as children has turned into an all-out battle, including an incident in which Kristen broke an umbrella over her sister! What's at the root of their bickering? Is it too late to rekindle their sisterly bond? Tell us what you think.

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July 5, 2008, 4:12 pm CDT

I can relate to this story.....

I haven't seen my 3 sister's and 1 brother in about 5 yrs now, I got sick of all the abuse and I called the police on one of my sister's,cause they were hitting my nephew just like my mom hit me when younger, and told the people about my mom, now they won't have anything to do with me, sometimes if you do the right thing, You still pay a price.I will be watching this story monday.
 
July 5, 2008, 4:25 pm CDT

Sisters

I am 59 and counting, my sister is 62 as of July 1 and I would truly love to feel welcome when I talk with her, when I go to her home (holiday gatherings) etc.  Since we were kids my father always called her Queenie not sure if that was the beginning but who knows except her.  I get so hurt when we do talk no matter what I say, she comes back with a "You don't know what you are talking about attitude.  There are so many times I can't count when in a crowd and we talked about us as kids she always has to bring up the negative or things that are embarassing to me and hurtful.  If I ask her she tells me again it's my imagination or it's me because I have no confidence etc.  Again negative remarks..  I know it's not my imagination but I would like to know why she is so hostile toward me, not violently but just makes me feel so unwelcome even if she invites me.  It's like it all a big show, for what or who,,I ddon't know.  I just wish what ever she has in her crawl, she would open up and clear the air.  Tiem is to dear at this age but of course with her she has so many friends and family she really doesn't need a sister.
 
July 5, 2008, 7:07 pm CDT

Pick yout friends don't pick your family

Quote From: suzytunes

Are you both reflections of your parents? And you are how old? How delinquent. 

Thank you, Sue

They only have the power to make you feel that way if you let them. You pick your friends you don't pick your family and you don't have to love and or respect someone just because they are related to you. As sad as it may seem there are a lot of families that are not good to one another. Be good to yourself and let the rest go live your life in a loving and positive way and rise about it. 

 
July 5, 2008, 7:15 pm CDT

Adult Sibling Rivalry

Quote From: marti915

I can truly understand what this show is about cause I am in the same situation. I am the oldest of 5 living siblings; the sister that is 2 yrs younger has caused me nothing but heartache for many many years. No matter what I do or say she always starts the fights because she wants to be in control of everyone and everything. I have no idea why she is hates me and to top this off the other 3 siblings have sided with her and turned their backs on me. We loss our Mother in Nov. 2005 and my dear Mother's heart was broken in tiny pieces before she died cause of the way these people have treated me. Then in Jan. 06 my oldest son took his life after serving in Irag and what I thought would be us coming together finally only turned out to leave disappointment and hurt in me. They've walked away from me now haven't talk to me over a year. This one sister got mad because I sent her a Mother's day card in 07 and she really got mad so the others took her side.

While they the 4 have a close relationship they have shut me completely out. I consider my self to be loving, kind, considerate, caring and compassionate for and toward people but they think that I am the one that is at fault and I am to blame for the feud. I finally had to say no more because I am so tired of them not taken responsiblity for their part in this.

I refuse to accept emotionally abuse from them and have decided to go on with my life even thro it's hard because my whole family are gone or have chosen to shut me out. This really hurts cause I am still grieving over my Mother and 2 son's death.

 

There are always two sides to a story
 
July 5, 2008, 7:23 pm CDT

07/07 ADULT SIBILING RIVALERY

Quote From: dirich60

 

This is so stupid....I lost my only sister 20 years ago to cancer...I still miss her and would give anything to have her back...We had the usual sister relationship as children... She murdered my favourite  doll and I hid her crayons but we always loved each other...I cannot understand this petty bickering and life time hateing ...Someday you will be very sorry when there is no one left to hate and you are all alone in your not so golden years...I am sorry for the few MINUTES we wasted nitpicking at each other...find a way to make peace even if you have to crawl back you are all missing so much of today by worrying about yesterday.

I am sorry for your loss-She murdered your doll-LOL I never had a sister but I wish I did yours sounds wonderful

 
July 5, 2008, 7:35 pm CDT

I do understand

Quote From: bppowell37

I am the youngest of 6 siblings and feel the exact same as you do. My mom passed away April 29th 2005 and I have not spoken to my siblings since then. My father lives in the same town as me and I have one sister who does as well. She never speaks to me or acknowledges me in public places as well. She wanted my father to choose between her and I after my mom passed away. My mom was the family glue. I have always been close to my father since I was a little girl, he is now my best friend. He could not choose between his children so he declined this with my sister. She then quit speaking to him as well, does not acknowledge him for Father's Day his birthday nothing. She took my moms jewelry out of the house the day she passed away and told my dad my mother had given this to her before she died, which my father new she would not do something like this. But it isn't about that I think it is about how rotten my sister feels about not speaking to my mother weeks before she passed away. The death was unexpected for sure. Now my sisters marriage is falling apart as well as her surroundings. She is also in menopause so this does not help the situation. I look as my siblings as though it was another death and there loss to not have a relationship with me. It has helped me cope and I am sure I will have nothing or any reason to have dealings with them once my dad passes away. I do know my mother would be ashamed of them for there behavior and not a one of them helping my father out but myself. I have sacrificed everything a regular job to help him with his 3 businesses and his own personal bills and issues while they just wait for a hand out when he  passes away. If they can live with themselves more power to them but they have to be miserable I would say.

   I really do understand where you are coming from i have 3 siblings 1 sister,2 brother's and i to took care of both of my parents!! My Dad was my best friend & when he got sick none of them helped @ all just myself & my husband i have not spoken to my so called Brothers since Dad passed almost 2 years now but believe me they wanted what they felt was there's when he did pass i just gave them whatever. Now my sister & i were close until about a month ago when all of a sudden she decided that i was not doing her right??? & I still can not understand that to this day??? She has not & will not speak to me & the last time we did speak she just said nasty & hateful things to me. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

 
July 5, 2008, 8:19 pm CDT

I can relate

I am the oldest of 6 children. When my mother died, my sister took control of all of the funeral arrangements, and the day after my mom was buried my dad couldn't find a spatula to make eggs because she'd  "cleaned" the house. Or should I say "cleaned out" the house. Then she proceeded to "handle" his financial affairs. She & her husband moved into the house (it was a duplex), got him to put the house into their name.....with the excuse that none of the other kids could afford the upkeep. When the house was in their names, she moved into her mother & father in laws' home saying it was because my dad wouldn't quit drinking.

When my father died, she got his entire estate (not that it was a TON of money), and his pension was split between the 6 of us. It amounted to about $1200 each......she got his life insurance policies and military death benefits.

The entire family was upset because my dad told all of us that even though she had the house, we'd get $1000 when he died because he & my mom had paid $5000 for the house when they bought it. When the will was presented, the amount was $100! It turned out that while she was living in my dad's house she'd obtained power of attorney over all of his decisions.

The entire family started to investigate the circumstances of the will & she didn't want anyone to know how much she'd really gained from my dad's death.....so she told my brother she would give him the house. End of investigation.

My youngest brother & his wife moved in,because the brother that owned the house was in the Army; they   paid the tax money into a bank account.....and it seemed like the bank account was considered the family bank account......with my brother that "owned" the house using it as his personal MAC machine!

THEN my brother & his wife had a child that died from SIDS. My sister called every agency that she could possibly think of to have them declared unfit parents. They were on the local news... because of the condition of the house; they  had to sue the police department for violating their rights & they won....and it was all because she resented having to give up the house in the first place...

Anyway, she ended up getting divorced from her husband, he got custody of their daughter, she moved in with another sister, went bankrupt, and died of COPD two years ago.

This is a true story. After her death, we found out that she'd actually received more than $50,000 from my dad's insurance policies; and she'd met up with a scam artist that completely wiped out HER bank accounts.....she doctor shopped to get medications, she was on 20 different meds a day....but her death shocked the entire family. Even though we didn't like her, she was our sister & we loved her.

 
July 5, 2008, 8:33 pm CDT

"The Rivalry"

Quote From: rbfjones

My bet is they were raised by a narcisistic Mother and an uninvolved Father. 
There may not be enough space on this page for what I can share, but will try to not make it into a novel.  I am 1 of 4 girls and 1 boy for siblings.  First to the last child.  One sister and I are 4 years apart while the rest is just over 1 year apart in birth.  My sister that is four years older than I hated or best terms, jealous, resented by being a new part of the family.  She would bend my toes back to cause me to scream as a baby, threw slate at my feet, to which at one point nearly caused me to lose a toe, threw utensils at me and as we got into our pre/teen years, she would find anything that I would do wrong and tell our parents just to see me get punished.  She even hated me more when a boyfriend she had, broke up with her and then asked me out. (Which I declined!).  After that she never introduced me to any of her boyfriends until her engagement to her current husband.  I dated a co-worker of her husband and she sabatoged that as much as she could and with success.  Going quite forward.....Into our now mid-age cycle, I've extended the olive branch to her numerous times.  All with short term effects.  I even asked her to be my son's godmother, which she accepted, (my trying to extend the olive branch).  The godmother thing was 12 years ago.  I have not spoken with her in over 1 1/2 years.  I have not seen her in just over 3 years since our father passed away and since she appointed herself the "matriarch" of the family since our father passed away.  She doesn't like my husband of 15 years, I suspect jealousy since my husband is just as successful as hers and she always wanted to be queen of the mountain, most successful sibling.  Whenever she has family gatherings ( which she always controls), we are never called for an invite, which has lead to family thinking we didn't want to attend, only the truth is we are "NEVER" called by my sister, to which I had to explain to our mother who was always told by this sister that she called us but we could not make the event.  To shorten this and make current, my younger sister now does not speak to us because I haven't spoken with my mother after my mother decided that fishing at my( "sibling rivalry's) camp was more important than a visit with my children on Mother's Day which was always a tradition and since my mom had not seen my children since this past December.  My children's hearts were broken when grandma said she had not been fishing since last November over my alerting her to that she had not seen her youngest grandchildren since that December.  She knew it was a tradition we had done for the last 11 years.  So my most sibling rivalry has now turned my younger sister against me/us.  For this 4th of July I received a call from our eldest sister.  She was called by the (sibling rivalry) for an invite to her 4th of July family barbeque.  My eldest sister asked her, is ##### going, I may need a ride, and the "sibling rivalry" stated, well she hasn't spoken with mom since May, so I'm not calling to invite her (me).  I asked my eldest sister to remind everyone at the "family barbeque" the reason we were not there at this get together or others, is because we are never called.  In another words, my sister tells everyone we have been called, but says we say we can't make it, but she never calls us.  As I stated earlier, I've extended the olive branch so many times, I've given up.  All I can say, you can choose your friends, but not your relatives.  If things come to a point to where you have tried to make amends, and the crap keeps coming back into your face, sometimes it's best to make the choice of separating from family and move on to more positive things instead of staying in the constant negative.  I have wonderful friends that are more like family than my own blood family and I feel truly grateful for having such friends in my life.
 
July 5, 2008, 8:39 pm CDT

My Siblings

I had five other siblings I grew up with, I peed in their beds, I stole their pants, I toilet papered their bathrooms, I sat on their boyfriends laps, I snitched on them, I broke their electronics, and pissed them off tremendously by lying to them, . Now that our parents have passed and we are all grown, I am the only common denominator of all of them.

Silly huh?

 

Rule #1 We can Love your family until the day we die, but we don't have to like them. Tolrance is a wonderful thing. 

2#  we can't pick our relatives but we must pick our friends.

 
July 6, 2008, 1:23 am CDT

I understand

 

 

My mother just passed away this past June and my ex-sister was her caretaker....as her caretaker for the past several years, she alienated most of the family, to the point no one wanted to come and visit. Changed the locks on all the doors (all of us at one time had keys to the house), would scream as soon as you walked in the door, to the point our mother would bow her head and cry. My mother would say how much she was afraid of her, when she wasn't in the room, but was to afraid to tell her caseworker and we were told unless she spoke up, there was nothing that could be done.  

 

Now that my mother is gone....she loaded up my mothers car (with the most valuable items) and left the day of the funeral in her (my mothers) car....I was told that my mother signed the car over to her (my mother had dementia), so I could almost bet, the signed paper in a court of law, wouldn't be legal. But it's not worth the fight.

 

My mother is now in a better place and not being mistreated or no longer afraid. I just wished there had been more that we could of done to protect and help her.

 

 

I will never forgive her (the ex-sister). She can rot in hell...if she was on fire, I would not cross the street to piss on her to put out the fire.

 
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