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Topic : 07/07 Adult Sibling Rivalry

Number of Replies: 203
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 12:59:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As a kid, it's normal to fight with a sibling, but what if you grow up to find your brother or sister to be your most-hated enemy? Jodi says what started as an argument with her sister, Shannon, over a pair of pants when they were teens has turned into a spiteful, wicked war. Shannon admits she disowned Jodi, but Jodi has no idea why her sister hates her so much! Will these women decide to bury the hatchet now that their father is fighting for his life? And, twins Kim and Kristen's war of words that began as children has turned into an all-out battle, including an incident in which Kristen broke an umbrella over her sister! What's at the root of their bickering? Is it too late to rekindle their sisterly bond? Tell us what you think.

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July 3, 2008, 8:45 pm CDT

I am in same situation

I can truly understand what this show is about cause I am in the same situation. I am the oldest of 5 living siblings; the sister that is 2 yrs younger has caused me nothing but heartache for many many years. No matter what I do or say she always starts the fights because she wants to be in control of everyone and everything. I have no idea why she is hates me and to top this off the other 3 siblings have sided with her and turned their backs on me. We loss our Mother in Nov. 2005 and my dear Mother's heart was broken in tiny pieces before she died cause of the way these people have treated me. Then in Jan. 06 my oldest son took his life after serving in Irag and what I thought would be us coming together finally only turned out to leave disappointment and hurt in me. They've walked away from me now haven't talk to me over a year. This one sister got mad because I sent her a Mother's day card in 07 and she really got mad so the others took her side.

While they the 4 have a close relationship they have shut me completely out. I consider my self to be loving, kind, considerate, caring and compassionate for and toward people but they think that I am the one that is at fault and I am to blame for the feud. I finally had to say no more because I am so tired of them not taken responsiblity for their part in this.

I refuse to accept emotionally abuse from them and have decided to go on with my life even thro it's hard because my whole family are gone or have chosen to shut me out. This really hurts cause I am still grieving over my Mother and 2 son's death.

 

 
July 4, 2008, 6:14 pm CDT

DoctorPhil Show.

Adult Doctor Phil Rivalry. What is this alll about? I donot understand that. I know that you are doing your-----

show everyday.See you on Monday July 07th, 2008. Sincerley Your.  Russell 

 
July 5, 2008, 6:16 am CDT

07/07 Adult Sibling Rivalry

 Family relationships seem to be the most dificult of all.
Some have the idea that because you share DNA, you are either supposed to give the crap or take it (and I'm talking about crap you wouldn't take from an aquaintance or stranger).
But just because you are related is no guarentee that you will LIKE each other, it happens, I don't think my own sister and I learned to LIKE each other until we both left home.
I think MOST of us would love to have a close bond with our families, but sometimes its just not possible, and in those cases you have to take care of your own physical and emotional well being, if it means cutting ties (either temporarily or permenantly )its sad, and you will grieve the loss, but it may give you the freedom you need to get on with your own life.
 
July 5, 2008, 6:46 am CDT

This rings a bell.....

Sibling rivalary can be caused from many childhood issues. I am the youngest of 10 children and have been dealing with sibling jealousy for years. The jealousy has now been narrowed down to a brother and sister due to deaths in the family. This makes me very sad since we are getting older ans should be able to control it but it seems  it will be true till death. Such a waste of love that should be so precious.
 
July 5, 2008, 10:40 am CDT

PITTING CHILDREN against CHILDREN

My parents "PITTED" their children against each other for their personal sporting event.

I am 53 my sis is 55 and my brother is 51. I can speak to my brother Bill....but very briefly... without feeling "triggered". I hadn't been around him at all during ALL of our adult years. I recently moved to Hawaii to be closer to him. We have a very difficult time and barely speak to each other. My adult son sees his triggers as spiteful and doesn't like seeing his mothers hurt. So he talks to him for me.

 

I haven't seen my sis since I was 18. I cannot imagine doing so. Our childhood was filled with pitting us children against each other. Remembering what my older sis and I and other siblings have done , with our parents "blessings" against each other, has caused me not to trust anything about my family. I lost a brother to suicide. He was allowed to "RULE" and also my older SIS was allowed to "RULE"

Yeah it hurts to know I have a sister during  hard times but knowing I could never go to her...because I know she would gloat over my hurt , that would hurt more.  I wouldn't ever share of word of any problem. Ever.

 

I always felt my mother(especially her)she is 72, my father is deceased.but she  was the root of this crazy making war. She was most educated. She even pitted our father against each of us.

Her mission was to keep her affairs secret. Using us as her shield. If we failed at that, then we obviously weren't on her side. I had the biggest mouth. It got slapped often.

 

Being raised like this and also knowing only "her GOD" was judging her. Served only her. Kept us all far apart to this day. That was until I moved to Hawaii to be near my brother Bill...Now my brother speaks to her daily. She hung up on me last year.  I don't speak to my brother. Nor will I risk opening up conversations with Mother again.

Moms still at it.

 

Darlene Rose

 
July 5, 2008, 11:15 am CDT

Simple answer

My bet is they were raised by a narcisistic Mother and an uninvolved Father. 
 
July 5, 2008, 1:35 pm CDT

Suck it up and make peace

 

This is so stupid....I lost my only sister 20 years ago to cancer...I still miss her and would give anything to have her back...We had the usual sister relationship as children... She murdered my favourite  doll and I hid her crayons but we always loved each other...I cannot understand this petty bickering and life time hateing ...Someday you will be very sorry when there is no one left to hate and you are all alone in your not so golden years...I am sorry for the few MINUTES we wasted nitpicking at each other...find a way to make peace even if you have to crawl back you are all missing so much of today by worrying about yesterday.

 
July 5, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

07/07 Adult Sibling Rivalry

Quote From: marti915

I can truly understand what this show is about cause I am in the same situation. I am the oldest of 5 living siblings; the sister that is 2 yrs younger has caused me nothing but heartache for many many years. No matter what I do or say she always starts the fights because she wants to be in control of everyone and everything. I have no idea why she is hates me and to top this off the other 3 siblings have sided with her and turned their backs on me. We loss our Mother in Nov. 2005 and my dear Mother's heart was broken in tiny pieces before she died cause of the way these people have treated me. Then in Jan. 06 my oldest son took his life after serving in Irag and what I thought would be us coming together finally only turned out to leave disappointment and hurt in me. They've walked away from me now haven't talk to me over a year. This one sister got mad because I sent her a Mother's day card in 07 and she really got mad so the others took her side.

While they the 4 have a close relationship they have shut me completely out. I consider my self to be loving, kind, considerate, caring and compassionate for and toward people but they think that I am the one that is at fault and I am to blame for the feud. I finally had to say no more because I am so tired of them not taken responsiblity for their part in this.

I refuse to accept emotionally abuse from them and have decided to go on with my life even thro it's hard because my whole family are gone or have chosen to shut me out. This really hurts cause I am still grieving over my Mother and 2 son's death.

 

I am the youngest of 6 siblings and feel the exact same as you do. My mom passed away April 29th 2005 and I have not spoken to my siblings since then. My father lives in the same town as me and I have one sister who does as well. She never speaks to me or acknowledges me in public places as well. She wanted my father to choose between her and I after my mom passed away. My mom was the family glue. I have always been close to my father since I was a little girl, he is now my best friend. He could not choose between his children so he declined this with my sister. She then quit speaking to him as well, does not acknowledge him for Father's Day his birthday nothing. She took my moms jewelry out of the house the day she passed away and told my dad my mother had given this to her before she died, which my father new she would not do something like this. But it isn't about that I think it is about how rotten my sister feels about not speaking to my mother weeks before she passed away. The death was unexpected for sure. Now my sisters marriage is falling apart as well as her surroundings. She is also in menopause so this does not help the situation. I look as my siblings as though it was another death and there loss to not have a relationship with me. It has helped me cope and I am sure I will have nothing or any reason to have dealings with them once my dad passes away. I do know my mother would be ashamed of them for there behavior and not a one of them helping my father out but myself. I have sacrificed everything a regular job to help him with his 3 businesses and his own personal bills and issues while they just wait for a hand out when he  passes away. If they can live with themselves more power to them but they have to be miserable I would say.
 
July 5, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

adult sibling rivalry

I can personally relate to all aspects of sibling rivalry.  I had one brother, no sisters...twenty years prior to our mother's death, my brother had accused me of testifying against him in divorce court for him to gain custody of their only son whom I was baby sitting at no charge since his mother had to work and could not afford the cost of a sitter.  These accusations against me were "without" my knowledge until the morning they disconnected life support from our mother in the hospital while he was screaming at me from one side of the bed with me on the other about this court action.  At this point I was devasted and had never been inside a court room.  Managing to remain calm I waited until after the funeral a few weeks, went to the court house, obtained copies of his divorce records and made him a visit.  Records stated, the hearing was attended by his soon to be exwife only, he hadn't attended himself..no other testimonies, witnesses etc, nor had he asked for custody of his son.  He never paid child support and never saw his son.  But after the visit I felt relieved that the truth had finally been discovered.  We were able to become civil siblings until his death 11 months later..but all those years wasted because of a lie which I knew nothing about.

I am the mother of 4 adult daughters and they are at each other's throat continually over trivial BS that doesn't amount to anything.  Then they start the "she said", "he said" and constantly trying to get me in the middle.  The oldest won't visit us if the youngest is here, we do more for one grandchild than we do another, constant jealousy, betrayal of one another, telling untrue things about another, getting mad because one won't live their life differently...on and on!!  I am 68 years old, my husband 70 and we are raising 2 grandsons 8 & 12 years of age, I work part time managing a 40 apartment complex and taking care of a 92 year young lady who lives alone plus taking care of the homestead.  My husband does the maintenance at the apartment complex.  I'm worn "out of my mind" with all the stress!!  Yes, they were raised by a some-what univolved father..making that easier to "vent" on mom. 

I WILL BE WATCHING YOUR SHOW!!     

 
July 5, 2008, 3:13 pm CDT

Hello?

Are you both reflections of your parents? And you are how old? How delinquent. 

Thank you, Sue

 
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