I can relate to yesterday's story of the woman whose husband cheated with an ex. Although I am not married, I am in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend. He's now divorced, but when he and I started dating, he had been separated from his ex for several months. He wasn't exactly honest with me about everything with he and his ex. He told me they were friends and would even talk to her on the phone in front of me, and it was never anything romantic. Basically, he had been with her for almost ten years total, and they were married for three years when she decided to leave him and move to Florida. She had been unfaithful to him several times throughout their relationship, but he continued to take her back. I never understood why he still wanted to be friends with her since she just up and left him with her bills and a house to take care of. He is in debt because of her leaving. Anyway, she had this boyfriend down in Florida who got arrested, and she was supposedly madly in love with him and wanted to get married and have kids with him. Well, his arrest devastated her, and she started calling my boyfriend every day and using him as a crutch.
Unbeknownst to me, she came up around Christmas '06 to see him while I was home with my family. This is like a week after we decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Then in January, he took a trip down to Florida and told me he was going to visit his one cousin who lives down there. I knew something happened down there because he didn't call me the entire time he was there. I suspected he cheated, but I had no proof. He lied to me for months despite my finding a topless photo of her on his computer. Around March, I gave him an ultimatum and told him he needed to make decision because I wasn't sticking around to play second fiddle to her. Mind you I still didn't know what happened down in Florida, and I definitely didn't know about Christmas. Last summer, everything came out because I had access to his email and MySpace, which he gave to me himself. He didn't have the heart to tell me the truth, so I had to find out the worst way possible. I read their notes back and forth, and while he was telling me he loved me, he was doing the same with her. I wanted to leave him and tried to. He begged me not to and even called my parents to tell them how much he had hurt me. He claimed he was confused and didn't know what to do. She had broken his heart when she left, and the fact that she was giving him attention again made him want her.
Even though I have known about this for a little over a year, I am still hurt and feel betrayed by all this. I just don't understand why he would want to go back to someone who did so many terrible things to him. He always says it was the dumbest thing he's ever done, and he doesn't know why he did it. The answer I usually get is that he didn't realize what he had with me until after the fact. I know he loves me now, and he needed someone in his life who wouldn't betray or abandon him. When I tell you that his ex is evil, that doesn't even begin to cover it. She hates me because I am with him now, and when he told her he wanted no parts of her anymore, she became VERY angry. I struggle with self-esteem and have always as far back as I can remember. I have gone to therapy for it, but nothing seems to help. I just don't understand what she had that I didn't. To me, she is not attractive at all, and she and I couldn't be more opposite. She's really short, petite, blonde, and fake, and I am very tall, muscular but curvy, brunette, and all-natural. I know looks aren't everything, but her personality is even uglier. The fact that my boyfriend called her beautiful and things like that when he was dating me hurts more than any of it. She completely used him, and he let her do it. They haven't spoken on the phone in almost a year, and when they did, it was about the divorce and such. They have this house now, and of course, she wants money from it when he sells it. Well, the sell isn't happening anytime soon, so basically, she is still in the picture, even though there is minimal contact.
I still don't know if I did the right thing in staying with him. I love him so much, and I know he feels the same way about me. He's VERY sorry for everything, but is that good enough? I can relate to the story from yesterday because I constantly compare myself with her and even compete to be better than she is at everything. I need that validation so my boyfriend can see what an idiot he was. It makes me crazy sometimes because I just want to understand, but I feel like I never will. We went to couple's counseling after everything came out, and our therapist tried to simplify everything for me as if I should understand it. The only bright side, if there is one, is that it happened in the first 3 months of our relationship and not years later. Those were crucial months, though, because I fell deeply in love with him, and he claims he did, as well. He loved two people at the same time. I know the odds if it ever happening again are slim since they have said hateful things back and forth to each other over the past year, but it still hurts me so much. Everytime I think about it, I get so upset and depressed. It's hands down the worst thing anyone's ever done to me, and I have been burned by people before. It just puts me in a hard place, but I know I should just move on from it because he is sorry and won't do it again. Cheating is the worst thing, and I feel for anyone who has been cheated on. I have no sympathy for those who cheat because there really is no excuse.
Dr. Phil opens up his mailbag to answer your burning questions! Amanda has been wanting plastic surgery since she was 16, and now that she's an adult, she's asked her sister, Angel, for birthday money so she can get liposuction and breast implants. She’s even considering dropping out of college so she can save money for the many procedures she wants. Angel worries her little sister could become addicted to cosmetic surgery. Next, will Michael’s plastic surgery nightmare change Amanda’s mind? Unsatisfied with the results of his first rhinoplasty, Michael found a world-renowned plastic surgeon to perform his second. When he got home, he documented the horrific result -- the tip of his nose turning black and falling off. See why he’s had three surgeries so far and plans on more. Then, Amber recently learned that her husband, Ron, had an affair. She says can't stop thinking about the other woman and doubts she'll ever get over it. Why does Ron think the affair had a positive effect on their marriage? Plus, meet a wife and mother torn between her career and her family, and don't miss a ravishing audience room makeover by Robin! Talk about the show here. 
