Topic : 07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

If that worked for you, you are pretty lucky.  I guided mine from the beginning, I never cussed at them, never called them brats, nor did I ever think they were brats or anything other then wonderful sweet, polite children... until they were around 16 for the two oldest, 14 for the youngest.  At this time they were wanting no rules, had friends who's parents never set any rules (I even had a parent call me up when I had grounded my daughter from the phone to tell me it wasn't fair to her daughter not to be able to talk to my daughter on the phone, it was a punishment on her also), and worse, I was very anti underage drinking and I found out years later that my kids would go to stay at friends houses and their PARENTS were giving them alcohol!  My kids all went through some rebellion and I never cried so much in my life as I did with each of them during this time.  I never wavered though on my beliefs and I never gave up on them.  Now they are all over 20 they realize why I put the rules on them like I did.  I spent years raising them, getting involved in anything they wanted to try, scouts, wrestling, t ball and little league, sunday school, bible school, I never missed a game or a school program, I put them in piano lessons when they were interested in music, the two older ones went through high school in Band, choir and my oldest was in the Jazz band.  I raised them with values and their father and I have not divoriced, nor did we have fights and screaming in the house.  Outside influences can take really good kids and cause them to rebel.  My daughter (middle child) started hanging around a couple girls I had known since they were babies, but when she did, the attitude changed at home and at school.  I found out later that it was because they introduced her to pot.  She was just going into the 10th grade.

Being friends with your children is great... when they are adults.  You need to be parents first to get through those teen years.

I am curious on how old your children are. 

If this mom and stepdad represent authority, I would have no respect for it either. You teach by example. She is just mimicing the example her mother and stepdad have given her regarding how to converse using profanity, hit each other, abuse drugs and alcohol,  etc.

She does not need to be beaten with a rod. She has been verbally, mentally, and physically abused enough already.

I'M PRETTY ROUGH ON PEOPLE

I WOULD MAKE SURE THAT HE RAN AWAY.....LOL

MY STEP DAUGHTER IS 21 THIS YEAR AND LIVING WITH HER BOYFRIEND...WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT.....OOOOOOHHHH   NNNNNOOOOO

HE'S ON THE COUCH

AND SHE IS IN THE BEDROOM WITH ONE OF HER THREE SISTERS.....

I WALK WITH A WALKER....BUT WHEN THE 'BOYFRIENDS' ARE HERE....I USE A SHOTGUN FOR SUPPORT WHEN I WALK....I MAY NOT WALK WELL....BUT I CAN'T MISS IF THEY SCREW UP.

I just lost my marriage of 8 years, because he got addicted to the internet and found another woman that way, and he left me.  That's been heartbreaking enough, but then soon after, I discovered that my beautiful 15 yr old daughter has been using drugs and drinking alcohol with her friends.  After several months of trying to establish order with her, she finally surrendered and said she wanted to get help with rehab, that she could not stop using on her own.  And while getting her assessment done at the hospital, she admitted all the things she's been doing, unprotected sex, she's cutting herself, lots of drug use, and along with a rape that happened to her 2 yrs ago, she was raped just this past April.  I was horrified I just sat there and cried, just wanted to hold her and tell her that she is never going to get hurt again.  She's becoming my little girl again, while in treatment, I just pray that she will remain strong when she comes back home to me.  She's been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and overcompulsive behavior disorder. She just doesn't think about how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. 

I love her so much, I just pray I can handle this, but I'm scared.  I am battling severe refractory depression, I do not respond to medications, I'm struggling to make it thru each day.  But thru prayer and family support, I have a lot of faith.  I don't judge kids, teens, at all.  These are not bad kids, these are kids making bad choices.  They need a lot of love and serenity in their lives.  It's not their fault when marriages go wrong, they should have to pay.  We just need to love them more....

     We recently had our 17 year old grand daughter move in with us.  She was flunking school and was uncontrollable at home.  She has an eating disorder and mulitple emotional issues due to her family lifestyle.  A verbally abusive father who puts on a 'nice' face for the outside world and a mother who taught her children how to appease Dad to keep from making him angry.  He is not without his good points, but when I know that sometimes my daughter has to send the children away to keep them from hearing his abuse it's a little hard to see the good.

      There are two other children at home.  The marriage is breaking apart after 18 years of screaming and demeaning.  We have the oldest child with us but no mention has been made of support money, payment for medical bills.  Dad recently took the daughter at home on a shopping trip but no money has been sent to the 17yr old with us.

      It's as if they have turned loose of her completely and we are left to readjust our lives and income.  They are in the middle of a divorce and I wonder if we could ask for child support ?  Should we?  Megan turns 18 in Jan and hopefully wil graduate in May.  What happens then?  Where will she spend her summers? Where will she goe to college and who will help finance or is she completely on her own?

       Advice is needed, we feel trapped but we love our grand daughter and want to give her a chance that the parents are not giving her.