Message Boards

Topic : 07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Number of Replies: 99
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 01:04:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
An out-of-control teenager, allegations of physical and verbal abuse, a marriage on the rocks — you name it; this family drama has it all. Along with Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself, Dr. Phil has advice for bringing calm to the chaos. Tricia had to move out of her house because her husband, Jeff, couldn’t handle her rebellious 13-year-old daughter, Caysha. Tricia says Caysha curses, skips school, and has unprotected sex. Caysha says she isn't the only one at fault. She says her stepdad, Jeff, is controlling, insults her constantly, and even calls the cops to discipline her! Is reconciliation possible? Then, Bishop Jakes has a heart-to-heart talk with the teen. Find out what she says is the major cause of the chaos in her household. And, Caysha joins her parents and Bishop Jakes onstage. Is boot camp the answer for the troubled teen? Is it too late for Tricia to begin setting boundaries for Caysha and start healing her family? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 13, 2008, 8:58 am CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: grandmashari

If that worked for you, you are pretty lucky.  I guided mine from the beginning, I never cussed at them, never called them brats, nor did I ever think they were brats or anything other then wonderful sweet, polite children... until they were around 16 for the two oldest, 14 for the youngest.  At this time they were wanting no rules, had friends who's parents never set any rules (I even had a parent call me up when I had grounded my daughter from the phone to tell me it wasn't fair to her daughter not to be able to talk to my daughter on the phone, it was a punishment on her also), and worse, I was very anti underage drinking and I found out years later that my kids would go to stay at friends houses and their PARENTS were giving them alcohol!  My kids all went through some rebellion and I never cried so much in my life as I did with each of them during this time.  I never wavered though on my beliefs and I never gave up on them.  Now they are all over 20 they realize why I put the rules on them like I did.  I spent years raising them, getting involved in anything they wanted to try, scouts, wrestling, t ball and little league, sunday school, bible school, I never missed a game or a school program, I put them in piano lessons when they were interested in music, the two older ones went through high school in Band, choir and my oldest was in the Jazz band.  I raised them with values and their father and I have not divoriced, nor did we have fights and screaming in the house.  Outside influences can take really good kids and cause them to rebel.  My daughter (middle child) started hanging around a couple girls I had known since they were babies, but when she did, the attitude changed at home and at school.  I found out later that it was because they introduced her to pot.  She was just going into the 10th grade.

 

Being friends with your children is great... when they are adults.  You need to be parents first to get through those teen years.

 

I am curious on how old your children are. 

Yes, but were you an alcoholic, drug abuser, and did you speak to your children the way Caysha's mother and stepfather speak to her?  I doubt it.  Her mother is neither friend nor parent.  I can see right through her.  She doesn't deserve Caysha.
 
July 13, 2008, 3:21 pm CDT

Take that back!

I'm amazed that a learned individual can make such an uneducated statement. Every family dynamic is different, to make such a blanket statement is ludicrous. If both parents are expected to lead by example, that should include their beliefs on crime and punishment. Kids need to know that rules govern all of society and there are penalties to breaking them. Both parents opinions need to be considered in this area. I am the step father to an 8 and 10 year old girl and boy, respectively. The boy has alot of his fathers traits in respect to controlling and abusive behavior towards his mother. If I didn't step in, her life would be ruled by a child. As it was when I came in to the picture. Their biologic father was violent and abusive in many forms. That was all these kids knew about discipline and consequence. I am not controlling or abusive. We discuss everything away from the children and then we talk to them. We don't yell or hit in our house and our descisions are made jointly. Although it is usually me talking to the kids, it's with the full support of my wife. I am definitely the authoritative figure in the house. The children respect me and know that what I say is final. The only thing that they're afraid of is disappointing me. Children like to test there boundaries, more so if they're constantly changing. Consistancy and firmness are key factors. Never make a punishment, or threaten one, that you are not willing to carry out. This applies to ANYONE in an authoritive position over children. I really think the good doctor should rethink his position on this topic. To all you stuggling parents, good luck, keep the faith and hold your ground. DON'T EVER LET THEM WIN
 
July 14, 2008, 9:11 am CDT

agree 100 percent

Quote From: thebonde

If this mom and stepdad represent authority, I would have no respect for it either. You teach by example. She is just mimicing the example her mother and stepdad have given her regarding how to converse using profanity, hit each other, abuse drugs and alcohol,  etc.

 

She does not need to be beaten with a rod. She has been verbally, mentally, and physically abused enough already.

I do agree 100 percent with this. The child is mimicing what she has learned and there has been no disipline whatsoever here.  The best thing for this child would be to remove her from their care and put her where she could get the love and attention so so deservers to have.  It is not to late for this girl. She could have a wonderful future if her mom and stepdad are not allowed to continue to ruin her. She has been abused enough and deserves a better life.
 
July 14, 2008, 10:57 am CDT

REPLY

Quote From: lorieann

I'M PRETTY ROUGH ON PEOPLE

I WOULD MAKE SURE THAT HE RAN AWAY.....LOL

MY STEP DAUGHTER IS 21 THIS YEAR AND LIVING WITH HER BOYFRIEND...WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT.....OOOOOOHHHH   NNNNNOOOOO

HE'S ON THE COUCH

AND SHE IS IN THE BEDROOM WITH ONE OF HER THREE SISTERS.....

I WALK WITH A WALKER....BUT WHEN THE 'BOYFRIENDS' ARE HERE....I USE A SHOTGUN FOR SUPPORT WHEN I WALK....I MAY NOT WALK WELL....BUT I CAN'T MISS IF THEY SCREW UP.

  A shotgun is good. A shotgun is best for when someone breaks in your house in the middle of the night. then you BLOW THEM AWAY.
 
July 16, 2008, 1:33 pm CDT

What a family

Dr.Phil actually gave some good advice to this family along with the Reverand.

The daughter is nice and very strong willed, am suprised at the extent of the words that were

used in that household and how violence was depended on when they tried to get there point across.

Like the duaghter had said about there Not being a future for her and her stepdad i agree on that.

She's just a teenager for crying out loud sometimes you just have to listen and reply calmly

But frankly i think the only 2 reasons that family had any problems at all is because :

1. The stepdad always made nasty comments about her dad which made her very upset and made her feel like she's constantly defending her dad against her stepdad.

 

2. the mother's lack of authority and communications with her daughter,the mom seems to be someone who mostly screams to get point across whitch made them very aggitated (i should know)

 

I hope the mom and her daughter can patch things up, eventhough they've been trough hell and back and the Stepdad just needs to stay away from them it isnt going to work for the 3 of them but for the mom and the daughter there's still hope yet.

 

As for the Boyfriend he needs to stop coming over and have some respect for they're household members Mom all i have to say about the boyfriend matter is KICK HIM OUT !! whenever he wants to get too cozy with you're daughter

 

Good luck to the mom n the daughter

 
July 16, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: glimmertwin

I just lost my marriage of 8 years, because he got addicted to the internet and found another woman that way, and he left me.  That's been heartbreaking enough, but then soon after, I discovered that my beautiful 15 yr old daughter has been using drugs and drinking alcohol with her friends.  After several months of trying to establish order with her, she finally surrendered and said she wanted to get help with rehab, that she could not stop using on her own.  And while getting her assessment done at the hospital, she admitted all the things she's been doing, unprotected sex, she's cutting herself, lots of drug use, and along with a rape that happened to her 2 yrs ago, she was raped just this past April.  I was horrified I just sat there and cried, just wanted to hold her and tell her that she is never going to get hurt again.  She's becoming my little girl again, while in treatment, I just pray that she will remain strong when she comes back home to me.  She's been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and overcompulsive behavior disorder. She just doesn't think about how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. 

 

I love her so much, I just pray I can handle this, but I'm scared.  I am battling severe refractory depression, I do not respond to medications, I'm struggling to make it thru each day.  But thru prayer and family support, I have a lot of faith.  I don't judge kids, teens, at all.  These are not bad kids, these are kids making bad choices.  They need a lot of love and serenity in their lives.  It's not their fault when marriages go wrong, they should have to pay.  We just need to love them more....

Am sorry about you're marriage and you're daughter

that must have been dificult for you as a mother to hear about

I know how it feels to be blind to something thats obvious and you couldn't have done anything to stop it

You have my condolences and prayers.. I hope she gets trough rehab safely and you and her can start

you're lives over like you were meant to

And that's the problem these days too people often judge teenagers by the way they act and speak

not trying to look for any signs of trouble, thats why the youth of today is getting worse

If only people would watch more inspirational movies like "freedom writers' and see what its really like

 

 
July 16, 2008, 1:59 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: evonneboggs

     We recently had our 17 year old grand daughter move in with us.  She was flunking school and was uncontrollable at home.  She has an eating disorder and mulitple emotional issues due to her family lifestyle.  A verbally abusive father who puts on a 'nice' face for the outside world and a mother who taught her children how to appease Dad to keep from making him angry.  He is not without his good points, but when I know that sometimes my daughter has to send the children away to keep them from hearing his abuse it's a little hard to see the good.

      There are two other children at home.  The marriage is breaking apart after 18 years of screaming and demeaning.  We have the oldest child with us but no mention has been made of support money, payment for medical bills.  Dad recently took the daughter at home on a shopping trip but no money has been sent to the 17yr old with us.

      It's as if they have turned loose of her completely and we are left to readjust our lives and income.  They are in the middle of a divorce and I wonder if we could ask for child support ?  Should we?  Megan turns 18 in Jan and hopefully wil graduate in May.  What happens then?  Where will she spend her summers? Where will she goe to college and who will help finance or is she completely on her own?

       Advice is needed, we feel trapped but we love our grand daughter and want to give her a chance that the parents are not giving her.

You are completely within you're rights to ask for child support.

I read you're message carefully before i replied

i even took the time to look up some tips and ways to help out

There's been this advertisement on the tv about the sylvan learning center

it helps teen,kids of all ages to improve on they're grades and social skills

And about the eating disorder well there clinics she can go too for that and hopefully

she'll get better in no time.

Keep her away from the divorce drama though thats the last thing she needs after moving in with you guys and if asking for child support means that she'd e dragged into court and other stuff then it's better you dont.

She can apply for college loans,get a part time job she loves and just live her life peacefully without causing you guys any stress she's almost an adult so you guys won't need to take care of her for long but it does sound like she's on her own now since the parents don't seem to care anymore.

i wish you all the best of luck though and review my advice give it a try.

 
August 20, 2008, 4:03 pm CDT

Love

 I feel sorry for casha. i know her actions are unexceptible but still its not her fault.. she had to of learned it from someone most likely from her mom.
 
November 17, 2008, 11:47 am CST

WHY????

Hi

Why it’s the big question we all shall be asking us, have the parents not think of their own behavior before they argument with this little kid. I really hope they could find a way to open up the problem they have, but after I have seen the show I wonder if it’s any way to save this family.  I´m a Swedish man how is married to lovely wife and we have two lovely boys and we have never let them hear any f-words and never let them hear if we have been angry or mad on each other.

 “Tomorrow belongs to them how prepare today”

 
First | Prev | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next Page | Last Page