Message Boards

Topic : 07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Number of Replies: 99
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 01:04:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
An out-of-control teenager, allegations of physical and verbal abuse, a marriage on the rocks — you name it; this family drama has it all. Along with Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself, Dr. Phil has advice for bringing calm to the chaos. Tricia had to move out of her house because her husband, Jeff, couldn’t handle her rebellious 13-year-old daughter, Caysha. Tricia says Caysha curses, skips school, and has unprotected sex. Caysha says she isn't the only one at fault. She says her stepdad, Jeff, is controlling, insults her constantly, and even calls the cops to discipline her! Is reconciliation possible? Then, Bishop Jakes has a heart-to-heart talk with the teen. Find out what she says is the major cause of the chaos in her household. And, Caysha joins her parents and Bishop Jakes onstage. Is boot camp the answer for the troubled teen? Is it too late for Tricia to begin setting boundaries for Caysha and start healing her family? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 10, 2008, 11:22 am CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: PennyLane78

I don't understand...why violence? If a teen is acting this way then it means someone FAILED her in some way...how does smacking her around help anything? How does sending her to a mean and unloving place help?

Although this child is totally out of control, and it is NOT okay,  I can see why she's behaving that way.

 

It's so vitally important for a parent to conduct themselves in a moral, dignified, respectable manner if they want their kids to emulate that......kids parrot what they see.

 

This mother was a pretty bad example, and the stepfather even worse...so what does anyone expect from the daughter?

 

And, slapping the kid around sure isn't the answer!! Time for some INTELLIGENT parenting! 

 
July 10, 2008, 12:15 pm CDT

are you kidding.

your a good mom what are you kidding. are you that hard up to let a man treat your daughter like that.he is the problem. get rid of him now before he really hurts her.
 
July 10, 2008, 12:17 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Its amazing how everyone always believes that the teen is a spoiled little brat and that the parents are NEVER wrong.

Sometimes parents are wrong. It doesn't excuse Caysha's actions but it would be nice if the parents would step up and stop making excuses. Kids learn by example. You wonder why the kid is out of control, did anyone look at the parents?

Boot camp is ridiculous. There is nothing positive out of something that just turns your kids into zombies.
There is nothing positive that comes out of violence.

Please, someone tell me when violence is the answer!

Its not about "coddling" children. If you are truly a good parent, you will not need to send your kid to boot camp or spank or use any other sort of violence to discipline your kids.
 
July 10, 2008, 12:43 pm CDT

Yes Jeff should be sent to boot camp!

Quote From: rogerearl

First a good spanking, then off to boot camp.
This is a situation where the mother lacks self esteem and parenting skills. She obviously dated an ex con and brought him into her daughter's life. Jeff's social skills were acquired in prison. He's damaged goods. He doesn't love this child. I would love to see him take a lie detector test on his true feelings for her. Any man that would speak to a young woman with such venom is a low life scumbag. My heart goes out to the teen. I would hope that she could find a loving home that would afford her the opportunity to finish school and develope properly. A fresh start would be so good for her, away from the sleepover boyfriend & damaged Jeff. If she and Tricia could start anew, I think they would have a fighting chance. I feel with Jeff in the picture, the mother/daughter relationship is doomed. Jeff is the majority of the problem. This is a prime example of what happens when women think more of their own needs than their children's. I'm not saying Tricia doesn't deserve a good life, I just think she owed her daughter a loving home. If that had been provided I doubt Tricia would have been attracted to an ex con with such little insight to parenthood. You never ever talk bad about the absent parent (even if they deserve it). One takes the high road. Jeff isn't capable of such thinking.
 
July 10, 2008, 12:56 pm CDT

She's 14!!!

Caysha's mother needs a whole lot of councelling, and Caysha should have  been removed from her custody long ago. She's only 14, she's still a minor!!!

What mother, in her right mind, allows her daughter to have a boy sleep in her bed?????

Why didn't she just tell him it's time to go!!!!  

I can't get past that!!! Never mind Caysha's bratty behavior.  She's living what she's learned. Why children's services has not stepped in long ago is beyond comprehension!

It is no wonder there is so much teen pregnancy, and teen violence in our countries!!!  

 
July 10, 2008, 1:23 pm CDT

Can you say bad marriage...

HMMMM.. I have only watched about ten minutes of the show but I say the problem is a PARENT problem she is out of control and not being a good kid etc BUT do you think this is because she grew up in a drug alchol fighting home she is acting out because she is mad at the world and the life she has been dealt......problems are solved at HOME and this girl has never had a HOME like she should have had. She does not obey the RULES because her parents have never followed a rule the first one being this family has never been a family it has been a addicted FIGHTING HELL.....you reap what you sew.......so..sowwwwww........
 
July 10, 2008, 1:36 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: evonneboggs

     We recently had our 17 year old grand daughter move in with us.  She was flunking school and was uncontrollable at home.  She has an eating disorder and mulitple emotional issues due to her family lifestyle.  A verbally abusive father who puts on a 'nice' face for the outside world and a mother who taught her children how to appease Dad to keep from making him angry.  He is not without his good points, but when I know that sometimes my daughter has to send the children away to keep them from hearing his abuse it's a little hard to see the good.

      There are two other children at home.  The marriage is breaking apart after 18 years of screaming and demeaning.  We have the oldest child with us but no mention has been made of support money, payment for medical bills.  Dad recently took the daughter at home on a shopping trip but no money has been sent to the 17yr old with us.

      It's as if they have turned loose of her completely and we are left to readjust our lives and income.  They are in the middle of a divorce and I wonder if we could ask for child support ?  Should we?  Megan turns 18 in Jan and hopefully wil graduate in May.  What happens then?  Where will she spend her summers? Where will she goe to college and who will help finance or is she completely on her own?

       Advice is needed, we feel trapped but we love our grand daughter and want to give her a chance that the parents are not giving her.

My parents went through the same thing with my brother's children from the first marriage.  They raised them from the time they were 6 mo and 2 years old, for the most part.  Now my brother brags about what a good job he did raising his kids as a single father with no help from anyone.  I keep my mouth shut, so do my parents but it pisses us all off. 

 

I would ask for support until she graduates but doing so they might want her to move back in with them instead of paying.  I bet the child support is going to be included in with the other two children and whichever gets custody, will also get support payments on her... that should go to you.

 

Good luck and keep in mind that you are doing this for the granddaughter, not the parents.  I applaud you for helping her straighten out her life.  Thank you.

 
July 10, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

I think that the mother needs to take a look at how she speaks and acts to her daughter.  Maybe then she will realize why the girl speaks and acts the way she does.  I feel that if she wants her daughter to respect her she needs to learn to respect her daughter and her feelings.  She needs to help her daughter with the feelings she has for her father.  She misses him very much and it seems like it doesn't matter to the mother or her new husband.  They need alot of help but in the meantime the young girl needs to be told and shown that she is loved.  Thats all she really wants is to feel loved by her family.

 
July 10, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

family in crisis

Quote From: cndrlla

Caysha, you mentioned wanting to become emancipated. Better give the following some thought:

 

Do you have a J.O.B.? If you don't, how do you expect to pay for just basic living expenses?..(not to mention any extras like..oh, let's see....shampoo, toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent.....etc.)

 

If you do have a job, will it give you enough money to pay rent, utilities, food, clothing, a car so you can go to work, gasoline for that car, general maintenance?........and do you have ANY idea how much those things cost? (Better take a look at your parents' bills...just for "fun"...you know...a dose of REALITY?) I promise you, it will make you think twice!

 

And this boyfriend who comes over to USE you three times a week? Oh yeah. Get pregnant and see how fast he disappears! He'll make Houdini look like an amateur! (and don't be fool enough to think it's "love", sweetie....at his age, he's only thinking with his LITTLE head! The fact he's behaving in such a selfish and disrespectful way right now by coming over to your grandmother's house and sleeping with you even though it's been made clear that he's not welcome, should give you a clue as to how he will treat you ! I'd hate for you to find that out the hard way.

 

I could go on, but, hopefully, you get the idea. Better to behave now and improve your present situation. And tell the boyfriend to take a hike!

I was just watching "family in crisis" and had to shut it offf and email you my thoughts. OK, the mom had some issues but it seems like she is trying to clean upop her act. The step dad was trying to get the video camera from the dtr that is calling him every "F" word in the book and Dr. Phil says, Oh, you were abusing her. Guess what she desearves a littler"abuse" that is what is wrong wioth kids these days. Let me tell you when my sons were groqwing up I was a single mom. I did not hit them because the schools were telling all of the kids, if your parents hit you that is abuse. I did't want to lose my children, I love them. But it gave my older child "license" to basically do whatever he wanted. Her was into drugs, he was stealing from me and who knows who else, he wouldn't come home for curfew and I had little recourse. I tried to take things away from him like TV but he would just go get it and plug it back in, I tried cutting off the plug but he just rewired it. I know , he is a bright little sucker. Since he weigjed about 200pounds and I was 120 pounds, guess who got their way? I took him to couseling, I tried everything. The counselor said to try tough love but I was un prepared to turn my CHILD out onto the street. Thank GOD that he finally grew up and he is probably more conservative than I am now. I just have to laugh. But what got to me today on thios show was Dr. Phils arrogance and the fact that you obviously DO NOT GET the trials that a loyt of single or remarried moms have. They are always going to lose, either they are accused of taking the step fathers side or they are accused of taking the step childrens side. IT IS NO wonder that poor woman drinks...it is probably the only peace she has gotten in the past 10+ years. So before you gop off half cocked Dr. Phils, why don't you walk for a fe3w days or at least get a focus group from women who have been their on what it is like in this sort of situation. Granted the woman abused a lot of substances but ask yourself what was she trtying to run from or take a two hour vacation from. You just don't get it. It is so easy for you to sit there and judge. You have a good life, with one partner for the past 20 some years. Kids find your weakness(es) and exploit them, especially if they are smart kids.Get down off of you high horse and start some focus groups for crying out loud.
 
July 10, 2008, 1:45 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: bhemsath

HMMMM.. I have only watched about ten minutes of the show but I say the problem is a PARENT problem she is out of control and not being a good kid etc BUT do you think this is because she grew up in a drug alchol fighting home she is acting out because she is mad at the world and the life she has been dealt......problems are solved at HOME and this girl has never had a HOME like she should have had. She does not obey the RULES because her parents have never followed a rule the first one being this family has never been a family it has been a addicted FIGHTING HELL.....you reap what you sew.......so..sowwwwww........

This is a perfect example of children learning what they live.  What kind of parents feel that it is ok to cuss like that at their children?  I know, out of control parents.  Kids do push buttons and we do lose it sometimes, but to the point of these parents, I don't think I would be so willing to be a good kid either.  I remember one time I got so exhausted with fighting with my oldest son over his behavior, while I was always one to correct the behavior not the child, I lost it and called him a SOB.  To this day he still remembers that because it was so out of the normal for me.  I wouldn't ever do it again because the look of pain on his face broke my heart so much.  How can a parent not see their children's eyes when they do that?  My kids also gave me a bad time not that long ago because I thought my youngest was really dirty and he sat on my light colored couch and teased me when I asked him not too by rubbing his back against it.  I said Damn it and they all about fell on the floor laughing and telling their dad when he came in that mom cussed!

 

Also she doesn't obey the rules because she is a teenager and teenagers are trying to be in charge of themselves without the experience to know why we have the rules.  Each of my children had to be out on their own and paying their own way to realize why we had the rules we did... until then I was just the meanest mom in the whole world!

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last