Quote From: jdyashtonI was just watching "family in crisis" and had to shut it offf and email you my thoughts. OK, the mom had some issues but it seems like she is trying to clean up her act. The step dad was trying to get the video camera from the dtr that is calling him every "F" word in the book and Dr. Phil says, Oh, you were abusing her. Guess what she deserves a little "abuse" that is what is wrong with kids these days. Let me tell you when my sons were growing up I was a single mom. I did not hit them because the schools were telling all of the kids, if your parents hit you that is abuse. I didn't want to lose my children, I love(d) them. But it gave my older child "license" to basically do whatever he wanted. Her was into drugs, he was stealing from me and who knows who else, he wouldn't come home for curfew and I had little recourse. I tried to take things away from him like TV but he would just go get it and plug it back in, I tried cutting off the plug but he just rewired it. I know , he was(is) a bright little sucker. Since he weighed about 200 pounds and I was 120 pounds, guess who got their way? I took him to couseling, I tried everything. The counselor said to try tough love but I was not prepared to turn my CHILD out onto the street. Thank GOD that he finally grew up and he is probably more conservative than I am now. I just have to laugh. But what got to me today on this show was Dr. Phils arrogance and the fact that you obviously DO NOT GET the trials that a lot of single or remarried moms have. They are always going to lose, either they are accused of taking the step fathers side or they are accused of taking the childrens side. IT IS NO wonder that poor woman drinks...it is probably the only peace she has gotten in the past 10+ years. So before you go off half cocked Dr. Phil, why don't you walk for a few days or at least get a focus group from women who have been their on what it is like in this sort of situation. Granted the woman abused a lot of substances but ask yourself what was she trying to run from or take a two hour vacation from. You just don't get it. It is so easy for you to sit there and judge. You have a good life, with one partner for the past 20 some years. Kids find your weakness(es) and exploit them, especially if they are smart kids.Not only that but they talk to other kids at school and get ideas from them. My son's used to respect curfew times until one of their friends said "what is she going to do if you don't come home on time? Ground you?" "What will she do when you just walk out of the house?" That is how they learn this stuff. I am just glad mine are grown and happy, healthy and doing well now. I feel sorry for the women who are still trying to do it and I give EVERY single mom credit for being there, even if they are not perfect Dr. Phil...few are perfect. So many men just take off and leave all of it up to the mom. I had NO help from my ex, not even financially. That is just how it is for the MAJORITY of single moms or remarried moms.Get down off of your high horse and start some focus groups for crying out loud.
I respect your opinion; thank you for contributing.
But, just so you know: I was also a single mom. I raised three kids on my own as well...and it definitely was NOT easy! I feel sorry for every single mom out there!
My kids also had a step-dad...but, he was NOT allowed to come in and start disciplining; it was my job because my kids were already teenagers when he came into the picture. He was respectful to them, as they were to him. I was very strict with my kids; they learned respect from the time they were tiny....and I didn't feel the need to use physical punishment as the first line of defense, (nor did I give up and start drinking when they drove me nuts!) When you hit them, all you teach is that you aren't creative enough to figure out their "currency".
As for your cutting off the plug of your son's TV and him rewiring it....my next step would have been either to throw the TV into the trash in a bazillion pieces or to store it at the home of one of my friends where he didn't know where it was...along with every other thing he valued.
One example of what I mean by "creative parenting" is this: when my son was young, he took something that didn't belong to him. I immediately and totally stripped his room down to the bare walls. He had a mattress on the floor, a pillow, sheet and blanket. Period. I told him this is how it feels when someone takes something from you...(the lesson was to teach him empathy for the victim, and also what it would be like if he was tossed into jail with no possessions except for a mattress, pillow, blanket and sheet!) He had to earn back every single thing he had, and I didn't make it easy.
The lessons I taught ALL my kids from the time they were toddlers is that there are rules; it's never okay to break them...and if you do there are consequences....and I WILL outlast you! (If I put you in your bed and you get out, I will put you back as many times as it takes until you get the message; you will NOT wear me down!) Pick your battles wisely, but once you draw those lines of battle you do not back down!
They are all grown, successful, and have families of their own...and they are quite creative parents themselves. :)
An out-of-control teenager, allegations of physical and verbal abuse, a marriage on the rocks — you name it; this family drama has it all. Along with Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself, Dr. Phil has advice for bringing calm to the chaos. Tricia had to move out of her house because her husband, Jeff, couldn’t handle her rebellious 13-year-old daughter, Caysha. Tricia says Caysha curses, skips school, and has unprotected sex. Caysha says she isn't the only one at fault. She says her stepdad, Jeff, is controlling, insults her constantly, and even calls the cops to discipline her! Is reconciliation possible? Then, Bishop Jakes has a heart-to-heart talk with the teen. Find out what she says is the major cause of the chaos in her household. And, Caysha joins her parents and Bishop Jakes onstage. Is boot camp the answer for the troubled teen? Is it too late for Tricia to begin setting boundaries for Caysha and start healing her family? Join the discussion.
