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Topic : 07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Number of Replies: 99
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 01:04:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
An out-of-control teenager, allegations of physical and verbal abuse, a marriage on the rocks — you name it; this family drama has it all. Along with Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Reposition Yourself, Dr. Phil has advice for bringing calm to the chaos. Tricia had to move out of her house because her husband, Jeff, couldn’t handle her rebellious 13-year-old daughter, Caysha. Tricia says Caysha curses, skips school, and has unprotected sex. Caysha says she isn't the only one at fault. She says her stepdad, Jeff, is controlling, insults her constantly, and even calls the cops to discipline her! Is reconciliation possible? Then, Bishop Jakes has a heart-to-heart talk with the teen. Find out what she says is the major cause of the chaos in her household. And, Caysha joins her parents and Bishop Jakes onstage. Is boot camp the answer for the troubled teen? Is it too late for Tricia to begin setting boundaries for Caysha and start healing her family? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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July 10, 2008, 4:32 pm CDT

We Only Live What We Learn

I am surprised that Dr. Phil did not put the big halo of light on what the bottom line issue is with this family.  It all stems  from the Drugs and Alcohol.  These parents are totally in denial about the part they play in the result of this child.  Their tendency will always be to minimize their actions and place the blame on others and unfortunately the daughter gets the brunt of it.  The daughter only knows what she has learned.  This way of behaving is normal to her.  I'm surprised that when Dr. Phil and the Bishop speak to the daughter about having goals to rise above the unacceptable behavior that they believe the daughter when she says she "Gets" this premise.  She doesn't because SHE HASN'T EVER LEARNED NORMAL.  And furthermore, asking her to be the hero at 14 years old is a real stretch.  The daughter does have the ability to change but at what rate, in consideration of her age and the limits of the law in regards to her parents responsiblity, is not much.  The only way this family will ever have a chance will be for the parents to get into a recovery program and the daughter should attend something like Al-Ateen.  When people grow up in disfunction, they don't just "Get" it.  They have to be taught.  And when they get sick and tired of being sick and tired they will usually start to learn on their own.  People don't quit smoking or overeating because other people tell them it's bad for them.

Dr. Phil, you missed the mark on this one LOUD and CLEAR.  I know you offered resourses and I hope that it is centered around Alcohol and Drug recovery because you didn't mention this point on the show being the GLARING issue underneath the unacceptable behaviors.  Blessings

 
July 10, 2008, 5:12 pm CDT

Can This Family Be Saved?

     If I had a daughter and I found out a boy was sleeping in her bed. I would drag him out on the Lawn and make his ass sleep outside...............
 
July 10, 2008, 5:20 pm CDT

I disagree

I enjoyed watching todays show, as a step mom of two boys Im beginning to prepare myself ever so slowly for them to start rebelling and comapreing me to their biological mother who doesnt have a whole lot to do with them.  The comment Dr. Phil made today saying step parents should not make/enforce rules was bogus.  I understand that we as step parents are generally second in the whole family life, but step parents or not we should be able to enforce rules to keep an equal balance in the home.  My husband is in the army and if I dont enforce rules in my house hold especially when hes deployed my entire house hold would fall apart and so would the progress our boys have made to overcome their mothers lack of parental authority.

 
July 10, 2008, 5:23 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: diannevre

This one if for Dr. Phil: I am sooo tired of hearing you quote your book regarding "blended families" stating that the "step" mother or "step" father should not take the lead in disciplining their spouse's children.  (Judge Judy also is misinformed).  I successfully raised a blended family.  I had two sons (5 and 6) and met my to be husband who also had two sons (4 and 7) making four sons 4,5,6 and 7.  We married 2-1/2 years later and within 1-1/2 his sons moved to stay with us permanently.  The boys were 8,9,10 & 11.  My husband worked from 5 in the morning and got home around 8-9 o'clock at night.  I worked out of the house evenings transcribing Court testimony due in back in court the next a.m.  This allowed me to get up at 6, make breakfast for 4 children, make 4 lunches and carpool to 2 schools on either side of town.  Since my husband was gone working hard so we could keep our home, I was the ONLY disciplinarian around.  Should I have waited for my husband to arrive home and wake up his children to set them straight?  NO.  I had one rule and one rule only.  RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG.  This applied to all four boys and the consequences for their actions were the same for each offense.  Guess what?  IT WORKED!!  We now have four grown men, ages 29,30,31 and 32.  They are all self-sufficient, good husbands and fathers and I am extremely proud of each one of them.  I am very well aware that 2 of the boys have a mother and the other 2 have a father that did not live with us.  They were taught to respect and love them, but in the meantime, we were and always will be a family!  What is the big deal with this!  Children love consistency and even discipline.  Sometimes it is just as easy as making a nutritious breakfast.  You don't demand respect...you earn it...boy oh boy do you ever earn it!  Please re-think your position Dr. Phil, and by the way, if you finally agree with me, tell Judge Judy too!  Thanks.  Dianne

Thank you, I agree with you, Im doing the same thing with my husbands boys and I hate being referred to "just the step mom" I am the only mother that sticks around when times get tough!!!
 
July 10, 2008, 5:27 pm CDT

Can This Family Be Saved?

       I think the Divorce may be contributing to the problem in this family. It could be that is what is causing the anger and hate and name calling  Caysha has towards her mom. Its hard on any teen when the parent s are together then they separate then the birth dad goes away and a new dad comes in and the child cant get along with the stepdad. This can cause the child to hate and resent the mother. Then there's the problem with alcohol  and a boy that sleeps over. I guess that would put any child in a bad family situation...........
 
July 10, 2008, 5:27 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

It will take a lot of effort and team work to bring them back together. all 3 of them have made major mistakes. I was in the same position when I was 14 years old and it just kept getting worse! My mom and I don't have a relationship and my dad and brother have been trying to get us to talk again. It will never happen! I am writing an autbiography called "I never Gave Up on Myself" It is scaring the crap out of my family. This girl can turn hur life around as long as she realizes she can't change her parents additude and works on her problems and moves on with her life.
 
July 10, 2008, 5:49 pm CDT

07/10 Can This Family Be Saved?

Quote From: misscenterway

I agree with most of the information that I hear Dr. Phil speak on. However, I feel that he would perhaps do a service to his listening audience by screening the commercials/companies that sponsor his show. As we are getting information on disruptive and disorderly chidren, here comes a commercial for Burger King where the spineless mother is begging her daughter to eat an apple. The child responds rudely, "No", and spineless Mom keeps begging. In comes 'Dad' BK King to save the day. To top it off, Junior BK King comes in and kicks 'Dad' in the shin. Please, Dr. Phil, have someone screen your commercials. A society that continues to portray parents as weak by allowing their children to be in charge and rude does nothing but provide poor role models for our children and parents alike. I really feel like it was hipocracy at its best. I have also contacted Burger King and voiced my complete displeasure at the poor example this sets.

 

Yes, it's just a commercial...one of many that do nothing but continue to weaken the importance of strong parents.

I completely hate commercials!! Far too many of them are like this Burger King exercise in rude stupidity; too many denigrate the father of the family so that he looks like an ignorant fool; and too many portray teens demanding this or that and wimpy parents giving in with loving, indulgent, vapid smiles at the little horrors they're raising! YUCK!

 

This is why I am so grateful for my DVR....I just set it to automatically record my favorite programs, (which it does each day because I have programed it to automatically record series and I never have to mess with it at all), including Dr. Phil....and then I simply go to "recorded TV",  press "fast forward" , and zip!....no more commercials!! Each time I press the fast forward button in rapid succession, it eliminates the entire commercial, so I don't have to even watch it as it fast forwards!  3 seconds and I'm back to the program! Absolutely wonderful!! I haven't watched live TV since I had this installed.

 

Ah, technology! 

 
July 10, 2008, 6:11 pm CDT

Can This Family Be Saved?

        I believe a stepdad can be a disciplinarian in a blended family. One thing the stepdad has to really think about is the type of role he is going to play once he comes into the family. If he comes in as a disciplinarian, and he seems controlling and has anger and hate towards a daughter, mother or family member. That is something a daughter can resent and hate. It can also create a bad relationship between daughter and stepdad. You cant blame the child for that.

     If the stepdad comes into family wanted to establish a good family relationship. He want s to set a good example. He wants to have a good relationship with daughter and mother. He plays a good role model in the family. Then the stepfather can be a disciplinarian as long as the daughter/child can feel comfortable in the home and the child feels they are being treated FAIRLY..................

 
July 10, 2008, 6:13 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: diannevre

This one if for Dr. Phil: I am sooo tired of hearing you quote your book regarding "blended families" stating that the "step" mother or "step" father should not take the lead in disciplining their spouse's children.  (Judge Judy also is misinformed).  I successfully raised a blended family.  I had two sons (5 and 6) and met my to be husband who also had two sons (4 and 7) making four sons 4,5,6 and 7.  We married 2-1/2 years later and within 1-1/2 his sons moved to stay with us permanently.  The boys were 8,9,10 & 11.  My husband worked from 5 in the morning and got home around 8-9 o'clock at night.  I worked out of the house evenings transcribing Court testimony due in back in court the next a.m.  This allowed me to get up at 6, make breakfast for 4 children, make 4 lunches and carpool to 2 schools on either side of town.  Since my husband was gone working hard so we could keep our home, I was the ONLY disciplinarian around.  Should I have waited for my husband to arrive home and wake up his children to set them straight?  NO.  I had one rule and one rule only.  RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG.  This applied to all four boys and the consequences for their actions were the same for each offense.  Guess what?  IT WORKED!!  We now have four grown men, ages 29,30,31 and 32.  They are all self-sufficient, good husbands and fathers and I am extremely proud of each one of them.  I am very well aware that 2 of the boys have a mother and the other 2 have a father that did not live with us.  They were taught to respect and love them, but in the meantime, we were and always will be a family!  What is the big deal with this!  Children love consistency and even discipline.  Sometimes it is just as easy as making a nutritious breakfast.  You don't demand respect...you earn it...boy oh boy do you ever earn it!  Please re-think your position Dr. Phil, and by the way, if you finally agree with me, tell Judge Judy too!  Thanks.  Dianne

Way to go.....I agree with you 100% Espically when the children live you with. Just because you did not give birth to them does not mean you treat them any diffent than your own. You stil love and provide for them to the best of your ability. You should be proud. I am proud. My boys came to me when they were 3 and 5 and they are 17 years old, a senior in high school and 19 currently serving in the United States Air Force. I may not have given birth to them, but they are my sons and I love them very much.
 
July 10, 2008, 7:50 pm CDT

Moble Homes

 I enjoy your show.But the show today 7-10-o8.What got me was when you were talking to the young girl

and you said the 1st boy that shows up in a pickup truck you will fall for him.Then next you 2 will be living in a moble

home With no water.Come on Now days moble home parks are nice.Im lucky I live out in the country in a 3 bedroom moble and I am proud of it.In a few years I will own it,You make it sound like

if you live in a moble home that we are trash.And a while back Oprah said the same thing.At less were

not living in a seedie motel.This is our home we live clean.My yard look great for living in TX,Most of us dont  get paid like you and Oprah. Lawerence Welch live in a moble home.Hmmmmm.Bet you didnt know that.

 
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