Topic : 07/11 Abducted from School

I watched your story and understand that although children are taught the dangers and guided, I remember one thing I used to do with my son when he was growing up.

We had a code word that we used and he was told that unless the person could tell him the code word, he was never to go with them.

We changed the code word periodically and this worked for us.

I hope this helps someone else.

Carol Dufrat

Ontario, Canada

You bring up a very good point, and there is a easy answer too,   MONEY, I've been reading the responses and I have yet to hear anyone say that they went to a school board meeting and request that a new school levey for protection of students be put forth.

We ask our children teachers to do the impossible, without the right equipment .

Then you have parents changing how and who is picking up their children weekly, so you would have to hire someone to reprogram the changes and that takes more taxes.

My children take the bus to and from school, a person meets them at the bus and a person walks them to the bus, no IDs needed. The system gets so wacked when the school trys to meet the parents needs and the parents life styles in how these kids are being pick up from school.

Mybe the schools should set a system in place that all parents have to follow . instead of the other way around. lets make it easier for the schools to make sure these kids get home, their job is to educate not to run around and make it easy on the parents to do their jobs as parents.

Good Morning,

  As  a special education teacher for the last 15 years and the parent of an elementary school aged daughter, who attends the same school where I teach, I have to tell you your episode yesterday about students being released to the wrong people really struck a cord.   Prior to my daughter coming to Kindergarten, I started to look at the safety procedures in a whole new way and, together with a great team of parents and fellow teachers, custodians, and administrators, we have made a lot of improvements and changes with regard to our safety plan. We addressed everything from basic playground rules to various drills  that include lock down, building and campus evacuations, to student drop off and pick up procedures.  We as a staff do our absolute best to get everyone to and from school safely, and we have an overall outstanding record. 

  The situations presented on your show were very disturbing in that there were procedures in place but were not followed.  Thank God, the children were found quickly and alive!!  We have had a few scares that have sent us running to the conference room to modify and implement changes that were made due to these events, but having said that, the majority of these situations were due to miscommunication between parents who are divorced and not communicating.  With all due respect to those parents, and I consider myself one of them as a step mother for 23 years, who put the children in their care first, there are parents who can not or will not demonstrate and ounce of mature behavior, and they enjoy using their names on an emergency card, which is the flag that allows them to go with that person,  to upset the other parent who shows up to pick up the child as well.  Oh ,the scenes we have seen, all while the innocent child in the middle feeling responsible for all of the fighting.  Foul language, name calling, fits that would probably result in a suspension if it were the student acting that way, but it is the parent acting like that. We have learned how to defuse these situations quickly and will not hesitate for a second to call the police if need be, but it is very sad to see these things happen. 

  Parents need to understand that they need to follow the procedures designed to ensure the safety and wellbeing for the students, staff, and all visitors in our building. Read the parent handbook and take it to heart ,knowing that no one is trying to control you or keep you from being an active part of your child's education .  The book was created to enhance student learning by ensuring a safe environment which is imperative to student and staff success.  After all, when parents do not follow the rules, they demonstrate for their children that rules are to be broken, and that will lead to trouble for everyone.

    As for the man who is suffering from mental illness and his family who represented him, there can be no doubt in anyone's mind that this countries treatment of those with mental illness is horrible.  Please Dr. Phil, keep doing what you are doing to educate the public which is the way things get changed for the better.

  cancer was once the hidden problem in society and now it is mental illness. God bless the parents of the mentally ill man for holding their heads up and trying to enlighten society regarding their attempts to help the son they too were losing. It was not the man's fault that he was delusional and certainly not theirs.

 expecting a mentally ill person to monitor their meds or even for a loved one to do it puts the emphasis on the victim - perhaps like telling a cancer sufferer to go home and shrink the tumor.

 couldn't Dr. Phil have shown more compassion and faulted society more than playing the victim/aggressor card and the race card. Both these cards only scratch at the hurt. Society must be lead to where it accepts the realities of the mentally ill.

Punishment , in this case, is not my problem but it is a small solution to a huge, swept under the carpet, group of illnesses.

Just as in a cancer, research and multi-level approaches to it are necessary.

How sad that a psychologist played showman with these parents instead of a vanguard for where I hope society is eventually heading. Compassion, understanding, guilt-freeing,

God bless this man's parents for letting us know he came from and has a loving home but that still is not enough to overcome this illness.

I too was surprised at the patronizing way Dr. Phil talked with the representatives. He also allowed the woman who allowed him to leave to be mis represented as a teacher. She was a teacher aide or, as they wanted to call her a para professional. Whatever title this infers.  Yes, as teachers we are underpaid, but hang us when we deserve to be hanged......

Most school already have plenty of technology, so maybe they would only need some special software.  I bet the PTA would be glad to have a fundraiser to buy it.  I'm like you--I wish we would see more parents going to their school boards to request child safety be a priority.

You have a good point in that a child's life does not always have the stability it needs.  Changes are inevitable but I remember a time when a child's education was of the utmost importance and you didn't make any changes (like moving) unless it was absolutely necessary. 

I know it must be a nightmare for teachers in larger schools to keep up with who is supposed to be picking up who.  There are a lot of blended families and it is hard to know exactly who is in the nuclear family.

Someone said that employees are only there for the paycheck.  Teacher morale is at an all time low and in my opinion the main reason is discipline.  Parents don't want to discipline their child themselves and they sure don't want anyone else doing it.  Instead they want to be their child's friend and allow them to make decisions beyond the level of their cognitive abilities. 

Another person told about how they were reprimanded for making parents show ID's, I suppose because they had to be inconvenienced.  I would probably be fired for telling them that their child's safety is more important thatn how convenient it is or isn't to pick up a child.

We are all human and make mistakes.  I know the employee who allowed this is sick about it.  I am so glad everything turned out OK.

Well...I have an opposing issue...   I agree that the teacher who let the child go with a stranger should have been reprimanded.  Terminated if her service record had shown any other issues.  The family WAS apologized to.  Unfortuately, what else can they do other than learning from this and making sure it never happens again.  How can you assume that this teacher looked at this as a nonsense procedure.  I'm a teacher and as much of pain in the rear as all the procedures are I don't see them as nonsense and I strictly adhere to them, with the result that I've made a few parents mad for what they see as an annoying inconvienience.

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I had one woman that had a revolving door of boyfriends.  One day, the latest comes to pick up her daughter.   I didn't know this man, had never seen him before.  I POLITELY, asked him to park and go into the office so that his ID could be scanned.  He was mad, mad, mad.  The man was not on the child's emergency card.  The mother was not answering her cell phone or her work phone.  So, the man got even more furious and stormed off as every person in that office was calling every number on that emergency card to find out if this man could pick up the little girl or not.  When we finally got a hold of Mom she had to leave work and come and pick up her child.  I was cussed out, and screamed at AND she went to the central office and complained about me for not letting this man take her child and Inconveniencing her.  I was not reprimanded, fortunately.  However, I was asked to apologize to this woman, which I had already done while I was telling her that I was just following PROCEDURE!!!  Did she ever apologize to me for screaming at me and cussing me out???  Did she thank me for looking out for her child???? No to both of those.

Schools, school boards, upper admin are walking such a fine line between what is best for the children and trying to make the parents HAPPY!!

Hello,

I have been teaching kindergarten in a public school for 20 years. Never once have i released a child to a person who is a stranger to the child. If I do not recognize someone who comes to pick up a child, the first thing I will do is ASK THE CHILD who the person is. If the child cannot tell me who the person is, I then will send the person to the school office. Well-intentioned people never object to doing this, in fact, they usually applaud my efforts at keeping the child safe.

A suggestion I have for parents of young children is the idea of a password, or a question the answer to which only family, or someone actually sent by the parent would know. This could be the name of the family pet, or the family's favorite restaurant -- something easy for the child to remember, yet something that only the correct people would know. Also, share that password with the child'e teacher or caretaker. The teacher or caretaker could also use the password to verify the right for someone to pick up the child.