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Topic : 07/15 Is There a Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 282
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 10, 2008, 12:12:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As a parent, you’re likely to be concerned about sexual predators who could potentially gain access to your child. But what if you suspected a child molester were living under the same roof as your child or grandchild? Dr. Phil tackles the stories of two concerned moms. Donna became suspicious when her daughter, Dianna, started living with Scott, a registered sex offender. Donna claims her 3-year-old grandson started having nightmares, screaming out, "Stop, Scott!" so she called Child Protective Services. Dianna says her mom is lying and that her mother just wants Scott out of the picture. Are Donna’s concerns justified? Because of his criminal record, is any child with whom Scott lives at risk? Then, follow the heart-wrenching tale of a mother torn between the two people she loves most. Maryl’s 13-year-old daughter accused her stepfather of sexually abusing her. Maryl chose to believe her husband, called her daughter a pathological liar and sent her to live in foster care. Now, she wonders if she has made the biggest mistake of her life. Find out what has Maryl now convinced that her daughter’s stories of abuse were true, and decide for yourself: Who’s lying? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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July 12, 2008, 3:36 pm CDT

What the??????

I cannot understand how a parent, especially a mother, could expose her child/ children to such a huge risk such as hooking up with a known sex offender. That is absolutely STUPID!!!! It makes these women look weak and desperate for some form of companionship. How could you live with yourself if your child was abused by a partner YOU chose to be with? It would be just as much your fault as it was the offenders.

 

As for not believeing your own child has being molested by your partner, what is that about??? GET RID of him until it has been handled by the relevent systems. The partner accused should understand that you are proctecting your own flesh and blood and that the children are your NUMBER PRIORITY not him!!!

 

Being a mother of three, if I had any suspiscions of any of my children being abused or they were brave enough to come and tell me something as serious as that, I would give them the benefit of the doubt without even thinking about and made sure they weren't in danger anymore....not matter what it took.

 

Kiwi Kate

 
July 12, 2008, 5:11 pm CDT

Is there a predator in the house?

 Hi Dr Phil

    I believe this mother was wrong,sending her daughter away.I believe the step-father did this horrible thing to the girl.My daughter-in-law was molested by her biological father,she told me son about six months before they were married.After talking it over with my son they decided that the best thing to do would be to tell her mother.When she told her mother,the mother knocked her to the floor and told her to have respect for her father.That was too much for the young lady.That evening she tried to commit suicide.

Went thru some counseling and we all thought everything was OK with her.Sadly,about 4 months later she shot herself.At the memorial the father showed no remorse for the terrible sin he committed against

his precious daughter,not even grief.Just observing him I could tell that he thought he was "God's gift to women", and his wife was still by his side.This has affected our entire family. 

 

 
July 12, 2008, 6:19 pm CDT

How can a magistrate in juvinelle courts get away with sexually abusing his stepchildren?

I continue to be so angry. I recently married a wonderful man with two children. I greatly respected him from the start, as he lost everything he ever owned fighting for his children in court. He learned of the children's step-father "touching" his children in inappropriate manners and other things, like throwing the daughter up against the wall, screaming the C word at her, tickling his stepson in his underwear, and more, and the children never returned to their mothers home. The mother always excused his behavior, telling the children not to tell anyone, that he has a drinking problem, that it is he thinks the daughter is the mother and it is his way of showing affection.  The daughter still deals with flashbacks of his behavior. The mother said she was lying, trying to bring trouble to the house. The child has been cast aside, while the mother still lives with this monster. It is unreal. And to beat all, the man was a magistrate in our local juvenile courts.  And guess what? He was asked to leave and they wouldn't prosecute him....This is how he got away with it. And my step daughter still cries and shakes when certain things trigger the past experiences. She feels defeated. He still walks around high and mighty, as if nothing ever happened. She is still in counseling. And is scarred for life, feels extremely upset that her own mother stayed with the man and just tossed her aside. How can you explain that behavior to her?
 
July 13, 2008, 3:30 am CDT

My mother chose him over me......

Quote From: kaykwilts

Before I would have thrown my own daughter out of the house I would have had the husband removed until I was sure who was telling the truth.  Maryl should have paid to have a lie detector test to determine if indeed her husband was telling the truth or was a pedofile.  Instead she choose to insult her daughter and call her a liar and remove her from the home.  Because of this her daughter is scarred and may not want to have anything more to do with her mother who refused to protect her.    I can't understand these women who choose the perverted men over their daughter.  It is supposed to be a natural instinct to protect your young.  Maryl is lacking this. 

 

 And I have asked her why she didn't protect me, why she called me a liar all my life, why she hated me so much and I am 44 years old and still hurt from it all. 

 

When I learned he hurt another child, my brother and I turned him in and my entire family hates 'me'.  It hurts knowing that doing the right thing can bring so much hatred.  I don't regret turning him in............and my mother she says if there is a hell she's living in it.............but the hell she made me live through didn't mean squat to her.  She chose the man over her own daughter -- he always told everyone that he married her because I was such a pretty little girl. 

 

No one can take away what was done and in as much as you can move forward with your life there are always the hauntings that come back to bite you and you find yourself in tears and that scared child all over again. 

 

Hate is a very strong word but it took me this long, just two days ago to call my mother and tell her how much I hated her for allowing him to hurt me and hated her for not protecting me.  All I ever wanted was my mother to love me yet how could she love me when she knew she would have to lose that SOB by admitting his wrongdoings.  She would actually come to me and say 'your father is upset because you won't hug him or kiss him or tell him you love him; why do you hate him so much?' Telling her the truth was like talking to a brick wall -- she still lives in denial as far as I know.  She didn't know I had her number and she ran off to Mexico w/him after I turned them in.  And I say 'I' turned him in because they wouldn't believe that their precious son would do such a thing.  However, my mother has my brother so convinced that I am a liar that he told me he didn't trust me when I had never lied to him, yet he chose to believe his cheating ex-wife over me too............now isn't that pretty screwed up.

 

That was my family ..................and it was called the game of survival.  Once I got out -- I stayed out.

 

Any mother who chooses to believe the man over the child deserves to live in the hell they will live when they get older and realize that their child doesn't want anything to do with them because why should the child be responsible for caring for them in their old age when they didn't protect you as a child........... What comes around goes around and when it comes back - it's a hard friggin' reality bomb that you can't diffuse because there is no trust in their 'sorry's'.

 

So, Patt, if you are reading this -- this one's for you!!!  You chose the pedophile, you live with it as you will never see me again.  You said Gary was the only one you felt guilty about after he committed suicide......I know that's the one thing I believe you've ever said that may be true because you were so cruel to him.

 
July 13, 2008, 3:46 am CDT

Just be there for her...........

Quote From: freedom06

I continue to be so angry. I recently married a wonderful man with two children. I greatly respected him from the start, as he lost everything he ever owned fighting for his children in court. He learned of the children's step-father "touching" his children in inappropriate manners and other things, like throwing the daughter up against the wall, screaming the C word at her, tickling his stepson in his underwear, and more, and the children never returned to their mothers home. The mother always excused his behavior, telling the children not to tell anyone, that he has a drinking problem, that it is he thinks the daughter is the mother and it is his way of showing affection.  The daughter still deals with flashbacks of his behavior. The mother said she was lying, trying to bring trouble to the house. The child has been cast aside, while the mother still lives with this monster. It is unreal. And to beat all, the man was a magistrate in our local juvenile courts.  And guess what? He was asked to leave and they wouldn't prosecute him....This is how he got away with it. And my step daughter still cries and shakes when certain things trigger the past experiences. She feels defeated. He still walks around high and mighty, as if nothing ever happened. She is still in counseling. And is scarred for life, feels extremely upset that her own mother stayed with the man and just tossed her aside. How can you explain that behavior to her?

There will always be things that 'trigger' past experiences but just be there for her through the thick and thin of it all -- always.  Let her know how much you love and care for her.  She may want to talk about it again and again and again because it does eat at you but knowing that someone will continue to listen and validate her will help heal some of the scars.

 

I remember everything so vividly it feels like it could've been yesterday because it just doesn't go away.  There will be mood swings but as long as you always remember that what she went through was terrifying and reassure her you will always be there for her -- it will help tremendously.

 

As long as she knows that she is believed and validated, that is the key.

 

Unfortunately for some of us, we didn't get that from those who were close to us and the counselors -- just make sure she has a counselor who truly cares as there are many out there who don't.  It is difficult knowing that your mother chose the man over you, her child and that pain is deep and though it can be hidden, it is always there.

 

She is very fortunate to have a father and a stepmother that care so deeply for her and are doing everything they can to protect her.  I thank you both for doing what is right for her.

 
July 13, 2008, 4:03 am CDT

I think that some women choose to believe the man raping their child...

... rather than the child because they come from the kind of backgrounds where they are taught a woman is nothing without a man and that children are natural born liars.

 

We've had cases like that here, and the women have almost always been from what are called "traditional" homes.

 
July 13, 2008, 8:01 am CDT

How could you chose a man over your child?!

It is disheartening to know a mother could chose a man over her own child! I have a two year old and though I am very in love and know my husband would never do anything to my daughter, I would always believe her. I know this might sound overcautious but my husband is not the father of my daughter, and before I even went on a "first date" with him, I looked up his name in ever on-line file, child services act, etc. To say the least, the man has never even had a speeding ticket. On the other hand, if my daughter ever even made a FUSS I would believe her. She is my DAUGHTER, my blood, my family, the one person who no matter what happens, she will still love me. Why would you jeopardize that? Why would you want your own flesh to hate you, and without justified reason lie about something that serious. I know teenagers can be known to lie, but there has to be a reason. COME on mothers, step up, no matter what it takes, take care of your children. This is just sooo aggravating!
 
July 13, 2008, 9:17 am CDT

Protect your children

Unfortunately it happen a lot more then people think. Children telling a parent that it is happening and they don't believe the child. I know from personal experience. Parents don't want to believe that it is happening so they ignore it. It leaves the child believing that they are not worth it. I know that if my children say it I will investigate after i kick him out. I can not allow that to go on in my house. Sometimes children say it when there is nothing going on which is very bad.
 
July 13, 2008, 9:36 am CDT

molester living in home

I have worked as an educator  to junior  high through college age for the past 30 years. Whiles the faces are different the abuse stories are the same,heartbreaking, as well as the outcomes for the children, mental torture and tremendous anger along with a list of other negative outcomes.

 

Even a mother lion, tiger, or bear has the sense to protect her children first  to the best of her ability. A mother hen has the sense to not put a fox in her house. A human mother can also choose to put her children's needs before her own. I am sick at the choices of both mothers. Instead of choosing the best for their children they have chosen the opposite. May God and Dr. Phil help them.

 
July 13, 2008, 11:12 am CDT

Children HAVE to be believed!

Quote From: paula8147

Any time a child accuses a parent or stepparent of sexual abuse, I believe the other parent should believe  the child., especially the mother. We bring children into this world and it is our obligation to protect that child until he or she is old enough to protect themselves. A woman who chooses a husband over her child doesn't deserve to be a mother, in my opinion.

Dr. Phil,  I am so happy that you are such a WONDERUL advocate for children who cannot speak for themselves.  I was one of those little girls once.  We never miss your program. We have seen every show and all of the reruns. My husband and I make sure we are at home at 3:00 p.m. every day.  We are 70 and 71 yrs. old and can really relate to all of your programs that all of the problems people face.  YOU DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!  Robin is a sweetie and such a HUGE support for you.  You go girl!   You are such a caring and wonderful man.  Keep up the good work.  GOD has groomed you for this work those yrs. in your legal practices.  Thank you so much for all you do.

Coming from a family that has sexual child abuse run amuke.  We couldn't tell any body and that ruined our lives in every aspect and changed who we are as a person.  Mothers, Fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, of children that even slightly mention that they have been abused PLEASE HEAR THIS!  BELIEVE THE CHILD ALWAYS.  Alert the as many  authorities as you have to  until you get this child some HELP. Never stop until you do.  I cannot tell you how devastating it is to be sexually abused.  I was physically abused and then it was a mental abuse for the rest of my life until I was 50 yrs. old and my husband asked me what was wrong and he told me I had to get help.  I am so grateful as now I am 70 yr. old and am so much happier no more flashbacks.

GOD BLESS THESE LITTLE CHILDREN!  Please BELIEVE THEM ABOVE THE  "SOB"  of a male that has the access to this precious child or children.  This ALSO goes for PHYSICAL abuse as well.   Put those guys AWAY FOR GOOD.........

 
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