Topic : 07/15 Is There a Predator in the House?

Penny, I hope you let a whole lot of people know what your half-brother did right then when it happened...and I'm glad you let his wife know what he did, too.

No excuses, no breaks, no mercy, and certainly no sympathy for "Chester The Child Molester"!  The damage done to their victims is a life sentence for them....it should be for the perpetrator as well.

Scott is a liar and cps needs to step in and protect that child and remove him from that house Where is the real father why isn't he stepping in.dianna needs to smarten up she is in need of a psychiatrist.

  Maryl you need to beleive in ypour child and not someone that you think loves you, because he doen't if he does that to your daughter.

Interesting the pole said 86% would believe their child if they came to them and said they were molested by the mother's spouse/boyfriend.  Don't buy it.  Yes most will say that, because  that's the *appropriate* thing to say isn't it?   However when faced with such a situation many fail to do what's right.  So many adult women have such low selfesteems that they don't want to loose *their man*.  They stay because they think they can't get any better.  No one else will love them.  Sadly in these situations they tend to make it all about them and not their own children.  Twisted, yes,  but sadly true.  EVERY family has at least one sexual preditor in their family.  More sadly many know and keep the ugly secret for the sick minded relative.  My own brother who's married w/two kids at 49 is a sexual deviant.  A few years back my sister said he molested her as a child, when he was a teenager.  Her and I did wonder if it was a one time thing.  However a few years after she told me this my brother begged me to have sex with him.  I was 37, and engaged, he was 38 and married.  I have no idea why he thought I wouldn't tell.  I mean I wasn't a child.  He also begged my brother in law to have sex with him, prior to the incident with me.  I had no idea.  After that me, my sister, my BIL and my fiance (now husband) made a pact.  We decided he was dead to all four of us.  I wrote him a letter telling him to stay out of our lives and to NEVER contact us.  If he did I swore to him I would tell his wife everything.  I also told him if later in life his kids said he ever touched them inappropriatly I would be there for them in court and seal his fate.  I also believe he molested his two children, because they acted out very sexually when they were about 4 and 6 respectively.  I just have no way to prove it. I mean what are the odds that it was only me, my sister and my brother in law?  We were just there and *handy*.  His kids are just as handy and ALWAYS there.  God help them.   My mother knows everything and still has contact with him.  We've told her she is his mother, do whatever she wants but to leave us out of it.  This was a few years back.  Just as recently as 3wks ago she mentioned him to my sister saying how could she get us all to reconcile before she dies.  So you see, many mothers will live in a constant state of denial.  Convincing themselves that it *wasn't that bad*.  My mother was molested by a neighbor when she was a little girl.  She had a gazillion years of therapy because of it.  Sadly it did nothing for her.  Her self image is so low that she see's nothing wrong with throwing her daughters under the bus (my brother) just to have one big happy family.  Whatever that is.  She even wanted to fly to Kansas taking my (at the tme) 9yr old niece to meet her uncle and his family.  Naturally as you can imagine this would be over my sister and I's dead bodies.  While I do love my mother, her weakness repulses me.  Thankfully she did not manage to instill such a repugnant quality in me growing up.  There is absolutely no reason to keep in touch or even consider a sexual deviant a part of your family.  You can not pick your family members. However when you become an adult and can make your own decisions,  grow a pair exile and your sick relative for the safety of the *good* part of your family members.  Especially the children.  My brother and I were close growing up, but I will NOT keep him around just because we are blood related.  Any adult who places more importance on blood relations than the safety of other loved ones is only doing exactly what a sexual deviant wants.  Grow up people.  Make your own family without these arrested development freaks in it.

The mother on the show who didn't believe her daughter sadly fits in the *typical* catagory.  Her daughters harmless little lies through the years were nothing more than a typical kids behavior.  The mother was so immature she couldn't even recognize this.  That man she's living with would not only not be in my bed (as she stated), but he'd be out the front door, along with my boot up his ass for good measure. 

Re: Mother not believing daughters' nightmare:

So tragic. Mother, you must get on your knees and beg your daughter's forgiveness and I literally mean knees on floor. (shows the utmost sincerity and you will do it if your humble) then immediately take action with that "husband ",  degenerate thing and have him removed from the home.  Your daughter needs to know this action is being taken.  You may have to leave. Whatever, get him out.

Economic security is a disgraceful excuse to stay etc. It will take time lots of time for your daughter to ever trust you again but it can happen.

God Bless

OMG well said!!! I couldn't agree more! 

Let's not forget low self esteem and self loathing.   If you are a complete pushover every time a man compliments you, you may be his *next* candidate to move in with and slip under the sheets with your toddler, tween or teenager.  If you also think that when a man tells you, "Don't ever wear that shirt again , it's too low cut" he just cares for your safety or it's cute cause he's a bit jealous, once again ladies YOU are going to be the *chosen* one.  Get it?  Stop falling for men who are too good to be true or they're incredibly charming.  Why are they charming you?  Too charm, means to act.  As in they are not being their authentic selves.  Don't immediately pat yourselves on the back saying, "Wow he likes me, he REALLY likes me, I never got this much attention from boys in highschool".  Really, grow up.  Use the tools (senses) the good Lord gave you, ie ears, eyes, intuition.  They've spotted weakness in you just like a lion spots weakness in a herd of gazelles.  He doesn't want you, he wants your child.    Before a man moves in with you, talk to family members,  what was his upbringing like?  Does he have a healthy relationship with all family members.  If not why?  Does he seem over eager to connect with your child or babysit.  Don't except the excuse, "Oh I just love children, I always have, no problem I'll pick them up from school while you're at work".   Desperation is a repugnant quality in a women.   Don't be that woman.   Love yourself.  Find the *right* man, not just *any* man.

As someone who suffered sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather when I was close to Maryl's daughters age, I'm not surprised Maryl's husband denied his actions.

I didn't tell my mother about my abuse until I was in my late 30's.  I didn't tell anyone  at the time because I was afraid I wouldn't be believed, and I feared that my mother's marriage would end and for some reason I felt that would be MY fault.

I summoned the courage to confront my stepfather.  Laying in bed one night when my mother was out of the house, I was terrified, knowing he would come in my room.  When my bedroom door opened, I was more afraid then I'd ever been in my life, more afraid then any child should ever have to be.  I told my stepfather not to touch me and I made it clear that if he ever touched me again, I would tell my Father.

While he wisely never touched me again, I had to live with the fear he would for years.  I never felt comfortable in my own home again.

He and I never discussed it, although I think a part of me always hoped that he would come to me and acknowledge his actions and apologize, he died without taking the opportunity to seek forgiveness.

He became my stepfather when I was three years old and I loved him completely.  It has taken me years to deal with the fallout of his actions.  It has left me unable to trust other men, unable to believe I'm worthy of better than what he gave me.  At the age of fifty......FIFTY.....a therapist asked me if I thought my stepfather had loved me.  I always thought he had, but my therapist asked, "Do you think someone who REALLY loves you could possibly do something to you that is so damaging?"

Well, when you put it like that..........

I was surprised that Maryl's husband passed a lie detector test, but I know that those tests are not 100% reliable, it is why they are inadmissable in court.  In fact, I remember watching coverage of a case where a suspect passed a lie detector test and later indisputable evidence was uncovered and he was tried and convicted of murder.  I'm just sayin'.

 I can't imagine how devastated I would have been if I had told my Mother and she didn't believe me.  I wasn't brave enough to risk that, Maryl's daughter was. 

This show hit home with me today!! I was a single young mother not feeling I could get any better guy than I had at the time. We moved in with each other after he called me (prior to us dating) in desparate need of someone to bail him out of jail. What a fool I was then!! I bail him out of jail and then we moved into the cheapest place we could find...a white trash dump...this was far from how I grew up nor was nothing like my family. I knew he wasn't the best guy in the world. We married 6 months later and I was so thrilled...even though my family hated him. (RED FLAG #1). I was going to night school at the University and I was actually fearful for my son who was at the time 1 1/2 years old. I was afraid he was going to hurt him for some reason. To make a long story short, my husband at  the time abused my son physically. He went so far as to slap him on the face and leave a bruise the shape of his right hand on the left side of his face. His excuse was because my son hit him. My sister too saw the bruise and told me if I didn't call Child Protective Services that she was going to. CPS came in and they too didn't find anything wrong on the "outside" with my now ex. He went to parenting classes but it didn't stop him...

My son, now 17 years old told me something very disturbing. I worked nights, and my husband at the time was then home with our children. My son would be so scared to come out of his room at night, if he had to go to the bathroom he would pee in the can of legos that was in their room. He laughs now, but how sad that I was so blind that it took me almost 8 years to find the courage and the strength to kick him out of the house.

There are many other things he did to my son that I will not mention. I will say this, he has to get a psychological evaluation done on himself and my son before he can ever see either one of my children ever again or at least until their 18 at their will.

Leave your guy if he doesn't treat your child like he loves him....You know in your gut what you need to do!!! You are all your baby has and he/she trusts you. Don't let your pride get in the way of saving your child from a mean step parent!!!!

I feel comforted that my evil ex can never hurt my children ever again!!!

In response to the woman who believed her husband instead of her daughter,  could there have been another man in this young girl's life who could have abused her?  Remember the husband took and passed a lie detector test  which you Dr. Phil commonly use as a  way of determining guilt.