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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 25, 2008, 10:44 pm CDT

The Know It All Brother

I have a brother who is one year older than me and we are always locking horns.

When you and a sibling are teens it's all competition. Who is more popular, who has better grades,

who has the most friends pretty much anything to prove they are better. My brother is always starting fights with me when he can't have his way. Like if I won't get off the computer at his request he starts going on and on about how I need to get a life. His biggest goal is to embarras me in front of his and my friends...

It really sucks...My brother is always comparing himself to me so he can look like the cooler one.

He not only does that but he will punch and kick me really hard if I say anything back abut him in defense.

How do I get him to stop? It is rediculous now he is constantley irritating me and my little brother on purpose to, tapping on shoulders/head/back, saying annoying things, just anything that will irritate a person and he does it all on purpose. He is always saying grades don't prove how smart you are and he is the smarter one [haha he's just jealous I can beat him in something lol] . But seriously how can I get him to stop starting these battles without handing him everything???

 
August 25, 2008, 11:29 pm CDT

sieze the time you have

I watched the show tonight, and when Dr. Phil began to talk about how you never know how much time you have, I broke down and cried. My sister always hated me, and frankly, I have never known why. For many years I tried to talk her out of it, tried to get through to her, tried to be a sister with her. But finally I gave up. But I never gave up my hope that one day we could sit down, have a heart-to-heart, and remember that more than anything else, we were sisters. On Mother's Day, the day after the birthday of her oldest daughter and the day after my own birthday (her oldest shared a birthday with me), she committed suicide. Now she is gone.

I was not supposed to be watching tv tonight. I was supposed to be packing. Because in a couple of days I will be going to bury my sister's ashes and to mourn her death. But I couldn't make myself pack. The idea that I have to bury my little sister, the one I looked out for, the one I took care of, the one I tried to protect, overwhelms me with grief. I feel like I failed.

So many of us in my extended family cannot stop thinking "is there something more we could have done?" That is constantly in my mind. Part of me knows I tried my best. Part of me wonders if there was more I could have done. I have always loved my sister, but she was always very angry and very competitive with me. I did my best to try to try to keep us together, but she didn't want me in her life. And now there is absolutely no possibility for anything in this world to get any better in our relationship.

Now my dear and only sister is gone.

 
August 25, 2008, 11:52 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

I've never posted on the message board before. But todays show hit a nerve with me. My little brother ddied at 19 years old, He was at a tough point in his life. Rebelling and doing about anything he could to prove his independance and in the process causing alot of family strife. He was an amazing young man who just hit a rough few months. He had a huge fight with my entire family 2 days before he died. Most of the family wasn't talking to him even when he tried apologizing. Some of them accepted his apology some didn't.. I was one of the lucky ones. I wasn't involved in the fight and when he showed up I was able to have a long heart to heart with him. He told me about his fear of death and his fear that his newborn daughter would grow up not knowing who he was. I got the chance to tell him he wasn't allowed to die. I needed him in my life. That I loved him and he meant the world to me. I also got to tell him what a wonderful dad he was turning out to be and that I beleived in him.

 

I was blessed. I got to say to him what Id never put into words before. Not flat out openly like that. We fought alot. I was watching him make some pretty big mistakes and was pretty hard on him. But I was given the best gift of my life. I got to say that to him. I got to say how much I loved him. Less then 12 hours later he'd died from a ruptured anuerism of his aorta. He said he felt perfectly healthy just had this fear of death. I didnt know that was a sign of an anuerism even though they ran in our family. I just thought the full scope of being a single teenage dad was hitting him.And the responsability he now had. I spent alot of years regretting not saying more but then one day it hit me. I had more then almost anyone else in the world had. A chance to tell him he was important. That I realized the petty fighting was petty fighting. That I saw him and loved and accepted him for who he was. This is a gift I wouldn't give up for anything in the world.

 

I beg anyone struggling with sibling rivalry to take a step back and ask "how important is this" Stop and think, if there is no second chance to say anything else are these the last words I want this person to hear. It puts so much in perspective. I'm not perfect. I still fight with people. Heck my mom and I have a turmoltulous relationship at times. But I make a point to say that I do love her. Even if we can push every button the other one has. Even if she's done wrong to me. I know I want her to know I do love her. That I do know what impotant. That I know I'm not perfect.You can disagree with a persons descions and still love and accept them. You can not accept the behaviour and still accept the person.

 

I have walked away from people who were not healthy for me. But one thing I try to remember is to ask how important is it. If they werent around tomorow would this still be such a big deal. If the answer is yes then chances are its time to walk away as lovingly as I can. It's a balance. But siblings aren't just anyone. They hold so many years of your life within them. They  shared things that nobody can every share with you again. They have your blood running through them. Their family. Thats the biggeest lesson I learned from my brothers death. He was a cherished gift in my life. I can never have him back to cherish those moments with so instead I'm going to honor that gift he gave me and remember to cherish those moments I have with the rest of my family.I urge you to do that too,

 
August 26, 2008, 5:25 am CDT

Let me set the twins straight!

Being a twin myself, I was not only shocked at the way the twins were treating each other on your show, but the mannerism in which they did it. one being better than the other, or evil twin.. blah blah blah, I wanted so  bad to fly to your show and slap the hell out of both sets of twins.

Never in a million years would I have treated my twin  brother like they did.. my twin brother ( Bill ) and I worshipped our timw together, we would make time to be around each other, fish, swim, sing, there was never a day that we didn't call each other on the phone just to say " HI". Nothing was more important than him! Our lives revolved around each other...

But GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!

He killed himself 2 yrs ago...

What once was a life of honor, love, true brother hood.. is now a life of hell! there is never a day that I don't say his name, dream of him, talk to him. wish for him, pray for him.. CRY for him..

I never, ever thought in a million yrs, I would live my life without my other half.

God, those twins on your show need a major reality check..

Let me tell them just how being 2 people, living as one really feels...

they need to grow up and smell the coffee. Life does hand you surprises,, and trust me some of the surprises are not what you ever dreamed of..

 

Dr. Phill.. Bring me on your show and let me at them.. I will explain the true meaning of the word TWINLESS!

 
August 26, 2008, 6:13 am CDT

Dr. Phil's advice

 This show is one that hit so close to home.  My mother and sister haven't spoken to each other in 9 years.  I used to attend family functions, but stopped.  It was very uncomfortable for everyone if I attended because my mom and sister wouldn't speak to me or my children.   For instance,  I am sure that my sister's husband felt that he was betraying his wife if he spoke to us.  One time at a funeral, we were all standing in a circle speaking to each other.  It was uncomfortable but I was happy that some of us were making an attempt to communicate.  We were speaking about the weather and keeping it very neutral.  All at once I noticed that my sister was standing there with her back to the circle.  I said my good-by's and went home. 

Life is very complicated and I often wonder what it would take for us to come together again.  I realize that I was the one who gave up making attempts at communication.  My brothers still invite my children and I to family functions but we decline. My children are adults  and are free to attend if they wish. 

I feel isolated  and don't feel as if I have a place in the world.  I also feel that I have robbed my children of the benefit of family. 

Dr. Phil talked of the arrogance of my thinking.  I pray about this situation, but that does nothing if I do not take some type of action.  I realize that I could pick up the phone and call.  The thing is that I have experienced this situation in the past.  I wasn't being spoken to and I called my mom.  She told me off in no uncertain terms.  Because of this, I have not called.   I have not called in 9 years.  How stubborn am I?  I would say that I am very stubborn. 

I believe in reincarnation and feel that when I come back again that I will go through the same type of life if I don't resolve this now.  Selfish???  Yep, you bet. 
 
August 26, 2008, 6:56 am CDT

Rob's Mom is an enabler

Rob seemed like a healthy young man, capable of working a fulltime job.  If he was mine he would be told that he's 20 yrs old, either he can go to school fulltime & work parttime, or work fulltime and go to school parttime.  His only other option would be one of four things......Army, AirForce, Navy or Marines.  Period!
 
August 26, 2008, 7:59 am CDT

Know it All sisters/Twins

Quote From: blgspc

I am an identical twin living in South Carolina. My twin lives in San Francisco. I just posted on another board then I poked my head in here to read the posts.

 

My eyes are stinging. There is a lump in my throat. I cant even imagine a loss such as the one you are trying to cope with..my twin is the closest person to me. I suppose thats how we as identical twin know how to get the other but good! For me, sometimes it just stings more, I suppose. Though my twin and I have always had this back and forth thing that is for the most part playful. My Grandmother used to look at us, shake her head and say, Theyre just like a pair of kittens. Chasing, challenging or got to frolic with each other anytime theyre awake and no matter what they are doing! Why are they always, like that?!? I aint never seen two children, like these two! I wanted to say, WERE TWINS, GRANDMA! We wanted to play with each other even if there were ten other kids to play with!

Its just that I value what she thinks and unfortunately I dont believe that she sees me as a person who is capable, skilled or talented. That really smarts, too! Weve always looked forward to seeing each other. Laughing together. We both have a wicked sense of humor. Even though we live 3000 miles apart, I was the Maid of Honor at her wedding. I was the first person to hold her baby and cut the cord!(Her husband passes out at the sight of blood.) I am always there-in spirit-when shes struggling. I am her loudest and most persistent cheerleader! And, she knows that! There have been times when she was struggling with problems at work.intimidated by someone higher up, that she would be facing and I would say in that moment, When you face him I want you to think of me standing by your side, holding your hand. In your head, I want you to think of me because Im going to be sending you a mental CHEER! Whatever, happens just remember, Im with you and I always will be.

Things are never perfect. I know that my sister loves me. I think that she just doesnt value or respect me in the same way I value and respect her. Were not done, yet though. So, I will keep on being her twin sister and loving her whether were at odds or not. Ill remember that in part because I read your post and it reminded me that twins have a spiritual connectedness that few others will ever experience. I will remember also as I was complaining in my last post that the person I was complaining about is still here for me to argue with.

I send you my sincerest Thanks for a reminder I hope all the twins out there can see and read. As for you Jerry, I hope that when you read this post, that you will-if just for a moment- remember Terry and celebrate her memory, rather than mourning her loss. Isnt that what she would want for you? Wouldnt she want you to allow yourself the joy of remembering your best times. The funny things that only the two of you shared. I havent been where you are but I do know that if you were my twin, I would want you to find some measure of joy, again. Even if you were repeatedly pulled back to the sorrow.

 

Thinking of You,

 

Brenda

Brenda, thank you for writing to both Jerry and myself...and to everyone who reads your post.  I'm sure that there are many who resonate with your thoughts; that we believe our sibling 's don't give us a enough credit for who we are and what we know.  This is what I learned when it was too late to enjoy it:  In my twin's last week, I shared with her how I envied her brilliance; her self-confidence; her street-smarts, etc.  She immediately came back to me (in conversation) and said to me 'what?...I always felt you were the smarter one.  I always leaned on you for your wise words'  During that same conversation, I also found out that my twin thought that I was the one that attracted more friends into our lives; that I had the more out-going personality.  I, of course, that it was her.

Brenda, I share this with you because I learned all of this with only a couple of days to share the equality of our twinship.  I'm not Dr. Phil, but I strongly suggest that you and your sissy have a conversation and dive into how you feel about each other (of course, referencing this show and string of posts would be a great entry for you).  Knowing how she really feels...and why...could deepen your twinship. There is the chance that I'm wrong, so you'll have to be willing to learn from what she has to say: looking at the glass of water has 1/2 full.   I would give anything, ANYthing to be able to have a heart to heart with my twin...take advantage of life while you have it.

(San Francisco, by the way, is a fabulous city to live in and visit...I'm now in Southern California having spent the last 8 years in San Fran...and I visit there often). 

Wallow in your twinship...it is the best relationship I've ever expereienced.  Debe

 
August 26, 2008, 8:09 am CDT

Twinless

Quote From: bobstroz

Being a twin myself, I was not only shocked at the way the twins were treating each other on your show, but the mannerism in which they did it. one being better than the other, or evil twin.. blah blah blah, I wanted so  bad to fly to your show and slap the hell out of both sets of twins.

Never in a million years would I have treated my twin  brother like they did.. my twin brother ( Bill ) and I worshipped our timw together, we would make time to be around each other, fish, swim, sing, there was never a day that we didn't call each other on the phone just to say " HI". Nothing was more important than him! Our lives revolved around each other...

But GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!

He killed himself 2 yrs ago...

What once was a life of honor, love, true brother hood.. is now a life of hell! there is never a day that I don't say his name, dream of him, talk to him. wish for him, pray for him.. CRY for him..

I never, ever thought in a million yrs, I would live my life without my other half.

God, those twins on your show need a major reality check..

Let me tell them just how being 2 people, living as one really feels...

they need to grow up and smell the coffee. Life does hand you surprises,, and trust me some of the surprises are not what you ever dreamed of..

 

Dr. Phill.. Bring me on your show and let me at them.. I will explain the true meaning of the word TWINLESS!

My twin sister moved from the Los Angeles area to the San Francisco area to go to college, leaving me in southern CA.  Our song became "Big Yellow Taxi"..."...don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.."  She quit school to move back and be with me.  The twin bond is incredibly deep.  I, too, lost my twin over 7 years ago to cancer and am living in a dreamstate of hell without her.

I'm writing to you because I know I need to keep moving forward thru life.  I found an organization that lets me know I'm not alone...(www.twinlesstwins.org) .  When my twin was alive, I knew I was never alone...our 4 legged table existed:  now I'm a 2-legged table trying to figure out how to balance my life.

 

I agree with you:  Dr. Phil...Bring me on your show, too, and I'll explain to them how precious being a twin is and how devasting it is to be a twinless....Debe

 
August 26, 2008, 8:17 am CDT

The Silent Treatment

My brother and I were pretty close despite the enormous differences between us.  I was always overlooking his destructive nature.  One incident, last December at Disney World, during a family trip, he slipped a Vicodin into my 12 year old daughter's drink and my husband's drink.  

But the most incredible thing my brother has done to me is given me and my family the silent treatment.  My 20 month old son had brain surgery last March.  I tried to reach my brother for days to let him know that his nephew was undergoing emergency surgery.  No one in the family could reach him until a week later.  It is now August 26 and I have still not heard from him.  He never inquired as to how his nephew is, or phoned to express concern.  He has hurt me bad.

 
August 26, 2008, 9:02 am CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Quote From: eesakalik

My brother and I were pretty close despite the enormous differences between us.  I was always overlooking his destructive nature.  One incident, last December at Disney World, during a family trip, he slipped a Vicodin into my 12 year old daughter's drink and my husband's drink.  

But the most incredible thing my brother has done to me is given me and my family the silent treatment.  My 20 month old son had brain surgery last March.  I tried to reach my brother for days to let him know that his nephew was undergoing emergency surgery.  No one in the family could reach him until a week later.  It is now August 26 and I have still not heard from him.  He never inquired as to how his nephew is, or phoned to express concern.  He has hurt me bad.

Why would you want someone around that indangered your childs and your husbands health by slipping something into their drinks? Maybe you should be happy about that unaswered prayers. atleast until he proves himself to be trust worthy again.

 

I hope your son is doing well, and back to laughing and playing like a boy his age should be doing. and your worries and concerns for him are in the past.

 
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