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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 25, 2008, 3:28 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Dr. Phil I'm torn both ways with this story about the sisters. My sister and I were close growing up but totally oppisites know. We have not been very close in years. I totally disagree with her lifestyle and hate the way her kids are treated. But no matter what I sit back and keep my mouth closed because I don't want to miss out on what we have left in life or my niece and nephew's lifes. So no matter what hte differences is I just live my life and she lives hers. We might not talk everyday but sometimes just a text to say hi is enough, no matter how aggrevated you get with your sibling.
 
August 25, 2008, 3:30 pm CDT

know it all sisters

Quote From: elkatraz

     I don't suppose I am any different than other siblings, other than I am unable to get along with my sister, who is three years older than me.   As children she tormented me and it would get to the point where we would physically fight.  As we got older, I thought we would be able to find a middle ground and become friends.  I miss having my sister for a friend, someone you can trust.  I always get the feeling (intuition) she is secretly pleased about any misfortune of mine.   All sisters and brothers have disagreements at some point, and we have had ours.  But, any disagreement goes to character assassinations by my sister and leaves the problem unresolved.  My biggest problem is keeping the rift from becoming known to my parents who are 91 and 83.  So, I acknowledge her when in the presence of them, but have no other contact with her.  I am sure I am not fooling anyone, but no one wants to open the can of worms.  After my parents are gone, we will be done as well.   

     

I am a sister who was compared to my brother for years.  He is artistic, popular and all round nice person.

I lived in his shadow for years.  All his teachers became my teachers--I never had my own identity I was known as so in so's little sister.  I thought that I would never become my own person.  Even my own mother said on many occassions "Why can't you be like your brother?

 

I finally graduated high school and that is when it all changed for me.  I was on my own no one know of my brother and I realized that I had my own talents.  I may not have been artistic but I knew how to listen and be a good friend.  People came to trust me and know that I would not be judgmental of them.  I became a person that knew who to treat people and become their confidant.

 

So maybe the brother in today's show  just needs to hang in there a  little longer--save his money so that he can move out of his mother's house.  Maybe once he is out of his sister's shadow he will flourish on his own.

 
August 25, 2008, 3:31 pm CDT

Sibling Rivalry

I watched today's show and realized how lucky I am that I grew up to love my siblings. I grew up with four brothers and I am the only girl. I am right in the middle and when we were younger we fought like cats and dogs. My mother always used to say that we were the only family who didn't get along...which we always let her know wasn't true. As we grew up and found our own ways...thanks to my parents...we learned to love each other unconditionally. We DO NOT agree with every decision our sibilings make but at the end of the day we are FAMILY. It is no suprise to anyone that if I am out somewhere the rest of the gang is probably on their way or somewhere nearby. We are eachother's best friends and are always there for eachother. I have dealt with the most loss and watched my best friend get buried at 20 and people really need to understand that we are not going to live forever. I couldn't even imagine what life would be like without my brothers they were my shoulders when I felt like I had lost my whole world. Try not to lose sight of how precious every minute is.
 
August 25, 2008, 3:50 pm CDT

I guess I'm the know-it all sister

My sister would tell you that I'm the know-it-all sister.  Here's why.  Our 84 year old mother, my sister (53)and her 2 grown boys (26 & 29) all live in the same city.  I live 3 states away, and it's close enough.  The lesson for me has been to learn detachment.  These are the facts:

 

1.  Our mother , who has dementia, provides a house, car, food, and incidentals to my sister and her 2 grown boys who live with her.

2.  Mother was always obsessively clean.  My sister is obsessively filthy.  She and the boys have turned Mother's house into a pig sty.

3.  My sister doesn't work due to fibromyalgia.  Coincidentally both of her sons refuse to work.  Mother supports them all.

4. I highly suspect there is chronic drug use going on with the 2 boys if not all 3 of them.

5. Whenever I visit, I am put in the middle of the conflict between Mother and the 3 of them.  They expect me to defend each of them to the other:  Mother continues to hand them money while moaning about why the kids won't get a job:  My sister only has one topic of conversation, and that is what I call the "My mommy's so mean to me........" chronicles.  Neither of them will take the steps to change their poisonous interactions.  I can't force a change.

6.  At Mother's request I took over paying the utilities and other bills for her, because her dementia caused her great confusion in managing money.  Now my sister is angry because I am being entrusted with the bank accounts.

7.  Mother plays the role of controller by providing money, house, cars, etc and then expects to have a say in my sister's behavior and that of her kids.

8.  My sister plays the role of rebellious teenager, is 53 going on 15, and attempts to dress like a 15 year old.

 

Long story short, I'm the know-it-all sister and I refuse to be dragged into that toxic situation.  I've tried to point out to Mother that she does them no favors by handing them everything, and have tried to point out to my sister that she has the power to change it if she could find it within her to stand on her own two feet and draw some boundaries.  Won't happen.  Nothing will change.

 

Regards,

Snowmama

 
August 25, 2008, 3:52 pm CDT

Mourning the Alive

What can I say - I really wish it was not so.  My sisters are 16 years older than I.  They have their families...since I was 6 I was an only child really.  One sister decided to live in High Society - connecting with very affluent people - and made us feel very uncomfortable in family gatherings by always correcting our table manners and commenting on our weight or clothes.  She claims that is what she and her friends do and that we are too sensitive.... well....yeah...telling me I am fat at 8 years old - that created a complex....

and the other sister is shows jelousy and competitiveness...

 

I tried very much to connect - and that did not work - it just hurt me - we just are not on the same page with things...I am preganant now with my second child and both have not even called me to congradulate me....

 

It really is pathetic.  My first child - my older sister did not even bother to come visit me until a whole month later!  We do live in the same city.

 

Now I just HAVE to -and do - focus on my own family - hoping my children will have a harmonious relationship - no matter their differences...  It does take two to tango and they say.... I did try HARD and I am so hurt and have actually spend the last 2-3 years MOURNING these relationships! 

I just need to cut.... 

 

If I were to die - I really do not think my sisters would feel much pain...they never took the time to know me - never took me to a movie or share time with me as a kid....  today with two kids - I do take the time to get to know THIER children cause I feel it is important...I am very family oriented....

 

Great show today - awesome advice if BOTH agree to work on it...what can one do if the others do not care to work at it but remain in their selfish world - nurturing friendships...not caring enough to take the time to nuture the relationship with thier little sister?

 
August 25, 2008, 3:54 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Quote From: snowmama

My sister would tell you that I'm the know-it-all sister.  Here's why.  Our 84 year old mother, my sister (53)and her 2 grown boys (26 & 29) all live in the same city.  I live 3 states away, and it's close enough.  The lesson for me has been to learn detachment.  These are the facts:

 

1.  Our mother , who has dementia, provides a house, car, food, and incidentals to my sister and her 2 grown boys who live with her.

2.  Mother was always obsessively clean.  My sister is obsessively filthy.  She and the boys have turned Mother's house into a pig sty.

3.  My sister doesn't work due to fibromyalgia.  Coincidentally both of her sons refuse to work.  Mother supports them all.

4. I highly suspect there is chronic drug use going on with the 2 boys if not all 3 of them.

5. Whenever I visit, I am put in the middle of the conflict between Mother and the 3 of them.  They expect me to defend each of them to the other:  Mother continues to hand them money while moaning about why the kids won't get a job:  My sister only has one topic of conversation, and that is what I call the "My mommy's so mean to me........" chronicles.  Neither of them will take the steps to change their poisonous interactions.  I can't force a change.

6.  At Mother's request I took over paying the utilities and other bills for her, because her dementia caused her great confusion in managing money.  Now my sister is angry because I am being entrusted with the bank accounts.

7.  Mother plays the role of controller by providing money, house, cars, etc and then expects to have a say in my sister's behavior and that of her kids.

8.  My sister plays the role of rebellious teenager, is 53 going on 15, and attempts to dress like a 15 year old.

 

Long story short, I'm the know-it-all sister and I refuse to be dragged into that toxic situation.  I've tried to point out to Mother that she does them no favors by handing them everything, and have tried to point out to my sister that she has the power to change it if she could find it within her to stand on her own two feet and draw some boundaries.  Won't happen.  Nothing will change.

 

Regards,

Snowmama

Toxic it is.  I agree - You have not much of a choice to just cut - otherwise you will continuously be intoxicated....I know... I live through a sorta same situation - different elements to my story..but toxi just the same.
 
August 25, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

Mandy not a very nice girl ....

Mandy comes off as smug, self-righteous and judgmental - and nasty to boot. Really, rather petty all around - and shiney too as she complains to her new hubby about her 'fast' sister.

 

Mandy seems to be saying to her sister 'see, I got a mug to marry me and you are slagging around but if you were like me then you'd get you a mug to marry you'.   Why on earth does one sister have to be like the other? Why can't they be different and still be okay with each other?

 

Mandy also smoked but cause she quit before Jen and then she thinks she's better than Ken?  Oh dear, that's right, Jen was supposed to quit at the exact same moment as Mandy cause Mandy is the end-all and be-all in life and does no wrong!!!!  LOL -- get real Girl.

 

Its impossible to have a good relationship to anyone who sits in judgment of you -- Mandy has an awful lot to learn about life and relationships.

 

Mandy needs to come off her high ladder - she's not all that.

 
August 25, 2008, 4:14 pm CDT

Sibling Rivalries

Hi there. I watched the show today and just want to tell everyone that I hope you all were listening to Dr Phill when he said how arrogant we all are for thinking we have time to fight over the small stuff with siblings. There were 3 girls in my family and we all would argue about something sooo stupid and would hold grudges with one or the other. We all took time for granted. Sometimes months would go by b4 someone would cave and start talking to the other. Well, I have since lost both my younger sisters to car accidents. One 9 years ago and the other 3 years ago. I was lucky to have been on good speaking terms with both of them when they passed but if only I would have known that we didnt have our lifetimes to fight over those stupid things... I never would have argued about anything with them. I lost precious time with them, time that I can never get back.  Please get along with your siblings.... cause when they go... its forever and the missed time is painful.  Thanks
 
August 25, 2008, 4:15 pm CDT

SISTERS

MY SISTER AND I ARE VERY DIFFERENT. SHE IS 24 AND I'M 28. SHE THINK THAT THE WORLD IS HER PLAY GROUND. i DON'T LIKE EVERYTHING THAT MY SISTER IS AND SHE DONT LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. WE PROBALY NEVER WILL! !!! THAT IS MY SISTER AND WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT AND WHEN I HAVE NEEDED HER THE MOST IN MY LIFE SHE WAS THEIR FOR ME. I LOST MY HUSBAN ALMOST 2 YEAR AGO AND SHE WAS THERE. WHEN I WANTED TO MOVE OUT OF MY APARTMENT AND MOVE CLOSER TO MY FAMILY SHE WAS THERE. NOBODY CAN EVER TAKE HER PLACE AND I WOULD NEVER WANT ANYONE ELSE TO. LIFE IS SO SHORT AND I HAVE SEEN THAT FOR MY OWN EYES. JUST TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD AND BE GREATFUL THAT YOU HAVE A SISTER TO LOVE EVERYDAY.
 
August 25, 2008, 4:39 pm CDT

You just never know...

Ahhhhhh Jenna, Jenna, don't be so smug....

 

When I was your age, I was the "good", "smart", "successful" daughter and my brother was the "loser" son.  I graduated high school with straight A's and honors and after graduation skipped off to study aerospace engineering.  My "poor" brother, barely squeaked through high school, partied with his friends, lived with my mom, lived with my dad, washed cars, worked as a janitor and generally goofed around.  I graduated college and went off to work for a giant aerospace company, toiling away in the corporate world, very "successful" but very dissatisfied and feeling like I had fulfilled everyone else's goals except mine.  I had received lots of approval in the form of good grades and "a good job", but hadn't really even thought about what I wanted to do in my life.  My brother, in the mean-time, pursued his true interests, took some computer classes, taught himself about the stock market, rare coins, jewelry, and watches, and started several businesses related to the stock market, coin and computer industreis.  Guess who's the successful one now?  My brother! Having owned a number of successful private and public companies, he has literally made millions, employs other people, has a family and a nice home and has in all respects become a highly contributing member of society.  And what became of me?  I quit that aerospace job, worked as a ski instructor for awhile, a seasonal wildland firefighter, processed loans, served coffee and a number of other part-time "dead-end" jobs, all targeted at my interests and my goals for my life.  Many years later, I own my own company now.  Guess who helped get me started?  You guessed it, my "loser" brother.  Yes, Jenna, don't be so smug.  You just never know how it's going to turn out....

 

And Rob, find your passions, get a plan and success will soon be yours!

 
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