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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 25, 2008, 4:40 pm CDT

Well said.

Quote From: freetha

There's an old Icelandic saying that "Seldom is one the cause when two argue" and it applies here as well as in a lot of other cases. Yes the young man might not be taking care of his own life as much as he should but why should he chase the level of success that others desire?

My personal reply to "I need 20$" would be "go earn them then", but at the same time, if he is happy working a low income job then who the heck are we to say that he "aught to" be making payments on a car so he can go to school and get a better job.
I am a low income, part time worker in a spiritual store myself, and I have no desire to become a doctor or a lawyer or anything else requiring a university degree either, and it hurts me deeply when my own family insinuates that I am not good enough through critizising my choice not to pursue the highest level of education available. After all, the world still needs ditch diggers!
I stand corrected, you're absolutely right. My "car payments or school," suggestion was primarily in response to his mother saying that he "couldn't even get a cell-phone."

I thought other things were more important but you make a good point that it's ultimately his decision and we don't all have to have college degrees. My own son works a non-degree job and has no plans to further his educaction. We're all perfectly happy with that.

 
August 25, 2008, 4:43 pm CDT

sisters...

     It's amazing how many families have that certain sibling that upsets the applecart. In my family, there are only the two of us. We used to be quite close and spent a lot of time together.. then we went different ways but remained on good terms. She's the type who feels that the world revolves around her and everything that everybody else does is only done to reflect on her or her life in some way. I'm currently going through a divorce (which was my choice) that she objects to. My soon-to-be-ex and her were never very close beforehand, but they are suddenly best of friends. She is blatantly rude to me whenever we get together for family functions and I'm still trying to figure out what I did to deserve this treatment. In my opinion I'm living my life without her approval and that's why she's upset. This past Christmas she invited my ex, his g/f and my children out for supper at their place. My children are confused enough by everything going on that her attitude and behavior only makes it more difficult. Here's the kicker... she separated from her husband a number of years ago (they got back together eventually) but I managed to stand behind both of them and support them during their difficulties and then when it's me going through everything, she literally turned her back on me. I've tried countless times to be warm and friendly to her, but I may as well save my breath as she completely ignores any effort. Unfortunately this rift between us is tearing my parents apart as well.  I have realized though that I can only control my own decisions and my own life.. if she chooses to live in anger, that's her choice and I cannot allow it to bother me. My children are the most important thing right now and making sure they're happy... I don't have time to try and appease a temper-tantrum from a 45 year-old.
 
August 25, 2008, 4:51 pm CDT

Try getting along

You guys need to put your problems behind you and just love each other for what you are. It shouldnt be a rivelary to see who is best.  If you have a brother or sister cherish the relationship.  I have 2 sisters, one lives about 1 hour away and never comes around, she calls occasionaly but not often, The other one is a drug addict lost in her own little world and only comes around when she needs something. I have 3 brothers, one has spent most of his life since he was 14, in and out of prisons, one just lives up the road but never visits, I try to go see him but everytime I do he is drunk and whining about something he thinks my sister did a couple years ago. The other one lives with me ( I support him) yet we are like strangers. We all  come from a very dysfunctional family and are not very close. 

 

You guys are still very young so take the time to love each other without rules or restrictions or conditions. One is no better than the other just because you have different goals. As Dr phil said we dont live forever and tomorrow may be too late.

 
August 25, 2008, 4:59 pm CDT

Sisters at odds

 I am the older big sister and there is 3 years difference in our ages.  We live in the same city but have not seen each other in over a year.  I still have her Christmas presents here.  I would have mailed them but some are heavy and the cost is prohibitive.  Besides she works 10 miles from my house and could stop by any time to get them.  She makes promises and doesn't keep them. 

As a child I was sexually abused by my father (which he has admitted to).  My sister does not remember much before the age of 14 and I am afraid it is because she was abused too.  I cut all ties with my father 16 years ago and she has grown closer to him.  He recently came to town to visit my sister and his grandchildren.  I did not participate nor did my eldest son.  My father stayed with my sister of course.  My youngest son did visit him but does not think of him as a grandfather.  When I asked how the visit went my son just said "he is a dirty old man".  Now my father has gone home to Arizona and my sister will not answer my phone calls or messages.

There is a long history of me rescuing my sister from various bad experiences including an abusive husband and when she got raped.  I took in my nephew and raised him until he was 12.  I think that now my sister resents my role in her life and all I want is to be close to her again.  Perhaps this is not possible.  I do not know.

Susan
 
August 25, 2008, 5:03 pm CDT

8-25 Know it all sisters

I am baby of six. Oldest is sister w/high IQ who sometimes gets trying. Middle sister & I have always claimed to be "twins 9 yrs apart" cuz we like the same & tend to say the same things at the same time. But there are issues here of late. Sister 13 mos. older & I were close as kids, then life, distance etc took us further away, but we keep in touch a lot by phone & cards. My brothers are just that BROTHERS! But the older one was always protective of little sis while the younger of the two is a talented but really weird duck (which in our family is what most would consider the norm). Thanks to Mom & Dad, we all wound up with a great if not somewhat "warped" & dry sense of humor. I Love my family, but with statistics & probabilities as the youngest, sometimes I don't look so forward to being the youngest as time goes on!!
 
August 25, 2008, 5:05 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

  

     I am the oldest sister of 3, I only have A relationship with 1. I wish we could all get help to find out what is wrong, but we all are very stuborn in why & what we beleive is the problem.  I had 2 daughters  and lost my youngest to suicide 4 years ago. I moved back to be around my family for support, since then, I have been left out & shunned with all but  1 sister & am deeply hurt! I would love nothing more than to have A relationship with all of them, but the "real" problem is our mother!!!! Can you beleive it? Well, she plays all of us, and 2 of us are aware of this, but the other 2 aren't.  So I am left out & very alone, I hate to think we won't be close until our mother isn't here anymore, but I'm afraid thats the way it will be. So if you have the chance to reconcile, do it, trust me, you never know when the chance won't ever  be there again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
August 25, 2008, 5:06 pm CDT

Sad but true

Well all you can say about these sisters is that this a perfect example of how even family judge each other sometimes. Yes its wrong but to me if I don't like something a family member is doing all i can do is be hopeful and just make them know I will try my hardest to do anything i can to help them as long as they are not hurting them self's or anyone else that's all you can do, And if it starts to split the family then yes there's are ways to handle this and if nothing can be done then, you have to let them work it out as adults, sometimes time is the best healer but then again it can always leave you saying things in the past tense as well .
 
August 25, 2008, 5:07 pm CDT

Know it All Sisters

Quote From: jerfrgd

Dr. Phil, I lost my identical twin sister Terry,  February 10, 2006 to cancer, we were very close, even though we had difference in opinions, and it took her 18 months going through the cancer for me to really wake up to how much I needed her, appreciated her, even though  did, but you never think death will take your other half, and you don't think about it, until the day you are standing in the hospital room, and the doctor gives you the dreaded news your twin has inoperable cancer. My world came crashing down, and my life was forever changed, and  it has never been the same since. I miss her so much, and I have sad days and happy days, but my life was changed forever when I lost my identical twin. I look in the mirror everyday and see her. I miss her so much, and all these twins fighting, hurting one another makes me nausicated to my stomach. I want to tell all the twins out there to cherish all the moments they have with each other, and love one another. I feel like there is a gapping hole in my side, and in my life that won't heal, thank God , I have him and my faith to help me know, one day I will see her again, and she won't be sick, Thanks for reading my email, Jerry Faison
It has been 7.5 years since my twin sister died from ovarian cancer.  I had thought that losing our dad would have been the most awful pain I would ever experience....but nothing, nothing comes close to losing my twin.  For Jerry, who lost Terry, please look at www.twinlesstwins.org .  This organization supports twinless twins---even tho our twin is no longer here, we are still a twin.  For any twin who is estranged from their sibling twin...take the high road and make things better between the two of you.  You have no idea what a precious and special bond you have with your twin---and when it's gone; it's gone forever.  Debe
 
August 25, 2008, 5:10 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

I have a sister  who is one year and a day younger than I.  We  had a good relationship until she got involved with my divorce and since then, i can not trust her.  She sees nothing wrong with it.  She is still speaking to my ex, and brings up everything that happened constantly, although it has been 15 yrs.  I dont understand her, and she is constantly disrespecting me.  To me, it is  not worth carrying on the relationship.  It is what it is, and although i have forgiven her time and time again, i dont need things thrown in my face repeatedly!
 
August 25, 2008, 5:14 pm CDT

Get a plan . . .

Quote From: tinabogani

Ahhhhhh Jenna, Jenna, don't be so smug....

 

When I was your age, I was the "good", "smart", "successful" daughter and my brother was the "loser" son.  I graduated high school with straight A's and honors and after graduation skipped off to study aerospace engineering.  My "poor" brother, barely squeaked through high school, partied with his friends, lived with my mom, lived with my dad, washed cars, worked as a janitor and generally goofed around.  I graduated college and went off to work for a giant aerospace company, toiling away in the corporate world, very "successful" but very dissatisfied and feeling like I had fulfilled everyone else's goals except mine.  I had received lots of approval in the form of good grades and "a good job", but hadn't really even thought about what I wanted to do in my life.  My brother, in the mean-time, pursued his true interests, took some computer classes, taught himself about the stock market, rare coins, jewelry, and watches, and started several businesses related to the stock market, coin and computer industreis.  Guess who's the successful one now?  My brother! Having owned a number of successful private and public companies, he has literally made millions, employs other people, has a family and a nice home and has in all respects become a highly contributing member of society.  And what became of me?  I quit that aerospace job, worked as a ski instructor for awhile, a seasonal wildland firefighter, processed loans, served coffee and a number of other part-time "dead-end" jobs, all targeted at my interests and my goals for my life.  Many years later, I own my own company now.  Guess who helped get me started?  You guessed it, my "loser" brother.  Yes, Jenna, don't be so smug.  You just never know how it's going to turn out....

 

And Rob, find your passions, get a plan and success will soon be yours!

I think Dr Phil dropped the ball because he did not suggest Rob "get out of his own head" and start thinking in terms of "service to the community."  I think Rob would do well to consider the Peace Corps or service in the United States military. That way, he'd cut the cord with mama and grow up. Dr. Phil does not usually suggest military service as a means to get an education, get a fresh start, and break the dependent ties with overbearing but well meaning parents.  Service to one's country is a great way to begin any career.
 
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