Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

You know, the bottom line is that your brother is an adult, and if he really wanted to talk to you, he would, regardless of his wife. She wouldn't be able to stop him.

Sometimes, people allow others to speak for them because they don't have the guts to speak for themselves......is that maybe the case with your brother?

I truly hope you are able to resolve the issues.....time is so fickle...and so short.

Hi all -

While I do think Dr. Phil gave some really good advice to the sisters who were at odds with each other, I was a bit dissatisfied with the overall message that all families can get along and should get along. I used to be really close to my sisters but in the past few years have drifted away from them, for my own mental health and survival. When I went through a painful divorce, my oldest sister became very critical of the way I was handling it and was heavy-handed in her criticism of me. (Her comments were often very biting and hurtful.) My other sister, for years now, has stayed positioned in her way of life and views and doesn't move herself to accepting my life choices nor validating my life style. (I am now a single parent, have raised a 20 year old who has disabilities, have a 10 year old, work two jobs, and am a cancer survivor.) When I was diagnosed with cancer, my sisters weren't supportive. In fact, while going through treatment, my oldest sister, after I gave her information on it, wrote me an email that said,"Phew, too much information." While in recovery, I received an email from her telling me of a place I could rent over the Christmas holidays if I planned on visiting. (I live 1500 miles away from them and my parents.) (My sisters no longer open their homes to me or my children.) When I had surgery for more cancer removal, no one in my family called me. When I was going through biopsies and scans, again, no one called, and the worst of it is neither of my sisters asked me once if my children needed anything or asked if there was anything they could do. As my therapist said, I need to quit expecting them to respond in caring and loving ways. Doing so is like dipping a bucket in a dry well. I continue to come up empty and hurt. So -- to get back to the sisters: I think it is unfair and harmful to promote the idea that family members can and should come together. Thinking that way can often to lead to hurt and pain. My goal, instead of reuniting with my sisters, is to attempt to move on and surround myself with people who truly care about me and my children. I think that should be the dominant message -- not pushing family members together just because they are related by blood. Thanks for listening. S.

For what it's worth, I agree with you. I have a great deal of respect for Dr. Phil, and hopefully, I've learned a lot from him, but I don't agree with him on this issue. If anyone treats you badly, and you have made them aware of how their treatment has made you feel, and they do nothing to modify their behavior towards you, then why  would you pursue a relationship with them? If the person was your spouse, Dr. Phil would ask you why you are letting your partner get away with treating you badly.  But if the person happens to be a birth relative "life is too short" to not put up with their ill treatment towards you?  I think life is too short to waste your time in the company of people who make you feel bad. My therapist is totally on board with this philosophy, and I hope yours is, too.