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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 26, 2008, 7:54 pm CDT

Time is shorter than what we know

Quote From: cndrlla

You know, the bottom line is that your brother is an adult, and if he really wanted to talk to you, he would, regardless of his wife. She wouldn't be able to stop him.

 

Sometimes, people allow others to speak for them because they don't have the guts to speak for themselves......is that maybe the case with your brother?

 

I truly hope you are able to resolve the issues.....time is so fickle...and so short.

   I have had several surgeries in the last 2 years. I am now 35 and my brother has cared less to even ask about how things are going. I recently had a cancer scare. My doctore found a tumor growing on my cervics. I did not even want him to know because I did not want his pitty talk. Now our younger sister has a mass on her kidney at age 27 and recently became engaged. He has not even called her to tell her congratulations. This is the type of person he has become. He is in the Navy and I do believe his armed forces training has much to do with his rigid and hostile blocks he has. When his wife was going through a divorce with him 2 different times and they were not sure who the father of two of his children was. I stood by him. I love him I just don't like him.
 
August 26, 2008, 8:03 pm CDT

Sometimes sisters are just an accident of birth

Quote From: suliana

Hi all -

While I do think Dr. Phil gave some really good advice to the sisters who were at odds with each other, I was a bit dissatisfied with the overall message that all families can get along and should get along. I used to be really close to my sisters but in the past few years have drifted away from them, for my own mental health and survival. When I went through a painful divorce, my oldest sister became very critical of the way I was handling it and was heavy-handed in her criticism of me. (Her comments were often very biting and hurtful.) My other sister, for years now, has stayed positioned in her way of life and views and doesn't move herself to accepting my life choices nor validating my life style. (I am now a single parent, have raised a 20 year old who has disabilities, have a 10 year old, work two jobs, and am a cancer survivor.) When I was diagnosed with cancer, my sisters weren't supportive. In fact, while going through treatment, my oldest sister, after I gave her information on it, wrote me an email that said,"Phew, too much information." While in recovery, I received an email from her telling me of a place I could rent over the Christmas holidays if I planned on visiting. (I live 1500 miles away from them and my parents.) (My sisters no longer open their homes to me or my children.) When I had surgery for more cancer removal, no one in my family called me. When I was going through biopsies and scans, again, no one called, and the worst of it is neither of my sisters asked me once if my children needed anything or asked if there was anything they could do. As my therapist said, I need to quit expecting them to respond in caring and loving ways. Doing so is like dipping a bucket in a dry well. I continue to come up empty and hurt. So -- to get back to the sisters: I think it is unfair and harmful to promote the idea that family members can and should come together. Thinking that way can often to lead to hurt and pain. My goal, instead of reuniting with my sisters, is to attempt to move on and surround myself with people who truly care about me and my children. I think that should be the dominant message -- not pushing family members together just because they are related by blood. Thanks for listening. S.

For what it's worth, I agree with you. I have a great deal of respect for Dr. Phil, and hopefully, I've learned a lot from him, but I don't agree with him on this issue. If anyone treats you badly, and you have made them aware of how their treatment has made you feel, and they do nothing to modify their behavior towards you, then why  would you pursue a relationship with them? If the person was your spouse, Dr. Phil would ask you why you are letting your partner get away with treating you badly.  But if the person happens to be a birth relative "life is too short" to not put up with their ill treatment towards you?  I think life is too short to waste your time in the company of people who make you feel bad. My therapist is totally on board with this philosophy, and I hope yours is, too.

 
August 26, 2008, 9:34 pm CDT

Indifferent To My Own Sibling Rivalry

I must first start by saying that sibling rivalry is what outsiders might call what exists between me and my sister. I would call it simply a matter of not liking a person who is a selfish, lazy, abusive, manipulative, fat, person with not a lick of common sense. The fact that the afore mentioned person just happens to be my sister should not make any difference about my opinion of her. It's kind of funny the situation in my family. I'm most definitely the black sheep of the family, but by most people's standards I'm the more accomplished and successful one compared to my sister. I'm the product of a child having a child. My whole life my mother has treated me like a sister and not a child. She had me at the ripe old age of 15. The other extreme end of the spectrum is my sister, 5 years my junior, who is coddled and babied to no end. My sister will be 30 in a few months, has 2 children with 2 different fathers, and has spent more time living with my parents than on her own. She has a BS in police science and has not been able to find a decent paying job in 2 years after graduating with honors. I'm bombarded by family about how awful it is that I don't get along with my sister, I just fail to see why I need to have a relationship with her. I think that it should make no difference that we share DNA. My mother and father show extreme favoritism toward my sister and her children and it's a situation I choose not to participate in anymore. My mom sees my sister in a light that is just so unrealistic, it's like the emperor has no clothes and I'm crazy because I say he's naked. I think I would have to be on seven different types of hallucinogenic drugs to see my sister the way my mom does. My sister has always felt in competition with me and I find it to be extremely irritating. You be you and I'll be me, end of story.  
 
August 26, 2008, 9:43 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Quote From: sheezcrazy

For what it's worth, I agree with you. I have a great deal of respect for Dr. Phil, and hopefully, I've learned a lot from him, but I don't agree with him on this issue. If anyone treats you badly, and you have made them aware of how their treatment has made you feel, and they do nothing to modify their behavior towards you, then why  would you pursue a relationship with them? If the person was your spouse, Dr. Phil would ask you why you are letting your partner get away with treating you badly.  But if the person happens to be a birth relative "life is too short" to not put up with their ill treatment towards you?  I think life is too short to waste your time in the company of people who make you feel bad. My therapist is totally on board with this philosophy, and I hope yours is, too.

I completely agree with you on this matter. Just because a person occupies the same womb doesn't give them Carte Blanche to treat you or your children like garbage. Just because your enemies share DNA does not make them any less harmful or poisonous to your well being.

 
August 27, 2008, 12:42 pm CDT

I have been in this boat

My older sister  has always been jealous of me. She was jealous that I was a cheerleader, I went to college and she dropped out, I chose not to be pramiscious, I am getting married before her, etc... It actually has come to the point where she has told me that she cannot talk to me. I feel as though that it's not my fault that her decisions were not the right ones for her. We grew up in the same family, house, parents, brother, etc... and all the things that I have CHOOSEN to do weren't anything that she didn't have the opportunity to choose. She's starting to come around I think. She's 27 years old and plans on moving from my grandmother's basement into my mother's home and go to a near-by college. I hope this time that she sticks with it.
 
August 27, 2008, 4:00 pm CDT

Know It Sisters

Quote From: jerfrgd

Dr. Phil, I lost my identical twin sister Terry,  February 10, 2006 to cancer, we were very close, even though we had difference in opinions, and it took her 18 months going through the cancer for me to really wake up to how much I needed her, appreciated her, even though  did, but you never think death will take your other half, and you don't think about it, until the day you are standing in the hospital room, and the doctor gives you the dreaded news your twin has inoperable cancer. My world came crashing down, and my life was forever changed, and  it has never been the same since. I miss her so much, and I have sad days and happy days, but my life was changed forever when I lost my identical twin. I look in the mirror everyday and see her. I miss her so much, and all these twins fighting, hurting one another makes me nausicated to my stomach. I want to tell all the twins out there to cherish all the moments they have with each other, and love one another. I feel like there is a gapping hole in my side, and in my life that won't heal, thank God , I have him and my faith to help me know, one day I will see her again, and she won't be sick, Thanks for reading my email, Jerry Faison

 

 Dr Phil

         I can really ralate my heart goes to Jerry so very sorry for your loss,  I've been so close of losing my twin to death many many times over, not sure of how I'll be when it does happens, just wish I knew guess I'll know when the time comes , I have my own fear myself due to my health not being the greatest either .Yes we all need to cherish our love ones no matter what and love them too cus we'll see them again in time ( I'm sure  that ) God has his ways of working things out . Hey Jerry Thanks for sharing your email

 

 Patsy

 
August 29, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Quote From: irishchain1211

My siblings (1 sister; 3 brothers) and I are courteous enough toward one another but our relationship doesn't go much beyond that. I suppose I'd be saddened if one of them were to pass away, but it probably wouldn't impact my life all that much. We don't live close to one another geographically, and we rarely see each other. My mother died about 3 years ago, and frankly I still don't miss her. She was a good mother as far as taking care of, and providing for, her family. Her short coming was that she was incredibly critical. My sister made the comment that she hasn't had a bout of colitis since my mother died. I agree in principle that family is important, but it's not always practical. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to like them. I may be related to some people, but I certainly wouldn't choose to be friends with them.
Thank you, I agree wholeheartedly! This is one of the twins from the show, by the way. But I will say that she and I get along great now, and actually even before the show, things were much better than they appear ON the show!
 
August 31, 2008, 7:48 pm CDT

Dont know what 2 think about my Sis

  I have a younger Sis and 2 younger brothers. WE are all pretty close in age. And all of my life i have felt like that for some reason my Sis feels like she is better than me . And she has really hurt me a few times . When she got married she had everyone in our family in her wedding Excepy for me, my Sis and brothers went and had a family picture taken together and didnt ask me . And this past thanksgiving She uninvited me from our family thanksgiving dinner with my MOther and Brothers Familys saying it was just 2 many of us so me and my kids would just have 2 do something else ....THAT really hurt. I have always been nice to her and never said how I feel but its getting 2 the point where I cant stand 2 be around her . She is my Sis and I love her but I cant help feeling Hurt. Sure would like some ADVICE from Anyone .... Thanks

 
September 14, 2008, 11:20 pm CDT

being a twin is harder than people think

I have read a lot of the messages about twins and sisters and I think a few things need to be said...

1. TWINS ARE DIFFERENT. People who are poisonous to your well being generally need to shape up or ship out BUT we need to be circumspect. Many episodes have been done about people cutting others out of their lives and only building on dysfunction instead of being courageous and fixing situations. I acknowledge that life is very complicated but... TWINS ARE DIFFERENT... you cannot just cut your identical twin out of your life. I am indentical twin and we have not only shared the womb but our entire lives! Our experiences are the same and life without eachother seems meaningless.

In saying that... i do not have a good relationship with my twin sister. She has become a fundementalist christian (of which I am not) and behaves in a condscending manner. REGARDLESS...I would never and will never cut her out of my life. PARENTS NEED TO BE THE PHIL'S IN FAMILIES. I have phenomenal parents who are highly sensitive sibling conflicts and emphasise the importance of unity. Parents need to be hero's in intervening instead of turning child against child and not healing the situation.

I really understood the dynamic in these twins lives... all i can say is FORGIVE EACHOTHER. That is all my dad says to me... 'FORGIVE'.

 
August 7, 2009, 3:42 pm CDT

Tried that

Quote From: noakoi

I think Dr Phil dropped the ball because he did not suggest Rob "get out of his own head" and start thinking in terms of "service to the community."  I think Rob would do well to consider the Peace Corps or service in the United States military. That way, he'd cut the cord with mama and grow up. Dr. Phil does not usually suggest military service as a means to get an education, get a fresh start, and break the dependent ties with overbearing but well meaning parents.  Service to one's country is a great way to begin any career.

Hello....

I am the mother of Jenna & Rob. We did suggest the service, but it wasn't something that Rob wanted to do.  He has a bit of a fear of having to go to war.....

Thanks for the suggestion!

 
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