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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 25, 2008, 1:18 pm CDT

To the Twins

As I watched your story, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. You see, tomorrow will be the 27th anniversary of my last conversation with my identical twin. I will be 56 in 2 days, and we had one last birthday dinner to celebrate our 29th birthday. It was to be her last. She was dying of cancer, and passed 4 months later. It was the last time we really talked. She told me she wanted her husband to find a good mother for their 1 1/2 year old daughter. Believe me, I think of my sister every day - and my thoughts are often accompanied by tears. Every day, I wish I could pick up the phone and talked to my sister. I'd tell her how beautiful her daughter is; I'd tell her about my day; I'd tell her I love her and miss her.

 

Please repair your relationship. Nothing in the world is more important than the bond you share. At least I can sleep at night knowing I had a good relationship with my sister. Yes, we had rivalries, especially in our teen years. But we always knew we were special, and really treasured our special relationship. I know I am only 1/2 a person without her. I can't have her back, but I do have great memories.

 

I wish you both the best of luck, and a long and happy life.

 
August 25, 2008, 1:20 pm CDT

No One knows it all until it's too late!

I watched your show today regarding sibling rivalry.  I can honestly say I use to have a classic case of this with my younger sister.  She was 6 years younger than me and growing up I felt more like a mother figure to her than a sister.  She was definately the black sheep of our family.  She pushed the envelope with my parents in every single way.  Always in trouble, always getting caught doing the wrong thing.  I on the other hand was considered the goody two shoes of the family.  I could not relate to her in any way shape or form. Our rivalry grew to the point where I stopped ackowledging her and her bad behavior.  The last time I saw her, even then I lectured her on her lifestyle and the way I thought she should be living her life. On Christmas day last year she died in a car accident leaving us absolutely devastated beyond any comprehension.  When something like this happens you realize that what you view to be monumental differences between you are not at ALL important and mean absolutely nothing until you no longer have the opportunity to have a concern about them at all again.  If I could go back and have just 5 more minutes I would tell her that the fact that we were so different is so unimportant and instead I love her for who she is no matter what, without question.  Sibling rivalry is a normal thing within families, but you just never know how much time we have on this earth with our loved one's, therefore appreciating that we are all different and unique, good and bad and should be thankful to have siblings regardless!
 
August 25, 2008, 1:25 pm CDT

What's up with Jenna?

I just watched the show with Jenna and Rob. Yes, Rob does need a plan to get his life on track and it's great of Dr. Phil to offer that. The problem I had was with Jenna! What a rotten, spoiled brat. If I were her mother I would tell her to lay off little brother. Maybe the reason Rob is in a stall is because everyone keeps saying he will never be as good as Jenna THINKS she is. I have 3 daughters and 3 sisters and we had our spats but none of us would have ever put the other down the way Jenna does Rob. As far as her correcting her mother. I have a feeling that Mom was right. How many first grade children have to label plant parts? They can barely read or write at that point. 4th grade sounds more resonable. The way I was raised I would never have corrected my Mom in front of company let alone national television. I guess what I am trying to say is that girl needs to open her eyes and realise she is NOT PERFECT. If she were she wouldn't treat people that love her the way she does. I was embarassed for her mom and brother.
 
August 25, 2008, 1:43 pm CDT

Siblings X 2

   I watched the show today about the siblings. I was touched by the brother and sister story. I am having siblings issues with my brother presently. We do not speak. We had a huge argument months ago. My brother and his wife against myself. As siblings we have always disagreed about different subjects. This time his wife become involved and will not allow him to speak to me. I love my brother so much. I want to be part of his life as well as my niece and nephews. I have taken the higher road and approached him 3 times to try to speak. He is not allowed to do so. I do not know what to do to make this better. I have always been the fixer. I can't fix this. Things got said that I would take back but he refuses to think he did anything at all that was wrong.

 

I really hope the brother and sister who were on today can realize how to except each other differences before it is to lat.

 
August 25, 2008, 1:53 pm CDT

Brother Who???

  I watched the show today and was so sad. I have a brother who is the middle child of three who will not speak to me because his wife does not allow it. She interfere in all his relationships. He is even on edge with my parents right not because of his obsession with allowing her to rule every part of his life. I believe she has a say in his life (she is his wife) but shouldn't he make up his own mind about subjects that are between siblings. We had an argument and she butted in and started twisting words around immediately. Now he has no clue what I was trying to say and will not speak to me. I am not innocent. I said some hurtful things as well. But he has always belittled my husband and his career. I have never put myself between the two of them. I allow them to work it out. I feel she should do the same. She has him by his gonads so to speak.

 

Bobbie

 
August 25, 2008, 2:05 pm CDT

Destructive sister

I have an older sister who seems to think she should be in control of all that goes on in our family.  The oldest sibling is 61 (I am 49) and the youngest is 46.  My sister confronted myself and 2 other sisters because we had acted cooly towards her.  When confronted, after much prompting, we told her that she needed to stop being so controlling & manipulative.  Instead of trying to work on this, she went to one of my brothers and told him quite the story (a lot of which was untrue).  Instead of finding out the facts, he spoke with most of the family members and told "her" story.  Now we are being told by my brother (whom I had always looked up to and respected) to "get in line".  I realize family is important and love all of my siblings but cannot and will not condone lying and manipulative behavior.  My brother is not interested in hearing the other side of the story, just wants us all to act like nothing has happened.  In the meantime, the bad behavior of my sister continues.  She has been unusually cruel to one of my sisters which had distanced that sister from the family.  I have reconnected with that sister and am loving it.  I just hated missing all those years of our being close.

I am willing to reconnect with the sister causing the problems but will not accept her bad behavior and don't believe she will ever change.

I know life is short but my church teaches us to keep negative people at a distance and that is what I have been doing.

 
August 25, 2008, 2:12 pm CDT

TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED

What do you do when you have tried everything and get no response?  When you have tried to ask what you have done that has upset them and get no response?  How can you correct something that you do not even know you have done?  I must admit I gave up.  I am so happy I have friends that are great and we can talk about anything.  Yes, even argue with friends but still know that we will always be there.  But when it comes to family there has to be a point when you have hit the wall to many times and just say it is done.  I have hit the wall.
 
August 25, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

Finger pointing siblings

Dr Phil - I love watching your show. So much that you say affirms things I've learned in my twenty four years of recovery. It would bring me much joy if you would take my siblings and I under your wing and find us some serious counceling. To start with I am the only girl with four brothers and I'm right in the middle (makes for a great comedy act). The hardest part is my brothers are "men who hate women" and so I get to be their punching bag. I firmly believe that their hatred comes from living with an abusive mother that is also a drug addict. And I will add that I use to be just like her in fact when I took the MMPI in 1971 my emotional baggage matched hers. But I am a huge believer in therapy I know because I have changed so much in my years of therapy. I could talk for a long time about the faith in God, books, seminars, support groups, teaching from brilliant licensed professionals. In fact one of them is a man named Jeff VanVonderan (he appeared on Oprah once). Yet in all my changes my brothers are still pointing fingers at me, belittling, verbally abusing and tearing me down, a real recent examply is last September when our mother passed away my number two brother threatened to throw me out of the funeral home if  said anything that he didn't approve of. FYI people told me they liked what I said best, perhaps it was the classes in public speaking that helped me plan what I was going to say ahead of time. At one time I told mother that the only way I would be in this family is if my brothers and I did some serious family counceling. . . that has never happened, yet.

Now to paint an even better picture I am currently homeless. My two oldest brothers have brand new houses and I am homeless - they wouldn't think of helping their sister  in her crisis. Many people have told me to "get out of your family" because when I get around them they are so abusve that I have to leave to regain my self worth. 

Another hard part is seeing the pain that they are living in and knowing that they don't have to live with it and we can have respect for each other, but it's going to take work. Please Dr.Phil help us. Thank you

 
August 25, 2008, 2:29 pm CDT

TWINS

DEAR DR. PHIL,

I WAS APPALLED TODAY WHEN I SAW THE TWINS THAT CANNOT GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER.  I TOO, AM AN IDENTICAL TWIN AND WOULD GIVE MY EYE TOOTH TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK WITH MY WOMB-MATE.

WE WILL BE 73 YEARS OLD IN SEPTEMBER AND I LOST HER TO ALZHEIMERS SEVERAL YEARS AGO!  sHE IS IN A NURSING FACILITY AND WHEN I VISIT HER SHE DOES NOT KNOW ME AND DOES NOT SPEAK.  AS I SIT AND TRY TO CONVERSE WITH HER, SHE JUST HAS A BLANK LOOK ON HER FACE AND SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  THE TWINS DO NOT KNOW HOW LUCKY THEY ARE TO HAVE EACH OTHER TO CONFIDE IN AND JUST TO BE WITH EACH OTHER AND HAVE THE LOVE THAT IS GENERATED FROM ONE TO THE OTHER IS SOMETHING THAT IS GOLDEN, AND IF ONLY THEY WOULD REALIZE THAT.

LIKE ROBIN, THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON'T THINK OF HER AND WISH THAT WE WERE ABLE TO ENJOY OUR RETIREMENT TOGETHER.

I KNOW THE LOSS FROM THOSE THAT HAVE ALZHEIMERS, MY GRANDMOTHER, MY FATHER, MY TWIN SISTER AND NOW MY HUSBAND HAVE ALL BEEN AFFLICTED WITH THIS DREAD DISEASE, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. 

LIFE IS SHORT, AND LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING DO NOT COST ANYTHING, AND LETS HOPE THAT THEY SCRATCH THEIR MAD PLACES AND GET ON THEIR LIVES AND LOVING EACH OTHER.

REGARDS,

JANET

 
August 25, 2008, 2:32 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

I was mad at my sister this morning. We are as different as night and day and we get on each other's nerves sometimes....and sometimes she's hard to take.

 

Then, I watched the show...it was so appropriate. I'd almost forgotten the lesson I learned on Christmas Eve, 1995 when my only brother was killed in a car accident.....which is: tomorrow is promised to no one. Tell those you love every day  that you love them, because you never know when it could be their (or your) last day on this earth!  I thank God that the last thing I said to my brother was "I love you"...it's the only thing that makes his loss even remotely tolerable.

 

I got over my snit and told my sister today that I loved her.    

 
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