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Topic : 08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Number of Replies: 120
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:03:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you ever wonder how your children grow up to be so different despite being brought up in the same house? Rob and Jenna are siblings who had a close relationship growing up. Now that Jenna is immersed in college life, and Rob works at the Dairy Queen, they barely speak. Jenna says her brother needs to grow up, and Rob feels judged by his sister. Their mom joins them and asks Dr. Phil how to motivate Rob to get his feet moving and his butt in gear! And, twins Mandy and Jennifer just can't seem to get along. Mandy says ever since she walked down the aisle, Jen has been jealous of her. Jen says her sister is way too judgmental. Can Dr. Phil help these twins in turmoil repair their bond? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 25, 2008, 3:00 pm CDT

Your show hit home today!!!

Hi Dr. Phil,

I just wanted to let you know that your show brought out many emotions for me.  I also have a twin sister who is a total opposite.  It was tough on both of us growing up because we were expected to spend time together and look after each other, but we each wanted to travel in opposite directions.  (We were the youngest of 5 children, the others being 8, 10 and 12 when we were born.)  We have also referred to each other as the good and the bad...having to double date at 16 was a real trip!  We each were married and had one child, she had a girl and I had a boy-3 weeks apart.  She was married several times and continued to live a lifestyle I didn't approve of or understand.  As we grew older we were able to put our differences aside and agree to disagree and have remained close, although I'm not sure we could ever live together again (-: 

 

As far as your comment about the possibility of tragedies in their future, my husband was killed in May of 1987 after we had been married 14+ years and I don't think I could have made it through without my sister's support.  I would like to encourage the two sisters on your show today to put their differences aside and regain the closeness that can be so strong between twins.  I like to think I was some support for my sister as she was going through her divorces and live-in relationships that eventually fell apart.

 

I remarried five years after my husband died, went through an abusive relationship with my second husband and she was there for me again.  I have a son from that marriage who is now 15 and so far seems to be very "motivated and on track".  My twin sister has been a rock for me during this time also.

 

The young man who works at DQ reminded me of my olest son.  He has potential but has never gotten motivated.  He is now 35 and is still searching.  He does have his own home but doesn't keep it up.  He did lose his dad when he was 14, and I never had to experience that, but I wish he would find help or a way to reach some basic goals.  I would like for the young man on your show to realize the older he gets the more difficult it gets to find the opportunities to better yourself.  If you are happy at DQ then you need to find a way to live within your means and not be dependent on your parents.  My son and I talk, but his lack of motivation has definately put a distance between us.  He is divorced from his wife and has a 15 year old son.  He's not motivated to spend time with him either.  I feel that he has become accustomed to his lazy lifestyle.  My hope is that this young man will come to terms with his real goals and dreams and begin working in that direction.

 

 
August 25, 2008, 3:01 pm CDT

Twin sisters

I totally understand the situation with the twin sisters. I am a twin and for so many years people have always compared us. People would always ask who is the nice twin or bad twin.

 

I know twins look a like, but we are different. My sister and I have these same differences. She says I think I am better just because I love fashion and I like to dress a certain way. I love to have fun, laugh, and joke. My twin is a little more laid back than I am. With all that said she does act like she is better than me. I had my children prior to marrying their father. She got married first, but some people didn't know she was pregnant when she got married. I am a real person, I don't think more highly of myself than I should. I am me, today, & tomorrow. My sister is now for wanting to have the perfect life and there is no a such thing.

 
August 25, 2008, 3:01 pm CDT

my sister

I lived elsewhere for many years.  I moved to be near my parents and my brother and sister did everything they could not to make me feel welcome.  They called me names in front of my children and told their children they didn't have to listen to me.  I wish I knew why they don't like me.  I heard it is because I was bossy as a teen.  I am not the same person I was then and they didn't even try to get to know me or my kids. 
 
August 25, 2008, 3:06 pm CDT

Sympathize

Quote From: fietkau2

Hi Dr.Phil

(know it all sisters) I know exactly what they are going through I have two sisters myself and I am the baby out of six kids  can't wait to see what happens on today show

 

see you at 4:00 pm

H wilson

...WEll I looked at the show today,Aug.25th,2008 and I can understand myself the dilemma the twins are having.!I have two sisters myself and my younger two are tight ,but nirther of them are close to me at all.It use to bother me,but I'm use to it.!Unfortunately,no matter how inportant family is,,neither one of them will ever be tight with me.We will always be apart,for whatever reason.!I hope  the twins can solve their relationship.!
 
August 25, 2008, 3:08 pm CDT

08/25 Know-it-All Sisters

Quote From: shan34

I think thats funny the blonde thinks shes better than her sister!!! what gives her the right to think shes better? her sister is just living a DIFFERENT life than she is! Thinking shes better than her sister is only going to push her sister away...I have a younger brother who is the "perfect" one and it was because we were treated differently! Maybe the mom did not treat the twins the same way growing up!
Thinga happens between siblings,whether you are a twin or  not.!
 
August 25, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

Know It All Sisters

Quote From: fietkau2

Hi Dr.Phil

(know it all sisters) I know exactly what they are going through I have two sisters myself and I am the baby out of six kids  can't wait to see what happens on today show

 

see you at 4:00 pm

H wilson

 

 

   Hi Dr. Phil

       Been There when it comes it to these 2 girls on your show ,I'm a twin too - my  twin and I are Idenitcal we are 47 now , we kinda get along and we both have are differences in the past we deal them and go with our life you can't change a person when they don't want to be either tried that . My twin knows I'm alot smarter then she and that's a fact , I've helped her to many times and still helping her if and when I can and when I'm able too she is the closest family I have right now cus the rest is to busy fighting and not getting along , these 2 girl's on your show can get along also, by setting aside their differences could help like it has myself and my twin sister all these years ,,,, One sister will alway feel what the one feels 

 

 

 See you on your next show

 angeleyes

 
August 25, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

More than Just differences in the way.

I was excited to see today on Dr. Phil. All the talk about siblings. I even giggled a bit when the twins called themselves good and evil twin. As that's how my sister and I sign things to eachother. We are 5 years apart. Though Many think we're twins or I'm the older sister. I love my sister very much, and no matter what the problems she's put me though...and she has. I always remembered all you have in life in the end are eachother. No one can understand the situations of our family other than her. No one can remember and understand the pain and loss of our Papa, other than my sister. They are fighting over trivial things. I understand frustration. My sister ran away at the age of 17, I was 12. I was left to grow up them. Be the adult in our family. I was lucky to have my Papa and Grandma to help. She was gone. She ran away becasue of drugs. Before that, she was the hero of the town, all the teachers knew her and loved her, prefect grades. We moved and I was given a chance and to not live in her shadow. She called us, I took off of school to go with my mother to see my sister, in Austin Texas. Which meant even picking her up from her work, not exactly in the safest place at 4am, while we were there. My mother fully furnished her apartment. And bought her a used car. My sister eventually returned home, with her boyfriend. They ended up moving in with us. No clue what happened to the furniture I can only assume now it was used to buy drugs. Them moving in with us I was a freshman in high School. I awoke one night to her boyfriend snapping my boxershorts and rubbing my back, he was high. I tried to confront my sister about it but she didn't believe me. I got a lock on my door, and waited until the danger was gone. It was a confrontation between my mother and sister. I was led to be a "drug dog" as my mother called me as I searched the basement for anything that looked like it could be used for drugs. My sister went to a drug detox place. Some type of house. My mother and I drove to visit her. We also after she finished that program drove her to NA and AA meetings I was brought along to wait in the car. She seemed to clean up. Joined the Navy. My mother has a room dedicated to her accomplishments. I graduated from High School, the first of us. Both my mother and sister got their GED's. It's a small shelf hidden in the office. She did have problems in the Navy, they included several DUI'S. I can't remember how many calls we got that she was in prison for the night. Eventually she had her license revoked. She still hasn't gotten it back and isnt' driving which is probally best. This was after she was out of the Navy. She lived in Colorado with her husband. Where he would call us about the problems with her. Not knowing where she was, her disappearing while he was at work. He was an ex marien working as a military contractor. A good guy, who she used. My mother wasted a lot of money on the wedding which, was what I said a waste. She lived with us after that, because things weren't working in Colorado. I was going to college full time at this point. I was also working and trying to do an internship. I was left to drive her around and take off of my classes to get her to her counseling, her dui classes, her college testing. I took my time off because I had to. I also would get calls that she had walked to a bar and was drunk. While I was at college in play rehearsal and would have to go get her and take care of her. I've always been the one to take care of my family. After my Papa died, I took care of my grandmother learning to check her blood pressure during High School everyday. To missing out on a meeting personal one on one time with a playwrite because I had to rush my grandmother to the er because she was having nosebleeds and my mother worked full time. She still does. I love my sister very much, I just feel it's her turn. I need the freedom she's had. It's her turn. I've still rushed up when she moved out and we roamed the city she was living in searching for her, she was in her bed drunk. My sister and mother fought, almost physical if I hadn't stepped in the way and stopped it. I've graduated from College now. My sister did too at the same time. Both have bachlors. Except mines in Theater my passion. Where my sister is in education. She's persuing a masters and working two jobs, which keeps her busy. Because if she had time she would be drunk. (She doesn't do well with free time) She teaches at a community college and is a pharmacy tech. She's getting a master and then to persue a docotorate in Pharmacy. I just graduated and am trying for a job in acting. An impossible field to break into in the midwest. I'm also working my job as a lighting techinician. I've been harped by my mother everyday. She doesn't believe what I'm going after (my mothers a nurse, well she workes in charge of care management) Because my background isn't scientific I don't get the support. I've been here for my family and my mother. I pay my bills (my sister does "favors" and doesn't pay her) Yet I get pestered to pay. When I do and on time. I do live at home (which doesn't help my situation, I'm trying to gather money it's all been spent on supplies and trying to persue my passion) So I may move out. Though while home, I clean, care for my grandmother, her animal, my aunt and uncles animals and house when they are gone. I also cook. I love my sister. Very much. I understand how different we are, being the "good twin" that I am. I still love her and understand our differences but she's still my sister. Through it all no one can understand our family like her. Our life and situations. I also understand that my mother is a lot of our turmoil between us. Always remember, they are your family. They are your connections. People need that. I need her, I love her. I'm the tall one in the picture.
 
August 25, 2008, 3:17 pm CDT

I can relate - -and I'm so sorry

Quote From: teddybear12345

There is 14 years difference between my younger sister and I. When she was little, I adored her and had her with me much of the time. When my kids came along, she was nearly like one of my own and spent much time at my house. Our parents were both alcoholics and our family life with them was terrible. As time went on, she eventually married a great guy and our parents passed away. With this came a dramatic turn of events. In her mind, my parents were catapolted into instand sainthood while I became the bad guy. Her kids came along and the intensity increased substantially, with her becoming mother-earth and all knowing. Any advice I offered was twisted by a very active imagination on her part. For example, I told her about a newstory in my end of the country (she was pregnant at the time) where the baby of a new mother was having breast-feeding complications. The mother repeatedly returned to the doctor saying something was wrong - only to be ignored and the baby died of dehydration The purpose behind my telling her was to say, if you think something is wrong with your baby, don't let any doctor tell you there isn't . Her interpretation was that I was against breast feeding. That's the way she saw it and that's the way it stayed - period and she repeated this to my daughter when she was pregnant. My love for my kids and the way we raised them was critized time and again, among other issues. The arguments escalated until today, years later, we barely speak (I am 58 and she is 44).

 

Several years ago, I finally decided the relationship was more painful to continue than to let go. In doing so, I experienced what I can only compare to a death and it led to a 2-year mourning period, with my husband being the only witness to my pain. If there is a way for you twin sisters to nip this in the bud, I would urge you to do so now before it's too late. My heart will be forever broken in this respect. Don't let this happen to you. 

I've never heard of someone describing my life to me, let alone someone I don't know.  You would probably be the only person who could relate to my situation as I too, feel that I went thru a very long mourning period in letting go of my Mom, sister and brother because of a riduculous family mess where people took sides.   I know the pain you feel and I'm sorry you had to go thru that.  Your husband must be your rock as mine is.  Only they know the depth of pain.

 

Sadly, I lost my blood brother to suicide about 14 years ago.  I decided that unless I put a boundry up, I would be in the dirt with him.  It is the most difficult thing to do because my 'family' lives less than 20 miles away in a town that I work in quite a bit.  But, I know that I am stronger now and that my brother would not have wanted me to be in such emotional pain.   I also have made my own 'family' that I affectionately call the 'Outlaws'.  They have been kinder, sweeter, and more supportive than my actual family has ever been.

 

I've had to let the 'dream' and wishful thinking & hoping go and now continue to focus on my Outlaw family, which my husband and I are an active part of.  

 

It's been 5 years since 'the incident' and I've given up hope of any reconciliation in the future. Yes, my heart will always be broken, however, this has given me hope and strength to move forward instead of staying in the mire of emotional pain.

 

I wish you the best in your step forward.  I know how difficult it is, but I feel you  made a very brave and courageous move that is the best for you, your children and your marriage.

 

   

 
August 25, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

sisters can't get along

My sister and I have been always at "sorts" since we were little, and now its going on 12 yrs of no speaking to each other.  She can come into my Mother's house and not acknowledge me, and only responds when directly asked a question.  She screamed at me at my Dad's funeral, and Mother asked her to take her feelings somewhere else.  She has had cancer for the last 8 years and feels I'm ignoring her, but because she dis-associated herself from my children and their families and has been more than rude to them and decided to not include them in family holiday celebrations, I find no need to try to get back on speaking terms with her, for as a Mother, my kids come first.   She is treating them the same way she did me as teenager:  name calling, making them the butt of her jokes and teasing them.  She is self-centered and if not the main conversationalist, then she gets huffy.  I became un-emotional to her, and see my kids doing the same.  Basically, when I was at my parent's there was so much going on, no one noticed I quit talking and then when they did, they all thought I got mad.  It took them 3 yrs to notice too!!!

I live in another state, and she has driven within miles of my house and found too many excuses to not call or stop by.   I feel detached from her and feel if something did happen to her, I would not miss her or the emotional turmoil she has put me through.   Our brothers and sister have distanced themselves from the matter and pretend nothing is wrong. 

Why write if I have become so detached?  I just wish there could be civility when I'm at Mother's house and she is there.  After Mother's gone, I won't have to deal with her.  Besides, I watched this episode and thought I would post something.

 
August 25, 2008, 3:28 pm CDT

Cut throat Sister

It's funny that this show happened to be aired this week.  I've been wondering if there is a legal way to disown a sibling.  I would like to legally  estrange myself completely from two of my siblings. I have actually moved to another state to accomplish the physical distance. I no longer want to be associated with either one of them.  If any one knows of a legal way to accomplish this, I would appreciate some advise.  Dr. Phil, not all siblings are worth trying to get along with. 
 
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