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Topic : 08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Number of Replies: 44
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:06:33 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you stuck in a rut? Learn how to get out of it now before it's too late! Dr. Phil welcomes Bishop T.D. Jakes back to the show. He's a renowned pastor and motivational speaker, and his book, Reposition Yourself, inspires people to live life without limits! First up is Theresa, who admits she’s been lying to her husband, Andy, about her spending habits for the past four years. She says their debt is about $13,000, but Andy says it’s a lot more than that. He calls his wife a liar and a thief, and he’s recently moved out. Can their marriage be saved or is it too late? See what Bishop Jakes thinks. Then, Kelly says all the men she dates end up cheating on her, and she doesn’t know how she can ever trust a man again. What is she doing wrong? And, Yvonne worries about her 23-year-old daughter, Amanda, because she says she makes poor choices in boyfriends. After a look at her dating history, does she have a right to be concerned, or should she butt out of her daughter’s life? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 27, 2008, 2:58 pm CDT

todays show/i have a problem

 Dear Dr. Phil,                        

when I saw the show today I knew I had to contacted you, I have been in a relationship with a man for about 1yr. but just about 4months into the relationship he cheated on me, but I took him back and thought he stop'ed seeing her. But then about 1month after the year we had been together I found out he was seeing her again. During the time we were together he didn't work a lot he would work 2 days and be off 2 weeks, I am disable and do not make a lot of money, the bills where not getting paid and he wouldn't work said he was sick but Dr.'s  can't find any thing wrong, but he was spending $700.00 on beer and cigarettes. Our water was turned off and I had no money to get it back on nor did he, so he called his mom and she gave him $200.00 to help with the bills but when he got home he would not give me any of it to help and he left that day. My family and friends helped get the water on and to help with other things, also I kept his things that I could sell and did so to help get my bills caught up....Now it has been 2months and he wants to come back, he knows he maid a big mistake and he loves me, but I find out she is getting evicted from her apt. and he will have to work to help pay rent because she only makes minimum wage and cannot pay rent and utility alone. So I am so worried if i take him back it is just because he needs a place to live, not because he loves me, but I love him and I am having a very hard time. I know I should not take him back, but I love him and miss him, I have made some rules for him that he has to change but I just don't think that will happen.. OH also he is a transvestite, and wants to be with her girlfriend sometimes...... HELP I KNOW I AM CRAZY!!!

 

 
August 27, 2008, 3:08 pm CDT

BEEN THERE

I can relate to the young woman on this show! I have been there too. I did the same things she did, and it caused the same problems with my marriage. She has to admit she is wrong, and she has to stop putting the blame on her husband. This is a personal problem of hers (it is an addiction). Granted that he was not available for her when she needed a partner, and that his verbal abuse is wrong, but she is still responsible for the spending. When you are an adult, you can not put blame on anyone else for your actions. It took me more than 10 years to finally realize that I needed to stop, and that I needed to accept responsibility for my own actions. Trust is so important in a marriage. If trust or respect is not there, the marriage can not survive. I am a testimony that a marriage can survive from this devastation, but it took alot of work and alot of forgiveness.
 
August 27, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

Is this necessary??

I used to like watching Dr. Phil. Now, when Bishop Jakes is on, I turn the channel. I try to watch, but I end up turning it. I am not a religious person. I feel that those who are- GREAT- but I am NOT. I do not want to watch clips of sermons and talk about how "God" can be a positive force in your life. Religion is a BELIEF. It's insulting that Dr. Phil isn't thinking of the millions and MILLIONS of people who are non-believers and not only that, but just are not religious in any way. Ouch.
 
August 27, 2008, 3:43 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Quote From: ladyfair60

 Dear Dr. Phil,                        

when I saw the show today I knew I had to contacted you, I have been in a relationship with a man for about 1yr. but just about 4months into the relationship he cheated on me, but I took him back and thought he stop'ed seeing her. But then about 1month after the year we had been together I found out he was seeing her again. During the time we were together he didn't work a lot he would work 2 days and be off 2 weeks, I am disable and do not make a lot of money, the bills where not getting paid and he wouldn't work said he was sick but Dr.'s  can't find any thing wrong, but he was spending $700.00 on beer and cigarettes. Our water was turned off and I had no money to get it back on nor did he, so he called his mom and she gave him $200.00 to help with the bills but when he got home he would not give me any of it to help and he left that day. My family and friends helped get the water on and to help with other things, also I kept his things that I could sell and did so to help get my bills caught up....Now it has been 2months and he wants to come back, he knows he maid a big mistake and he loves me, but I find out she is getting evicted from her apt. and he will have to work to help pay rent because she only makes minimum wage and cannot pay rent and utility alone. So I am so worried if i take him back it is just because he needs a place to live, not because he loves me, but I love him and I am having a very hard time. I know I should not take him back, but I love him and miss him, I have made some rules for him that he has to change but I just don't think that will happen.. OH also he is a transvestite, and wants to be with her girlfriend sometimes...... HELP I KNOW I AM CRAZY!!!

 

OMG...DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK! He is USING YOU.  Rather than taking him back so he can get your utilities turned off and cheat on you go get some therapy. SERIOUSLY!!! DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself, do you really love HIM or do you just love him because when he's with you you aren't alone.
 
August 27, 2008, 3:48 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Umm...when the woman who always has her boyfriedns cheat on her did anyone find what Dr.Phil and the bishop said offensive? For one, bishop, women DO NOT cheat on the same level as men not even close! Two, why would you blame this prro woman for the way these men behave! If you hadn't noticed men today are more shallow, egotistical and just chasing lust than ever before! You have the nerve to blame this woman!
 
August 27, 2008, 3:51 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Quote From: joanabaker1

I think Dr Phill focused more on the husband because the husband is the head of the family and he is not around enough to do his God given duty.

 

I think this is what happens when husbands leave all the responsiblities to the spouse with out giving any instruction.

 

If the man is the head and the wife is the helpmate. Then the man is responsible for telling his spouse what and how he wants her to do in order to help. He can also take care of the bills. There is such a thing called direct deposit and pay online. He could'nt have been that busy that he could not keep track of the money that his has made.

 

Women have so many things to do around a home. Why should we have to take care of the bills? Especially if we are not working. And if we are working our money should be our money. Come on the man wants to be king than run your kingdom.

 

Wow this post isn't sexist and offensve at all...just because a man works and the woman takes care of the children does not make him the "king"! It is a partnership!
 
August 27, 2008, 3:53 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Quote From: catbird

It is truly unforunate people believe a paycheck is all that is important in a relationship. This woman has an illnes and she needs help for ,but the man is just as responsible for not being there.It is a two way street and it does take two(to qoute a few cliches) A paycheck is a good but not the only thing a family needs. So button the remarks and look at the whole picture
I understand what is being said about him needing to be there for her, but in all reality she needs to step up and make changes herself.  I was a shopoholic many years ago and my husband worked a crazy amount of hours as well....very much like the situation here (We had a son & baby on the way).  Well it was me that had to make the changes. Didn't matter how much anyone talked to me about changing, ultimately it was ME that had to stop spending money on frivolous things and smarten up.  Now 5 years later we couldn't be happier and my husband still works hard to provide for the family!
 
August 27, 2008, 3:58 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Quote From: acompton

Umm...when the woman who always has her boyfriedns cheat on her did anyone find what Dr.Phil and the bishop said offensive? For one, bishop, women DO NOT cheat on the same level as men not even close! Two, why would you blame this prro woman for the way these men behave! If you hadn't noticed men today are more shallow, egotistical and just chasing lust than ever before! You have the nerve to blame this woman!
What do you mean that women don't cheat on the same level as men? Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. And women cheat too, nearly at the same rate as men. It's almost the same.
 
August 27, 2008, 5:16 pm CDT

The Bishop is Back!

hi,I watched your show today and could relate,I am just like the women spending money and hiding bills and charging up credit cards,sad to say I keep saying I will not do it again and my husband forgives me and then I do it again going on 20 yrs, It is so hard the hiding and the shame I feel because my husband calls me a thief and a liar and even got violent once and ended up in jail because of my spending.He struck me and the police were called he had to get a lawyer and it cost us almost 10,000 to keep him from doing time and not lose his job of 20 yrs. I do not like what I do and keep saying I will not do it,I work now and I am paying the last debt of 16,000  .My husband said "no more" and did not pay when I begged him to help me when I started getting behind,he has paid off twice two debts of about 16,000 in the last 8 yrs,I get paid and half my check goes to a debt conslolidation and I spend the other half on me and the kids and still have to get into our joint account and my husbands gets so upset when he sees I am still doing it.  We have had counseling and I go to church ,go to groups to help me.I hate what it does to our family the fighting and the shame when I have even asked the children to help me pays my bills and they feel sad for their dad when I do it. I want to stop.I now it is a sickness and I am feeling the void for something else. I am a good mom,volunteer for everything and taxi my kids to all their activities,my husband also works like the man on the show,he use to work two full time jobs,now he is working only one but works over time and saturdays all the time. It is not his fault I spend even though he is verbally abusive and disrespectful because of my spending.
 
August 27, 2008, 5:46 pm CDT

08/27 The Bishop is Back!

Quote From: soniaagent411

hi,I watched your show today and could relate,I am just like the women spending money and hiding bills and charging up credit cards,sad to say I keep saying I will not do it again and my husband forgives me and then I do it again going on 20 yrs, It is so hard the hiding and the shame I feel because my husband calls me a thief and a liar and even got violent once and ended up in jail because of my spending.He struck me and the police were called he had to get a lawyer and it cost us almost 10,000 to keep him from doing time and not lose his job of 20 yrs. I do not like what I do and keep saying I will not do it,I work now and I am paying the last debt of 16,000  .My husband said "no more" and did not pay when I begged him to help me when I started getting behind,he has paid off twice two debts of about 16,000 in the last 8 yrs,I get paid and half my check goes to a debt conslolidation and I spend the other half on me and the kids and still have to get into our joint account and my husbands gets so upset when he sees I am still doing it.  We have had counseling and I go to church ,go to groups to help me.I hate what it does to our family the fighting and the shame when I have even asked the children to help me pays my bills and they feel sad for their dad when I do it. I want to stop.I now it is a sickness and I am feeling the void for something else. I am a good mom,volunteer for everything and taxi my kids to all their activities,my husband also works like the man on the show,he use to work two full time jobs,now he is working only one but works over time and saturdays all the time. It is not his fault I spend even though he is verbally abusive and disrespectful because of my spending.
This is an addictive behavior. Clearly. You get a high off of spending money. Your body produces chemicals that get you HIGH when you do this. You need to go to a qualified therapist who has dealt with this kind of addiction before. You need to stick to it, go every week, do the HARD WORK that your therapist will ask you to do. You will have to find healthier ways to get that "high"...

I am not going to condone your husbands abuse. But you've been financially abusing your family for 20 years.

Go to therapy. Don't say it costs too much because there is no way that it's not a very real financial investment for your family to find a way to plug up this hole. Your addictive spending is a hole in the wallet of your family.  You need to figure out how to stop getting high off of spending money. I really do wish you luck. This will sound corny, but you have to WANT to want to change.
 
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