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Topic : 08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

Number of Replies: 38
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:07:50 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you're a parent who's clueless about how to raise a teen, says words in anger to your kid you wish you could take back or are modeling something that is harming your children, Dr. Phil has advice for making it through tricky parenting dilemmas. His first guest, Justin, is in the 10th grade and says he doesn't want to go to school anymore. His dream is to work for the NFL draft, and he says there's nothing he could possibly learn that will help him achieve that goal. How can his parents show him the importance of an education? Will Dr. Phil's surprises for him inspire him to make the grade? Next, Tom and Kathy say their 8-year-old son is way too competitive in sports, and when he loses he pounds his head and calls himself stupid. Should they call a time-out for their son's activities, or do they need to change their behavior? Plus, parents of a 5-year-old want to know how to keep the monsters and ghosts out of their son's bedroom so they can all get some sleep, and the father of a 13-year-old girl needs help when it comes to boys, makeup and cell phones. Share your own parenting dilemmas and talk about the show here.

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August 28, 2008, 12:15 am CDT

08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

Quote From: ssmk0903

My 16 year old daughter is pregnant by an 18 year old boy.  neither one of them are mature enough to have this baby. My daughter has emotional trauma issues from being molested when she was young.  This boy is controlling, verbally and physically abusive.  This is not to say, that my daughter is not the same to him to some degree.  Neither one of them will listen to a thing.  The mother of the boy keeps telling my daughter she can live with them, she stayed there for a bit, but it turned into a mess, which I predicted, but no one will listen to me.  They sent her back to me, and now they want to try it again.  My daughter swears, and I believe her, that she will make my life a living hell if I don't let her live with this boy and his family.  He has done nothing to prepare for this baby, i.e. job. 

 

My daughter is in counseling and has been for at least the last 18 months.  Her counselor does not believe that being with this boy is a safe (emotionally or otherwise) environment for her, but she insists she is going to see him.  What can I do.  Is there any advice from ANYONE?  Her father does nothing to assist me except complain about how bad our daughter is.  I feel extremely alone and no where to turn.  I'm holding on some days by a thread.  

Wow thats a whole lot to deal with, I truly feel for you.  My heart does go out to you.  From my expreince from looking from the outside in, patients is the key.  I saw my mother stuggle with this when my sister at 15 got pregnant and was in the same situation your daughter is currently in. I know this is not what you want to hear and you would like a quick fix.  But truly all you can do is reasure her things are going to work out eventually and you will be there for her.  But also as a parent you have to make bounderies tell her she can try moving in again with the boyfriend but lay out the pros and cons explain to her the benefits of living with you and your husband oppose to living with the boy and his family.  Believe it or not I think she wants you to parent her but not to dictate to her.  Does this make sense?  Sometimes it's better if you let your child think they came up with the solution but in reality you lightly guided them to the better desision with out them realizing it and it makes them feel they are in control.  Remember she stuggling with an extremly full plate and then some.  By the way I am a mother of a 15 year old boy and I'm struggling with the fact he came to me for advice in giving and recieving his first kiss.  I know this does not compare in what your dealing with but if you have any advice for me I would love to hear it.  Hope this helps out a little. 
 
August 28, 2008, 12:28 pm CDT

This makes NO sense to me AT ALL???

Dr. Phil dropped the ball. I just watched the episode where the 10th grader didn't want to be in high school anymore because he wanted to work in the NFL draft.
Dr. Phil said that if he stays in school, he'll be rewarded by being able to meet some NFL people.

???HE'S BEING REWARDED FOR DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO???

I think this was ridiculous.

I'm in 10th grade. I like going to school. I know it's important.

The good kids are always put to the side because the misbehaving (or not paying attention) kids are doing whatever it is that they do. They don't participate and this kid gets rewarded while the rest of us [good students] do what we KNOW we are supposed to do, and get nothing.

I just don't understand.

-Amanda
 
August 28, 2008, 1:25 pm CDT

The makeup problem

 I'm surprised that Dr. Philhasn't figured out the makeup thing--Mom or Dad  take a stroll around the mall and look in every store that sells makeup--pick out one that looks like a sensible  method--go in and have a talk to them set up an appointment  to have your daughter go in for a lesson--[they are usually free]--then talk to your daughter --tell her yes I think it is time for you to wear a little makeup--take her to the appointment and LEAVE
for a few minutes[you can stand at the door if you like]--come back in and ask how things are going --praise her look--buy the absolute minimum--[usually skincare and some lipstick]  and take her home--in your discussion with the makeup artist  ask her  what her  what her idea is going to be for your daughter--sometimes you have to go back for another  appointment--you would be amazed--I did this with my daughter and she did it with hers--with great sucess--I actually had to get after mine a bit to put some makeup on!.---it takes the mistique out of the makeup stage--sure some tmimes I had toask my daugher if she thought her aretist would approve--but on the whole is is an easy answer--you just have to do YOUR homework
 
August 28, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

get with the program!

  im soo sick of people getting all these great rewards for being slackers!

i have two teenagers who go to school every day play the sports and study there heads off  fall into the bed

a wake up exausted just to start al over again.

they dont get these rewards and incentives for "doing what they are supposed to do"

 

how about rewarding those who do the right thing tough it out

this countrys high bailing every one out from live to finances just burns me up 

 

 
August 28, 2008, 1:47 pm CDT

thnak you!!!!!!

Quote From: ajh1232

Dr. Phil dropped the ball. I just watched the episode where the 10th grader didn't want to be in high school anymore because he wanted to work in the NFL draft.
Dr. Phil said that if he stays in school, he'll be rewarded by being able to meet some NFL people.

???HE'S BEING REWARDED FOR DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO???

I think this was ridiculous.

I'm in 10th grade. I like going to school. I know it's important.

The good kids are always put to the side because the misbehaving (or not paying attention) kids are doing whatever it is that they do. They don't participate and this kid gets rewarded while the rest of us [good students do what we KNOW we are supposed to do, and get nothing.

I just don't understand.

-Amanda

im a parent of a senior who works goes to school plays football  and studies his head off,

 

i dont see anyone offering him a visit at a nfl combine! 

 

this society is set up to "bail people out" when they make bad decisions

 

all the the government programs to help dropout unwed mothers even  the new protection from forclosures when

they buy houses they knew they couldnt afford

you raise you kids to be responsible and work hard and they will succeed

society teaches slackers get it all for free.

 
August 28, 2008, 2:07 pm CDT

Cell Phone to Teenagers

   I am so happy I raised my son to adulthood before cell phones became more common than land lines.  So is he.  Raising a child to be a responsible adult should be the parents' task.  Using implements instead of parenting is another way parents shed their role as - well, parents.  (And how many geniuses are out there who owe their smarts to Baby Einstein?!)
 
August 28, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

parenting later in age

I was exactly where the guest today was with my children so I understand where he's coming from..

1. Make up. (I'll pass on what I would do if a father) My advice is to take her to a reputable salon, such as Meryl Norman, or one of the larger department stores. Call ahead and speak to an older woman or manager, explaining your situation. Ask to set up and appointment for the two of you, so she can get a 'make over' and be taught to apply it properly for her age, and why other ways aren't appropriate.. Terms like 'looking clownish" as long as its kept light will help. This is her ego you are stroking. She wants to fit in, be accepted, and feel confident and good about her abilities.. Those are qualities you want her to have.

2. Dating. I have to agree with Dr Phil, to a point. She needs a little freedom, such as maybe going to a skating rink, and meeting friends of both sexes CHAPERONED...ALWAYS going in a group will teach her to be aware of her surroundings, and help her to choose her friends wisely. Education is tantamount in teaching a young woman to respect herself as well as  to teach others to respect her.

3. Cell phone. Absolutely agree with Dr Phil on this one....However you have to establish trust boundaries there as well. Check with various mobile companies to see what programs they have available for online tracking. Teach her to use it as a protective tool, as well as for enjoyment, and have her check in at set times, and of course there are consequences if she doesn't. It is after all a priveledge.

The best thing you can do is be consistant so she knows what to expect from you, good bad and ugly, and never ever make a promise you can't keep. The sentence "let me have some time to evaluate this or research this before saying yes or no"....1. USUALLY stops them from further arguement.... 2. gives you time to debate or discuss the idea with someone else if you think it's appropriate, and 3.  NEVER puts you on the spot, if you are not ready to commit with good reason one way or another. Just because I said no, doesn't work much as they get older, because they have reasoning skills of their own, even though they don't always think everything all the way through.

Good luck....
 
August 28, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

Athletes

Dear Dr. Phil, (or who ever is reading this email)

 

I was watching the show today, and I couldn't belive what I was hearing.  The word "athletes" has 2 and only 2 syllables !  There is no "a" or "e" between the "ath" and the "letes".

 

I am always a little bit stunned when I hear someone with a college or better education, speaking to the public without being able to properly pronounce the  words concerning the topic he is speaking on.  I imagine that Dr.Phil has probably said the word "athlete" several times around his staff, but I guess nobody had the courage to correct him, which is sad.  Perhap you should go back to school for a refresher course in English Dr, Phil.

 

Regards,

Huffy

Montreal, QC, Canada

 

 
August 28, 2008, 3:04 pm CDT

make up for 13 year old

I think a female doctor may have answered that make up question a little differently.  I might suggest that this daddy arrange for a trusted female friend to help his daughter choose appropriate cosmetics for her age group-light colored "sweetheart" makeup and fragrances made for the "tween" set.  If no friend is available, many of the department stores will do a free make up session with the girl and help her choose make up that is right for her.  Daddy could even have the daughter invite friends over for a free Mary Kay make up night.  Of course, daddy would have to speak with the cosmetic salesperson ahead of time and lay down guidelines for appropriate makeup and price limits because you don't want to break the bank or have the child end up looking like a drag queen. 
 
August 28, 2008, 3:25 pm CDT

Please print this

Hi everyone,

 Can I draw your attention to the  28 year old- Australian woman who is imprisoned in an Indonesian prison and was sentenced to TWENTY YEARS in jail by this foriegn court where did she not receive a fair trial, not even close. This story is absolutely heart wrenching...if you have a daughter or a sister...you have got to check it out... I don't know this girl, I am from Canada but I am  contacting Dr. Phil and encouraging all his viewers to learn about this story and/or get Dr. Phil to do a show on this story This girl has had her life ripped away from her and her nightmare isn't ending anytime soon. If you see the story..she is just like any one of your neighbours and friends, I just have to try and help and I hope you feel the same. I can't do much alone but if we band together maybe we can help her. Her name is Schapelle Corby..go to her website and you can see her story.  Thanks and sorry to be off topic.If  I am posting in the wrong spot..please direct me better. Thanks.

 
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