Message Boards

Topic : 08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

Number of Replies: 38
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:07:50 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you're a parent who's clueless about how to raise a teen, says words in anger to your kid you wish you could take back or are modeling something that is harming your children, Dr. Phil has advice for making it through tricky parenting dilemmas. His first guest, Justin, is in the 10th grade and says he doesn't want to go to school anymore. His dream is to work for the NFL draft, and he says there's nothing he could possibly learn that will help him achieve that goal. How can his parents show him the importance of an education? Will Dr. Phil's surprises for him inspire him to make the grade? Next, Tom and Kathy say their 8-year-old son is way too competitive in sports, and when he loses he pounds his head and calls himself stupid. Should they call a time-out for their son's activities, or do they need to change their behavior? Plus, parents of a 5-year-old want to know how to keep the monsters and ghosts out of their son's bedroom so they can all get some sleep, and the father of a 13-year-old girl needs help when it comes to boys, makeup and cell phones. Share your own parenting dilemmas and talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

August 28, 2008, 3:29 pm CDT

I agree all the way Amanda!

Quote From: ajh1232

Dr. Phil dropped the ball. I just watched the episode where the 10th grader didn't want to be in high school anymore because he wanted to work in the NFL draft.
Dr. Phil said that if he stays in school, he'll be rewarded by being able to meet some NFL people.

???HE'S BEING REWARDED FOR DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO???

I think this was ridiculous.

I'm in 10th grade. I like going to school. I know it's important.

The good kids are always put to the side because the misbehaving (or not paying attention) kids are doing whatever it is that they do. They don't participate and this kid gets rewarded while the rest of us [good students do what we KNOW we are supposed to do, and get nothing.

I just don't understand.

-Amanda
It does seem a bit odd that he needs some extra reward just for doing what he is supposed to do.
But, take a look at his parents. His father was kind of condoning the attitude. I'm sure you have noticed that some kids have parents that just don't instill proper values. I'm sure you'll go farther in the long run with your values than this kid. Remember, it is all for TV. He is going to have to learn to do the hard work, whether or not he sees its immediate, practical usefulness. Otherwise, it won't matter how many NFL types he meets. Besides, they aren't going to do anything for him unless he can do something for them. Once the photo op is over, it is back to reality.





 
August 28, 2008, 3:44 pm CDT

08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

I find it hard to believe that in this day and age we still tell kids what they think the see at night is not real. I may be alone in this opinion on this message board but I have to state my mind.

 

Has anyone ever thought to talk to their kids about what they're seeing. What if you have a kid who can see/talk to spirits on your hands and you're drowning their abilities in fear of what YOU think is real or not. It could cause a kid more trauma than good in the long run to tell them that what they see is not what they see.

 
August 28, 2008, 3:57 pm CDT

08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

In regards to the single dad who was curious about the proper age to allow his young daughter to wear makeup; I am 25 and for my 13th birthday my mother had a lady from Avon (a make up company) come and show my friends and I how to put make up on the right way. it was a lot of fun and I still use the technique she showed us, plus we learned what colors to choose and how much is too much.  I would highly recommend this for any young girl.
 
August 28, 2008, 4:25 pm CDT

I used to think Dr. Phil had good insight

Quote From: lenorawm

im a parent of a senior who works goes to school plays football  and studies his head off,

 

i dont see anyone offering him a visit at a nfl combine! 

 

this society is set up to "bail people out" when they make bad decisions

 

all the the government programs to help dropout unwed mothers even  the new protection from forclosures when

they buy houses they knew they couldnt afford

you raise you kids to be responsible and work hard and they will succeed

society teaches slackers get it all for free.

I teach in an urban, poor Los Angeles high school.  The attitudes of some students leave a lot to be desired.  Even with the stronger students, there can be a false sense of entitlement. 

 

I am soooooo offended that Dr. Phil made this a national DEBACLE.  It's bad enough that a parent will agree with a child who doesn't think he needs to go to high school.

 

Students with this attitude: Stop whining.  Put up or shut up.  Do your work and stop complaining.  I had to do homework, too.  I have to read your work and evaluate your learning.  Even if you don't think you need to learn something, your brain is still growing and developing (until you're about 22/23 years old). 

 

 Teenagers need to develop the neural networks necessary for advanced learning.  If you don't care about cell reproduction, you might care later in life if you have any complications with fertility or fetal development.  Or, you might get a job that requires you to memorize a large amount of information.  Learn how to do it NOW.

 

Dr. Phil:  I'm not an expert, but you really need to do some research on the adolescent brain before you go on national TV and agree with teenagers lack of need for high school.  You just lost a dedicated viewer who rushED home each day after work to watch your show.  Never again. 

 

DONE with this show.

 
August 28, 2008, 4:33 pm CDT

makeup

Quote From: madgran

 I'm surprised that Dr. Philhasn't figured out the makeup thing--Mom or Dad  take a stroll around the mall and look in every store that sells makeup--pick out one that looks like a sensible  method--go in and have a talk to them set up an appointment  to have your daughter go in for a lesson--[they are usually free--then talk to your daughter --tell her yes I think it is time for you to wear a little makeup--take her to the appointment and LEAVE
for a few minutes[you can stand at the door if you like--come back in and ask how things are going --praise her look--buy the absolute minimum--[usually skincare and some lipstick  and take her home--in your discussion with the makeup artist  ask her  what her  what her idea is going to be for your daughter--sometimes you have to go back for another  appointment--you would be amazed--I did this with my daughter and she did it with hers--with great sucess--I actually had to get after mine a bit to put some makeup on!.---it takes the mistique out of the makeup stage--sure some tmimes I had toask my daugher if she thought her aretist would approve--but on the whole is is an easy answer--you just have to do YOUR homework
thanks for the advice. the show was taped in 2006 and just showed so my daughter is now wearing makeup and she looks beautiful. I tryed the proffesional makeup women and that didnt work to well but i did have a neighbor lady who my dauhgter looks up to who showed her how to apply makeup and she done a fantastic job.
 
August 28, 2008, 4:36 pm CDT

makeup

Quote From: morganld

I think a female doctor may have answered that make up question a little differently.  I might suggest that this daddy arrange for a trusted female friend to help his daughter choose appropriate cosmetics for her age group-light colored "sweetheart" makeup and fragrances made for the "tween" set.  If no friend is available, many of the department stores will do a free make up session with the girl and help her choose make up that is right for her.  Daddy could even have the daughter invite friends over for a free Mary Kay make up night.  Of course, daddy would have to speak with the cosmetic salesperson ahead of time and lay down guidelines for appropriate makeup and price limits because you don't want to break the bank or have the child end up looking like a drag queen. 
i think Dr. Phil gave me great advice on the makeup and I took it all to heart tand today my daughter is wearing makeup  and looking as beautiful as ever.
 
August 28, 2008, 4:48 pm CDT

parenting a teen

Quote From: llauraleigh

I was exactly where the guest today was with my children so I understand where he's coming from..

1. Make up. (I'll pass on what I would do if a father) My advice is to take her to a reputable salon, such as Meryl Norman, or one of the larger department stores. Call ahead and speak to an older woman or manager, explaining your situation. Ask to set up and appointment for the two of you, so she can get a 'make over' and be taught to apply it properly for her age, and why other ways aren't appropriate.. Terms like 'looking clownish" as long as its kept light will help. This is her ego you are stroking. She wants to fit in, be accepted, and feel confident and good about her abilities.. Those are qualities you want her to have.

2. Dating. I have to agree with Dr Phil, to a point. She needs a little freedom, such as maybe going to a skating rink, and meeting friends of both sexes CHAPERONED...ALWAYS going in a group will teach her to be aware of her surroundings, and help her to choose her friends wisely. Education is tantamount in teaching a young woman to respect herself as well as  to teach others to respect her.

3. Cell phone. Absolutely agree with Dr Phil on this one....However you have to establish trust boundaries there as well. Check with various mobile companies to see what programs they have available for online tracking. Teach her to use it as a protective tool, as well as for enjoyment, and have her check in at set times, and of course there are consequences if she doesn't. It is after all a priveledge.

The best thing you can do is be consistant so she knows what to expect from you, good bad and ugly, and never ever make a promise you can't keep. The sentence "let me have some time to evaluate this or research this before saying yes or no"....1. USUALLY stops them from further arguement.... 2. gives you time to debate or discuss the idea with someone else if you think it's appropriate, and 3.  NEVER puts you on the spot, if you are not ready to commit with good reason one way or another. Just because I said no, doesn't work much as they get older, because they have reasoning skills of their own, even though they don't always think everything all the way through.

Good luck....
as far as the amekeup my daughter is now wearing it. She also has a  prepaid cell phone that she pays for out of her babysitting money. this way she knows what it is like to have to be responsable for herself. as far as the dating she is still not dating even though she is now 15 i still think she needs to mature a little more. I have talked to her about boys that she likes and I have mentioned to her that if she wants a boyfreind he has to come too me and talk to me first. i am old school that way. I know sometimes a little hard on her but I look at it as getting her ready for the reral life ahead of her. I learned a lot form what Dr. Phil said and I also learned even more when I read his book Family First. But i learned even more when i read his son Jays book Life Stratigies For TEENS.  this book showed me from her side of the coin and with that look i saw a little bit of what she see's. I  also read Closing the Gap by Jay. Dr. phil also sent myself and Breanna to physologist here in town and I even learned more there. Im not going to say that im now a perfect parent because there is no such animal but i iwll say that I have changed in big ways and I have seen changes in Breanna also.
 
August 28, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

Teach your children to say thank you

The arrogance and ingratitude of that red-headed kid and his parents appalled me to no end. I cannot believe the once in a lifetime opportunities Dr. Phil gave this family and child and not so much as an I appreciate it. All he could say is sweet??? Yes. He definitely needs to stay in school. I am hurt that Americans have lost basic manners. It's not just a problem with Justin and his family but the lack of gratitude seems to reflect an entitlement mentality. I would have jumped up and kissed Dr. Phil's forehead and thanked him from the bottom of my heart. I guess people don't get credit for acting in the best interest of those who don't do so for themselves. Well, thank you Dr. Phil.
 
August 28, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

my daughter dating at 16

my daughter is a smart and wonderful girl,she gets excellent grades,is a leader at her school and always follows the rules as to what time to be home,her curfew is 10:30.She has never given my husband and I any problems always a sweet girl. My  husband is upset that she has a boyfriend and they have been together a year now. We fought over if she should date or not  or have a boyfriend and he said " I made him give into the idea but is totally against it"  he gets very upset at the thought of my daughter with her boyfriend and we argue everytime she goes out now. Her boyfriend is a nice guy and I talk with him and he knows how my husband feels because my husband yelled at him once when he came over our house.They are both in 11th grade. He is not allowed to be at our house and she is absolutely not allowed in his house. They see each other in group dates and at school basically. My daughter does not know why her dad is being so mean and is know even harder on letting her go out because he thinks she might go see her boyfriend. I drop off my daughter and pick her up always. Is she too young?I had my first real boyfriend my senior year and we dated 3 1/2 yrs. I don't see anything wrong with my daughter having a boyfriend as long as she keeps her grades up and follows the rules. She plans to go to a University when she graduates and has dreams of becoming a peditrician ,she still makes time for  her friends not just with the boyfriend all the time. Should I agree with my husband and give her a hard time because he says I am going against him.
 
August 28, 2008, 5:34 pm CDT

08/28 Parenting Dilemmas

Quote From: madgran

 I'm surprised that Dr. Philhasn't figured out the makeup thing--Mom or Dad  take a stroll around the mall and look in every store that sells makeup--pick out one that looks like a sensible  method--go in and have a talk to them set up an appointment  to have your daughter go in for a lesson--[they are usually free--then talk to your daughter --tell her yes I think it is time for you to wear a little makeup--take her to the appointment and LEAVE
for a few minutes[you can stand at the door if you like--come back in and ask how things are going --praise her look--buy the absolute minimum--[usually skincare and some lipstick  and take her home--in your discussion with the makeup artist  ask her  what her  what her idea is going to be for your daughter--sometimes you have to go back for another  appointment--you would be amazed--I did this with my daughter and she did it with hers--with great sucess--I actually had to get after mine a bit to put some makeup on!.---it takes the mistique out of the makeup stage--sure some tmimes I had toask my daugher if she thought her aretist would approve--but on the whole is is an easy answer--you just have to do YOUR homework
I am curious as to what you meant by:

"I actually had to get after mine a bit to put some makeup on!"
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | Next | Last