Topic : 08/29 Internet Dramas

I am 71 years old and am legally blind.  My computer makes me feel like I am a sighted person.  The Missouri Blind Rehab has furnished me all the software, computer and monitor that makes it possible.  Maybe you can call me an Addict but I can read all the news, inspirational stories and talk with friends that I have made on line. 

I feel there should be another side to computers and it is the good that it allows someone like me to be able to read.  I cannot read normal print so my zoomtext lets me read at 6 times the normal print.

I have even set up my own website and have written an article on me and my blindness.  The website is http://youravonfamilystore.com

The name of the article is The Power of Positive Thinking.

Without my computer, I would just sit and try to watch TV that I can only see figures.  To give you some ideal what sight I have, a normal sighted person has 170 degrees of field in each eye.  I  only have 3 degrees in one eye and that is foggy.  I am not telling you this to feel sorry for me because I do not let my blindness get me down.  As I said in my article, if you think positive, you can accomplish anything you want.

So Dr. Phil, please give a positive outlook on computers.  There are two sides to everything.

Your program lately has had a lot of negative things.  I know that there are a lot of negative causes but a lot are brought on by the people.  When I watch your show, sometimes I want to say to them  Get A Life.

Thanks for letting me sound off and I hope you will read my article on The Power of Positive Thinking.

Enjoy your show most of the time.  I completely agree that you are a great asset to todays world.

Keep up the good work and God Bless

Maggie Kress

wwjd1@tds.net

I have a 23 year old son who is addicted to internet porn and has been going through this since age 16 year old. He has been kicked out of the Air Force, Lost Numerous Job mostly because he has this horriable attitude, which comes from this addiction. This all began in 1998-1999 when he was sexually molested by ex-husband's brother and there was some react from this by my son. He has always feared since then, that he might become gay and since then he has taken this completely to another level. He has spend 600.00 in a month and half on internet porn, he is in a 2 year relationship and he is trying to get her into a three person sex act, he is chatting with women from all over the world about sex, and yet sees nothing wrong with it.

Dr Phil what do I do? How Can I help? I sent him to counseling recently for him to only come back and tell me how much he hates me, my voice and my face. He even told me I was a stupid F***. So what do I do now? Dr Phil Please advise me how to address this issue and if you have a show or someone that could help him please do, he is not a bad boy just messed up. Thank you. Auburne

I had tried in 1997 to take the computer out of the home.  This caused him to drive over to an internet cafe to get online or go to his parents house.  Eventually his therapist and his family stated that he was so stressed and that the computer was his only release.  I was mocked that it was "just the computer" and why was I jealous of a few games.

I was made to feel guilty that I had a "good man" because at least he was not an alcoholic like so many others we knew.  But his behavior was just as destructive.

It still makes me sick thinking of all the times I was laughed at that how could I be jealous of the computer.  This took the focus off of his behavior of every waking minute online, and placed the blame on me.

In 1997 I had trouble finding a therapist in Portland, Oregon who even had email, not to mention someone who had seen chat or understood its addictive properties.

Kimberly Young published her first paper about the additction in 1996 but I could not get a therapist to read it.  When you are getting help through an HMO with overbooked therapists they just are not going to take that extra step. I worked as hard as I could to support my family, raise two children, and get this man who believed there was nothing wrong some help.

My ex had a lot of issues.  Many that he thought he should have been bigger or more important than what he turned out to be.  He got through college, got married, did all the things a person is "supposed" to do but he was not wildly sucessful and expected much more to be handed to him than he was willing to work toward.  In person he is quite a shy person, but in chat he can be the life of the party.

He suffered from clinical depression which he would never continue his meds on.  Once he started reading conspiracy theories about medications he never went back on them and got even worse. He won't go back to a therapist which in part I blame on that the doctors he has seen spend 30 minutes with him, write a script, and that is it.  He believes that the advice he gets online from people who have "listened" to him is better than professionals.

He has a severe inferiority complex where he is very jealous of what others have and what he believes he cannot accomplish for himself.  He believes that everyone has it easier than him. He is insanely jealous that after the divorce I finished my degree and remarried to a man who is better off financially, but does not see that we work very hard at our family business and do not owe him a thing.

Online you can find a group of folks who will agree with whatever nutcase opinion you may have at that moment.  He had friends online who agreed with his decisions, whose opinions were louder to him than my own.

There is a lot of comfort for him in crawling into the net to be the attractive, sucessful, charming, witty person that he is incapable of being in person.  He can't sincerely admit that he has a problem because life is working out for him so far.  He has arranged his life to have no financial responsibilities and works a menial job that does not interfere with pursuing this interest.

Thank you.

I have not been behind Dr. Phil especially about another program where the husband had an online affair and he wanted her to look at what she could have done to be more available to him.  In my opinion she could only be available to the real person that he is, and this man was probably more in love with the fantasy person he could be online.

The real living breathing people who see you everyday know your problems but love and support you anyway.  The hurt comes from the realization that such loyalty, and believe me I was fiercely loyal to the end, is not reciprocated by someone who finds the kindness of strangers who only know the fantasy a greater comfort.

Internet addiction is one of those issues I think there should be Public Service Announcements about because much of America still sees it as harmless fun. Worse than other addictions I think it will take many more years for a person to bottom out compared to alcoholism or drug abuse.  You don't destroy yourself physically or financially as quickly, but you do lose years of your life.

In any situation you have to learn to listen to your gut which going through this taught me.  My gut was screaming louder than anything else when those around me were dismissing how serious the situation had become.  I married him at 19, we were married for 9 years, this is what made me grow up very fast.

I would have thought that losing your home, your family, your career, and being publicly humiliated would have been the bottom for most people, but it was not for him. I even believed that his relatives would stop supporting him since they always used to be tremendously judgemental about people who did not pay their bills, which is why I worked so hard and went without many things for years.

I have an eye on my kids to make sure that they develop authentic self esteem in the people that they really are and that they do not develop this addiction. I hold very strong opinions about the false self esteem movement which I believe has created a lot more narcissism in our society, just at the time the internet came into play, so that no one knows how to be real.

     This is something that I am personally going through.  I am literally contemplating daily about ending a current relationship because of obsessive and addictive behavior.    When I first met this person, he was a member of a role playing writers group online, this is a place where people go and write in a fantasy type genre and was  something that he had been doing for years.

   At first I didnt really see a problem with it, just figured it was a creative outlet for him to partake in, however, as time progressed,  I started noticing that it was less and less a creative outlet and more a part of a larger issue, his obsessive personality.  He would literally stay up all night long online and writing in this forum until around 7 or 8am, then finally go to bed and sleep the entire day away, until later that night, where it would start all over again.

    Our relationship has changed so drastically because of this issue , and  his addiction has compiled and grown into role playing games now  as well. 

   He is 26yrs old, still lives at home with his parents, works only part-time and plays role playing games several times a week as well as continuing the fantasy writings online. 

  He lives in a different state than myself and we fly to see one another  and were in the process of considering a move to be together permanantly.  However, now we have went from talks about being a family one day, and starting a life together to speaking perhaps once  every two weeks and when we do talk  its mostly just about his gaming...the characters, the plots, the progression of this game. We NEVER speak about us anymore...our love,our friendship, our relationship, our future plans....nothing but this game 99 percent of the time.

    I have lost him to this game and to this fantasy life.  He has now went from not just being online role playing and having this fantasy life , to actually finding groups and cafes that allows for get togethers to play this game in person and now preparing to start and run games himself for others. 

     I have went from talking about wedding plans and a future with him to  having to accept that the person that once was , is no longer. This has went from a creative outlet , to his only identity!

    So the question Fantasy or Reality? , he has certainly chosen fantasy ,and that leaves me left out of a reality with him.