Message Boards

Topic : 09/01 Custody Chaos

Number of Replies: 521
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, August 29, 2008, 11:59:43 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Alienation, slander, sabotage  ... These are some of the ugly extremes ex-spouses go to when fighting for custody of their children. Too often innocent children are used as weapons to exact revenge on a former mate. Melissa and her ex-husband, John, are in a heated custody battle for their 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. Melissa says John is a danger to the children. She says he leaves guns and knives within their reach, and he has locked them outside in the dark. John says Melissa has violated a custody order and kidnapped their children, and that's why he wants full custody. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Melissa's mom, Janet, says she fears John could snap at any moment, and she worries for the safety of her daughter and grandchildren. Find out what she says is her biggest regret. And, high-profile attorney Gloria Allred and the director of The National Center for Men, Mel Feit, weigh in. Who do they feel should have custody of the children? You won’t want to miss their heated debate! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

August 30, 2008, 4:54 pm CDT

Another worried grandma

I empathize with the grandmother as I too am worried for the safety of my 10yr. grandson and 8yr. grandaughter.There dad (my son )has physical custody of his children and what I`ve seen and heard recently, truly scares me! He loves his children dearly but needs help and  denies it.My son has been home from his second tour in Iraq since the end of January and I do believe he is suffering from PTSD.,is depressed and overwhelmed along with now he is drinking more.I have begged him to get help to no avail. He is remarried with two more (babies).  I actually emailed Dr. Phil regarding this situation but have not heard back as of yet. My ex daughter in-law and I  have a good relationship and she is equally worried that my son will snap and the kids will get it .She is stationed in Japan with her new family ,also two more babies. She too has had two tours in Iraq but is getting help. She knows full well how these soldiers can snap and fears my son is close to that point. So far I have stayed away from legal and social agency`s means for help as i fear my son would retaliate and my grandson would be the one in trouble (as he usually is the focus). My ex daughter -in-law is coming to the states this month for a wedding( in her new family) and will be seeing the kids for a  weekend visit. I fear my grandson will not open up to tell his Mom what is really going on out of fear of being in trouble with his Dad. He has begged to go back to Japan w/ his Mom,(where he was when his Dad was deployed) but she doesn`t have physical custody. During a recent visit ,out of state ,for a wedding in our family I had my Grandson overnight, he did open up to me and before our talk he begged me to keep it between us and I did promise to do just that, he has always confided in me and his dad resents that.He begged to come live with me but my son and his new wife (the kids stepmother) would never go for that.. I am heartbroken and praying for a solution to this mess. My son grew up with abuse from his dad and I did file for a restraint order and got help.I fear history is repeating itself and I have no authority this time to stop it. I have five son`s who I love dearly and one is estranged from our family ,at his wifes request ,I have a 3 yr.old grandaughter I am not allowed to see. I do see my son where he works for short visits ,a hug, and to let him know he is loved ,he gives me the same. Dysfunction destroys kids lives and has a lasting effect .The kids need to be first and foremost consideration in any custody arrangement, they are the true victims. I pray for a resolution in your battle thats in the best intrests of the children and for Gods intervention.My heart goes out to you!!!!!!!
 
August 30, 2008, 5:43 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Chaos Custody Doctor Phil. I hop that it will never happen to either boys in your and Robin life. See you on-

Monday September 01st, 2008. Happy Hollidays. Sincerley Your. Russwll Vlaanderen.--------------------------- 

 
August 30, 2008, 5:43 pm CDT

GOOD MOTHERS LOSE CUSTODY 70% !!!

Quote From: rainy68

Under the list of things your batterer will say to you if you leave him or try to, #2 is "I'll tell the judge you're a bad mother; you'll lose custody of the kids."
I used to think that was a threat.....5 months later I learned otherwise, and I'm not alone. There are literally thousands of mothers losing custody to their ex-abusers. NOT the "good" fathers who share EQUALLY parenting costs or cares. It's the dad's that want the mother out of their child's life to "pay her back" for leaving him. It's the abusive drunk ones who drink and drive with their kids, threaten their kids they will take away toys or pets. OH....and the #1 on the list of things your batterer will say to you is "If I can't have you, NO ONE WILL". Thankfully, I believed that one.



Parental Alienation is the latest weapon of "Mass DESTRUCTION" for children in court!!

70% of MOTHERS LOSE  custody whenever the father decides to fight for custody!!  THESE ARE THE FACTS!!

THE NATIONAL ORG. FOR WOMEN HAS RECOGNIZED THIS LATEST CRISIS FOR WOMEN IN AMERICA AND THE BIAS ENSUES WITH what started as A CRIMINAL DEFENSE in court for PERPRETORS OF ABUSE, CALLED:  PAS OR "Parental Alienation."

This pseudo condition, "ensues" ONLY after EVIDENCE OF ANY FORM OF ABUSE ENTERS THE COURT.  Paid mental health evaluators or "experts" apply PAS against the victim or victims of abuse:  Ranging from emotional, verbal, physical or even sexual abuse against children or their protective mothers, is TURNED AROUND AND USED AGAINST THESE VICTIMS.  PERPETRATORS, ask and PAY for court appointed evaluators to apply PAS against the same victims who ask for protection from the courts.

Instead, the EVIDENCE these victims present, is TURNED AROUND THROUGH PAS AND USED AGAINST THEM!!!

When the ONLY EVIDENCE AGAINST GOOD MOTHERS, IS THE CLEAR EVIDENCE THEY PRESENT TO THE COURTS OR APPOINTED EVALUATOR, WE MUST KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY  WRONG IN THIS DEVASTATING NATIONAL CRISIS IN OUR COUNTRY!  THE FACTS ALSO INDICATE THAT VIOLENCE AND DEATH AGAINST WOMEN AND CHILDREN HAS COINCIDENTALLY, BEEN ON THE RISE, WITH THE INCREASING POPULARITY OF PAS.

LEARN THE FACTS:  PAS IS THE NUMBER 1  FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN GOING THROUGH THE COURTS IN AMERICA.

PLEASE LOOK INTO IT:  THESE ARE THE FACTS AND TRAVESTIES ARE COMMITTED DAILY AGAINST WOMEN CHILDREN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

PLEASE VISIT:  WWW.NOWFOUNDATION.ORG/ISSUES/FAMILY/

JOIN YOUR LOCAL N.O.W. CHILD CUSTODY COMMITTEE FOR MORE INFORMATION
 
August 30, 2008, 6:18 pm CDT

Fathers may have no parental rights.

I apoligize in advance for the long posting.

 

I represent the large number of fathers that go completely unseen.  I represent the fathers who are left behind after a divorce but attempt to maintain a loving relationship with their children, but are told by the court system that our only role is one of being a provider of child support.

 

We are blasted with stories of the "deadbeat Dads" who fail to financially support their children, but we are seldom presented cases of mothers that recieve timely child support payments yet withhold access of the children to the father.

 

Most states have severe penalties for men who fail to pay child support, but very little is seen as discipline to women preventing their children from being with their fathers.

 

My story is that, after my wife divorced me and left for someone else, I traveled every other weekend, sometimes more, halfway across the US and stayed in a hotel, in order to remain a part of my daughter's life.  My former wife was typically very combattive when it came to my access with my daughter.  In fact, I was forced to get a court order event to speak with my daughter on a regular basis.  Later, when she frequently violated this order, the court did nothing at all.

 

After approximately a year, I was making plans to move to live near my daughter.  During the last 30 days prior to moving, I recieved a certified letter from my former wife.  She explained that she was sorry that she had been unable to get in contact with me, but this would serve as notice to me that, by the time I recieved the letter, she and my daughter would be on their way to Europe, where she would be getting married.

 

It took an entire year to get this issue before the US court, who never did as much as reprimand her for what she did.  Part of my "visitation" was for me to travel to Europe to be with my daughter.  I made as many trips to Europe as I had visitation with her.

 

Later, after moving back to the U.S. for a short period, my former wife sued me again.  This time the court system seemed to go to great lenghts to make my visitation even more difficult.  After hearing that my ex was married to a wealthy man and living a very lavish lifestyle, the judge asked her about her income.  She said that she had no income (yet had very expensive exotic sports cars, a yacht, and Riviera home).  He then asked about my income and began his calculations.  He increased my child support 120%, but then went on further to change an earlier court's ruling.  In it, the court had put the burden of transporting my daughter on the Mother, as she had decided to move, and since she had no job schedule to work around.  This newest judge actually structured the new visitation such a way that, should I visit as much as allowed, I would need to have both time off from work, as well as financial resourced to travel to Europe 4 times within a six month period.  Simply impossible.

 

After divorcing the European man, she has since moved back to the United States.  She has no job, but lives a lavish lifestyle fully supported by only income extracted from previous marrages.  I understand that she is attempting to marry again.

 

I was told by the European ex-husband to be expecting that my child might ask me or be presented to the courts to ask for permission to no longer see me.  Several years later, precisely at the time he predicted, contact was lost with my daughter.

 

After years of a warm relationship with a wonderful child, I have not heard from her for just over a year.

 

To say that I'm heartbroken does no justice to pain that this father is feeling.

 

My love for her endures despite the present situation.  I send her presents at appropriate times, and each week, I send her a letter.  I don't know if it reaches her, but I live on the hopes that may see even one of these letters to know of my devotion for her.

 

If our nation truely cares about the welfare of our children, this nightmare must be addressed.

 

My prayers are for the magnitude of this horrific situation to become public enough to see just how many fathers are, in fact, attempting to be good fathers, but, for whatever reason, are being prevented from doing the most important calling of any man's life.

 
August 30, 2008, 7:19 pm CDT

09/01 Custody Chaos

Quote From: rainy68

Under the list of things your batterer will say to you if you leave him or try to, #2 is "I'll tell the judge you're a bad mother; you'll lose custody of the kids."
I used to think that was a threat.....5 months later I learned otherwise, and I'm not alone. There are literally thousands of mothers losing custody to their ex-abusers. NOT the "good" fathers who share EQUALLY parenting costs or cares. It's the dad's that want the mother out of their child's life to "pay her back" for leaving him. It's the abusive drunk ones who drink and drive with their kids, threaten their kids they will take away toys or pets. OH....and the #1 on the list of things your batterer will say to you is "If I can't have you, NO ONE WILL". Thankfully, I believed that one.


It is not always the batter's, persay. The two woman we are dealing with, one has moved her daughter 14 times in 18 months. Homeless countable times( like now). My step daughter is 12, and has been in atleast 15 different school, each school multiple times. her mother has had over 20 men in and our of her life, all abusive. She has lost her two other boys. She sold my husbands car, while he was in Iraq, to pay her child support. She is a professional victim, and has produced one as well. The other one, lives off grandpa, mama and us. Neither her or her husband have a job, yet they just bought a new double wide, a brand new truck, (along with the 2 new cars ) they already have. She just went and bought a ps3, wii, xbox360 and and ATV., Yet she cries to her atty, that they are broke. We ( my husband and I ) are now living off of 140 a week. We have to earn everything we have. These two also get help from government with food and medical. My step son is a pay check for her, she couldnt care less whether his needs are met,. She forgets to give his meds so often, that the school stepped in and started to give it to him @ school...she will not take part in his therapy with the behavioral specialist. it is a waste of her day. Yet, where we live, there is no leg for my husband to get custody. DO they have physically beat them to get to the more stable home? My husband is an fantastic dad, and his kids interest is at his heart. It is the motivations to all of his actions. What do you the good parents have to do?
 
August 30, 2008, 8:03 pm CDT

Children First #1

This is a subject that is very close to my heart.  I lost my only grandson because of a disagreement between mother and father. The mother moved away and remarried, refused to let the father , my son, see my grandson. Then after almost 6 years she decided not to let me be a part of his life anymore either.

Her reason to me was he loved me too much.  He did not want to go back home.

I have seen over the years how parents use their children to get even or to hurt the other person. I worked for the sheriff's dept. for several years. I think when these parents do these things the children should be taken away from both parents until they get their act together.

They should be sent to counseling or come to an agreement that can not be broken before the children will be returned.  If one of the parents move away then they should be responsible for making sure the children get to the other parent. Not put it all on the father.  It takes two to get these children and it should take two to raise them. Think of the children first ,always.

 This should be for married couples or non married couples alike. It should not be for  real nonfit parents.

 
August 30, 2008, 8:13 pm CDT

Children are not pawns

The way I see it neither of the parents need custody at this present time. The children are being subjected to mental abuse and that is not right. Where I live there have been reports on the news about children getting their hands on guns and killing a relative or themselves. Guns are not supposed to be lying around where children can put their hands on them. There is no logical reason why children need to learn how to use guns. If their mother really believes that their father is abusive and harms them or will harm them, take the children and leave. There is nothing more important than their safety and well being. Let the children live with their grandmother and she can stay there with her husband since she does not know how to leave and protect their babies. I am not sure that she is not mistreating their children. Maybe some parenting classes would help. This just makes me so mad. And I do understand what she is going through, been there, done that. I got out of that mess so fast he never knew what was going on. I love my children and myself and I refused to allow anyone to abuse us in any fashion.   It has always been my understanding that just because you can bring a child into the world does not mean you should be a parent. Parents are supposed to do everything within their power to protect their children from harm and abuse and not be the one to cause it.
 
August 30, 2008, 8:23 pm CDT

What do the children want?

I know they are young ,but they know better than anyone on the outside what is going on. Will some one please talk to the children.If there is abuse taking place in this household it needs to be stopped now before it is to late. Children are supposed to be happy and enjoy their childhood and parents are supposed to make it happen. They did not ask to be born and parents have a responsibility to take care of them  so they can grow up to be well adjusted, caring, loving, adults.  
 
August 30, 2008, 9:41 pm CDT

about our children

I just had to say that about 7yrs ago my husband and I considered divorce. We where both unhappy and him being in the military made it even harder. But The one thing we agreed on was our son. It had to be ALL about him and not us. I was looking at places to live near the base so he could be closer to his dad. And we both new he needed us both. When we really looked at it we decided if we could agree on our son maybe we could still try to make things work. I am not saying everyone should stay together because of their child but in our case if we could agree on one of the hardest things about seperating. Maybe we needed to look at our lives. We have now been married over 12yrs and we have adopted another child. And yes there are bad days. But we love each other and want what is best for our children....
 
August 30, 2008, 9:53 pm CDT

I need help too

Quote From: silencedmother

One of the most disturbing scandals in the history of our court system has already been  investigated. Lots of people know about it but no one has been able to do anything about it - yet.

 

Around the 1970's, a quack named "Dr". Richard Gardner - who was pro-pedophile - invested large amounts of his time to promote his warped ideas. Just Google Custody Prep for Moms and take a look at their links or articles section. There's a plethora of information about how child abuse cases are mishandled in our family courts- mostly because of Gardner's wacky ideas about children and sexuality.

 

In Connecticut, there is a "regional family trial docket" in Middletown, CT  where the state's family courts send custody cases involving domestic violence and/or sexual abuse. Many attorneys and court evaluators working with those cases call them "contested" or "high conflict" custody cases. However, the custody cases which involve domestic violence and or child abuse are not "contested" or "high conflict" cases. They involve victims of child abuse and domestic violence and, instead of being handled by experts in child abuse and domestic violence, they are handled by pro-Gardner attorneys and court evaluators in an adversarial family court system.

 

Most everyone knows that when a non-family member sexually abuses a child, the child is usually protected. However, most people in this country have no idea that when the sexual predator is the child's father, and when there is a question of who gets custody of the child, our family court system is a place where attorneys and court evaluators freely use Gardner's ideas of "the sexuality of children" and  "parental alienation of 'affection' "  to take abused children from protective mothers to place them with their abusers. 

 

If you are reading this and can do something to investigate and expose "PAS" set-up once and for all, you will be a hero. The set-up has been going on since the 1970's when Gardner first began to offer lectures and publish his weird ideas. No one has been able to do anything about protecting our nation's children from it.

 

Please help in any way you can. Thank you.

I lost my case to a narcisstic- socialpathic  man that abused my child since he was 2.

I fought the system out of my mind  for three years when I found out he was a child abuser and bisexual after 25 years - of  faithful mairriage.

I wanted to die and almost had a nervous breakdown.

 

 

He got another girl pregnant and paid child support to her for 18 yrs. and I did not know about it.

My son was abused in the system and so was my daughter.

I was the worst abused-no criminal background and a day care provider for 16 years for Hamilton County Welfare

The courts tried to put me in jail for sticking to my story and missing a few appointments during the case. They said I was crazy.

I am looking for support groups and going to submit my whole story to different attorneys to reverse my case and go after Indiana if I can. I live in Ohio now.

My ex was also a nark and passed a poly test - My son has since said he lied at age 10 and lives with his father

Help Cat

 

 

 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last