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Topic : 09/01 Custody Chaos

Number of Replies: 521
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Created on : Friday, August 29, 2008, 11:59:43 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Alienation, slander, sabotage  ... These are some of the ugly extremes ex-spouses go to when fighting for custody of their children. Too often innocent children are used as weapons to exact revenge on a former mate. Melissa and her ex-husband, John, are in a heated custody battle for their 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. Melissa says John is a danger to the children. She says he leaves guns and knives within their reach, and he has locked them outside in the dark. John says Melissa has violated a custody order and kidnapped their children, and that's why he wants full custody. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Melissa's mom, Janet, says she fears John could snap at any moment, and she worries for the safety of her daughter and grandchildren. Find out what she says is her biggest regret. And, high-profile attorney Gloria Allred and the director of The National Center for Men, Mel Feit, weigh in. Who do they feel should have custody of the children? You won’t want to miss their heated debate! Join the discussion.

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September 1, 2008, 7:33 am CDT

Here's what this is not and what it is

This is not about the grandmother.
This is not about the parents.
This is not about the past.
This is not about being the "winner".
This is not about girlfriends.
This is not about being afraid.
This is not about making the children take sides.
This is not about a parent's right to choose a lifestyle.

This is about the children.
The children deserve the love of both parents, even if it means that the court demand psychiatric evaluation of BOTH parents. And, if necessary seek to visit the children under supervised visits.
STOP talking badly about the other parent.  These children will grow...time goes on.  You will have adults to answer to some day, who will want to know why you divided the love that was possible for them to receive.
Create a safe and loving environment at both households.
STOP hating each other.  The hate and blaming and name calling is childish and stops this situation from moving forward with the children's best interest in mind.
The grandmother should share her strong and accusatory comments with her friends and not make this situation more difficult for her daughter and grandchildren.
Teach love and not hate in your home.
Teach compassion and forgiveness.
Be the kind of adults you want your children to be.

 
September 1, 2008, 7:38 am CDT

nasty custody issues.

 
September 1, 2008, 7:38 am CDT

09/01 Custody Chaos

First of all,  there seemed to be a lot of "he said--she said'.  Grandma needs to stay OUT OF IT and discuss issues only with her daughter.  Grandma might need a little help for herself,  mentally and emotionally.

 

I didn't get to hear all that was said,  but one thing I thought was odd and that was the issue over the daughter's panties.  It's part of her clothing,  albeit underneath.  If her father doesn't like it,  so be it!  He has a right to say so and not feel like a pervert.  I commented to my daughter once that my granddaughter's bathing suit was too tight and she needed a new one.  That sure as hell doesn't make me perverted.  Furthermore,  if the father wanted to buy some panties for his daughter and have her put them on,  so be it .  He's is a parent too!!

 

Too much "he said....she said."   They need to sit down with a mediator....WITHOUT GRANDMA.....and direct their concerns to him and not at each other.  It's all over between the two,  get over it and get on with your lives!  Let the court make the legal decisions and abide by it.  Then try to be kind.

 

Dave

 
September 1, 2008, 7:42 am CDT

Custody battle

Its obvious that John has done nothing but lie and skirt every answer or accusation..Dr. Phil seems to be inadvertently defending him..Why feel sorry for a liar and abusive man that doesnt deserve to have a family or a decent husband.  The mother and grandmothers concern for the children's safety is normal...He definitely needs medical help...Bigtime.. Its only a matter of time before something goes real wrong.
 
September 1, 2008, 7:43 am CDT

nasty custody issues.

Melissa's mother needs to get some mental health help. She needs to calm down and let Melissa handle her life. If Melissa really thinks and believes that John is such a terrible father, the court judge that handleed their case should resign. Melissa should not be allowed to label people the way she did label John. I do believe that Melissa and John are so carried out with the custody issue. My opinion is that none of them deserves to have these children until they learn how to deal with their personal issues.
 
September 1, 2008, 7:43 am CDT

CASA

THESE KIDS NEED A COURT APPOINTED GURDIAN SO WATCHOUT FOR WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN. In Ohio there is an organization called CASA. These people will go into the house of both parents and talk to them, see how they interact with the children, and talk to neighbor. They will talk to doctors, and teacher’s as well. These kids need protection against BOTH parents.

 
September 1, 2008, 7:44 am CDT

custody case

 
September 1, 2008, 7:46 am CDT

09/01 Custody Chaos

Quote From: venusair

If I were the judge in this case I believe I would have to take the children from both parents or at least order counseling for both parents. No doubt John seems to have serious problems but Lisa has violated court orders. I am surprised they haven't already made her face consequences for this. I agree with Dr. Phil, if she has concerns for her children's safety she should go back to court. I once saw a judge change his mind instantly because he was convinced the mother feared for her children's safety. I also think her mother has had a huge influence on her and I believe she is blowing smoke our her ear when she says she has said nothing negative about their father to the children. Even if John is guilty of everything they say he is, it is not her place to interfere. I can understand her concern for her daughter and the children but she needs to not influence the children. I think they are all guilty of negative comments to the children about each other. Those poor children are probably so confused they don't know what they should do or say. I am on their side too. The people in the court system in that area need to wake up and think of the children, not theri Marine father (and being a Marine doesn't make him good) or their mother.
I cannot agree more with you. None of them deserve these childen and they have to start improving their parental skills.
 
September 1, 2008, 7:50 am CDT

been there

I am very concerned for the children in this situation as I was in a similar marriage for 17 years and the children were traumatized.  My husband was very controlling and a great con artist. 

 

 I feared for my daughters' safety during the visits because he greeted the older one like a long lost lover and slept with her in her bed.  The boys were severely abused emotionally and physically.  .

 

My ex husband is in his 70's now and still believes he was the perfect parent.  There are some people you just cannot teach.  

 

I can understand Melissa's inappropriate actions in trying to defend herself and her family. I was several states away from my family and felt so alone.  I was shy and weak and didn't think anyone would believe me.  They didn't.  When I finally got the courage to go through with a divorce my shyness was no match for his con artistry.  The courts believed him and sided with him over most things.  In spite of this my only regret is that I did not do it sooner.  My children would be better adults, better parents and better spouses if I had gotten them out of that environment at an earlier age.  They suffer the scars today, one was lost to suicide.

 
September 1, 2008, 7:51 am CDT

Whats really right?

I think both parents need help and Grandma needs to keep her self centered nose out of the possission of know it all.
 
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