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Topic : 09/01 Custody Chaos

Number of Replies: 521
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Created on : Friday, August 29, 2008, 11:59:43 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Alienation, slander, sabotage  ... These are some of the ugly extremes ex-spouses go to when fighting for custody of their children. Too often innocent children are used as weapons to exact revenge on a former mate. Melissa and her ex-husband, John, are in a heated custody battle for their 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. Melissa says John is a danger to the children. She says he leaves guns and knives within their reach, and he has locked them outside in the dark. John says Melissa has violated a custody order and kidnapped their children, and that's why he wants full custody. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Melissa's mom, Janet, says she fears John could snap at any moment, and she worries for the safety of her daughter and grandchildren. Find out what she says is her biggest regret. And, high-profile attorney Gloria Allred and the director of The National Center for Men, Mel Feit, weigh in. Who do they feel should have custody of the children? You won’t want to miss their heated debate! Join the discussion.

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August 30, 2008, 8:04 am CDT

Not just spousal custody battles

It's not just spousal battles that can be heated.  I have a Brother-In-Law that fosters.  Right now he is fighting the courts, and parents to try and adopt the children that are in his home right now.  The parents of one are using the child as a pawn and leverage to put a monkey wrench in anything and everything.  For the other two the courts are piling on the red tape and hidden hoops he has to jump through because he is now a single parent.  The courts don't give two shakes that he also has the support of a huge family that would drop everything and come running if he asked.  It makes me so angry when I think of what might happen to these beautiful children if my BIL runs out of money before these kids get our last name and an assurance of a wonderful, loving life (which is looking likely).

Even though CPS is a government agency that is supposed to put the welfare if children first they fail miserably in execution in my mind.
 
August 30, 2008, 11:16 am CDT

Family Court Corruption

Quote From: rayvinfive

It's not just spousal battles that can be heated.  I have a Brother-In-Law that fosters.  Right now he is fighting the courts, and parents to try and adopt the children that are in his home right now.  The parents of one are using the child as a pawn and leverage to put a monkey wrench in anything and everything.  For the other two the courts are piling on the red tape and hidden hoops he has to jump through because he is now a single parent.  The courts don't give two shakes that he also has the support of a huge family that would drop everything and come running if he asked.  It makes me so angry when I think of what might happen to these beautiful children if my BIL runs out of money before these kids get our last name and an assurance of a wonderful, loving life (which is looking likely).

Even though CPS is a government agency that is supposed to put the welfare if children first they fail miserably in execution in my mind.
Under the list of things your batterer will say to you if you leave him or try to, #2 is "I'll tell the judge you're a bad mother; you'll lose custody of the kids."
I used to think that was a threat.....5 months later I learned otherwise, and I'm not alone. There are literally thousands of mothers losing custody to their ex-abusers. NOT the "good" fathers who share EQUALLY parenting costs or cares. It's the dad's that want the mother out of their child's life to "pay her back" for leaving him. It's the abusive drunk ones who drink and drive with their kids, threaten their kids they will take away toys or pets. OH....and the #1 on the list of things your batterer will say to you is "If I can't have you, NO ONE WILL". Thankfully, I believed that one.


 
August 30, 2008, 1:09 pm CDT

child as a weapon

my ex husband and his wife took me to court had me arrested for calling dcs for black eyes and bruises , two callls in four yrs, and have tried several times to have me arrrested for none payment of child support. All of their time is spent on hurting me and it hurts our child. Ashley is 10 yrs old and was taken from me a month before my four yr old son was born to live with her father based on interference with his relationship with Ashley,he works full time and odd hours and maybe spends 20 minutes a day with her and the other three children in the home, his wife monitors my conversations with her still and makes her ask me questions about what I am doing and money and all kinds of things Ashley would not ask about natraully.

my ex and his wife use the courts to hurt me still and it has done alot of damage to me and the future of my other children. The charges them selves keep me from being able to volunteer in my other childrens schools or get gainful employment . He was an abuser then and is still abusing me. it never stops!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been married since and try to live my life as true to self as possible however they make it where I dont even enjoy calling my own daughter because I know I am talking to a tool for abuse and not my wonderful amazing child!!!! How she does it I dont know!!!! But the pain is in her eyes!!!

 
August 30, 2008, 1:36 pm CDT

Living the Nightmare after winning custody

My son and his wife are still living the nightmare after having won custody of his 8 year old daughter, Katy.  They won custody of her this past spring, and it has been an ongoing nightmare since, with the mother fighting payment of child support, having to garnish her wages for ongoing bills and expenses she incurred previous to, during  and since the custody order has been changed and entered in the court.

 

This past week, she had visitation and she took Katy on the last day of her visit and cut her hair off and bleached it blond.  She continually does things like this since Katy is scared to death of her mother and is constantly put in the middle of the situation by her mother and her mother's family.

 

I am a grandmother who lives a distance away and sees this from the outside looking in, and I am so scared for the possibility of this mother going off the deep end.  She has mental and emotional problems and was allegedly diagnosed as bipolar.  At the time of the custody hearing the judge asked her if she has to follow the rules or the laws like everyone else, and she looked him in the eye, and said "No".  He was flabbergasted and looked taken back by her response.

 

She is unstable and is so negatively effecting her daughter at this point that my son has also had Katy in therapy since the change in custody this spring.  Her mother should do the same for her when she has Katy, but says that Katy nor her need any therapy.

 

I keep trying to reinforce them as they go through this, since my son has two other young children in the home as well who adore their big sister Katy.  It has also caused stress in the marriage and his ex knows how to do that.  I keep telling them to love Katy and to not let her see the anxiety and frustration they feel when her mother does things so inappropriate that they could be are abusive, neglect, and or assault on her own daughter, just to use her as a mechanism to try to cause the chaos in the home they have so beautifully tried to create for their family.

 

I would love to have Dr. Phil talk with my son and his daughter about this issue, as I am concerned that his ex is one that could be harmful to her own daughter and her daughter's extended family. 

 

When it came to her cutting off Katy's hair she had no say in what was being done to her hair and she knew that she had wanted to grow it out in order to keep in a bun for her dance classes she is in this school year.  She never asked for her hair to be cut and never for an 8 year old should she be allowed to bleach her hair blond.  It is like a sabotage that her mother did on her to cause problems with her classes, as well as to change her looks, and to make her look completely different and to put her stamp on her influence on her daughter even though by the custody order, she is not to do anything of this nature unless, life-threatening without the consent of her father.

 

I have watched so many of your shows regarding this issue, as we have lived for the past 6 years.  It was myself and my husband who, after Katy's mother tried to move her out of state without notification to her father that we said to our son, enough is enough, and collectively as a family, we did as we could to help Katy's father fight for custody of her in court and our prayer's were answered.  Now her mother has brought even more chaos and wrath on to that beautiful little girl.  I am so worried for her as she is in a household that is completely dysfunctional.  Her older brother was molested by his Uncle, and her mother says that he does not need and does not want therapy that he can handle it himself.  She did this since she did not want the small community to know that he had been molested.  He is a difficult pre-teen now and acts very odd, as Katy will put it.  He wears a big over sized hooded sweatshirt and covers up constantly and will not take it off and he took one of her little girl pink back packs that had broken and is using it as his now.  She said he is really weird - Gramma!  You can see she is confused and yet she sees that what he is doing is something to maybe concerned about.

 

Katy is a wonderful little girl, she is the kindest and loving sister to her younger brother and sister and it is devastating to see her have to go through what her mother is doing to her. 

 

My son and daughter-in-law try to provide a secure and loving home, but is constantly being invaded by her mother wrath, phone calls, comments and threats.

 

Dr. Phil what more can they do to keep a happy, healthy and safe home and environment for their family?

 

Thanks so much for reading this and your consideration.

 

Deborah Sly, Grandmother to Katy

 
August 30, 2008, 2:03 pm CDT

parental alienation set-up - a shameful chapter in U.S. family court history

One of the most disturbing scandals in the history of our court system has already been  investigated. Lots of people know about it but no one has been able to do anything about it - yet.

 

Around the 1970's, a quack named "Dr". Richard Gardner - who was pro-pedophile - invested large amounts of his time to promote his warped ideas. Just Google Custody Prep for Moms and take a look at their links or articles section. There's a plethora of information about how child abuse cases are mishandled in our family courts- mostly because of Gardner's wacky ideas about children and sexuality.

 

In Connecticut, there is a "regional family trial docket" in Middletown, CT  where the state's family courts send custody cases involving domestic violence and/or sexual abuse. Many attorneys and court evaluators working with those cases call them "contested" or "high conflict" custody cases. However, the custody cases which involve domestic violence and or child abuse are not "contested" or "high conflict" cases. They involve victims of child abuse and domestic violence and, instead of being handled by experts in child abuse and domestic violence, they are handled by pro-Gardner attorneys and court evaluators in an adversarial family court system.

 

Most everyone knows that when a non-family member sexually abuses a child, the child is usually protected. However, most people in this country have no idea that when the sexual predator is the child's father, and when there is a question of who gets custody of the child, our family court system is a place where attorneys and court evaluators freely use Gardner's ideas of "the sexuality of children" and  "parental alienation of 'affection' "  to take abused children from protective mothers to place them with their abusers. 

 

If you are reading this and can do something to investigate and expose "PAS" set-up once and for all, you will be a hero. The set-up has been going on since the 1970's when Gardner first began to offer lectures and publish his weird ideas. No one has been able to do anything about protecting our nation's children from it.

 

Please help in any way you can. Thank you.

 
August 30, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

I Can Somewhat Relate

I allowed my children last summer to go on a 3 week visitation with their dad. I was immediately regretful that I planned for them to go. Immediantly their were problems. Their father, my former spouse, demanded I change the pick-up day to the morning. They were in a scheduled summer program. I told him we need to stick withe plan we made 6 months prior. The day arrived and he didn't show up until late evening. I called his parents to see if he had arrived for the visit. They were suprised he wasn't here yet. Shortly after we hung up  he called and wanted to change the day to the next day, but did not know what time it would be. He lives in Georgia, I live in Indiana. He was to have the visitation in Ohio.  He was already here. The children just wanted to go with him and visit. Instantly he went on a rant of name calling me and I decided for the childrens sake to say nothing. Just get them on their way. Everything will work out right? WRONG! He was even more angry because I would not argue with him so he told the kids they were not to take any of their medications because he didn;t see a need for it. At the time, my kids were on Lithium, Asthma and allergy prescriptions , inhalers, and it was life threatening to take them off. When I would call every night to talk to my then 7 yearold He informed me he would decide when they would talk to me. A week of this and his parents informed me they were giving the kids their medicine against their son's wishes and that he LEFT. My kids were left with his parents whom one is blind, and the other is bedridden. I called for their aunt who lives in Ohio as well to step in and she did. They were okay. My problem with the whole scenario is when I tried to pursue medical neglect and interference with visitation, I couldn't find an agency to help. The CPS in our state would not investigate because it happened in Ohio. Ohio would not investigate becayse my kids are not residents of Ohio. I am left denying any visitations and wait for him to take me to court for it in order for him to be accountable. The kids are confused, angry and I am too. Who really is helping the kids?
 
August 30, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

Divorce for Children

 
August 30, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

09/01 Custody Chaos

Quote From: rayvinfive

It's not just spousal battles that can be heated.  I have a Brother-In-Law that fosters.  Right now he is fighting the courts, and parents to try and adopt the children that are in his home right now.  The parents of one are using the child as a pawn and leverage to put a monkey wrench in anything and everything.  For the other two the courts are piling on the red tape and hidden hoops he has to jump through because he is now a single parent.  The courts don't give two shakes that he also has the support of a huge family that would drop everything and come running if he asked.  It makes me so angry when I think of what might happen to these beautiful children if my BIL runs out of money before these kids get our last name and an assurance of a wonderful, loving life (which is looking likely).

Even though CPS is a government agency that is supposed to put the welfare if children first they fail miserably in execution in my mind.
Its always best for the children to return to their biological parents if they can provide a safe, nurturing enviorment. 
 
August 30, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

Divorced Children

I also had my ONLY child- Kidnapped- at the age of 6e NOT really been able to have ANY contact(yes- an occational phone call & seeing him at work- but THAT WAS SHORT TOO !!!, becase I did NOT want him to get in trouble with his Boss !  ALL DIFFERENT- HE IS NOW 19/20 year's old, but the LAST time I "had him, was at the age of 6 1/2 !!!   GOD ONLY KNOW'S WHERE he is NOW !!!     
 
August 30, 2008, 4:19 pm CDT

Custody

I am the step mother of two, each from different ex wives. We have been dealing with these two unstable woman for 2 years. My husband is a good dad, he pays his child support, he has been at their beck and call, since before I have been with him. We took custody of his daughter twice, only to have allegations made, on the day the courts were to make it permanent for her to be with us. Now she is homeless with her mother again, and there is not anything I can do about it. The courts threw out the allegations, but I am unwilling to put my family though that again. Now, we have been given his 7 year old son, who has Asperger's. His mother who is anything but competent, moved him 3 weeks ago, and as of the day before yesterday, still had not enrolled him in school. He was now 2 weeks behind. He is a special needs child, who needs routine, and his boundries. That of which he has none there. Mom got his adhd medication filled only to lose it the same day. We are out of luck with that, you only get one script a month with those meds. So, my husband threw out the idea of letting him live with us during the school year so that he may remain in the same schoolhe has been in, she agreed..ONLY IF WE AGREE TO KEEP PAYING HER CURRENT CHILDSUPPORT, AND DO ALL THE TRANSPORTING.....This is where I am having a huge problem. How can these woman get away with things like that and the state look the other way? I am sick to death of these two woman in my life, causing chaos, and interjecting their crap into our home and our check book. I can not afford to keep up the 600 a month in child support to her, and raise her son. She wont even go to the behavioral specialist doctor, because it is and i quote" a waste of her day"..she does not work, neither does her husband. Why is it our responsibility to support them....I thought our obligation was to his son????? anyway I am at my wits end. We can not get any help from anyone, and we can not afford another atty, we have spent our savings on them over these woman...
 
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