I apoligize in advance for the long posting.
I represent the large number of fathers that go completely unseen. I represent the fathers who are left behind after a divorce but attempt to maintain a loving relationship with their children, but are told by the court system that our only role is one of being a provider of child support.
We are blasted with stories of the "deadbeat Dads" who fail to financially support their children, but we are seldom presented cases of mothers that recieve timely child support payments yet withhold access of the children to the father.
Most states have severe penalties for men who fail to pay child support, but very little is seen as discipline to women preventing their children from being with their fathers.
My story is that, after my wife divorced me and left for someone else, I traveled every other weekend, sometimes more, halfway across the US and stayed in a hotel, in order to remain a part of my daughter's life. My former wife was typically very combattive when it came to my access with my daughter. In fact, I was forced to get a court order event to speak with my daughter on a regular basis. Later, when she frequently violated this order, the court did nothing at all.
After approximately a year, I was making plans to move to live near my daughter. During the last 30 days prior to moving, I recieved a certified letter from my former wife. She explained that she was sorry that she had been unable to get in contact with me, but this would serve as notice to me that, by the time I recieved the letter, she and my daughter would be on their way to Europe, where she would be getting married.
It took an entire year to get this issue before the US court, who never did as much as reprimand her for what she did. Part of my "visitation" was for me to travel to Europe to be with my daughter. I made as many trips to Europe as I had visitation with her.
Later, after moving back to the U.S. for a short period, my former wife sued me again. This time the court system seemed to go to great lenghts to make my visitation even more difficult. After hearing that my ex was married to a wealthy man and living a very lavish lifestyle, the judge asked her about her income. She said that she had no income (yet had very expensive exotic sports cars, a yacht, and Riviera home). He then asked about my income and began his calculations. He increased my child support 120%, but then went on further to change an earlier court's ruling. In it, the court had put the burden of transporting my daughter on the Mother, as she had decided to move, and since she had no job schedule to work around. This newest judge actually structured the new visitation such a way that, should I visit as much as allowed, I would need to have both time off from work, as well as financial resourced to travel to Europe 4 times within a six month period. Simply impossible.
After divorcing the European man, she has since moved back to the United States. She has no job, but lives a lavish lifestyle fully supported by only income extracted from previous marrages. I understand that she is attempting to marry again.
I was told by the European ex-husband to be expecting that my child might ask me or be presented to the courts to ask for permission to no longer see me. Several years later, precisely at the time he predicted, contact was lost with my daughter.
After years of a warm relationship with a wonderful child, I have not heard from her for just over a year.
To say that I'm heartbroken does no justice to pain that this father is feeling.
My love for her endures despite the present situation. I send her presents at appropriate times, and each week, I send her a letter. I don't know if it reaches her, but I live on the hopes that may see even one of these letters to know of my devotion for her.
If our nation truely cares about the welfare of our children, this nightmare must be addressed.
My prayers are for the magnitude of this horrific situation to become public enough to see just how many fathers are, in fact, attempting to be good fathers, but, for whatever reason, are being prevented from doing the most important calling of any man's life.
Alienation, slander, sabotage ... These are some of the ugly extremes ex-spouses go to when fighting for custody of their children. Too often innocent children are used as weapons to exact revenge on a former mate. Melissa and her ex-husband, John, are in a heated custody battle for their 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. Melissa says John is a danger to the children. She says he leaves guns and knives within their reach, and he has locked them outside in the dark. John says Melissa has violated a custody order and kidnapped their children, and that's why he wants full custody. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Melissa's mom, Janet, says she fears John could snap at any moment, and she worries for the safety of her daughter and grandchildren. Find out what she says is her biggest regret. And, high-profile attorney Gloria Allred and the director of The National Center for Men, Mel Feit, weigh in. Who do they feel should have custody of the children? You won’t want to miss their heated debate! Join the discussion.
