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Topic : 09/05 Party Mom

Number of Replies: 117
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 29, 2008, 12:06:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Two sisters say their mother always appeared to others as the perfect mom, but behind closed doors was no mother at all. Angela and Amanda harbor angry feelings toward their mom, Ruthie, and have not spoken to her in months. The sisters use words like "phony," "incompetent" and "sociopath" to describe her, have written letters in an effort to give her a wake-up call and now look to Dr. Phil for help getting through to her. When their dad remarried, they say she showed up at the wedding and had to be chased off the premises. They’re especially concerned for their three teenaged siblings still living in the home, and they believe that their mother will do anything to win the teens' love, including throwing drinking parties -- one of which landed on YouTube. You won't believe what they say their mother will do to win the teen's love. After months of estrangement, Ruthie faces her daughters and denies all of their allegations. Hear firsthand accounts of what Ariel, Ruthie's 16 year old daughter, says is really going on under Ruthie's roof. Was the last party really a set-up for the police? And Ariel makes a tearful plea. Will her mother be moved by it? Heavy-hitting lawyer Gloria Allred gives sound legal advice that no parent of a teenager should miss! Join the discussion.

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September 5, 2008, 3:13 pm CDT

It's a balancing act...

Hi. I Just watched your program and I am somewhat in disagreement with what you were saying.

I know there is a big difference between the drinking age in the U.S. and Canada and that may be why my views are much different than yours.

I have a 17 year old and a 14 year old, both boys.  Next year, my 17 year old son will be leaving home to attend college.  Currently, I do allow my 17 yr old son to drink alcohol on occasion.  I think it is important to expose him to it so that when he leaves for school (residence) he doesn't go apsolutely crazy with it!!

I am not talking "slaushed" either where he requires an emergency room. 

I know to many kids who are not allowed, what so ever to drink at home and once they leave for college....what a different story!!!  I'm afraid it's pretty much part of going to college!  Until they remove the onsite bars, it's going to be a big part of their time there so why not prepare them for it...for god only knows, it's like sex.....it's next to impossible to expect them to obstane from it.  Just my thoughts....

 
September 5, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

over-reacting??

I know that the view I'm going to express is going to be extremely unpopular, but what the heck, last time I checked we still had the 1st Amendment. 

 

First of all I want to make it COMPLETELY clear that never, under any circumstances should anyone (over 21 or not) ever be stupid enough to drink and get behind the wheel.  DUMB, DUMB and INEXCUSIBLE!  So I agree that the mother couldn't be more wrong than when she allows the kids to leave her house driving after drinking.  But to me this American Puritanism supporting the legal drinking age of 21 is utterly ridiculous!  Our young adults can die for their country and yet can't have a beer!!  What sense does that make?  I think that mother was just being realistic by accepting the fact that teenagers are going to drink and that as a parent it is her job to keep them safe!  She drove her son from party to party on New Years Eve?  Good for her!  She knew that not only was he not drunk driving, but he wasn't in the car with another drinker.  I would much rather my child be drinking at a house with a parent at home than sneaking around.  I  have made it very clear to my daughter that the one thing I will not accept is drinking and driving.  I've also told her that if she is out drinking that she can call me from anywhere (hours away) at any hour of the night and I will come get her and there will be NO repercussions and NO lectures.  That way if she gets into a bad situation she will know she can call me without getting into trouble, so she will be more likely to call me than she would if she knew she would be punished.  I think that's important!

 

I do also want to say that I would never serve alcohol to minors without their parents permission.  But personally I find the alcohol ban ridiculous.  And no, I'm not a teenager, I'm 40, with a teenage daughter.

 

Also, I think the root beer party was cute, not a slap in the face to police.  I have great respect for police.

 
September 5, 2008, 3:43 pm CDT

OMG GET OVER IT

Seriously Dr.Phil!! he is 18 years of age is this really all that big off a deal. So sh picked him up on new years and drovew him around!!1 if anything that is the most responsible thing a mother can do, she made sure he was safe and not riding in a car with someone who had been drinking. Atleast she isnt as ignorant as most parents who just ignore the fact that their child drinks underage.!! REALLYY!! Are you kidding me its a part of growing up and it happens and ignoring it causes teens to lie and hide the truth from their parents forcing them to drive with someone who is drunk.It makes me angry when i see this poor mother being balsted at on television over something as ridiculous as this. She let her son drink at home with his friends, that is better that having her son at on the streets drinking and in danger. And her sons facebook page, seriously shes gettting blamed for her teenage sons actions. HES 18 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. Americans need to relax about their drinking laws, Not talking about it is worse than letting it happen. STOP BEING SO IGNORANT!! THERE IS WORSE THINGS THAT A CHILD COULD GET INTO THAN UNDERAGE DRINKING!!!
 
September 5, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

Responsibility and Consequences

Whatever happened to responsibility and consequences?  This Mother is responsible for any and all the minors that leave her home as well as in her home with any alcohol or other substances in there system.  Morally and legaly.  As the wife of a Motor Coach Operator/Bus Driver, I worry constantly about drunk drivers and those under the influence of any substance that might be on the road.  My husband tells me stories weekly of crashes some fatal, weaving drivers, speeding drivers, believe or not sometimes only the vehicle is destroyed.  Most of the time these things happen very late an night, between the hours of midnight and 6:00 am.  I'm sure many of you have heard this before.  But it has to stop somewhere, these are kids!

 

We as parents are also responsible for our own children.  Where are they going when they go out at night, during the day, or just taking a drive. 

We cannot be there friends.  We owe to them, not to.  My mother and I are friends, NOW.

 
September 5, 2008, 3:57 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

Quote From: jacklaura

I can totally relate to the story on the show today about the mother who allows parties.  Last New Year's Day I kicked my 19 year old son out of the house because I found 12 large empty liquor bottles in a drawer in the basement and 2 liter bottles of empty pop containers that had been used to mix the liquor.  I had been woundering why so many kids were coming over during Christmas break, he had had 3 large parties in the space of 2 weeks.  These kids were coming and going on a regular basis during these parties and it made me uncomfortable.  My husband said not to worry because they were now adults, which I did not agree with.  On New Years I went looking for something else in the basement and found the liquor bottles.  I called my son home and told him that if he could not follow the rules of the home, no drinking, no girls spending the night in his bedroom, and not taking the car without permission, all rules that he had broken during the previous months, that he would have to leave.  He chose to leave and has not moved back home yet.  He now lives with the family of one of his friends whose mother does not have any of these rules and comes over to get mail and other things he needs.  I know I did the right thing because I was concerned that one of the kids would get in an accident with the car and hurt or kill themselves or someone else and I would get blamed even though I did not know that they were drinking in the basement until I found the bottles.  The only thing that bothers me is that I no longer trust my son and he still does not feel that he did anything wrong.  He feels that at 19 he is an adult and therefore can do what he wants, when he wants, and no longer needs to follow any rules but his own.

 

Dr. Phil even though this happened 9 months ago it still hurts and I am still bothered by it.  I want a relationship with my son, but I no longer trust him because there is no remorse or consideration for what could have happened.  I had him leave because I did not want to get arrested or sued, I have a 16 year old son still at home and want to be there for him.  What do I do to repair this trust and be able to trust my son again?

OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!11 you kicked you 19! YEAR OLD SON out of the house for underage drinking!! There must be something seriously wrong with you if anyone deserves to be on Dr.Phil its you!!
you think your  stopping him from drinking YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TO LIVING ON THE STREETS just because he was DRINKING!!! your acting like he murdered someone. Here in Canada are drinking limit is 19 which is what it shoud be everywhere else so people like you dont force your kids to feel terrible for .something as STUPID as this!! they should calll child services on you for what you did. What do you think  teenagers do ??  for godsake he isnt even a teenager his  an adult!!1 maybe you should start acting more responsible
 
September 5, 2008, 4:07 pm CDT

Omgaaaw

These two sisters are stuuuupid. They need to get over their issues. Here they are whining about their mother not having a relationship with them. They are well fed, they are not abused, they have roofs over their heads, and their life is a blessing that many others would have been lucky to have. They are not children who need to whine for their mommy's attention. Get over it. How disgusting.
 
September 5, 2008, 4:14 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

Quote From: babe69vw

My son was KILLED by a 21 year old who was partying.....He had been drinking and bar hoping and my son was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  29 and dead.  I would like to... 

Some will never get it, not even with all the crosses we see on every road.

 

 

So So sorry for your loss.  J.

 
September 5, 2008, 4:18 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

Quote From: bruintran

These two sisters are stuuuupid. They need to get over their issues. Here they are whining about their mother not having a relationship with them. They are well fed, they are not abused, they have roofs over their heads, and their life is a blessing that many others would have been lucky to have. They are not children who need to whine for their mommy's attention. Get over it. How disgusting.
There is way more to being a mother then that, and this mother has failed.
 
September 5, 2008, 4:25 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

My mother was a bit worse than this "party mom".  She was always wanting to APPEAR to be a good mom, but padlocked the fridge so we wouldn't eat while she was at work.  She worked 3 jobs to buy property to rent and make more money.  I was 38" tall at age 10, and stole food because I was always hungry.  Between school lunches and 10 cent pot pies, we were always hungry.

And because my mother was either resting or at work, I was unprotected from my athletic 15 year old brother.  At least she kicked him out when I finally told her what was going on (During a tirade towards me where she asked what my problem was....)  But I never saw a doctor or had any therapy.  I ended up in foster care because I "ran wild" when she was out of town.  She deserted me with strangers, and then wondered why I was so angry with her as a teen.  I was clinically depressed, frightened, and lonely.

For years she told me to never have kids because they are too expensive, and they ruin your health, etc etc, then when I married a good man, she changed her tune and started asking when I would have kids.  Just a little reminder of the decades of emotional and mental abuse I suffered on top of the physical abuse and neglect.

Finally she informed me that "until I can have a grown up conversation with her, just don't contact her" as I was learning healthy boundaries from my excellent therapist.  I haven't spoken to her in several years.  I DO miss her, and wish her well, and underswtand to some degree that she did the best she could, but it is far better from me to be away from her dramatics and ever changing versions of her "TRUTH".

LOL, a 'reunion' on the show would make for some amazing dramatics from her (she IS listed on IMDB, you know!).  I hope to continue to grow and learn how adults act.  It's a long hard trip, but I have more support now with my husband and therapist than she EVER provided me.

I was an excellent musician from age 4, but she only came to ONE single concert in all those years.  She called me names and was way too strict and overbearing, even in the midst of her 'interesting' life choices...  Bikers, marijuana smoking in front of us, she owned a bar for a while...  Of course, now she's married to a 'fine man' who has run for Republican office.  LOL.  Fitting.
 
September 5, 2008, 4:38 pm CDT

Response to Party Mom

Quote From: covergaard

I was shocked to discover that you even can make a show like this.

 

In my country all children are introduced to alcohol in relationship with their confirmation. It has been so for more than 200 years. We see only one danger with alcohol and that is drinking and driving. By allowing the youth to drink openly we also can spot those that drinks more than 11 liters of pure alcohol per year with is the norm for normal behavior and a limit where the health is not hurt by the amount consumed.

 

Drug are also less seen because on most countries it is the same people who deliver both illegal alcohol and drugs til the children. By having the parents supplying the children, they are not so easily introduced to such criminal circles.

 

When a youth turns 16 they are often given an ID-card which enables them to purchase all kind of alcohol in shop. It is only the nightlife that is off-limit. This is done so the youth stay in an environment where there are sober adult supervision.

 

Needless to say: We have less violence, less number of people in jail, less teenage pregnancies and of course lower number of people killed in DUI-related accidents.

 

More info about our alcohol culture is to see here:

http://alcoholcultureindenmark.webbyen.dk/

and for youth: http://www.espad.org/denmark

 

I really dont get why you consider the behavior of this mom a problem.

What Country are you from where this is legal? I just don't believe or agree with anything you have to say. Drinking and drugs are bad no matter how old you are or what Country you're from. A parent that let's their underage child(ren) or their friend's drink, should be jailed.
 
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