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Topic : 09/05 Party Mom

Number of Replies: 117
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 29, 2008, 12:06:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Two sisters say their mother always appeared to others as the perfect mom, but behind closed doors was no mother at all. Angela and Amanda harbor angry feelings toward their mom, Ruthie, and have not spoken to her in months. The sisters use words like "phony," "incompetent" and "sociopath" to describe her, have written letters in an effort to give her a wake-up call and now look to Dr. Phil for help getting through to her. When their dad remarried, they say she showed up at the wedding and had to be chased off the premises. They’re especially concerned for their three teenaged siblings still living in the home, and they believe that their mother will do anything to win the teens' love, including throwing drinking parties -- one of which landed on YouTube. You won't believe what they say their mother will do to win the teen's love. After months of estrangement, Ruthie faces her daughters and denies all of their allegations. Hear firsthand accounts of what Ariel, Ruthie's 16 year old daughter, says is really going on under Ruthie's roof. Was the last party really a set-up for the police? And Ariel makes a tearful plea. Will her mother be moved by it? Heavy-hitting lawyer Gloria Allred gives sound legal advice that no parent of a teenager should miss! Join the discussion.

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September 5, 2008, 4:41 pm CDT

poor parenting

I had to write tbefore I jumped out of my skin as your show confirmed that I did everything write. I invited my son to watch but he declined.  I believe that parents allowing underage children to drink (legal age is 18) in thier home is more common than we want to admit.

 

Last year my son (14) went to a house party with his classmates. I was advised that th mother of the person hosting the party would be present. In fact when we dropped him off, I met here and all seemed well. Unknown to me until later there was alcohol at the party and the mother was also present. I was also informed that not only was there alcohol but the  children were smoking marijuana and engaing in sexual behavior. At midnight when I went to the door to pick him up, he appeared to be sober. Much later I saw pictures on facebook of that party, and my son who appeared to be under the influence of something other than alcohol.

Consequences were: at home for one month without any time with friends, loss of cell phone for one month,when not at school he was with me. My supervisor allowed me to bring him to work for the last few hours after school. We also attended a drug and alcohol program for six weeks.

 

Several months later,

Once again a birthday party was to take place with the entire class attending. I did allow my son to go after several conversations with him. (he is now 15). Again I dropped him off and the parent was to be home. When I went to pick him up a boy (over drinking age) answered the door to say that he was the chaperone. He hid his beer behind his back! The mother then came to the door and she stated that she was the chaperone, I told her that I didn't think there was a chaperone. Also she was holding her 4 year old daughter.  Needless to say, apparently among friends of my son, "I was rude to the mother".

 

In fact I was quite contained in what I really wanted to say. 

 

I have called police when another party was planned, son not going, and was advsied that I need proof at that time that there will be alcohol in the home.  Not helpful. I have told as many parents as I can about this incident and the one before, in order to save our children.

 

I have gone to the establishments that sell alcohol in the neighbouhood to advise about underage kids buying alcohol, as well as anywhere else I can inform people.

 

The hardest part that I am finding in parenting is the other parents who do not impose boundaries and rules with thier children. I have been accused of being controlling, well so be it, I want my son alive and well with good moral values and to follow our family values which does not include drugs and alcohol.

 

Thanks for the show, I hope you continue to address this never ending problem.

 

 
September 5, 2008, 4:41 pm CDT

Deadly consequences

 

We need to bring this message to the forefront.  This is not an isolated activity.  It happens all the time in big communities and small communities alike.  Under age drinking is completely out of control!  And the younger they are when they start, the higher the risk of alcohol/drug dependency.  Where do you think these young people get started?  How ironic I tuned into your show today.  My son was killed the day before mothers day 2008 in a DUI related crash.  We still don't know all the details of that night, but it has been said the driver of the car was at a house party earlier that night. He had a blood alcohol level of .16 which I am told is twice over the legal limit.  He also had cocaine in his system.  There are a lot of unanswered questions about the night my son was killed.  Please, please stop this insanity before more lives are taken so unjustly.  My family is completely destoyed over this and I am told that the investigation is going slowly and it will be a very lengthy legal battle.  I tell you now, that if  the investigation reveals more about this house party the driver of the car attended,  I will not  hesitate to prosecute all responsible parties invovled.

 

 

 
September 5, 2008, 4:44 pm CDT

What a Dope!

Are you kidding me! Even after the lawyer tells her she's in serious jeopardy, she says it all goes back to her husband. Pretending to be naive won't help her if one of these kids kills himself or others. She seems to be punishing her husband for drinking, by allowing her children to drink. To waste the time of the police is ridiculous. Grow up woman!
 
September 5, 2008, 4:49 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

Quote From: sparrow1989

OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!11 you kicked you 19! YEAR OLD SON out of the house for underage drinking!! There must be something seriously wrong with you if anyone deserves to be on Dr.Phil its you!!
you think your  stopping him from drinking YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TO LIVING ON THE STREETS just because he was DRINKING!!! your acting like he murdered someone. Here in Canada are drinking limit is 19 which is what it shoud be everywhere else so people like you dont force your kids to feel terrible for .something as STUPID as this!! they should calll child services on you for what you did. What do you think  teenagers do ??  for godsake he isnt even a teenager his  an adult!!1 maybe you should start acting more responsible
I say way to go mom for kicking your 19 year old out of the house for drinking and not following the rules! My husband and I did the same thing with our 18 year old daughter. We had enough of her coming home drunk, cussing at us, ect... She moved in with my mom and sister and that didn't last long. She came back home with us a couple weeks ago and I think has learned her lesson. She knows that if she breaks any of our rules again, she very well, may be homeless. She cannot drink because she is 18. She thinks she can do what she wants because she's 18. So we've told her you can move out, get a job, buy your own car, pay your own insurance ect.....
 
September 5, 2008, 4:52 pm CDT

09/05 Party Mom

This women should be in jail. She should also lose custody of her children. I don't understand why the police did not arrest her when she had that last party. The other thing that I don't get is when the police came into the house why did they not call child services into the house.
 
September 5, 2008, 4:55 pm CDT

To Ruthie's Daughters

I know this has been difficult for you, but you are young and have no idea how an affair can drive a person crazy. Your father betrayed your mother so deeply and hurt her so deeply that she is not making good decisions. This is partly your dad's fault, his deception, and partly because you are so critical and too much influenced by what your dad says. Yes, your mother is wrong, but she is not well, needs your support and your help. Quit listening to your dad, and do not allowe eithter parent to talk about the other. Get your mother psychological help and she can progress to get over this divorce.
 
September 5, 2008, 5:05 pm CDT

some thing i wondered about

The thing that i don't think Dr. Phil picked up on at the time was the mother seemed to believe that even if the father had admitted to an affair this would not have improved the relationship between the mother and the daughters. The mother also seemed to believe that the daughters would have demonized the father upon learning this information. Again I doubt this to be true. I was a little suprised that this episode went from healing a broken mother/daughter(s) relationship to allowing the mother to try to play the blame game and responsibility dodge.  
 
September 5, 2008, 5:18 pm CDT

She's a Child

Mom seems to be a child in a woman's body. Her voice even sounds like a child. She needs counseling to help her get passed whatever hurt her so much that she has not been able to grow up. She has great kids who seem to be more mature than she is.
 
September 5, 2008, 5:27 pm CDT

Debate Unabated...

First, on the issue of our 'anti-youth, anti-alcohol puritanism':  The position that our youth are going to
drink no matter what would be hilarious if it weren't so pitiable.  Go ahead and use that logic on our
sexual mores, while you're at it... simply cite the number of 13 year-old pregnant girls, conclude everyone
is doing it, and move on, right?  Not hardly!

I am old enough to remember when the states had control of their respective drinking ages.  Fact is,
from 1970 to 1975, a majority of the states lowered their drinking age to 18.  This was due in large part
to the promulgation of the 'If I'm old enough to die for my country, I'm old enough to drink' ethos borne
of the Viet Nam war.

Interestingly, long before the federal mandate of 1984, establishing a national drinking age of 21,
nearly all of those states had rescinded these laws and returned the drinking age to 21.  Why?
Because the legal teen drinkers were dropping like flies!!  Alcohol-related teen fatalities had
skyrocketed.  We were losing MORE teens to alcohol-related death than we were in Viet Nam!

Second, on the issue of the self-absorbed mother: I appreciate the post from the daughter of a mother
with 'borderline personality'.  That mother was profoundly detached from her own humanity, indeed
her own soul was adrift in a morass of narcissism.  I sincerely hope Dr Phil's proffered 'resources'
on her behalf will include a brain scan.  That unfortunate needs serious help.

The only point I have regarding so many editorial comments on the actions, or lack thereof, of one
Dr Phil:  I missed the usual championing of the minor children still residing with, and under the
control of, this mother of doubtful competence.
 
September 5, 2008, 5:31 pm CDT

to J

Quote From: getrealtime

Some will never get it, not even with all the crosses we see on every road.

 

 

So So sorry for your loss.  J.

Thank you J.    I had to go to the cemetery after the show, Just could not understand why a mother would condone this behavior.  I  wish this party Mom just would "get it".......My grandson was 6 months old and does not remember his daddy, now on the 30th of this month he will be 2.  It is very sad, maybe she needs to be hit in her pocketbook like the good lawyer said.  Then she just might "get it"
 
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